Friday humour - September 25, 2015

Gussius @ Bluehaze

This week has been again one of the more entertaining in recent Australian
politics.

The events of 1975 and the coup by Mal Fraser, gave us a PM who was
destined to be nicknamed Mangey Mal. On the cusp of this 40th anniversary,
once again a new and improved 'Born to Rule' Mangey Mal has taken the helm
in Canberra. It's a fresh look government with a positive leadership intent
which has Shortened the odds in popularity polls. If Malcolm Turnbull is
good enough with the same old policies, the blue tie brigade have faith
that he is good enough to lose it from here.

Is it really unfair to dub Sir Tony as Half Term Tony? After all, he lasted
2 years of a 3 year term but unlike Rudd, a brief analysis shows he
accomplished approximately f*ck all. Some say he deserves more respect, But
Two T*rds Tony could be misspelt accidentally the same way that Cur and Sir
can become mixed up and missed by autocorrect.

Amongst the freshly minted collection of Ex-Rooster/Feather Dusters is
Tony's mouthpiece and brain substitute Peta Cretin. Given her unfamiliarity
with the truth, it's hard to believe her when she ruled out standing for
office. She'll be back and remember your read it here first. Nuff-Nuffs
don't understand Karma.

Contributions this week were made by Anonymous3,  Dianne,  Dry Bob, KRP,
Wally,  Whizzbang, Sack, Seasoldier, with a special mention to the huge
contribution by way of very amusing dummy spits from Peta Credlin and Tony
Abbott.

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Frozen Soap Bubbles!!:

Soap bubbles blown in freezing temperatures turn into stunning ice
crystals.
Hope Thurston Carter captured these images after blowing bubbles on several
freezing days in Michigan. Temperatures between -9 and -12C are ideal for
creating the ice bubbles.

In the midst of one of the most severe winters in modern American history,
the
52-year-old, of Martin, Michigan, got the idea after seeing similar
pictures on the
Internet.'I was instantly curious and ran out and bought some bubble
solution so
I could try this myself,' she told HotSpot Media.

'I found out very quickly that blowing bubbles in the winter and trying to
photograph them is not as simple and easy as it looks! Still weather with
temperatures between -9 and -12 degrees Celsius is ideal for creating the
ice bubbles.

On such a day, Hope ventures into her back garden with a bottle of bubble
mixture, blows a flurry and, when one lands intact, runs to her camera to
photograph it as crystals spread.

Nature's colours: Golden sunlight makes this frozen soap bubble look like a
priceless artefact
 Click here

Shapes: The incredible patterns in the bubbles form as ice crystals spread
across their surfaces
 Click here

Reflections: This remarkable ice bubble looks like a frozen planet hanging
in starless space
 Click here

Inner glow: A mysterious-looking red light shines from within this bubble
of frozen soapy water
 Click here

Golden: The play of the light through the frozen bubbles is one of the most
interesting aspects of the shots
 Click here

Inner world: Hope Thurston Carter captured the images after blowing bubbles
on freezing days in Michigan
 Click here

Weather conditions: Still weather with temperatures between -9C and -12C is
ideal for creating the bubbles
 Click here

Patience: That's the key virtue needed when doing this kind of a project,
Mrs Thurston Carter says
 Click here

Beautiful: 'I am so thankful and appreciative of the fact that I have been
able to do this,' she said
 Click here

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Five PMs since 2010:

Check out this video:
 Click here

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Charges:

A woman was charged with beating her husband to death with his guitar
collection.
When she went before the judge, he asked her, "First offender?"
She replied, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."

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After-Work Beers At The CNC Machining Workshop:

 Click here

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Things That You've Always Wanted To Know:

In case you were wondering;
 Click here

Now you know!

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Taiwanese Satirical View Of Recent Australian Politics 
 Click here
Bizarre but remarkably perceptive!

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Dear Ms Bishop:

Dear Ms Bishop (the one who is foreign, not the helicopter one)
Can you please help me cos my Mum went next door to borrow a cup of sugar
from the Farkhaed's, and she hasn't come back. And now Mr Farkhaed seems to
have an extra wife ..We definitely counted five yesterday.

