Friday humour - August 19, 2016

[from Steve at Bluehaze]

Every time I think Trump has gone as far as possible, he goes further. Only
in this weirdest of universes has Hillary become the preferred candidate. I
am so glad I don't live there ...

This weeks smattering is from Anonymous3, Arfermo, Duke of Barsinov, Haz,
Nottingham Smithie, Sack, Seasoldier, Wally and Whizzbang.

Enjoy!

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Jack Hylton - I Want To Be Bad  Click here
Features Babe Ruth in a Harold Lloyd movie.

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Mobile phone technology is a pinta!!!
At last, a man after my own heart. Great thinking in East Suss*x too.
 Click here
Tech etiquette
For Ari Shaffir, the constant attention demanded by handsets needs
rebalancing. "It's every moment of your life," he says. "There needs to be
an etiquette built around it and we haven't built it yet. "Perhaps that
revolution is under way".
A c*cktail bar in East Suss*x has "banned" mobile devices by building a
Faraday Cage into its walls to block phone signals and Apple has patented
technology to prevent smartphone cameras from working at concerts.
Meanwhile, Shaffir is now using a six-year-old Samsung Gravity 3. "It can
text, you can make the font bigger or smaller, and it has over 10 different
ring tones," he jokes.

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Pit Stop 1950 vs 2013
Interesting how things have changed over the last 60 odd years and even if
you're not a 'car guy', it really is amazing!
 Click here

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Great tool for tea
Best invention since, uh, sliced bread, sliced cheese, beer, and
electricity.  The technology should be mandatory for every restaurant,
theatre, supermarket, church, motor vehicle and most homes.  And it's only
$13-$14.
 Click here

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Boeing Museum - Seattle, Washington, USA

Note: The Lockheed “Super Connie” was a TCA (Trans Canada Air Lines )
aircraft “TGE”.
She was parked in front of the “Constellation” Hotel near Pearson
Airport in Toronto for many years.
Had lunch onboard her in the mid 1990’s compliments of Mr. Frank Sova of
Carleton Life Support…
 Click here

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eightlifting
Old guys rule. No politics, just some fun. Enjoy.
 Click here

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Helpful Pharmacist

My wife Andrea found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so
she took it to the veterinarian.

The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears.

He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from
recurring, she should go to the pharmacy and get some "Nair" hair remover
and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.

At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this
under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body
lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either.

If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist said, "Well, in that case, stay off your bicycle for at
least a week."

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SIX DEGREES OF BLONDE

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and
said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know, some woman
wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde says, 'Here,
let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,  so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him  in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts
it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, 'Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
'Is it mine?'

SIXTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my
possessions stolen.  I call the police for help, and what do they do?  They
send me a BLIND policeman.

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Run over by girlfriend
 Click here

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English Heritage Plaques No 29
 Click here

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Address
 Click here

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"Be vewy, vewy quiet ... I'm hunting meals-on-wheels!  Shhhhhh!
 Click here

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THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW IT'S REALLY HOT OUT!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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 Click here Click here Click here

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Advice for Travellers ...
 Click here

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 Grocery store in Holland
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here
  Those Dutch have a way with flowers, and now it seems fruits and
vegetables.
  BUT, when you want to purchase something, how to you pull it out of the
arrangements without everything tumbling down ?
  Have you ever seen something so beautiful in a groceries store?
  This way you would like more fruit and veggies!

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Road Funnies
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Modern Way to Steal a Car
 Click here

Embarrassing Airport Security Checking
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Photos
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Thief Cuts Down Tree to Steal Bike  Click here

F-22 Refuelling at Night
 Click here

39 X Olympic Facts
 Click here

Egg & Bacon Bay
 Click here

Bandito
 Click here

People are Awesome (Olympic Edition)  Click here

Lamborghini Centenario
 Click here

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Woman on Phone
 Click here

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Picture This.

In 2008, a young 13yo boy from Singapore, Joseph Schooling, heard the US
swim team had arrived in Singapore, for training, before heading to the
Beijing Olympics. He went down to the pool to get his idol, Michael Phelp's
autograph. He got his autograph, and also had his picture taken with
Phelps. Schooling told Phelps that he was a swimmer, and wanted to be just
like him. Phelps the most decorated swimmer of all-time, the greatest in
the history of the sport, with a record 22 Olympic gold medals,  and 35
times world champion, continued to take an interest in the young boy, and
consistently tracked the performances of the 20-year-old Singaporean.
 Click here

2016 - Schooling beats Phelps in the final of the 100 metre Butterfly in
Rio, to win the Gold Medal, while Phelps takes the Silver.
 Click here

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2016 Drone Photography Awards
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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Banned German Sprite commercial
 Click here

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      Ah-the-eah the-eah That's All (for this week) Folks!


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