Friday humour - February 26, 2016

Friday Humour comes to you this week from a plethora of contributors: KRP,
Sack, Seasoldier, Valerie, Wally, Whizzbang, Biggus, Clooney's Twin, Digi
Steve, Duke of Barsinov and last but not least, Haz.

Enjoy!

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Please Help This Poor Nigerian Astronaut
 Click here

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Facebook Senior Alternative

For those of my generation who do not and cannot comprehend why Facebook
exists:

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same
principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby
what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night
before, what I will do later, and with whom.

I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking
things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of
landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and
everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell
them I like them.

And it works just like Facebook. I already have four people following me:
two police officers, a private investigator, and a psychiatrist.

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Golf shoes

John, at 85 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes like
Nick Faldo so, seeing some on sale after his round, he bought them.

He was so delighted with his purchase, he decided to wear them home to show
the misses.

Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to
his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Mary at age 83, looked him over and replied, "Nope."

Frustrated as all get out, John stormed off into the bathroom, undressed
and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the new golf
shoes. Again he asked Mary, a little louder this time, "Notice anything
different NOW?"

Mary looked up and said in her best deadpan response, "John, what's
different?  It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and
it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, John yells out, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARY?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW GOLF SHOES!

Without missing a beat old Mary replies, "You shoulda bought a new hat!"

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THE JUGGLER

Here's a little something to brighten your day

Do you remember 'THE JUGGLER'?

It's worth another watch, even if you've seen it before.

They just don't make them like they used to.

Only those of us over 50 would probably recognise the people in the front
row

(Speaker of the House, President and Senate Majority Leader).

NOTE: You don't have to be over 50 to enjoy it!
 Click here

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Teacher arrested at Pearson Airport

A High School Teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he
attempted to board a flight while in possession of a Ruler, a Protractor, a
Compass, a Slide-Rule and a Calculator.

At a Press Conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believes the man is
a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement.

She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the OPP with carrying
Weapons of Maths Instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Premier said. 'They derive solutions by
 means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute
 values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to
themselves as "unknowns"; but we have determined that they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
Country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are Three
Sides to every Triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Trudeau said, "If God
had wanted us to have better Weapons of Maths Instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and toes."

Fellow Liberal colleagues told Reporters  they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by any Prime Minister.

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The Stud

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. 
You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as
priests.  What'll it be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above
the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this
week 'count' St. Peter?"

"No, I told you, the computer's down.  There's no way we can keep track of
what you're doing."

In that case" says the second priest, I've always wanted to be a stud.

"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to
recall the two priests.  "Will you have any trouble locating them?" he
asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter, "He's somewhere over the
Rockies, flying with the eagles.  But the second one could prove to be more
difficult."

"Why?" asks the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Saskatchewan."

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THE OLD RANCHER

Mr. Peabody, the local banker, saw his old friend Tom, an 80-year-old
rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife the year before. Rumor had it he was marrying a 'mail
order' bride.

Mr. Peabody asked Tom if the rumor was true. l

Tom replied, "Yes, it is true."
Mr. Peabody asked, "May I ask the age of your new bride to be?"
Tom replied, "She'll be 21 in November."

Mr. Peabody, being a wise man, knew the s*xual appetite of a young woman
could not be satisfied by an 80-year-old man.

Mr. Peabody wanted Tom's remaining years to be happy. So he tactfully
suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on
the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for a hired hand
that very afternoon.

Four months later, Mr. Peabody saw Tom in town again.

Mr. Peabody asked, "How is your new wife?"

Tom replied, "Good. She's pregnant."

Mr. Peabody was pleased his sage advice had worked out so well.
He asked, "And how's the hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant too!"

Never underestimate old men.

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The Germans amaze us once again.

This 100 Drone Synchronized Airshow Is The World's Largest, And Most
Impressive - 2 Min 25 Sec

Drones have a lot of people worried about privacy, but they can be used for
good as well as nefarious purposes.