On their way to Friday prayers at the corner mosque, Dad tried lifting the
burkas to find out which one was Mum but he said he couldn't tell, cos they
all had no undies on, and wouldn't you know it, Mr Farkhaed called the cops
on him again.

Golly Ms Bishop, Dads only just finished home detention, after our pet
piglet (the one he trained to jump the fence), got Mr Farkhaed's goat
pregnant.

Poor Dad he never seems to get more than one week at home in a row, since
the Farkhaeds moved in. And we still can't get a bid of more than $14 for
our house on Ebay.

But I am really worried more now Ms Bishop, cos Grandma has just rented
this burka from the fancy dress shop, so she can find out which one is Mum,
cos she reckons Mr Farkhaed has indoc ..., indoctorat ..., she reckons he
has mozziefied her.

She plans on pretending to be a Seventh Day Adventist, so she can get in
the front door.

I understand you are trying to de-mozzify some people Ms Bishop, but if I
count six wives following Mr Farkhaed tomorrow, poor Grandma will have been
mozziefied too, and I reckon Dad won't be game to lift any more burkas.

Poor Dad ... And all because he chucked the sugar back at the checkout
lady, cos it said it was hello certified!

Hope you can help, Ms Bishop,

Love, Phoebe
(aged eight and three quarters)

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Astounding Historical Pictures - worth a look:

These photographs are absolutely incredible! Many of them are from the
Civil War era and early 1900's. The clarity is astounding and the
colourisation looks like it was taken with modern photo gear.
 Click here

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Funny boat names:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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I am Cait:
 Click here

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World economy explained:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Two cows.....

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Cheer up Tony!:
 Click here

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Flowers that even Darwin can't explain:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Hooker's Lips (Psychotria Elata)

Dancing Girls (Impatiens Bequaertii)

Laughing Bumble Bee Orchid (Ophrys bbomyblifora)

Swaddled Babies (Anguloa Uniflora)

Parrot Flower (Impatiens Psittacina)

Flying Duck Orchid (Caleana Major)

An orchid that looks remarkably like a tiger

Happy Alien (Calceolaria Uniflora)

And his friends...

Angel Orchid (Habenaria Grandifloriformis)

Dove Orchid Or Holy Ghost Orchid (Peristeria Elata)

White Egret Orchid (Habenaria Radiata)

The Darth Vader (Aristolochia Salvadorensis)

An Orchid That Looks Like A Ballerina

Monkey Face Orchid (Dracula Simia)

Moth Orchid (Phalaenopsis)

What a wonderful world!

"May God grant you always...
A sunbeam to warm you,
A moonbeam to charm you,
A sheltering Angel, so nothing can harm you,
Laughter to cheer you;
Faithful friends near you.
And whenever you pray, Heaven to hear you."
-- An Irish Blessing

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Elderly:
 Click here

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Do Americans Need reasons to vote for Trump?:
 Click here Click here Click here

Need reasons to vote for Trump? Any questions?
Not that I'm endorsing him, I'm just pointing out a good reason to think
before you vote.
Here's a real good one.
This woman could be our First Lady...
That' good enough for me!
It would sure be a positive change.
Or imagine looking at this for 4, possibly more, years.

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Deer Crossing:

PLEASE LISTEN RIGHT TOT THE END.................
Is she for real? After you have listened to this video it makes you wonder
- are some people really that dumb!!!!!!!!
You have to watch and listen to the woman talking.
Remember, this person has a driver's license, votes and is out there on the
road somewhere. Beware.
 Click here

and Part 2 of the story is here:
 Click here

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Never Stand in Line again! (last paragraph):
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

This makes for very interesting reading. Just goes to show what goes on
behind closed doors!!!
Secrets of the Secret Service

Very interesting but not surprising. Scroll down to read what Kessler
thinks of the presidents he served.
And now, you'll know the rest of the story.
Interesting snippets from Ronald Kessler's book about our presidents.

