Friday humour - July 28, 2017

From Burnout @ Bluehaze:

From: Anonymous3
Subject: America's Most Honoured USAF WWII Flight

This has been around a few times but it is a tremendous story of dedication
and mission above self.
 Click here

Doesn't look like much, does it? But, depending upon your definition, this
photograph, a team effort by 9 men, is the most honored picture in U. S
History. If you want to find out about it, read on. It's an interesting
tale about how people sometimes rise beyond all expectations.
It takes place in the early days of World War II, in the South Pacific, and
if you're a World War II history buff, you may already know about it.

The Screwed Up Pilot

First, let's get this out of the way. Jay Zeamer wasn't a photographer by
trade. He was mostly a wanna-be pilot. He looked good on paper, having
graduated with a degree in civil engineering from MIT, joining the Army Air
Corps, and receiving his wings in March, 1941. He was a B-26 bomber
co-pilot when World War II started.
His classmates all rapidly became lead pilots and squadron leaders, but not
Jay. He couldn't pass the pilot check tests despite trying numerous times.
He was a good pilot, but just couldn't seem to land the B-26. Landing, from
what I've read, was considered one of the more important qualifications for
a pilot. Stuck as a co-pilot while his classmates and then those from the
classes behind him were promoted, he got bored and lost all motivation.

Things came to a head when co-pilot Zeamer fell asleep while his plane was
in flight. Not just in flight, but in flight through heavy anti-aircraft
fire during a bombing run. He only woke when the pilot beat him on the
chest because he needed help.

His squadron commander had him transferred to a B-17 squadron in Port
Moresby, Papua New Guinea where he was allowed to fly as a fill-in
navigator and occasionally as a co-pilot. He was well liked and popular
� on the ground. But no one wanted to fly with him.

Zeamer finally managed to get into the pilot's seat by volunteering for a
photoreconnaissance mission when the scheduled pilot became ill. The
mission, an extremely dangerous one over the Japanese stronghold at Rabaul,
won Zeamer a Silver Star � despite the fact that he still hadn't
qualified to pilot a B-17.

The Eager Beavers

Zeamer become the Operations Officer (a ground position) at the 43rd Air
Group. Despite his lack of qualification, he still managed to fly as a B-17
fill-in pilot fairly often. He had discovered that he loved to fly B-17s on
photoreconnaissance missions, and he wanted to do it full-time. There were
only three things standing in his way: he didn't have a crew, he didn't
have an airplane, and oh, yeah, he still wasn't a qualified pilot.

He solved the first problem by gravitating to every misfit and
ne'er-do-well in the 43rd Air Group. As another pilot, Walt Krell,
recalled, "He recruited a crew of renegades and screwoffs. They were the
worst � men nobody else wanted. But they gravitated toward one another
and made a hell of a team."

The plane came later. An old, beat-up B-17, serial number 41-2666, that had
seen better days was flown into their field to be scavenged for spare parts
Captain Zeamer had other ideas. He and his crew decided to rebuild the
plane in their spare time since they weren't going to get to fly any other
way. Exactly how they managed to accomplish their task is the subject of
some debate. Remember, there were so few spare parts available that their
'plane' was actually brought in originally to be a parts donor.

But rebuild it they did. Once it was in flying shape the base commander
congratulated them and said he'd find a new crew to fly it. Not
surprisingly, Zeamer and his crew took exception to this idea, and
according to Walt Krell, the crew slept in their airplane, having loudly
announced that the 50 caliber machine guns were kept loaded in case anyone
came around to 'borrow' it. There was a severe shortage of planes, so the
base commander ignored the mutiny and let the crew fly � but generally
expected them to take on missions that no one else wanted.

The misfit crew thrived on it. They hung around the base operations center,
volunteering for every mission no one else wanted. That earned them the
nickname The Eager Beavers, and their patched up B-17 was called Old 666.

The Eager Beavers: Bud Thues, Zeamer, Hank Dominski, Sarnoski Vaughn,
Kendrick, Able, Pugh.

Once they started flying their plane on difficult photoreconnaissance
missions, they made some modifications. Even among the men of a combat air
station, the Eager Beavers became known as gun nuts. They replaced all of
the light 30 caliber machine guns in the plane with heavier 50 caliber
weapons. Then the 50 caliber machine guns were replaced with double 50
caliber guns. Zeamer had another pair of machine guns mounted to the front
of the plane so he could remotely fire them like a fighter pilot. And the
crew kept extra machine guns stored in the plane, just in case one of their
other guns jammed or malfunctioned.