Take, for instance, a spectacular display of drone technology by Intel
Corporation (USA) involving 100 small aircrafts being launched skywards in
formation has earned a new Guinness World Record for the Most Unmanned
Aerial Vehicles (UAVs) airborne simultaneously.

Controlled on the ground by a crew using PCs with Intel software, the mass
of drones lit up the night sky in sync to a live performance of Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony and executed a stunning light show resembling a fireworks
display.

Drone 100 took place at Flugplatz Ahrenlohe, Tornesch, Germany, in November
2015.

The record was set in collaboration with Ars Electronica Futurelab to push
the limits of the UAV industry and to show what UAVs can be used for.
 Click here

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Newfoundlander and the Game Warden

A Newfoundlander was stopped by a Game Warden recently with two ice chests
full of live fish.

He was leavin' a cove well known for its fishing.

The Game Warden stopped him and asked "Do you have a license to catch those
fish?"
"No, sir," replied the Newfoundlander.

"Got no license. I don't need one. You must understand, b'y, dese fish are
my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" says the Warden.

"Yeah. Dat's de trut' b'y. Every night, I takes dese fish down to de cove
and lets 'em swim 'round for awhile.

Den, when I whistles, dey jumps right back into dese ice chests, and I
takes 'em 'ome."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that."

The Newfoundlander looked at the Warden for a moment and then said, "It's
de trut sir. I'll show ya.  It really works."

"Okay," said the Warden. "I've got to see this!"

The Newfoundlander stood on a rock and poured the fish into the cove.
Then he stood and looked out to sea.

After several minutes, the Warden says,

"Well?"
"Well, what?," says the Newfoundlander.

The Warden says, "When are you going to call them back?'"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH,"  replied the Warden!

"What fish?"  replied the Newfoundlander.

Moral of the Story: We may not be as smart as some, but by the Lard
tundering, we ain't as dumb as some Government employees!
  --

  Life is uncertain. Enjoy the ride.

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Jokes

Did you hear the joke about the pizza? It's very cheesy.


A man walks into a doctor's office with a stalk of celery sticking out of
his ear, and a carrot out of his nose. He says he's not feeling well, and
the doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."


How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?

Burger King forgot to wrap his Whopper.


What do you call a redhead walking between two blondes?

An interpreter.


What do you get mixing beans and onions?

Tear gas.


What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho cheese.


Two muffins were in an oven. One turned to the other and said, "It sure is
getting hot in here." And the second muffin replied, "Omg, a talking
muffin!"


What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?

A piece of ass that'll bring tears to your eyes.


*Today I am fortunate to have woken up. I am alive. I have a precious human
life..-The Dalai Lama*

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Vegas

A bloke is walking the strip in Vegas when a fantastic looking hooker
catches his eye.

He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks, "How much do you charge?"

The hooker replies, "I start at $500 for a hand job."

The bloke says, "$500 for a hand job? Holy cr*p, no hand job is worth that
kind of money."

The hooker says, "You see that KFC on the corner?"

"Yes."

"Do you see the McDonald's in the next block?"

"Yes."

"And do you see the Wendy's across the street?"

 "Yes."

 "Well," said the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own all those, and I own
them because I give a hand job that's worth $500."

So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."

They go to a nearby motel.

A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he has
just experienced the hand job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.

He's so amazed, he says, "I suppose a bl*w job is $1000."

The hooker says, "No, $1500."

"I wouldn't pay that for a bl*w job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over to the window. Do you see those two casinos
across the street?

Well, I own those, and I own them because I give bl*w jobs that are worth
every cent of $1500."

The guy, still reeling from the terrific hand job, decides to put off
buying a new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."

Fifteen minutes later, he's sitting on the edge of the bed, more amazed
than before.

He can hardly believe it, but he feels he truly got his money's worth.

Deciding to go for broke, he asks, "So, how much for some pussy?"

The hooker says, "Come back over to the window. Do you see how the whole
city of Las Vegas is laid out before us?

All those casinos, with the beautiful lights, the gaming, the showgirls?"

"Damn!" says the guy in awe. "You own the whole city?"

