Friday humour - December 02, 2016

From Haz @ Bluehaze

I cannot believe its already December and the parties have begun. As always
a special thank you for all the contributions this and every week.
This weeks contributions from Anonymous3, Burnout Seasoldier, whizzbang
Seasoldier, Duke of Barsinov

“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it
happens.” ― Woody Allen

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THE 2016 DARWIN AWARDS

You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado,
here are the 2016 Darwin Awards:

Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"
accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used
their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It
took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones
was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight
he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of
his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth
and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door,
a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The
shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the
counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up
and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk
promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and
fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime
scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds
from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see
what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was
closed.

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle
of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped
along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of
the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham,
who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and
then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his
fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's
foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany ) fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked MrRiesfeldt to
the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to
evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those
freak accidents that proves... 'Sh*t happens'

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES
FROM THE GENE POOL.

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A heart warming story that has a beautiful ending!

A Goose Quacked And Pecked At A Cops Car. When He Followed Her, He Couldnt
Believe What He Saw!

Officer James Givens has served with the Cincinnati Police Department for
over 26 years, but has never quite experienced anything like this before.
He was sitting in his patrol car in a parking lot when he got an unexpected
visitor. A goose came up to his car and started pecking on the side of it.
He threw food out for her, thinking thats what she wanted, but she didnt
take it.
 Click here

She continued to peck and quack, then walked away, stopped, and looked back
at Officer Givens.Then she came back to his car and pecked at it again.She
made it very obvious that she wanted Officer Givens to follow her, so he
finally got out of his car and did just that.
 Click here

The goose led him 100 yard away to a grassy area near a creek. Sitting
there was one of her babies, tangled up in a balloon string. He was kicking
his feet, desperate for help. He was wary of helping the baby on his own,
worried that the goose might attack him, so he called for help from the
SPCA, but no wildlife rescuers were available at the moment.
 Click here

Luckily, Given’s colleague, Officer Cecilia Charron, came to help. She
began to untangle the baby, and the mother goose just stood there and
watched, quacking. She didn’t become aggressive, and just let Officer
Charron do what she had to do to set the baby free. It’s like the mother
goose knew they were helping. Once she untangled the baby, she put her down
and she ran right to her mom and they went back to swimming in the creek.
Charron teared up and said it was the highlight of her 24 years on the
force.
 Click here

It seems like something made up. It was just incredible, Givens said.
honestly don’t know why I decided to follow her, but I did. It makes me
wonder do they know to turn to humans when they need help? We may never
know the answer to this question, but what we do know is that Officer
Givens was in the right place at the right time to help these geese!

Life is precious.

A great story with a good ending.

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Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all
tongue and groove...

A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's
definitely race related...

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced
they are closing lanes 7 and 8...

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through
her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit,
and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a
job, she's not for him...

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day apparently, 'A
meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number
69...

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder
and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says" I
tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick." Murphy
asks "Ave yer got vertigo?" Paddy replies "No I only live round the
corner"...

After 100 years lying on the seabed, Irish divers were amazed to find that
the Titanic’s swimming pool was still full..

I thought it was the Olympic games again the other night, A car backfired
and six blacks ran off down the street!!!

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British humour as it used to be: absolutely politically incorrect.

It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water
cannons on rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop
the coloureds from running.

====================

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London .
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

====================

Riots in Birmingham last month caused over £1 million worth of
improvements.

====================

Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester , killing anyone who's
English.. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.

====================

Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
But, since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich
works great!

====================

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

====================

During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling
tree.

A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they
were living up there".

====================

Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough
television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5
times a week now.

====================

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low.

===================

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth
floor balcony, shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

====================

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the
dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.It seems that
a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on
a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the
line."