As odd as all this sounds, the South Pacific theatre in the early days of
World War II was a chaotic area scattered over thousands of miles with very
little equipment. Having a plane with an apparently nutty crew who
volunteered for every awful mission not surprisingly made the commanding
officers look the other way.

Buka

In June, 1943, the U. S. had secured Guadalcanal in the southern Solomon
Islands. They knew the Japanese had a huge base at Rabaul, but were certain
there were other airfields being built in the Northern Solomon Islands.
They asked for a volunteer crew to take photographs of Bougainville Island
to plan for an eventual invasion, and of Buka airfield on the north side of
the island to assess for increased activity there. It was considered a
near-suicide mission � flying hundreds of miles over enemy airspace in
a single, slow bomber. Not to mention photoreconnaissance meant staying in
level flight and taking no evasive action even if they were attacked.

Credit: World Factbook

The only crew that volunteered, of course, was Jay Zeamer and the Eager
Beavers. One of the crew, bombardier Joseph Sarnovski, had absolutely no
reason to volunteer. He'd already been in combat for 18 months and was
scheduled to go home in 3 days. Being a photo mission, there was no need
for a bombardier. But if his friends were going, he wanted to go, and one
of the bombardier's battle stations was to man the forward machine guns.
They might need him, so he went.

They suspected the airstrip at Buka had been expanded and reinforced, but
weren't sure until they got close. As soon as the airfield came in sight,
they saw numerous fighters taking off and heading their way. The logical
thing to do would have been to turn right and head for home. They would be
able to tell the intelligence officers about the increased number of planes
at Buka even if they didn't get photos.

But Zeamer and photographer William Kendrick knew that photos would be
invaluable for subsequent planes attacking the base, and for Marines who
were planning to invade the island later. Zeamer held the plane level
(tilting the wings even one degree at that altitude could put the
photograph half a mile off target) and Kendrick took his photos, which gave
plenty of time for over 20 enemy fighters to get up to the altitude Old 666
was flying at.

The fighter group, commanded by Chief Petty Officer Yoshio Ooki, was
experienced and professional. They carefully set up their attack, forming a
semi-circle all around the B-17 and then attacking from all directions at
once. Ooki didn't know about the extra weapons the Eager Beavers had
mounted to their plane, but it wouldn't matter if he had; there was no way
for a single B-17 to survive those odds.

During the first fighter pass the plane was hit by hundreds of machine gun
bullets and cannon shells. Five crewman of the B-17 were wounded and the
plane badly damaged. All of the wounded men stayed at their stations and
were still firing when the fighters came in for a second pass, which caused
just as the first. Hydraulic cables were cut, holes the size of footballs
appeared in the wings, and the front plexiglas canopy of the plane was
shattered.

Zeamer was wounded during the second fighter pass, but kept the plane
flying level and took no evasive action until Kendrick called over the
intercom that the photography was completed. Only then did he begin to move
the plane from side-to-side allowing his gunners better shots, just as the
fighters came in for a third wave of attacks. The third pass blew out the
oxygen system of the plane, which was flying at 28,000 feet. Despite the
obvious structural damage Zeamer put the plane in an emergency dive to get
down to a level where there was enough oxygen for the men to survive.

During the dive, a 20mm cannon shell exploded in the navigator's
compartment. Sarnoski, who was already wounded, was blown out of his
compartment and beneath the c*ckpit. Another crewman reached him and saw
there was a huge wound in his side. Despite his obviously mortal wound,
Sarnoski said, "Don't worry about me, I'm all right" and crawled back to
his gun which was now exposed to 300 mile an hour winds since the
plexiglass front of the plane was now gone. He shot down one more fighter
before he died a minute or two later.

The battle continued for over 40 minutes. The Eager Beavers shot down
several fighters and heavily damaged several others. The B-17 was so
heavily damaged, however, that they didn't expect to make the several
hundred miles long flight back home. Sarnoski had already died from his
wounds Zeamer had continued piloting the plane despite multiple wounds.
Five other men were seriously wounded.
Flight Officer Ooki's squadron returned to Buka out of ammunition and fuel.
They understandably reported the B-17 was destroyed and about to crash in
the ocean when they last saw it.