The hooker says, "No. But I would . . . if I had a pussy!"

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Three Good Ole Country Songs

When You're Screwin Other Women, Think of Me
 Click here

Grandma got Molested at the Airport
 Click here

I've Never had a Ten, but I've got Five Twos
 Click here

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GETTING OLDER

A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my
life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'.."

***********************
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he
insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad , what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son;
do your best,
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me,
your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."
(I LOVE IT!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and
start bragging about it.
This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."
---------------------------------
The older we get,
the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
(Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place!!)
---------------------------------
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know why
I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

********************
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.

-------------------------------
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a
nice change from being young.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.
*********
First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper...
it's worse when you forget to pull it down.
````````````````
********************* (And this final one especially for me,)
"Lord,
keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!"

Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile . . .
it will!

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Airborne

11 PEOPLE ... ON A ROPE

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.

10 men and 1 woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one
had to leave,

Because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very
touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a
woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for
men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in
return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping . . ......
. . .

PLEASE SEND THIS MAIL TO ALL OF THE MOST INTELLIGENT WOMEN,

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OmilildMan in Japan WATCH ALL 3 VIDEOS

It is amazing!

Watch all – 3 variations.  I haven't a clue

how he does any of this; fascinating!  Can't understand

a single word either, but you don't need to.  Watch it to

the end.
Click Below...
 Click here

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Punny

A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the
60's together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting
the palace is finally finished. It's perfect - marble, chandeliers, and
concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the
billionaire sends out his invitations. A few weeks later he sees Jefferson
Airplane, The Beatles, Jimmy Hendrix and a hoard of 60's luminaries
standing in the grass, but none are coming inside. Paul McCartney is
playing cards with Mick Jagger.

 The billionaire is stunned. "I've spent a year building this palace,
making it perfect in every detail for the best musicians the 60's has ever
known. Why won't you come inside?"

 John Lennon adjusts his glasses and calls out: "You forgot The Doors."

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Political developments this week.
 Click here Click here Click here

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Time poor?
 Click here

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Ingenious
 Click here

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Best story this year, so far.
 Click here

Please open attachment for a smile, a laugh, even.Don

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The Cork
 Click here Click here

Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb
making class in Melbourne, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck
in his rear end.

'If you do not mind me saying,' stated the second, 'that cork looks very
uncomfortable.

Why don't you take it out?'

'I regret I cannot', lamented the first Arab.  'It is permanently stuck in
my ar*e.'

'I do not understand,' said the other.

The first Arab says, 'I was walking along Russell Street and I tripped over
an oil lamp.  There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an
Australian Flag attire with a white beard and Akubra hat came boiling out.

He said, 'I am Captain Aussie, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.'

I said, No sh*t?'

God Bless Australia

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The SR-71
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

FROM AN SR-71 PILOT.......Very interesting read....
SR-71 Blackbird

In April 1986, following an attack on American soldiers in a Berlin disco,
President Reagan ordered the bombing of Muammar Qaddafi's terrorist camps
in Libya ..

My duty was to fly over Libya , and take photographs recording the damage
