Friday humour - January 01, 2016

[from Steve @ Bluehaze]

So here we are entering into another New Year. I trust your break has been
a good one.

My New Year's resolution is to not make any more resolutions, which sort of
cancels itself.

This week's smallish collection arrived courtesy of Arfermo, Duke of
Barsinov, KRP, Seasoldier, Sack and Wally. Enjoy!

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BBC News magazine
Guerrilla upholsterer, secretly making life more comfortable
 Click here

The man behind the death mask of Ned Kelly
 Click here

The art that you can eat
 Click here

The Loo Lady: The woman who gives tours of London's toilets. What a
relief!!!
 Click here

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Farmer Bernard once lived on a quiet rural highway in Keighley but as time
went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so
fast that his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three
to six a week.

So Farmer Bernard called the local police station to complain, "You've got
to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my
chickens," he said to the local police officer.
"What do you want me to do?" asked the policeman.
"I don't care; just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said:
SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer Bernard called the policeman and said, "You've
still got to do something about these drivers. The school crossing' sign
seems to make them go even faster!"
So again, they put up a new sign:
SLOW:CHILDREN AT PLAY.
That really sped them up. So Farmer Bernard called and said, "Your signs
are no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
In order to get Farmer Bernard off his back said "Sure. Put up your own
sign."

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better
of the Officer, so he called Farmer Bernard, How's the problem with the
speeding drivers. did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.

The policeman was really curious and thought he'd better go out and take a
look at the sign.He also thought the sign might be something the Police
could use elsewhere,to slow drivers down.
So he drove out to Farmer Bernard's house.
His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.

'NUDIST COLONY'- Slow down and watch for chicks!'

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SpaceX Rocket Take-off & Landing
"Rocket takes off" isn't news these days but "Rocket takes off and lands
safely" certainly is;
 Click here

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BMW Gearbox Problem
This will start your day the right way ... I love listening to the woman
laugh at the customer caller complaining about his BMW gear box Can this
man really be this stupid? This may be the only man to be a number of rungs
below the idiots of this world! Listen carefully at the start to hear this
guy's complaint ... and concentrate on the Gear shift.
 Click here

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The art collector's wife.
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked
to speak to his client. "Saul, I have some good news and, I have some bad
news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news
first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me
that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a
minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant
businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad
news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."

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+++ Time: 20151226024845
+++ From: Seasoldier +++ Subject: Fw: Holiday Parties +++ Possible
duplicate text in FH issue 20151218 - 195 words beginning:
    with the holidays close upon us i would like to share a personal ...
+++ Content:

----- Original Message -----

Holiday Parties

With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal
experience with my friends about drinking and driving.
As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the
authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social
session" with family or friends.
Well, two days ago, this happened to me.  I was out for an evening with
friends and had more than several whiskies followed by a couple of bottles
of rather nice red wine and vodka shots.  Although relaxed, I still had the
common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.   That's when I did
something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!
Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a
taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. 
I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know
what to do with it.

So anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.
Happy Holidays and be safe out there.

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Chan lea
 Click here

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Your chuckles for today
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Who's Your Favorite Team? [XXX]
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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The Fainting Woman S*x Case

In 1993, a Cincinnati woman accused a 42-year-old man of s*xually
assaulting her. It was a serious charge, but what simultaneously made it a
very weird case was the method of the attack, because the woman claimed
that her attacker took advantage of a psychological condition, that caused
her to faint every time she heard the word "s*x." According to her, the man
said the word, she passed out, and then he assaulted her.

Facts of the Case
The alleged assault took place on the evening of April 3, 1993. The man,
William Grey, lived in the same apartment building as the woman (whose name
was never revealed).

Grey approached the woman in the building's lobby and said the following:
"I'm not responsible for what I say or do. That's why I'm on Social
Security. I didn't have any s*x with any women."

These cryptic sentences seem to have been alluding to the fact that he
suffered from paranoid schizophrenia. But all that really mattered was that
included in those sentences was the word "s*x." As soon as the woman heard
it, she fainted.

What happened next was the question at the heart of the case.

Grey maintained that he tried to revive the woman by shaking her. Then he
called for the apartment manager, and together the two men carried her back
to her room.

However, the woman alleged that Grey had known about her unusual condition,
and that he had laid in wait for her, "licked his lips" when he saw her,
and then purposefully said the taboo word, knowing the effect it would have
on her.

When she fainted, she said that she felt him reach his hand down her pants
before he called the apartment manager. And after the two men had carried
her back to her room, she alleged that Grey waited for the manager to
leave, and then repeated his s*xual assault.

