Friday humour - January 29, 2016

Happy Australia day or those down under. We hope you had a relaxing day
celebrating what makes Australia  great, while spending the day watching
the tennis in between the obligatory BBQ and cricket game. It is still
important to  remember how hard some people have things, at the moment 
particularly in North America where the extreme cold is life threatening.
As long as you have some heat and internet - hope this adds some warmth to
your day!
Thanks to all the contributors without whom, this site would be pretty
bare,

Have a great week – Haz

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The late, great Jimmy Durante!
 Click here

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Laurel & Hardy: 40 memorable moments - Comedy
 Click here

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Dog poo DNA test launches in Barking - where else could it possibly be
done?
 Click here

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Aahh, makes your heart sing.

A thoughtful Scottish Husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his
way down to the local pub,

He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, Maggie - put your hat
and coat on, lassie

She replied, 'Awe Jock that's nice - are you taking me tae the pub with
you? '

'Naw, Jock replied I'm turning the heat off while I'm out.'

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My first baby sitter
 Click here

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The Power Of Alcohol - A Sad Story
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth.  The doctor comes in and
informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs.  The
son is just one big head!  But the dad loves his son and raises him as well
as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is now old
enough for his first drink.  Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the
son he is proud of him, and orders up a big strong drink for his boy.  With
all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy takes his first sip of
alcohol. Swoooosh!  Plop!  A torso pops out!  The bar is dead silent; then
bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink
again.  The bartender shakes his head.  The patrons chant, "Take another
drink!".  Swoooosh!  Plip!  Plop!  Two arms pop out. The bar goes wild. 
The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again.  The patrons
chant, "Take another drink!  Take another drink!" The bartender continues
to shake his head and goes back to polishing glasses, clearly unimpressed
by the amazing scenes. By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new
hands he reaches down, grabs his drink, and guzzles the last of it.  Plop! 
Plip!  Two legs pop out.  The bar is in chaos.  The father falls to his
knees and tearfully thanks God.  The boy stands up on his new legs and
stumbles to the left, then staggers to the right through the front door,
and into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. 
The bar falls silent. The bartender looks about and says, "He should have
quit when he was a Head".

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A nice, calm and respectable lady walked into a pharmacy, walked up to the
pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some
cyanide.

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband".

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law.

I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide. Just get a
divorce!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had
a prescription."

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Tyrone was having trouble  in school.  His teacher was always yelling at
him, "You're driving me  crazy, Tyrone, can‚t you learn anything!!?

One day Tyrone's mother came  to school to check on how he was doing.

The teacher told her  honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting
very low marks, and that  she had never seen such a stupid boy in her
entire teaching career. The mom was so shocked at the  feedback that she
withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit,  relocating to
Cleveland.

25 years later, the teacher  was diagnosed with an almost incurable cardiac
disease.

All the doctors  strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which
only one surgeon at the  Cleveland Clinic could perform.

Left with no other options, the teacher  decided to have the operation,
which was remarkably  successful.

When she opened her eyes  after the surgery she saw a handsome young doctor
smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.

Her face started to turn blue,  she raised her hand, trying to tell him
something but quickly died.

The doctor was shocked,  wondering what went wrong so suddenly.

Then he turned around and saw our  friend Tyrone, a janitor in the Clinic,
who had unplugged the life-support  equipment in order to connect his
vacuum cleaner.

If you thought Tyrone had  become a heart-surgeon, there is a high
likelihood that you will vote for Bill Shorten.

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Another Irish joke

A little Irishman gets into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black
guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him. He looks down and
says:
"7 ft tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown"

The little Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him......The big guy
says, "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you just say to me?"

The big dude says, "Well, I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just
give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks
me................ I'm 7 ft tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch
penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each....and my name is Turner Brown"

The Irishman says "Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jesus.........I thought you
said,"Turn around!"

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AIR NEW ZEALAND SAFETY VIDEO..... JUST SUPER!
BRILLIANT!!  ~ FOR ALL YE FREQUENT FLYERS...
This commercial must have cost Air New Zealand a little fortune.
Watch and you will see what I mean.

