Friday humour - October 14, 2016

 From Burnout @ Bluehaze:

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From: Sack
Subject: Ernie Dingo Auction -  YouTube
 Click here

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From: Seasoldier
Subject:The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown
Ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for
Their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's
Yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the
Order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man
Reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact
Change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come
Again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and
Pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.
"The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is
Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato
And a salad," says the man. "Same," says the
Ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order
And says, "That will be $32.62." Once again
The man pulls the exact change out of his pocket
And places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any
Longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to
Always come up with the exact change in your
Pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was
Cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When
I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me
Two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had
To pay for anything, I would just put my hand
In my pocket and the right amount of money
Would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people
Would ask for a Million Dollars or something,
But you'll always be as rich as you want for as
Long as you live!"

"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a
Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,"
Says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second
Wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long
Legs who agrees with everything I say.."

WELL HELLO!

Give me the grace to see a joke, toget some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

     Life is short!

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From: Wally
Subject: Links & Photos

Sky above Israel
 Click here

Hetzer Double Tap
 Click here

Piggyback Driver
 Click here

Bird of Prey
 Click here

Marilyn Monroe’s Grave
 Click here

Atlas Obscura (World’s Hidden Places)
 Click here

Call in the Quack Squad
 Click here

Cheap Food in 1967
 Click here

People are Awesome (September)
 Click here

Shovel Guitar
 Click here

Hope for Paws
 Click here

Unlucky Golf Shots
 Click here

Subject: Signal 30

An 1959 educational film, made by the Ohio State Highway Patrol, regarding
traffic accidents. Signal 30 is the OSHP code word for a death, as a result
of a traffic accident.
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Wrinkle Twinkles

A Twinkle In Your WrinklesNow here's an e-mail that everyone should get, at
least once in their life.
This is wonderful and the thought at the end is so true!
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Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

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From: Duke of Barsinov
Subject: And on the lighter side ...
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From: Sack
Subject:   free kittens
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A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of
her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures;
in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her.  Out of the lead
car stepped a tall, grinning man.
"Hi there, little girl. I'm Donald Trump. What do you have in the basket?"
he asked.
"Kittens," little Suzy said.
"How old are they?" asked Trump.
Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."
"And what kind of kittens are they?"
"Republicans," answered Suzy with a smile.

Trump was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR
chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that Trump should
return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl
talk about her discerning kittens.

So, the next day Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of
"FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by
vans from ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, and CNN.

Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Trump got out of his
limo and walked over to little Suzy.

"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out
there what kind of kittens you're giving away."
"Yes, sir," Suzy said. "They're Democrats."
Taken by surprise, Trump stammered, "But...but...yesterday, you told me
they were REPUBLICANS."
Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know.  But today, they have their eyes
open."

Subject:   Too Funny Not To Pass Along!
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+++ From: Seasoldier
Subject: The Lecture

Ron Chester, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and
was asked where he was going at that time of night. (Scroll down...)

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer asked, "Really?  Who's giving that lecture at this time of
night?"
Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

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Subject: Burial Plans............
 Click here

A man and woman were married for many years.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the
night.

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the
grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him.

The old man liked the fact that he was feared.

Then one evening, he died when he was 98.

After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't
you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and
haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife said, "Let him dig.  I had him buried upside down; and I know he
won't ask for directions."

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From: Wally
Subject: Is That What I Think it is?
 Click here

He Went Thata Way
 Click here

Drank Way To Much Last Night!
 Click here

Happy Happy
 Click here

Looks Like Mixed Signals To Me LOL
 Click here

Subject: Now This is a Storm !!!
 Click here

Subject: Ancient Discovery
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What Scientists Found Deep In The Ocean Is Seriously Unbelievable.
   Off the coast of Egypt divers have discovered something that was thought
to be lost a long time ago. It was said that the ancient city of Heracleion
was lost under the sea for good. Well 1200 years later, off the bay of
Aboukir, this ancient city has finally been discovered. The city dates back
to the 6th century B.C. and holds some of the most beautiful artifacts you
could imagine. Things like grand statues of gods and goddesses standing
well over 15 feet tall and carved out of red granite, treasures of gold and
rare stones, elaborate temples and enormous tablets. This find is enormous
in the historical preservation community and has been commissioned by
museums around the world. Take a look at this incredible city found
underwater.

   This is diver Franck Goddio examining the enormous hand carved statue of
a pharaoh. This statue stands roughly 16 feet tall and was found near a
large temple under the sea.

   Here is the head of a statue carved out of red granite depicting the god
Hapi. Hapi is known as the god of the flooding of the Nile. Hapi is a
symbol of abundance and fertility and has never been discovered at such a
large scale before.

   The divers and their team of researchers carefully lift the statue to
the surface in order to preserve and protect this piece of history. It will
reside safely in a museum.

