Friday humour - October 07, 2016

HI

A great week this week after the Melbourne Grand Final. It was great to see
the Western Bulldogs come up and take the cup.

Thanks to Nottingham Smithie, Sack, Seasolider, Sack Sior Edward, Digi
Steve and Wally for all the contributions

See you all next time

Haz

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organ
 Click here

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There has to be a lesson here for the human race
Meet Bob and his "siblings"....
An unusual family of one mans pets:

an eccentric but tight-knit group that consists of one golden retriever,
one hamster, and eight birds.

31-year-old Luiz Higa of Sao Paulo, Brazil, tells PetaPixel that his golden
retriever,

Bob, is a little less than two years old. In the beginning, he just had
Bob,
a c*ckatiel and a parakeet. Since the beginning I put them together to see
their | behavior, he tells us. It was nice, so I decided to have them play
together during my free time. 
He then added more birds and a hamster to the group.
Higa s photos show the group posing, playing, exploring, and resting
together.

It just doesnt get any better than this.

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Some things you just can explain

A farmer is sitting in his local pub.
His mate from the neighbouring farm walks in and says, œHey, why are you
sitting here on this beautiful day having drink after drink? 
Some things you just can ™t explain,  says the farmer.
What happened that ™s so horrible? 
Well, if you must know, I was sitting by my cow milking her this morning
and just as I got the bucket about full she took her left leg and kicked it
over. 
That ™s not so bad. What ™s the big deal? 
Some things you just can ™t explain,  the farmer says again.
Then what happened? 
I took her left leg and tied it to the post with some rope. Then I sat down
and continued to milk her and just as I got the bucket almost full for the
second time, she took her right leg and kicked it over,  the farmer
explains.
Again? Then what did you do? 
I took her right leg and tied it to the right post. Then I sat back down
and continued to milk her and just as I got the bucket about full, the
stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. 
Wow, you must have been pretty upset,  the neighbour replies.
Some things you just can ™t explain. 
What did you do then? 
Well, I didnt have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail
to the rafter. At that moment my pants fell down and my wife walked in. 

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Shopping in Texas? - YouTube
 Click here

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Late Night Vet Call...

Her dog was in heat, but she agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog
while the neighbor was on vacation.
She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs
apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling
sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable
to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although
it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very
grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone
and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the
noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be
able to withdraw.   "Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked for me,  he replied.

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RAIN

A bit of cheer for South Australia and Victoria -
It ain't gonna rain no more !
Pluvius turned it off for the Grand Final.
 Click here

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Latest Apple technology
 Click here

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My Rezimay
 Click here

Deer Sur,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job I seen in the Paper. I can type real
kwik wit one finggar and do Sum Acounting 2.
I think I am good on the fone and I am a people Person.Pepole really seam
to respond goodly to me.
I'm lookin for a jobb as a secritary but it Kant be 2 Complikaited
My spelling is not 2 good but find that I awfin get a Job Bcuz of my
persinalety..
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want To pay me and wat you
think that I am wurth, I can start imeditely.
Thank you in advanse 4 yore Anser.

Hopifuly I M Yore best aplicant so phar.

Sinseerly,
 Peggy May McBiggins  PS : I half includeded a pickture of me.

Dear Peggy May:
Start on Monday, we have spell check.

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SECURITY AT UGANDA AIRPORT...& RSL
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

SECURITY AT UGANDA AIRPORTS......
APPARENTLY DOZENS OF WOMEN LINE UP
WITH NO INTENTIONS OF FLYING ANYWHERE.

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Chinese Fireworks - awesome!

 Chinese Fireworks

 This video of a Fireworks Show in China is a treat for the eyes.
Less than 2 minutes in length but with shapes that you've never seen
before.
This Hunan Province town is where fireworks were invented and the show has
never been equaled in the West.
The Chinese are not only the inventors of fireworks they are, still, the
masters:
 Click here

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THE $12500 ARMANI JACKET
 Click here
This posting is not to criticize Hillary for giving a speech on income
inequality while wearing a $12,500.00 Armani jacket.
It is being posted to congratulate Armani for being able to sell a potato
sack with sleeves for $12,500.00 to a chubby tart.

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TOO TRUE
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here
Now stop laughing and send this to someone who needs a laugh?

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A thought for the day,

Jennifer, a manager at Rio Tinto Alcan, had the task of hiring someone to
fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were
equally qualified.
Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.Their
answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer
asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of'?
 'The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head.There's
no warning.
 'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.'And, now you sir? 'she asked the
second man'.
 'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink!It comes and goes and you don't know that it
ever happened.
 A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.''  Excellent!' said Jennifer.'The
blink of an eye, that's a very popular clichΓ© for speed'.
 'She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
 'Well, out at my dad's property, you step out of the house and on the wall
there's a light switch.
 When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the
barn comes on in less than an instant.
 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'  Jennifer
was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man.
 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light, 'she said'.
 Turning to Wally, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same
question.
 Old Wally replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious
to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHOEA.
 ''WHAT !?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
 'Oh sure', said Wally. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good,
and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE
LIGHT, I had already sh*t myself.'
 Wally is now working for Rio Tinto Alcan..

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Links & Photos
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Wing Suiter Meets His Maker (It's unbelievable what these guys will try)
 Click here

Meanwhile in Ethiopia
 Click here

Driving in Ethiopia
 Click here

Water Landing Spin
 Click here

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Who is America's Cheapest Billionaire
 Click here Click here
Back in 1990, Spy magazine conducted an experiment, to find out "Who is
America's Cheapest Billionaire?"

To determine this they sent various rich people each a cheque for 13 cents,
and then waited to see who would actually cash such a tiny cheque Two
people did: Donald Trump, and the Saudi Arabian businessman Adnan
Khashoggi.

And yes, they made sure to send the cheques to the home addresses of the
rich people, and not to their accountants. So that the recipient would have
to do a little bit of work, to cash the cheque.

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[ End friday humour ]

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