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No Nativity scene in Canberra this year ......
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the
nation's Capital this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason.
They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in Canberra . . .
The search for a Virgin continues . . . .
However, there was no problem finding enough donkeys to fill the stable

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Meanwhile in Mexico

 Mexico is preparing for Trump’s wall.
 They seem prepared. Meanwhile, practice has begun.......
 Click here

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Incredibly clever ad . .

 1. Be sure to watch both videos in the order they are presented. Very
clever!
 This is an ad for John Lewis dept stores in UK. Watch it first.
 Click here

 2. Then watch this shorter one.
 Click here

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Ten Best Caddy Responses

Number :10
Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Number : 9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Number : 8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes . . . You miss the ball much closer now."

Number : 7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

Number : 6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so . . .That would be too much of a coincidence."

Number : 5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a
distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

Number : 4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "It's very good - personally, I prefer Golf."

Number : 3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."

Number : 2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the Golf course. We left that an hour ago."

And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, Sir."

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Only The Donald

After passing on, George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for
a job interview with God.
God asks Bush: What do you believe in?
Bush replies: "I believe in a free economy, a strong America, The American
nation and so on ..."
God is impressed by Bush and tells him: "Great, come sit in the chair on my
right"
God goes to Obama and ask: "What do you believe in?
Obama replies: I believe in democracy, helping the poor, world peace, etc.
.... ".
God is really impressed by Obama and tells him: 'Well done, come sit in the
chair on my left
Finally God asks Trump: What do you believe in?
Trump replied: "I believe you're sitting in my chair.

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a Blonde Guy joke

AnIrishman, aMexicanand aBlondGuywere doingconstruction work on scaffolding
on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If
I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump
offthis building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blond opened his lunch and said, 'Bologna again! If I get a bologna
sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and jumped to his death.
TheMexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
Theblond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his deathas
well.
Atthe funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how
really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it
to him again!'
TheMexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
(Oh thisisGOOD!!)?
Everyone turned and staredat the blond's wife. The blond's wife said,
'Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch..'

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modern science...

Childbirth at 65

With all the newtechnology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old
friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the
hospital and went home, I went to visit.
 'May I see the newbaby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I askedagain, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied myfriend.
Growing very impatient, I asked,
'Well, when can I seethe baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?'I demanded.
'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUTHIM, O..K.?'

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Airplane Joke

Don't Delay-Do it today enjoy every Moment

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board.
The 1st passenger said, " I am Steph Curry , the best NBA basketball
player. The warriors and my millions of fans need me , and i can't afford
to die" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane
The 2nd passenger , Donald Trump , said , " I am the newly elected US
President , and I am the smartest President in American history , so my
people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the
plane.
The 3rd passenger , the Pope , said to the 4th passenger , a 10 year old
schoolboy , " My son , I am old and don't have many years left , you have
more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last
parachute." The little boy said , " That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a
parachute left for you.
America's smartest President took my schoolbag."

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Marketing Definitions
This is pretty good..

One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING.
However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."

Well, here it is:

* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him
and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
 That's Direct Marketing.

______________________________ ______________________________

* You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says,
"She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.

______________________________ ______________________________

* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone
number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.

______________________________ ______________________________

* You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him
and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie,
brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way,
I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.

______________________________ ______________________________

* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I
hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.

______________________________ ______________________________

*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him
into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.

______________________________ ______________________________

* Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.

______________________________ ______________________________

* You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof
of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm
fantastic in bed!"
That's Facebook.

______________________________ ______________________________

* You are at a party; this attractive older man walks up to you and grabs
your ass.
That's Donald Trump.

______________________________ ______________________________

* You didn't mind it, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were
offended and you are awarded a settlement.
 That’s America !

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getting old

 HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD, AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips , an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going
Up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden
shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there
were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing
from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your
doors and an officer will be along when one is available"
George said, "Okay. "He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned
the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there
were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry
about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are
eating them right now," and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence
and caught the burglars red-handed.
 One of the Policemen said to George,"I thought you said that you'd shot
them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story)
Don't mess with old people

GETTING OLDER

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
 "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has
to be taken for the rest of my life?"
''Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
 There was a moment of silence.
Before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is
my condition because this prescription is  marked' NO REFILLS'.."