Absolutely Sensational Air New Zealand Safety Video!
Now this is one airline safety-video that is NOT boring ~ Enjoy!
For those who watched  the Hobbit, this must have cost a fortune.
Think I‚ll fly Air NZ just to watch the safety video∑.
 Click here

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Thought for the day

If we could convince the Chinese that Muslim`s testicles are an
aphrodisiac, in 10 years they could be extinct.

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lifestyle

"You know you're getting old, when you go to the Chemist more often than
the Pubˇ

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.  People move out of the way much
faster now!

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?
That's common sense leaving your body.

I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated"
gets thrown around in the courtroom.

I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I
feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.


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Conscription, an alternative view

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down
terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got
the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to
fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a
military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about s*x every 10
seconds. Old guys only think about s*x a couple of times a day, leaving us
more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is
a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.'
We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some as*hole that desperately
deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get
up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and
can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some
fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put
them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and
yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation
for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the
house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat
and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor
did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never
seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to
shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured
out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his
head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more
about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last
thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million p*ssed off old farts
with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are
already behind them.
HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN
have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll
have it secured the first night!


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Golf with Stevie Wonder

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar…

Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I
think I've got that right, now."

Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop
playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it
seems to be all right."

Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"

Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years."

Tiger: "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Stevie: "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and
call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards
him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green
or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

"But, how do you putt?" asks Tiger.

"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and
call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his
voice."

Tiger: "What's your handicap?"

Stevie: "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, totally amazed, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round
sometime."

Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money,
and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that. Okay, I'm game for
that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

Stevie: "Pick a night."

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We need this guy at the next party 
 Click here

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The Gynecologist

 A gynecologist had become so fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO
paperwork and was burned out.
 Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he
decided to become an auto mechanic.
 He went to the local technical college, signed up for classes, attended
diligently, and learned all he could.
 When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared
carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
 When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained
a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I
don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I
wonder if there is an error in the grade?"
 The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back
together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. This equaled
an A". After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50%
because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in
my entire career."


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Things change
 Rare Blood Type !
 An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to
╨the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type
stored ╨in case the need arose.
 As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be
found •¨locally, the call went out around the world.
 Finally a Scotsman was located who had ╨the same rare blood type.
After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the•¨Arab.
 After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a diamond necklace
 for his wife, and•¨ $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for •¨the
blood donation.
 A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a corrective•¨ surgery
procedure.
 Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who•¨ this time was more
than  happy to donate his blood.
 After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card•¨
and a box of Quality Street chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that•¨
the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
 He then phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be more
generous •¨than that - last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money,
but this time you •¨only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a cr*ppy box
of chocolates ?"•¨  To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now
have Scottish blood in me veins".


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History of Nude Calendars

History of Nude Calendars•„ Part 1
 Click here

History of Nude Calendars „ Part 2
 Click here

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TEST FOR ALL.
When you do this test you will know why you have received this test!!!!
Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinski
2. Tony Blair
3. Robert Mugabe
4. Jeremy Corbyn
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Winnie Mandela
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Sepp Blatter
You had trouble with No 5?
You seem to know the criminals, murderers, thieves, sl*ts, liars and
cheats, but you don•˙t know the Pope!!!
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Muslim Of The Year [XXX]
 Click here
NO CONTEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!"Look no bombs".....
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Potential candidates for Darwin Award Nominees 2016
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So True Pictures
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A guy thing.
 Click here
What more can I say !!!!!
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I didn't know that.
ANGLO/SAXON WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have s*x but only when she wants to and only in the
missionary position.
 Click here

ITALIAN WOMEN:
 Click here
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have s*x, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat
ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of
having s*x.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

IRISH WOMEN:
 Click here
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have s*x.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have s*x.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have s*x.


CHINESE WOMEN:
 Click here
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens
again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you realize nothing is
ever going to happen.


INDIAN WOMEN:
 Click here
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.


MEXICAN WOMEN:
 Click here
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have
s*x in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two
sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her sister's
boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the
rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a
home along the Tijuana strip.


JEWISH WOMEN:
 Click here
First Date: You spend all your money to impress her.
Second Date: You take a loan to keep the image.
Third Date: You're broke, she finds someone wealthier.


ARAB WOMEN:
 Click here
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles,
Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the
goats.
No third date!

The POINT?
 Click here
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE IRISH ?