our F-111's had inflicted.

Qaddafi had established a 'line of death,' a territorial marking across the
Gulf of Sidra , swearing to shoot down any intruder, that crossed the
boundary.

On the morning of April 15, I rocketed past the line at 2,125 mph.

I was piloting the SR-71 spy plane, the world's fastest jet, accompanied by
a Marine Major (Walt), the aircraft's reconnaissance systems officer (RSO).

We had crossed into Libya , and were approaching our final turn over the
bleak desert landscape, when Walt informed me, that he was receiving
missile launch signals.

I quickly increased our speed, calculating the time it would take for the
weapons, most likely SA-2 and SA-4 surface-to-air missiles, capable of Mach
5 - to reach our altitude.
I estimated, that we could beat the rocket-powered missiles to the turn,
and stayed our course, betting our lives on the plane's performance.

After several agonizingly long seconds, we made the turn and blasted toward
the Mediterranean ....

'You might want to pull it back,' Walt suggested.
It was then that I noticed I still had the throttles full forward.

The plane was flying a mile every 1.6 seconds, well above our Mach 3.2
limit.

It was the fastest we would ever fly.

I pulled the throttles to idle, just south of Sicily , but we still overran
the refuelling tanker, awaiting us over Gibraltar ...

Scores of significant aircraft have been produced, in the 100 years of
flight, following the achievements of the Wright brothers, which we
celebrate in December.

Aircraft such as the Boeing 707, the F-86 Sabre Jet, and the P-51 Mustang,
are among the important machines, that have flown our skies.

But the SR-71, also known as the Blackbird, stands alone as a significant
contributor to Cold War victory, and as the fastest plane ever, and only 93
Air Force pilots, ever steered the 'sled,' as we called our aircraft.

The SR-71, was the brainchild of Kelly Johnson, the famed Lockheed
designer, who created the P-38, the F-104 Starfighter, and the U-2.

After the Soviets shot down Gary Powers U-2 in 1960, Johnson began to
develop an aircraft, that would fly three miles higher, and five times
faster, than the spy plane, and still be capable of photographing your
license plate.

However, flying at 2,000 mph would create intense heat on the aircraft's
skin.
Lockheed engineers used a titanium alloy, to construct more than 90 percent
of the SR-71, creating special tools, and manufacturing procedures to
hand-build each of the (40 planes.. (Wow ! ! ! 40 planes???? I thought only
7.) Special heat-resistant fuel, oil, and hydraulic fluids, that would
function at 85,000 feet, and higher, also had to be developed.

In 1962, the first Blackbird successfully flew, and in 1966, the same year
I graduated from high school, the Air Force began flying operational SR-71
missions.

I came to the program in 1983, with a sterling record and a recommendation
from my commander, completing the weeklong interview, and meeting Walt, my
partner for the next four years.

He would ride four feet behind me, working all the cameras, radios, and
electronic jamming equipment.

I joked, that if we were ever captured, he was the spy, and I was just the
driver.

He told me to keep the pointy end forward.

We trained for a year, flying out of Beale AFB in California , Kadena
Airbase in Okinawa , and RAF Mildenhall in England ..

On a typical training mission, we would take off near Sacramento , refuel
over Nevada , accelerate into Montana , obtain a high Mach speed over
Colorado , turn right over New Mexico, speed across the Los Angeles Basin,
run up the West Coast, turn right at Seattle , then return to Beale.

Total flight time:- Two Hours and Forty Minutes.

One day, high above Arizona , we were monitoring the radio traffic, of all
the mortal airplanes below us.
First, a Cessna pilot asked the air traffic controllers to check his ground
speed. 'Ninety knots,' ATC replied.
A Bonanza soon made the same request.
'One-twenty on the ground,' was the reply.

To our surprise, a navy F-18 came over the radio, with a ground speed
check.

I knew exactly what he was doing.

Of course, he had a ground speed indicator in his c*ckpit, but he wanted to
let all the bug-smashers in the valley, know what real speed was, 'Dusty
52, we show you at 620 on the ground,' ATC responded.

The situation was too ripe.

I heard the click of Walt's mike button in the rear seat.
In his most innocent voice, Walt startled the controller by asking for a
ground speed check from 81,000 feet, clearly above controlled airspace.
In a cool, professional voice, the controller replied, 'Aspen 20, I show
you at 1,982 knots on the ground.'
We did not hear another transmission on that frequency, all the way to the
coast.

The Blackbird always showed us something new, each aircraft possessing its
own unique personality.

In time, we realized we were flying a national treasure.

When we taxied out of our revetments for take-off, people took notice.

Traffic congregated near the airfield fences, because everyone wanted to
see, and hear the mighty SR-71.

You could not be a part of this program, and not come to love the airplane.

Slowly, she revealed her secrets to us, as we earned her trust..

One moonless night, while flying a routine training mission over the