 ***********************

 An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he
insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was
about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak  to his son.
 "Yes, Dad , what is it?"
 "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go
well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live
with you and your wife...."

 (I LOVE IT!)

***********************

 Aging:

 Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and
start bragging about it.
 This is so true I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."

***********************

 The older we get, the fewer thingsseem worth waiting for in line.
 (Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place)

***********************

 Some people try to turn back their odometers.

 Not me I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way
and some of the roads weren’t paved.

 ********************

 When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of
Algebra.
***********************

 One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a
nice change from being young.

***********************

 Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

***********************

 First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up
your zipper...
it's worse when you forget to pull it down.

***********************

 Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when
they collide.

 The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I'm looking for my
wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going."

 The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my
wife, too...I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

 The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she
look like?"

 The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue
eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'

 To which the old guy says, "Doesn’t matter, let's look for yours."

 (ADORABLE)

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At last---some real class and transparency in the White House
 Click here

AND SUCH A LOVELY SMILE !!

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The White House - 1992 - 2017
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Size does matter in a men's toilet !
 Click here

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vriendjes
 Click here

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The ups and downs of strategy!

DONALD TRUMP'S FIRST DAY AT OFFICE WITH CIA FBI PENTAGON

 Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.
 CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them ..
 Trump: The Democrats created them.
 CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding
from the natural gas lobby.

 Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
 CIA: We can't do that.
 Trump: Why is that?
 CIA: India will cut Balochistan out of Pakistan.
 Trump: I don't care.
 CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons.
They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy
in Kashmir.

 Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.
 CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check
during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their
nukes.

 Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East.
Let us start with the Saudis.
 Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we
wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people
will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.

 Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.
 Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
 Trump: Why not?
 CIA: We are talking to them, sir.
 Trump: What? Why?
 CIA: We want our Stealth Drones back. If we attack them, Russia will
obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran
to keep Israel in check.

 Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.
 CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
 Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?
 CIA: We need the Shi'ite govt of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.

 Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.
 FBI: We can't do that.
 Trump: Why not?
 FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.

 Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
 Border patrol: You can't do that, sir.
 Trump: Why not?
 Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall?

 Trump: I am banning H1B visas.
 USCIS: You cannot do that.
 Trump: Why?
 Chief of Staff: If you do so, we'll have to outsource White House
operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.

 Trump (sweating profusely by now): What the hell should I do as
President???
 CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!

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The Donald
 Click here

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Why I'm Divorced

 You may or may not want to pass this on, I just did what I was told.......
 That morning.I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be
pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday,'and possibly have a small present for
me.
 As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone'Happy
Birthday.’  I thought...well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...
they will remember.
 My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So
when I left for the office I felt pretty low and somewhat dejected.
 As I walked into my office, my handsome boss, Rick, said, 'Good morning,
pretty lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!' I felt a little better that at
least someone had remembered.
 I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said,
 'It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you
say we go out to lunch, just you and me.'
 I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's
go! '
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose
instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I
enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'It's such a beautiful day...we
don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'
I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'
He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.
After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, 'If you don't
mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right
back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied. He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of
minutes, he came out carrying a birthday cake followed by my husband, my
kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there on the couch...

Not really wanting to say much...
 Click here Click here Click here

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The "F" Word
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

There are times when the 4 letter "F" word is not only desirable, but quite
frankly it can be the ONLY word in the English language that accurately
describes some situations.

 Check out the following examples.

The word is ' F EAR ' of course!

 What word were you thinking of ????

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Truisms -
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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  Tell Me Again How He Broke His Collarbone?
 Click here

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The pharmacist ( another Oldie )
 Click here

My wife Andrea found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so
she took it to the vet. The vet found that the problem was hair in the
dog's ears.