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Video thai XXX
 Click here

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Bob
 Click here

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Interesting FACTS about CANADA
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Why we must not let newspapers die
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It's the light relief they provide


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My son told me - Dad, I would like to have a tattoo.

I told him -  No, nobody has one in our family ....... and you are  not
having one!

He asked me  - Why not? All my friends have a tattoo!

I told him - It would be a stain on your body forever!

He pleaded with me - Dad, please, please, just a Disney Character on the
belly?

And after many hours of discussion, I finally gave in and decided to let
him..

After all, he was a young man with his own freedom of choice  ... And I
thought a Disney Character ... is probably not so bad!

WRONG  !
 Click here

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Atlanta Ad.

Single Black Female

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to
have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

Love the response this ad got!!

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a
very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in
your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights
lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your
hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only
what nature gave me.... Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Annie, I'll be
waiting.....
 Click here
Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.

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What˙s in them Boots?
 Click here Click here

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16 X Cool Penguin Photos
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Heineken Beer Commercial
 Click here Click here

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Kneeling High Jump Record
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The Kneeling High Jump!

Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP from a
KNEELING position?

The record:  3 feet 7 inches â•„ and remember this is from a KNEELING
position - was set recently on a beach near Edgartown, MASS. The photograph
below was taken a split second before the jump but it gives you an idea how
it was achieved ........
 Click here

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Aircraft Accidents Can Come Out Of Nowhere
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Husband and Wife out Shopping - SO true
 Click here

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Whittier, Alaska
 Click here
Whittier, Alaska, the whole town lives in this one building
More about Whittier - 
 Click here

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Billy Joel and Friends
 Click here
Billy Joel performs "Piano Man" with Kevin Spacey, Boyz II Men, Natalie
Maines, Josh Groban, Gavin DeGraw, Tony Bennett, LeAnn Rimes and Michael
Feinstein during the ceremony where he was honoured with the Library of
Congress Gershwin Prize for Popular Song on November 19, 2014, at DAR
Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C.
 Click here

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Links & Photos
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Links & Photos

The Power of One
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Momentos
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Quotes from Israelâ•˙s Leaders
 Click here

Photos Shackletonâ•˙s Antarctic Voyage
 Click here

Nissan Rogue Warrior
 Click here

Plane Cabin Drop
 Click here

Ode to Joy Flash Mob (Oldie, but still the Best)
 Click here

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Red Bull F1 on the Ski Slopes
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Red Bull F1 on the Ski Slopes
 Click here

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Only 25 Cents
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Happy New Year in 1923
 Click here
 In 1923, Who Was:

 1. President of the largest steel company?
 2.. President of the largest gas company?
 3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
 4. Greatest wheat speculator?
 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
 6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

 These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their
days..
 Now, 80 years later do you know what ultimately became of them?

 The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company Charles Schwab, died a
pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to
die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide

However,
in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most
important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?
He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure at the time of his death.
The Moral:
F... work.  Just Play golf.

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USA (1940-1969)
 Click here

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Star Trek Bridge
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Hillary Takes Muslim Name
 Click here

TERRORIST ACTIVITY HAS CAUSED THE DEMOCRATS TO TAKE ADDITIONAL MEASURES IN
ORDER
TO PROTECT THEIR CANDIDATE FOR THE 2016 PRESIDENCY.
FOR SECURITY REASONS, THEY HAVE SUGGESTED THAT HILLARY CLINTON BE GIVEN A
MUSLIM NAME.
SO FROM NOW ON, PLEASE......

ONLY REFER TO HER BY HER NEW MUSLIM NAME:

SELDOM BIN LAYED

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Footgolf
 Click here

Footgolf
 Click here Click here

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Mary & Valentine˙s Day

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian Saint and we're Jewish," she
asks,
"Will God get mad at me for giving someone a Valentine?

Mary's father thinks a bit then says "No, I don't think God would get mad.

Who do you want to give a Valentine to?"

The whole  ISIS  group," she says.

"Why them," her father asks in shock?

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl, could
have enough love to give them a Valentine, they might start to think, that
maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.

And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent Valentines to them,
they'd love everyone a lot.