Pacific, I wondered what the sky would look like from 84,000 feet, if the
c*ckpit lighting were dark.

While heading home on a straight course, I slowly turned down all of the
lighting, reducing the glare and revealing the night sky.

Within seconds, I turned the lights back up, fearful that the jet would
know, and somehow punish me.

But my desire to see the sky, overruled my caution, I dimmed the lighting
again.

To my amazement, I saw a bright light outside my window.

As my eyes adjusted to the view, I realized that the brilliance was the
broad expanse of the Milky Way, now a gleaming stripe across the sky.

Where dark spaces in the sky, had usually existed, there were now dense
clusters, of sparkling stars.

Shooting Stars, flashed across the canvas every few seconds.

It was like a fireworks display with no sound.

I knew I had to get my eyes back on the instruments, and reluctantly, I
brought my attention back inside.

To my surprise, with the c*ckpit lighting still off, I could see every
gauge, lit by starlight.

In the plane's mirrors, I could see the eerie shine of my gold spacesuit,
incandescently illuminated, in a celestial glow.

I stole one last glance out the window.
Despite our speed, we seemed still before the heavens, humbled in the
radiance of a much greater power.

For those few moments, I felt a part of something far more significant,
than anything we were doing in the plane.

The sharp sound of Walt's voice on the radio, brought me back to the tasks
at hand, as I prepared for our descent.

San Diego Aerospace Museum
The SR-71 was an expensive aircraft to operate.
The most significant cost was tanker support, and in 1990, confronted with
budget cutbacks, the Air Force retired the SR-71.
The SR-71 served six presidents, protecting America for a quarter of a
century.

Unbeknown to most of the country, the plane flew over North Vietnam , Red
China , North Korea , the Middle East , South Africa , Cuba , Nicaragua ,
Iran , Libya , and the Falkland Islands .
On a weekly basis, the SR-71, kept watch over every Soviet Nuclear
Submarine, Mobile Missile Site, and all of their troop movements.
It was a key factor in winning the Cold War.

I am proud to say, I flew about 500 hours in this aircraft.
I knew her well.
She gave way to no plane, proudly dragging her Sonic Boom through enemy
backyards, with great impunity.
She defeated every missile, outran every MIG, and always brought us home.

In the first 100 years of manned flight, no aircraft was more remarkable.
The Blackbird had outrun nearly 4,000 missiles, not once taking a scratch
from enemy fire.

On her final flight, the Blackbird, destined for the Smithsonian National
Air and Space Museum , sped from Los Angeles to Washington in 64 Minutes,
averaging 2,145 mph, and setting four speed records.

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Proving that our elected official ALWAYS have our interests at heart
 Click here

INTERESTING

The Cunning bastards:

The real reason behind 60 Elected MP's not seeking re-election!

Sixty elected members of the federal government have now reported they have
made the decision not to run in the upcoming next election!

It's a very high number compared to previous elections.

Some of them tell us that it's for family reasons, others for their desire
to serve their fellow citizens in other fields and many other great stories
to make us cry for them.

Besides all the tear jerking that politicians have been giving about
retiring here is something else to consider.

Coming at the end of 2015 a change in the pension for MP's ensures that the
age of full retirement for an MP having served at least 6 years, will no
longer be 55 years but 65 years.

Thus any MP not yet 65 and who wants to benefit from the present pension
scheme need only not run in the next election and thus will draw for 10
years longer a government pension of over $100,000/year.

For an elected MP approaching 55 and who is not running which means about
$1 million that he/she would not receive should he/she run and win again.

One should also add the severance premium (between $80,000 and $125,000)
upon his/her departure.

We understand better now all these sudden "family emergencies", appreciate
the newfound desire to advance his/her career in a government job or a
committee of some sort and have two or three salaries (and possibly two or
three pensions).

Not bad as a justification to not run, eh?

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Wife of the year
 Click here

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Repairing the downspout

Today, a friend's wife said to him,

"Honey, get off your rear and fix that gutter downspout!

And, I want it done before the end of the day!"

Well, as you all know, at my age, my friend, and most of our friends, are
retired and do have the time to address such "Honey do's"

So, he invited some of us neighborhood buddies over to help with the
project.

One is a sheet metal fabricator.

One brought his welder.

One brought beer and Nachos.

One brought a grill and burgers.

Took us about 6 hours, and 30-40 beers, but we got it done just as we
finished off the last of the beer and burgers.

As usual, the wife is still not happy!

Can't understand, cause all us guys love it!

Personally, I cannot wait for rain.