The B-17 didn't quite crash, though. Zeamer had lost consciousness from
loss of blood, but regained it when he was removed from the pilot seat and
lay on the floor of the plane. The copilot, Lt. Britton, was the most
qualified to care for the wounded and was needed in the back of the plane.
One of the gunners, Sergeant Able, had liked to sit in the c*ckpit behind
the pilots and watch them fly. That made him the most qualified of the
crewman, so he flew the plane with Zeamer advising him from the floor while
Britton cared for the wounded.

The plane made it back to base. (Britton did return to the c*ckpit for the
landing.) After the landing, the medical triage team had Zeamer removed
from the plane last, because they considered his wounds mortal. Amazingly,
the one thing on the plane not damaged were the cameras and the photos in
them were considered invaluable in planning the invasion of Bougainville.

Epilogue

All of the wounded men recovered, although it was a close thing for Captain
Zeamer. In fact, a death notification was sent to his parents somewhat
prematurely. He spent the next year in hospitals recovering from his
wounds, but lived a long and happy life, passing away at age 88.

Both Zeamer and Sarnovski were awarded the Medal of Honor for the mission,
the only time in World War II that two men from one plane ever received
America's highest medal for valor in combat. The other members of the crew
were awarded the Distinguished Service Cross, second only to the Medal of
Honor as an award for bravery.

So, somewhat surprisingly, the most decorated combat flight in U.S. history
didn't take place in a major battle. It was a photo-reconnaissance flight;
the flight of 'old 666' in June of 1943.

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From: Mitta
Subject: Dr Who Help desk - the Feed
 Click here

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From: Sack
Subject:  : Couldn't resist

A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of
him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what
hole I'm on."
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."He thanked
her and continued playing golf.
On the back nine he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry
to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole
I'm on."
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13."
Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.
When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked
if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were
drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living. "I'm in
sales."
He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"
She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know
what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He
promised. She said, "I sell tampons".
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".
He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm
still one hole behind you."

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From: Seasoldier
Subject: Believe It or Don't
Smile for the day--Amazing Facts

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

                    (Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

                     (Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out of the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.

                      (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

                       (O.M.G.!!!)

A c*ckroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)

                       (I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

                       (Don't try this at home; maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates s*x by ripping the male's head off.

                        (Honey, I'm home . What the...?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.

                         (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

                         (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

                         (I still can't believe that pig ..quality over
quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

                         (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

                           (Hmmmmmm.......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.

                           (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the
difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

                           (Okay, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

                           (I wonder how much the government paid to figure
that out.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

                           (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

                            (I know some people like that, too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

                            (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have s*x for pleasure.

                          (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about
the pig?)

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From: Seasoldier
Subject: Fw: Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic
tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in
his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said,'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

                 Some old men can still think fast.

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From: Billy Bunter of Adelaide
Subject: You're The Father of One of My Kids
 Click here

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at
him.

She says, 'Hello.'  He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he
knows her from.

So he asks, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the
father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind in a blur travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife.

So he asks, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love
to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery?'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

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From: Sack
Subject:  BENNY HILL IN HOSPITAL
 Click here

Subject:  Smiles
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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From: Seasoldier
Subject:  The 2017 Darwin Awards are out..]
 Click here

         Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

         Here is the glorious winner:

         When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

         The honorable mentions:

         The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping round, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger.. The chef's claim was approved.

         A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space.  Understandably, he shot her.

         After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

         An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

         A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the
man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from
the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is
a crime committed?]

         Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

         As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and
drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told
to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, Yes, officer, that's
her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

         The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast... The frustrated gunman walked
away.
         [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

         When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked
on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled
up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that
the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon
hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had
and the perp had been punished enough!

         In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with
friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance
is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are
distant and hope they remain lost.

Remember....
         They walk among us and they can reproduce and, they VOTE!

Subject: Perils of a Catholic Upbringing!!
 Click here Click here

As I walked down the busy sidewalk with my wife, knowing I was late for
Mass my eyes fell upon one of those unfortunate ragged vagabonds that are
found in every city these days.
Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight
would somehow contaminate them.
Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to "care for
the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked", I was moved by some
powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.
Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured worldly
possessions in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's
condition.

Yes, where some people saw only rags,
I saw a true, hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out,

"Reach out....      reach out . .       and touch this person!"

So I did.

