Friday humour - February 12, 2016

Gussius @ Bluehaze

I'm sure you know that feeling you get when you just know that someone is
watching you.
 Click here
Like when the hairs on the back of the neck tell you something is going on.
You know you're just too ordinary for it to be the Secret Service or the
Police. Could it be the NSA checking how many cat pic websites you'd
visited? Conspiracy deniers might want to skip this next bit and not read
any further.

However there is a reason to feel this way. Welcome to Valentines Day.  So
pucker up baby:
 Click here

Kissy kiss-kiss. Mwwuaaah.

Contributions this week are approved by the psychiatrists treating  KRP, 
Sack,  Valerie,  Clooney's Twin,  Wally and anon.

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Anzackery - a must see:

A lot of Anzackery going on and increasing- awesome video.

Fellow proud Australians and others...
Turn your speakers up and view this video clip commemorating our hero's
'men & women'. Watch the integration of old footage with modern day.

I'm honoured to share with you this incredibly special music video for
'Spirit of the Anzacs' featuring Guy Sebastian, Sheppard,
Jon Stevens, Jessica Mauboy, Shannon Noll and Megan Washington.

This is what we need to live up to and start having pride in what we are:-

Lee Kernaghan presents...
 Click here

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Russia; Tough People, Tough Trucks:
 Click here

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3-D DRAWINGS:

This guy does AMAZING 3D drawings that are so real, that they have to be
seen to be believed.
 Click here

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Boeing Phantom Eye:

I'm glad we are on their side

This all new unmanned drone has incredible capability. It currently can
stay aloft for 4 days but soon will soon stay up 10 days. While designed as
a surveillance platform, it carries a 5 ton payload that includes Hellfire
missiles. Flying at 65,000 feet - the very edge of space, it is just about
out of range of missiles.

Boeing's New Spy Plane General Characteristics:

Wingspan :
150 ft. (46 m)

Takeoff gross weight :
9,800 lbs. (4,445 kg)

Cruise speed :
150 kts.

Maximum speed :
200 kts.

Altitude :
65,000 ft.

Engines :
(2) 2.3L 150 horsepower

Endurance :
4 days at 65,000 ft.


Let that sink in -

Wingspan equal to the width of a good size building lot. It's relatively
light (at 5 ton), slow, flies at twice the altitude of commercial
transport. It's powered by 2 truck engines and stays aloft for 4 days.

Now take a look:
 Click here

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Jokes:

What did the Mexican name his two kids? Hose A and Hose B.

What did an Eskimo get from sitting on ice? Polaroids.

What is a French kiss called in Australia? A kiss down under.

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Valentine that may not work::
 Click here

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You know it's Election year:
 Click here

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Valentine:

Hope these help.
 Click here Click here Click here

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Ahhh fork it!:
 Click here

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Valentines:

The way to a man's heart:
 Click here

One for the lesbians:
 Click here

If you just made the age of consent:
 Click here

A little Grease can help:
 Click here

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Valentines:

She will never forget you with this one:
 Click here

Daaaw. You can almost hear the clothes hit the floor.
 Click here

Wishes can come true:
 Click here

She will get it:
 Click here

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Accidents waiting to happen:
 Click here

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I always wondered what happened to Dennis the Menace when he got older...
 Click here

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How fast do you work?:
 Click here

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Why are Greek male statues always naked ?
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Tho only one with an erection.

Why are Greek Male Statues always NAKED?
The extraordinary answer is laid bare in magnificent - if risque -
exhibition at the British Museum Greeks were first people to associate
being naked with acts of heroism
Athletes trained naked - gymnasium comes from gymnos, meaning nude Being
aroused was sign of weakness, so heroes all had small genitals

About two-and-a-half thousand years ago, a cultural miracle took place in
ancient Greece.

Democracy was born in Athens, the first great tragedies and comedies were
written and statues were carved that were more astonishingly lifelike than
ever before.

What's even more incredible is that many of those statues were naked. Walk
around the dazzling new blockbuster show at the British Museum â already
being hailed by critics as âthe absolutely must-see exhibition of the
yearâ â and thereâs barely a scr*p of clothing to be seen.

Warriors die on the Trojan battlefield in the buff. Athletes hurl the
discus in the altogether. Goddesses step into the bath without a stitch on.

Nowadays, we take Greek nakedness for granted. But when those statues were
first carved, the Athenians were breaking an extreme taboo.

Yes, there had been naked figures in the art of earlier civilisations. You
can see them in a 730 BC panel from Nimrud in ancient Assyria, now in
modern Iraq â one of the ancient cities tragically bulldozed by Islamic
State militants earlier this month.

But in the Nimrud panel â which is also at the British Museum â it is
dead enemies of the Assyrians who are impaled, naked, on stakes. Other
naked men have their heads chopped off. The victorious Assyrians, however,
are all clothed.