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Just a joke...: sixteen reasons why men may want dogs rather than wives
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Fifteen reasons why men may want dogs rather than wives

1. The later you are, the more
Excited your dog is to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them
By another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave things on the floor.

4. Dogs' parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24
hours a day.

7. Dogs find you interesting when you're p*ssed.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get
another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell them.

11. When you drop a silent one, they enjoy the aroma and don't run around
frantically with room spray.

12. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit
pondering why you don't lick them.

13. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a
pervert.

14. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it
just finds it interesting.

And last, but not least:

15. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.

To verify these statements: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for
an hour, then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you!

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I am Proud to be Canadian
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

A recent study found
the average Canadian walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found
Canadians drink on average 22 gallons of beer or wine a year.

That means on average
Canadians get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind Of Makes You Proud To Be Canadian,

doesn't it !?!?!

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Links & Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Links & Photos

Titanic II
 Click here

Spot the Animal
 Click here

Hill Country Farming
 Click here

Honda Hands (Oldie but a Goodie)
 Click here

Honda Paper
 Click here

Do You Wear Glasses?
 Click here

Girls are Awesome
 Click here

Dash Cam Video
 Click here

Peugeot Ad
 Click here

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Old Photos of Brisbane
 Click here

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20 Fascinating Facts and Photos from Our World
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

20 Fascinating Facts and Photos from Our World

Nothing  beats  the wonderment you experience when you make your own little
discoveries about nature and the  world. Without  a  doubt, nature is truly
surprising.
Just take a look  at  these  fascinating photos and facts that will surely
quench your curiosity about the world's strangest  sights, including
bizarre animals, and places you never heard of.

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37 X Amazing Photos of Albino Animals!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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 Click here

Humans aren't the only ones who are at times born without pigment. Almost
all animals - reptiles, birds and mammals -
are sometimes born without pigments,
and   it   is   often   a   surprising,   yet sometimes beautiful - vision
to behold.

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Links & Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Quasimodo
 Click here

Did You Notice? (I only noticed 2)
 Click here

The Brassiere Brigade
 Click here

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20 Embarrassing And Hilarious Sport Wardrobe Malfunctions
 Click here

Page 1 - 
 Click here

Page 2 - 
 Click here

Page 3 -
 Click here

Page 4 -
 Click here

Page 5 -
 Click here

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Adult Stuff (XXX)
 Click here Click here

One says to the other, "You ever notice after you have s*x with a white
woman, that your eyes burn, your nose burns, and you get all teary-eyed?"

The second black guy says, "Yeah, all the time."

The first one asked, "I wonder why is that?"

The second says, "I'm pretty sure it's the pepper spray."

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Only in Macau, China
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

During a horse race at Macau, in China, Number 3 Blue Peac*ck breaks his
near side front fetlock, and falls, just before the winning post. Number 8
Lucky Charm, was awarded the race, because as jockey Li Yao fell off Blue
Peac*ck before the winning post, the horse did not carry the allotted
weight for the entire journey.

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People are Awesome
 Click here

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Links & Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Links & Photos

Shiny (2016 Tropfest Winner – Bit Strange))
 Click here

The Best of Sergeant Shultz (Hogan's Heroes)
 Click here

James Harrison (Saves 2 million babies)
 Click here

Ferrari 458 (290kph on German Autobahn))
 Click here

World's Largest Remote Controlled Aircraft (5 Metres X 5 Metres)
 Click here

Horsing Around
 Click here

No Horses Left in Race
 Click here

Only in India
 Click here

Only in Alaska
 Click here

NZ Guy with Rod in Head
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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