Friday humour - July 07, 2017

[from Steve @ Bluehaze]

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Why we miss Bill

This is awful and politically incorrect.

It doesn't matter what party you belong to. This is political humour from a
show on Canadian TV, where a black comedian said he misses Bill Clinton.

"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton!"

*He was the closest thing we ever got to having a real black man as
President.

*He played the saxophone.

*He smoked weed.

*He had his way with ugly white women.

*Even now?  Look at him ... his wife works, and he doesn't!
And, he gets a check from the government every month.

*Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves
this week with "Clinton Soup," in honour of one of the nations'
distinguished men.  It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

*Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honour Bill
Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.

*When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied,
"I don't know, I never had one."

*The Clinton revised judicial oath:
"I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I
believe it to be,  and nothing but what I think you need to know."

*Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to have s*x in
the Oval Office between the Bushes.

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Fwd: Talking about Dpctors

Three doctors are talking about death.
The first, a dentist, says, "When I die, I think I'd like my tombstone to
be shaped like a tooth made of white marble."
"Hey," adds the cardiologist, "that's not a bad idea, I'd love my tombstone
to be shaped as a heart…"
The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says, "I think scattering of the
ashes is my option."

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Fwd: Don't you wish that you'd said that?

Who Gives This Woman?
An Arkansas  Farmer !!
A video of a father giving his tractor-driving and tobacco-chewing daughter
away in marriage.
 Click here
Left me laughing and crying all at the same time.  If I were that preacher,
I would keep my remarks minimal as that father said it all.

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Fwd: Great bike ride

Red Bull,have teams of dare devil nut jobs trying to kill themselves, all
over the world.

You don't have to be insane to try this but I suggest it would help!

Hang on, its crazy, but five minutes of nail biting fun.
 Click here

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Fwd: self-driving bike in Holland!
 Click here

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Airplane landing PNG

Although this is in Irian Jaya, (or the Indonesian western half of the
island).

However, to go in like this for the very first landing on a new strip would
have taken great skill and nerves of steel.

There was a saying, "There's only 2 kinds of pilots in PNG, the good ones
and the dead ones".   .
 Click here

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Spectacular
 Click here

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When the light turned yellow

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing and
stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by
accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming
in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up
into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to
the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and
placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the
door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer
was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your
car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the
finger and cursing at him.  I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper
sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to
Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem
on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."

Priceless.

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2020 Olympic Teams in Training

Japanese Swim Team -
 Click here

Chinese Kayak Team -
 Click here

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Double Fantasy
 Click here

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Thoughts for the Day !
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Some of These Must Ring A bell?
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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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Bull sh*t
 Click here

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Yoga any one
 Click here

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Have y'all seen this?
 Click here
This lady makes a very good point!!
Sorta makes you wonder what sort of armoury you could fit under THE Burka ?
Especially the trusty old AK47 ! ! !

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Very clever
 Click here
One of Mr.Beans earliest and no doubt you would have seen before. Always
good for a laugh.!

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Lister engine - turn sound up OLD LISTER MOTOR.
 Click here
Have a look,  it's not what you think ....
Remember the iconic Lister engine every farmer had in his possession many
decades past. That one of a kind noise. Well they are still using them in
India!

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Fwd: Europe's T-Shirt of the Year
 Click here

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Gun training
 Click here

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Indian technology
 Click here

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Proposed pipeline route
President Trump took an aerial tour of the proposed pipeline route through
Standing Rock Indian Reservation earlier this week. When he returned he
said that all went reasonably well.
 Click here

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Can I have three condoms, please ...
 Click here

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Fwd: Cutting in line - an illustration of queue rage
 Click here

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Signs
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Scottish breathalyzer -- comic strip.
 Click here
No offence intended to any Scotch person who may look at this.

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Today's Smiles...
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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Bike
 Click here
"Go on, I'll look after the Bike."

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Odds & Ends
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Centerlink
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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