I won't be at Mass this week.

Subject: YOU MUST WATCH THIS Incredible and brilliant !!!!
 Click here

Tony, a 21-year-old magician and digital illusionist from France, dazzled
the judges and audience at America's Got Talent 2017.
 Click here

Subject: Ladies Lineup (XXX - ED)
 Click here

Subject: Guy Posters
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Anybody want a Mercedes

If you have ever wondered how your Merc was put together, have a look at
this.
 Click here

Subject: 70 Amazing Historical Photos
 Click here Click here

(Over half are new to me . Wally)
 Click here

Subject: Wally's Wacky Weekly (W/E - 23rd July)
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

People Different From Us

A China Southern Airlines flight between Shanghai and Guangzhou, was
delayed for five hours, after an 80-year-old passenger, identified only as
Qiu, was spotted tossing coins into the engine as she boarded to pray for a
safe flight. Passengers already on board were asked to deplane, while crews
searched inside the engine, and around the area, ultimately finding nine
coins totalling the equivalent of about 25 cents. Local news outlets
estimated the cost of the delay and the search at $140,000.

   _____

Compulsions

A serial underwear thief in Tokyo was finally caught on surveillance video,
stealing nine women's undergarments that had been hung out to dry. Yasushi
Kobayashi, 61, told police that he'd been lifting lingerie for 20 years,
because he enjoys wearing them. Police found more than 1,000 pieces during
a search of his home.

   _____

Police Report

A SWAT team from the Sumter County, Florida, Sheriff's department raided
The
Villages retirement community, uncovering what they believe is a golf cart
chop-shop operation, along with illegal drugs, in the sprawling complex
near
Ocala. Souped-up golf carts are a popular way to get around in the
community, which is home to more than 150,000 people. Windshields, seat
cushions, wheels, and tyres, were found in the garage, along with drugs in
plain sight in the home, Deputy Gary Brannen said. Five people, ranging in
age from 38 to 63, were arrested.

Ran Him Over

A determined pregnant woman in Asheville, North Carolina, was charged with
misdemeanour assault with a deadly weapon, after she ran over the man, who
had been caught rifling through her SUV. Christine Braswell, 26, confronted
Robert Raines, 34, in a Walmart parking lot, but when he ran, she couldn't
run after him. Braswell said, Me being five months pregnant, I chased a
little ways, then come back, jumped in the car, threw it in gear, and come
across the curb, and ran him over. I was not going to let him get away with
it. Raines sustained minor injuries.

Non Working Card

When Darren Wistful, 24, was pulled over by Dakota County, Minnesota,
Deputy
Mike Vai, he produced a get out of jail free card from a Monopoly game, in
an effort to escape charges on a controlled substance warrant. The amused
officer shared the incident on his department's Facebook page, but took the
unidentified man into custody nonetheless.

   _____

True Love

Brandon Thompson, 35, had just one request before Muskogee, Oklahoma,
police officers took him into custody: He asked the officer if I could
propose.
Officers Bob Lynch and Lincoln Anderson agreed, and after Keith said yes,
removed Thompson's handcuffs from his back, so he could put the ring on
Leandria Keith's finger. Thompson had six felony bench warrants out for his
arrest, but he told CNN he has been doing a lot to turn his life around.

   _____

Dog Elected New Mayor

Rabbit Hash, Kentucky, elected Brynneth Pawltro, a 2-year-old Pitbull Dog
as the new mayor, and she won the race by a landslide 1,000 votes. She's
the small town's fourth canine mayor, having beaten her chicken, donkey,
and cat opponents, along with other dogs. Pawltro ran on a platform of
peace, love and understanding. Bobbi Kayser of the Rabbit Hash Historical
Society said,
There's always a lot of inappropriate licking going on.

Steals for Butt Lift

Natwaina Clark, 33, of Gainesville, Florida, was fired and charged with
larceny and scheming to defraud, after it was discovered that she had used
city credit cards to steal more than $93,000 from the parks, recreation,
and cultural affairs department, between 2015 and 2017. Most notably, Clark
spent $18,500 of her take, on a Brazilian butt lift procedure.

Subject: LA Speed Check
 Click here

Air Force folks will enjoy this
 Click here

Subject: Camel Option
 Click here

Subject: Not a Mosquito
 Click here

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Quote of the Week:

“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company”.
  - Mark TWAIN.

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[ End friday humour ]

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