And then they'd start going all over the place telling everyone how much
they loved them and how they didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells, and he looks at his daughter with new found
pride.

"Mary, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard. "

"I know," Mary says, "and once that gets them out in the open, the Marines
could blow the cr*p out of them."

 ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Boeing AH-64 Apache
 Click here
The Boeing AH-64 Apache is an American four-blade, twin-turboshaft attack
helicopter with a tailwheel-type landing gear arrangement, and a tandem
c*ckpit for a two-man crew. It features a nose-mounted sensor suite for
target acquisition and night vision systems. It is armed with a 30 mm (1.18
in) M230 chain gun carried between the main landing gear, under the
aircraftâ•˙s forward fuselage. It has four hard points mounted on
stub-wing pylons, typically carrying a mixture of AGM-114 Hellfire missiles
and Hydra 70 rocket pods. The AH-64 has a large amount of systems
redundancy to improve combat survivability.

Low Level Flight Video -
 Click here

 ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

A Creative Calendar from a Retirement Home
 Click here
What a fantastic idea!   Iâ•˙ll bet they had a ball.
A German Retirement Community did a calendar where seniors amazingly
recreated famous movie scenes.

The Contilia Retirement Group in Essen, Germany, made what is probably the
best calendar ever with a few of their seniors.

According to German press, 5000 calendars were printed.  And they were
given out to residents of the Senior Centre, along with relatives and
staff.

The calendar models were interviewed about the project and said it was a
ton of fun to dress up as their favourite actors.

The shoot was done with professional stylists and photographers to make
sure everything looked as cool as possible.

The oldest senior involved with the calendar was 98 years!

 JANUARY
 James  Bond
 Wilhelm Buiting, 89
 Click here

 FEBRUARY
 Breakfast  at Tiffanyâ•˙s
 Marianne Brunsbach, 86
 Click here

 MARCH
 Titanic
 Erna RÃπtt, 86, and Alfred Kelbch, 81
 Click here

 APRIL
 Rocky
 Erwin J von der Heiden, 80
 Click here

 MAY
 Mary  Poppins
 Erna Schenk, 78
 Click here

 JUNE
 The  Seven Year Itch
 Ingeborg Giolbass, 84, and Erich Endlein, 88
 Click here

 JULY
 Blues  Brothers
 Lothar Wischnewski, 76 and Margarete Schmidt, 77
 Click here

 AUGUST
 Cabaret
 Martha Bajohr, 77
 Click here

 SEPTEMBER
 Giant
 Joanna Trachenberg, 81 and Horst Krischat, 78
 Click here

 OCTOBER
 Sat*rday Night Fever
 Irmgard Alt, 79 and Siegfried Gallasch, 87
 Click here

 NOVEMBER
 Dirty  Dancing
 Johann Liedtke, 92 and Marianne Pape, 79
 Click here

 DECEMBER
 Easy  Rider
 Walter Loeser, 98 and Kurt Neuhaus, 90
 Click here

Growing old•˙ is Mandatory,
Growing up•˙ is Optional!!
 Click here Click here


AND AS THEY SAY IN THE CLASSICS ╜

If you haven˙t grown up by the time you are FIFTY  Then you damn well
don˙t have to!!!!
Think old and you will be old!

WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will
accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

  HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
  Step by step guide with slide presentation

  TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
  Roundtable discussion

  DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
  Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

  DISHES & SILVERWARE;
  DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
  OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
  Debate among a panel of experts.

  REMOTE CONTROL
  Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

  LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
  Starting with looking in the right place
  Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
  Open forum

DAY TWO

  EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
  DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
  Group discussion and role play

  HEALTH WATCH;
  BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
  PowerPoint presentation

  REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
  Real life testimonial from the one man who did

  IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
  AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
  Driving simulation

  LIVING WITH ADULTS;
  BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
  YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE
  Online class and role playing

  HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
  Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

  REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
  & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
  Bring your calendar or PDA to class

  GETTING OVER IT;
  LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
  Individual counsellors available

 5 Surgeons!

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything
inside them is colour coded."

The third surgeon, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! 
Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I like construction
workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left
over.'

But the fifth surgeon, shut them all up when he said: 'You're all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the
head and the ass are interchangeable!

 ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

See you next week

 ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

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[ End friday humour ]

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