He cleaned both ears and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then
proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring,
she should go to the pharmacy and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it
in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.

At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this
under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body
lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm
using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for at least a week."

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The Frog and Golf

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.
 He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
 He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
 Ribbit 9 Iron.'
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.'
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club
away, and grabs a9 iro

Boom!   He hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked.
He says to the frog,
'Wow that’s amazing.
You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies,
'Ribbit Lucky frog.'
 he man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
 What do you think frog?' The man asks.
 Ribbit3 wood.'
The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one..
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and
asks the frog,
 'OK where to next?' The frog replies,
 Ribbit Las Vegas ..
' They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,
 'OK frog, now What?'
Thef rog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.'
Uponapproaching the roulette table,
The man asks,
 What do you think I should bet?'
The frog replies,
 'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man
figures what the heck.
Boom!
Tons of cash come sliding back across the table
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the Hotel.
He sits the frog down and says,
'Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am
forever grateful.'
 The frog replies,
'Ribbit Kiss Me.' He figures why not,
Since after all the frog did for Him,
He deserves it.
With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous15-year-old girl.
'And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.
So help me God Or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.'

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Links & Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Links & Photos

Britain’s Got Talent (The Ladder Man)
 Click here

The World filmed in HDR (High-Dynamic-Range)
 Click here

The Colours of New York in 2016
 Click here

Driving around New York in 1828
 Click here

Flying the Day before Thanksgiving
 Click here

Flyboard Air
 Click here

Israel Burns
 Click here

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Mugs For Seniors
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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PHOTOS HIDDEN IN A TRUNK FOR 71 YEARS
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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

 PHOTOS HIDDEN IN A TRUNK FOR 71 YEARS

 AMAZING PHOTOS.HOW COULD THEY BE HIDDEN FOR SO MANY YEARS?THEY SHOULD BE
IN A MUSEUM!
 Great Pics just recently found in an Old Foot Locker and were able to be
developed.

 Japanese Kawanishi H8K seaplane after strafing. Kwajalein

 Squad of Rufes at Bougainville. These things were very nimble even with
the pontoons.

 The A6M2-N float plane version of the Zero did extremely well,
 suffering only a small loss in its legendary maneuverability.
 Top speed was not affected, however, the aircraft's relatively light
armament was a detriment.

 Snow on deck. USS Philippine Sea North Pacific 1945

 HARVS on the way in shot by a P-47. Rare shot.

 Marines disembark LST at Tinian Island.

 Bougainville

 Guam

 Outside Bastogne (December 1944 )

 U.S. munitions ship goes up during the invasion of Sicily.

 Panzerkampfwagen VI "E Tiger"

 Ju-88 loading a torpedo. This is one HUGE bomber .. and it's on
pontoons!!!

 German "KARL" mortars. Sebastopol

 Reloading a KARL!

 BOOM!
 Italian 303 Bombers over North Africa  PICTURES BELOW WERE TAKEN 69 YRS
AGO & LEFT IN A BROWNIE CAMERA – REAL INTERESTING.
 ====================================================
 (December 7, 1941)  Isn't it amazing how a film could last so long in a
camera without disintegrating?
 Fantastic photos taken 69 years ago. Some of you will have to go to a
museum to  see what a Brownie box camera looked like.
 Here is a simple picture of the Brownie Box camera we are talking
about.....

 These photos are absolutely incredible.....Read below, the first picture
and at the end...

 PHOTOS STORED IN AN OLD BROWNIE CAMERA  Thought you might find these
photos very interesting. Amazing quality for 1941.
 These Pearl Harbor photos were found in an old Brownie Camera which had
been  stored in a foot locker and just recently taken to be developed.
 They are from a Sailor who was on the USS Quapaw ATF-110.
 PEARL HARBOR – December 7th, 1941.

 Share this with ALL ages...
 The elderly will remember,the young should be awed.

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Nice shirt
 Click here

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Do I care
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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