For there was a vital difference in civilisations that existed before the
Greeks. For them, nakedness was a sign of weakness; a sign of losing the
battle, of your body being humiliated.

The Greeks were the first to see nakedness as, literally, a heroic state.

âGreek nudity is a sign not of humiliation, but of moral virtue among the
social elite of male citizens,â says Neil MacGregor, director of the
British Museum.

âWhen a youth removes his clothes to compete in the ancient Olympic Games,
he does not merely stand naked before his peers, rather he has put on the
uniform of the righteousness.

Itâs not as if the Greeks were naked the whole time, such as when they
were doing the shopping or eating a meal. But they were naked in the gym;
in fact, the word âgymnasiumâ comes from the Greek âgymnosâ, meaning
ânakedâ.

A 530 BC Athenian vase shows four athletes â a long-jumper, two
javelin-throwers and a discus-thrower, all of them naked.

Indeed, perhaps the most famous Greek sculpture of all, also in the show,
is the Discobolos â the discus-thrower.

He is a study in composed balance, with the discus in one outstretched
hand, the other bent in counterbalance down towards his knee. He is also
completely naked.

All the athletes covered themselves not with garments but olive oil mixed
with dust; an early sort of suntan lotion to protect themselves from the
blazing Mediterreanean sun in their outdoor gyms.

A 300 BC bronze statue shows a young athlete wiping off the oil with a
strigil, or scr*per.

Quack doctors scooped up this gloop â âpaidikos gloiosâ, or âboy oilâ
â and prescribed it for illnesses and ageing skin. Enter the first
moisturiser.

Experts still arenât sure why athletes competed at the original Olympics
in the nude.

Some suggest it dates from an early event, when an athlete won the 200m
after heâd lost his trunks, and his rivals promptly copied him.

Another theory proposes that the nakedness reflected an ancient ritual to
mark the reaching of adulthood, when you took off your childâs cloak â a
shorter gown worn by juveniles â at the age of 20, and ran naked to join
the grown-up citizens.

In Athens, there was also an annual naked celebration in honour of Athena,
the cityâs patron goddess. Nude young Athenian men ran from a gymnasium on
the edge of the city all the way to the Parthenon.

The fatter and slower men were slapped by the watching crowd as they
stumbled past.

Whatever the origin of the naked fashion, passions ran high in the gyms,
where older men often lusted after the athletic bodies of younger men in an
age when homos*xual s*x was common.

Whatâs more, the gyms were frequently decorated with nude statues of Eros,
the winged boy-god of desire. One appears in the British Museum.
 Click here

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Nudist beach:

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach...
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have
b*obs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to
tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother
'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach,
and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

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Bridges seen on newly-built Enshi-Qianjiang Highway in China's Hubei:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here
The Enshi-Qianjiang Highway links other highways in the Wuling Mountaineous
region, which locates on the border of central China's Hunan and Hubei
Provinces and southwest China's Guizhou province and Chongqing
Municipality.

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Name this song:
 Click here

This song was popular in the 60's and we could all dance to it.
Can you name the song, just by looking at the picture????

You'll kick yourself!! Think harder!!!!!

MOON RIVER!!!!!

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How do you put a "Ute" on a ship in Africa?
 Click here
I can't wait for the 2nd episode where they drive it off the ship.

If it was yours, would you do it ?

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The Vietnam War from the Other Side:
 Click here

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5 Ways Guide to Lamb:
I know it's a few days late but .....
 Click here

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Links & Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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Best News Bloopers for January 2016  Click here

Neko Motorcycle Helmets
 Click here

Lindy Hop Dance (Different)
 Click here

Training Eagles to Catch Drones (in Dutch)
 Click here

Africa (Excellent)
 Click here

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USS Laffey:
 Click here

USS Laffey (The Ship That Would Not Die)
This is incredible actual footage during the 80 minute attack on the USS.
Laffey. And you thought you had a bad day.

About the best naval footage ever shot by a Navy cameraman. The camera was
in the gun turret under attack. It's Amazing!
The USS. Laffey, "the ship that would not die", was hit by 6 Kamikazes and
4 bombs, but remained afloat after an 80 minute battle, that included 22
Kamikaze attacks.
 Click here

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Rivers:
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Water is the most fundamental element in the world, without it life would
have neither been created, nor would it be sustained. It comes from the
rain, and travels all the way to the ocean thanks to the natural, most
phenomenal vessels our planet has to offer - rivers. They come in all sorts
of shapes, sizes, and colours, they attract life, as well as a lot of
tourists, because of their timeless beauty. Here are 15 rivers that are
most worthy of a visit.

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Heinz - Meet the Ketchups:
 Click here

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S*x Film on a Cheap Budget:
 Click here

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Brilliant Photos:
 Click here

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Robbery Stories:
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Carl Gugasian robbed more than 50 banks in the United States. He was known
as the "Friday Night Bank Robber" and has been labeled the most prolific
bank robber in American history. He was a phd student and a black belt.