   Here the pharaoh, the queen and the god Hapi are laid on the barge next
to a temple stele. The stele dates back to the 2nd century B.C.. It was
found broken into 17 pieces however all were found and placed back
together.

   This gold plaque was found in the southern sector of the city. The text
is written in Greek and acts as a signature for foundation deposits in the
name of the king responsible for building this area. King Ptolemy III
(246-222 B.C.)

   In the reflection of this divers mask we see a bronze statue of the god
Osiris. The crown is the typical insignia of power and this statue has eyes
adorned with gold sheets.

   Every single detail of this site in Aboukir Bay has been meticulously
doc*mented. Here a diver measures a red granite statues feet below the
surface of the ocean.

   A bronze oil lamp in excellent condition. This dates back to the 2nd
century B.C.

   Diver Franck Goddio showing off the size of this inscribed stele. This
was ordered to be built by Nectanebo I sometime between 378 and 362 B.C.

   The divers carefully lift the enormous stele out of the water where it
has been for well over 1200 years.

   Here the divers carefully inspect a stone full of gold fragments that
date back to the 6th century B.C. I’m amazed that these are still
intact.

   This is a shallow gold saucer that was used for drinking and serving.

   This is an absolutely stunning statue found under the bay of a Ptolemaic
queen. Most likely Cleopatra II or Cleopatra III dressed as the goddess
Isis.

   This red granite statue was also found near the big temple of Heracleion
and weighs a massive 4 tons.

   Here is a beautiful artifact, a Greco-Egyptian statue of a queen carved
out of dark stone.

   This is the head of a pharaoh statue being raised to the surface. The
statue measures over 5 metres and was carved out of red granite.

   A bronze small figure of the pharaoh of the 26th dynasty found at a
smaller temple in the underwater city of Heracleion.
   This is an absolutely epic underwater find that has researchers
scrambling to this part of the globe to learn about this incredibly
beautiful Egyptian city. The fact that this city found underwater has been
left untouched underwater for so many years is an amazing factor on its
own, let alone being a find as big as it truly is. These statues and
artifacts are massive, and nearly perfectly preserved. The attention to
detail in these pieces is truly beautiful, and I’m happy to see it
being preserved with great care.

Subject: Links & Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

How to Kill a Spider
 Click here

15 X Deadly US Hurricanes
 Click here

Just Funny
 Click here

Subject: Gunfight Rules
File links:
 Click here

   In a gunfight, the most important rule is to ..... HAVE A GUN

   RULES:

   A -- Guns have only two enemies: Rust and Politicians.

   B -- Its always better to be judged by 12, than carried by 6.

   C -- Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.

   D -- There is no such thing as a fair fight, so cheat if necessary.

   E -- If you have to shoot, shoot to kill.  If you end up in court, yours
will be the only testimony.

   G -- Final Rule - Never take a Knife to a Gunfight.

Subject: Mrs. Nellie Hantz
File links:
 Click here Click here Click here

In October 1916, police arrested Mrs. Nellie Hantz and charged her with
committing over 100 burglaries in the Chicago area. Her MO was unusual.
When her husband, Carl, left in the morning to attend classes at a school
of chemistry, and her 14-year-old daughter was at school, Nellie would
sneak out and burglarize homes. She made sure to be home before her husband
returned. The press named her the "wife thief" as well as the "matinee
thief."

She kept her loot and burglary tools hidden beneath the bedroom mattress,
and her husband, upon her arrest, insisted he had no knowledge of her
daytime activities. Nellie seconded this: "I've been prowling for eighteen
months. I know you've been after me, but it took a long time to catch me,
didn't it? I guess I was just born to be a crook. You'll have to lock me
up. But it's too bad about Carl. He never suspected."

The burglary equipment police found beneath the mattress included "a
revolver, a razor, a jimmy, an electric flash lamp, several files, and an
ingenious set of keys, skeleton and otherwise, of her own manufacture."

Despite being caught, Nellie was unrepentant. She declared, "I love to rob
places. I'd keep on being a burglar if I had a million, but I am afraid of
the dark and I did all my robbing by daylight."

Subject: Links & Photos-2
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Sorry missed the photos ... Wally

Sky above Israel
 Click here

Hetzer Double Tap
 Click here

Piggyback Driver
 Click here

Bird of Prey
 Click here

Marilyn Monroe’s Grave
 Click here

Atlas Obscura (World’s Hidden Places)
 Click here

Call in the Quack Squad
 Click here

Cheap Food in 1967
 Click here

People are Awesome (September)
 Click here

Shovel Guitar
 Click here

Hope for Paws
 Click here

Unlucky Golf Shots
 Click here

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And that’s your lot!
Quote of the Week:
A person often meets their destiny on the road they took to avoid it.
- Jean de la Fontaine.

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[ End friday humour ]

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