Fainting Spells
The technical term for the disorder the woman suffered from is "conversion
hysteria" or "conversion disorder." It's a recognized psychological
condition, that involves a person having a physical reaction (such as
fainting or paralysis), in response to a stressful situation.

Many people experience mild forms of conversion hysteria at some point
during their life.

The woman, by contrast, suffered from an extreme form, and had been dealing
with it since she was a teenager. This was acknowledged by both sides in
the case.

In fact, her disorder was so extreme that she had difficulty reading,
watching TV, or listening to the radio without fainting. She would even
faint if she saw a S*xton Foods truck pass by outside her window.

Nor was "s*x" the only word that caused her to faint. She had a long list
of triggering words including "adoption," "anorexia," "orgasm,"
"heteros*xual," "homos*xual," "rectum," "vasectomy," "incest," and "Karen
Carpenter."

She had been in treatment for her disorder since 1988.

Trial Drama
After a number of delays, the case finally came to trial in March 1994
(State of Ohio vs. William Grey — Hamilton County Courthouse). But
even before the trial started the case had received large amounts of
publicity, having been a favourite topic of discussion on radio talk shows,
as well as in magazines and newspapers. An episode of NBC's L.A. Law that
aired in February 1994 (Season 8, Episode 13 — The Age of Insolence)
featured a female client who fainted every time she heard vulgar words,
which was obviously inspired by the real-life fainting woman case, even
though the show's writers didn't openly acknowledge the inspiration.

The woman took the stand on the first day to describe the assault to the
jurors. And then the inevitable happened. She fainted. Because s*xually
explicit terms are difficult to avoid using in a s*xual assault case.

According to witnesses, it was quite a dramatic scene when it happened. Her
eyes rolled back into her head, and she pitched forward, falling out of the
witness box, onto the floor of the courtroom. She had to be revived with
smelling salts.

Once the trial resumed, the prosecutors tried to refer to the assault
obliquely, in roundabout terms, in order to keep the woman conscious. But
it didn't work. She fainted again.

Next, the prosecutors tried spelling out words ("s-e-x"). She fainted
again.

She fainted a total of four times before the defence lawyer finally
protested, "We've got to find another word for this, if we want to get home
by Christmas."

So the judge agreed to ban the use of any words, that might cause the woman
to faint. In their place, he instructed the lawyers to use safe terms such
as "nookie" or "blank." This finally did the trick, and the trial was able
to proceed.

Trial Arguments
Grey never took the stand during the trial, but through his lawyer he
maintained his innocence. He had earlier told reporters that his accuser
was "raving mad."

A central argument made by his lawyer was to question how the woman could
have known a s*xual assault occurred if she was passed out. The prosecution
responded to this by explaining that when the woman fainted she remained
semi-conscious and could hear and feel what was happening to her. "It's
like being trapped in her body," the prosecutor said.

The prosecution also presented physical evidence in an attempt to
corroborate the woman's claim. She had been examined by a doctor who found
a two-millimetre scratch on her genitals.

Finally, during closing statements, the prosecutor addressed the issue of
the woman's fainting, acknowledging that jurors might think it was faked.
"I realize that faint looks contrived," she said. "But if she fakes, she's
been living that life since she was 12."

Outcome
The jury deliberated for eight hours and then returned their verdict,
guilty on one count of felonious s*xual penetration, and innocent on a
second count of rectal penetration.

The jury foreman later revealed to a reporter, that the deciding factor had
been the medical evidence, the genital scratch.

The judge sentenced Grey to serve seven to twenty-five years in an Ohio
prison. As he was led from the courtroom, Grey loudly protested that the
woman had trapped him by "faking her fainting spells."

Grey appealed the decision the following year, arguing that the state had
failed to prove the use of force, and penetration. However, he lost the
appeal, and remained in prison, where he still is today.

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The 12 Lays Of Christmas
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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USAF issues Drugs to Airmen
 Click here
The  United  States Air  Force has  recalled  the  lip  balm, they  issue 
to  aircrew, because it has been found to contain Tetrahydrocannabinol 
(THC).  This  is  the active chemical in marijuana (cannabis), and is one
of the oldest hallucinogenic drugs,  known  to  man.

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Links & Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Great Barrier Reef – Australia  Click here

We Wish You a Merry Christmas
 Click here

Biggest Boo Boo of 2015
 Click here

Beneful Ad (Oldie, but a Goodie)
 Click here

Bang for your Buck
 Click here

Son Kills Armed Robber
 Click here

Molten Copper vs Snow Globe (Still Plays)  Click here

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      Ah-the-eah the-eah That's All (for this week) Folks!


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[ End friday humour ]

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