1
In 2012, Charles Smith, high on bath salts, broke into the home of 79 year
old Ervin Brittnacher. Ervin, a former bull rider, throat punched Charles
and knocked him out.

2
Air Force Captain Nicolas Aquino was arrested for burglary while entering
his own home. He was then charged with resisting arrest and obstruction of
justice.

3
In 2008, a robber put up an ad on Craigslist asking for construction
workers. He told them to wait outside the Bank of America wearing a
specific uniform. He then proceeded to rob the bank wearing the same
construction suit and made his getaway with all the "decoys" unwittingly
standing on the corner.

4
Jay Leone, a 90 year old man from California, was shot in the head by
Samuel Cutrufelli during a robbery. The 90 year old was unfazed though, and
said to the robber "now it's my turn". He then proceeded to shoot the
robber several times in the abdomen.

5
Although Charles âPretty Boyâ Floyd was hated by some, he was also loved
by many because at every bank he robbed, he would destroy all the
mortgages, thus freeing people from their debts.

6
In 2008, the oversized cookie hanging above the entrance to the Bahlsen
Company in Germany was stolen. The thieves demanded that the company send
cookies to charities. After the company complied, the cookie was returned.

7
After a Croatian woman died in her apartment, she wasn't discovered until
35 years later-in 2008-when robbers broke in.

8
Julia Popova, a 22 year old Russian woman, got into a fight with a mugger,
successfully freed herself, and made it home, only to discover that she had
been stabbed with a large blade in her neck.

9
In 1971, a robber named Katko broke into an Iowa farmer named Briney's
house. Briney had set up a booby trap because he was tired of getting
robbed. The trap shot Katko in the legs, who ended up suing for damages,
and in the end the robber won the court case.

10
When the Chamorros, natives to Guam, met Magellan, they started emptying
his ship because they had no concept of ownership or private property.
Magellan, thinking they were stealing his things, named Guam the "Island of
Thieves"

11
Bruce Lee's son, Brandon, came home to find a robber in his house. Brandon
chased the robber around until the robber picked up a knife. Brandon,
however, managed to disarm the robber and hold him until police arrived.

12
Three robbers once broke into Swedish action star Dolph Lundgren's house
and tied up his wife. When the robbers saw a picture of Dolph, however, and
realized whose house they were in, they ran away.

13
The Jerilderie Letter is an 8,000 word doc*ment that Australian bank robber
Ned Kelly made his accomplices give to a bank teller that they were
robbing. In the paper, he justified his life of crime.

14
NBA player Lou Williams was held up at gunpoint until his would-be attacker
realized who he was. After a short conversation, Lou took the attacker out
for ice cream.

15
While out hunting, President Teddy Roosevelt's raft was stolen. In spite of
the icy conditions, Teddy and his buddies built a make shift raft, sailed
down river, and after three days they caught the thieves.

16
When Robert Horsley tried to break into the home of a 95 year old woman,
she began to repeatedly stab his hands through the door with a screw
driver. Eventually Robert was found on the front porch passed out from the
loss of blood.

17
In 2005, a thief broke into the home of William Ellis Green, an Australian
cartoonist. William managed to sketch an accurate picture of the thief
which led to his immediate capture.

18
When Jenar Sanders, 18, swiped the purse of an elderly woman in Chicago,
she chased him for over a mile, cornered him in an alley, and gave him a
bible lesson about not stealing.

19
In 1994, a robber gave himself up to a squad of police officers that had
surrounded the store he was robbing. Moments later he realized they were
just extras on the set of a movie (The Professional).

20
In 1995, MacArthur Wheeler robbed a store with lemon juice on his face. He
thought that since lemon juice can be used for invisible ink, it would make
his face invisible to the cameras.

21
In 2010, three robbers broke into a Central Florida home thinking they had
found cocaine. It turned out they were snorting the ashes of a man and his
dogs.

22
The New York Blackout in 1977 was apparently a critical day in the world of
Hip Hop. During the blackout, lots of DJ equipment was stolen, which led to
hundreds of new DJs.

23
In 2006, magician David Copperfield tricked some would-be robbers into
believing that he wasn't carrying anything although he had his wallet,
phone, and passport.

24
In 2006, a couple thieves tried to steal a koala from Rockhampton Zoo in
Australia. They changed their minds, however, and opted to steal a
crocodile instead after the koala proved to be too vicious.

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Upside Down Wine Glass:
 Click here Click here
This glass looks exactly like your standard wine glass and it's only when
it is filled with lovely vino that you see its true effects. Because of the
reversed design, the part that is usually the base of the glass is now
where you sip the delicious flavours of Spanish grapes, floral notes and
oranges, and the base is now on the top of the glass. Mystify your friends
with your magical floating wine tricks and add a fun twist to your next
dinner party.

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The Good Old Days:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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What Traditional Arabic Clothing Should Really Look Like:
 Click here Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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