JOHN & JACQUELINE KENNEDY
*A philanderer of the highest order.*
*She ordered the kitchen help to save all the left-over wine from State
dinners, mixed it with fresh wine and served it again during the next White
House occasion.*

LYNDON & LADYBIRD JOHNSON
*Another philanderer of the highest order. In addition, LBJ was as crude as
the day is long. Both JFK and LBJ kept a lot of women in the White House
for extramarital affairs and both had set up early warning systems to alert
them if/when their wives were nearby. Both were promiscuous and overs*xed
men.*
*Lady Bird was either naive or just pretended to not know about her
husband's many liaisons.*

RICHARD & PAT NIXON
*A "moral" man but very odd, weird, paranoid. He had a horrible
relationship with his family and was almost a recluse.*
*She was quiet most of the time and gave us no trouble.*

SPIRO AGNEW
*A nice, decent man. Everyone in the Secret Service was surprised by his
downfall.*

GERALD & BETTY FORD
*A true gentlemen who treated the Secret Service with respect and dignity.
He had a great sense of humor. *
*She drank a lot! Often observed drunk out of her mind.*

JIMMY & ROSALYN CARTER
*A complete phony who would portray one picture of himself to public and
very different in private e.g. Would be shown carrying his own luggage but
the suitcases were always empty. He kept empty ones just for photo ops. He
wanted people to see him as pious and a non-drinker but he and his family
drank alcohol a lot! He had disdain for the Secret Service and was very
irresponsible with the "football" with nuclear codes.
He didn't think it was a big deal and would keep military aides at a great
distance. Often did not acknowledge the presence of Secret Service
personnel assigned to serve him.*
*She mostly did her own thing and didn't like the limelight t all.*

RONALD & NANCY REAGAN
*The real deal, moral, honest, respectful and dignified. They treated
Secret Service and everyone else with respect and honor, thanked everyone
all the time. He took the time to know everyone on a personal level. One
favorite story was early in his Presidency when he came out of his room
with a pistol tucked on his hip. The agent in charge asked: "Why the
pistol, Mr. President?" He replied,
"In case you boys can't get the job done, I can help." It was common for
him to carry a pistol. When he met with Gorbachev, he had a pistol in his
briefcase.
He was the nicest most honest and genuine president I ever had the
privilege to serve under.
*She was very nice but very protective of the President and the Secret
Service was often caught in the middle . She tried hard to control what he
ate. He would say to the agent, "Come on, you gotta help me out."
The Reagans drank wine during State dinners and special occasions only
otherwise they shunned alcohol.
The Secret Service could count on one hand the times they were served wine
during family dinner.
For all the fake bluster of the Carters, the Reagans were the ones who
lived life as genuinely moral people.*

GEORGE H. & BARBARA BUSH
*Extremely kind and considerate, always respectful. Took great care in
making sure the agents' comforts were taken care of.  They even brought
them meals. One time she brought warm clothes to agents standing outside at
Kennebunkport.
One was given a warm hat and, when he tried to say "no thanks" even though
he was obviously freezing,
the President said "Son, don't argue with the First Lady. Put the hat on."
He was the most prompt of the Presidents. He ran the White House like a
well-oiled machine.*
*She ruled the house and spoke her mind. They were genuine good folks.*

BILL & HILLARY CLINTON
*Presidency was one giant party. Not trustworthy. He was nice mainly
because he wanted everyone to like him but to him life is just one big game
and party. Everyone knows about his s*xuality.*
*She is another phony. Her personality would change the instant cameras
were near. She hated, with open disdain the military and Secret Service.
She was another who felt people were there to serve her. She was always
trying to keep tabs on Bill Clinton.*

ALBERT GORE
*An egotistical ass who was once overheard by his Secret Service detail
lecturing his son that he needed to do better in school or he would end up
like these guys, pointing to the agents. He is so full of himself!*

GEORGE W. & LAURA BUSH
*The Secret Service loved him and Laura Bush. He was also the most
physically in shape who had a very strict workout regimen.
The Bushes made sure their entire administrative and household staff
understood that they were to respect and be considerate of the Secret
Service.*
*She was one of the nicest First Ladies, if not the nicest. She never had
any harsh word to say about anyone.*

*BARACK & MICHELLE OBAMA
*Clinton all over again - hates the military and looks down on the Secret
Service. He is egotistical and cunning.
He looks you in the eye and appears to agree with you but turns around and
does the opposite.
He has horrible temper tantrums which include childlike throwing of things
and breaking things.*
*She is a complete bitch who basically hates anybody who is not black,
hates the military and looks at the Secret Service as her personal
servants.
They are two of the phoniest people ever to set foot in the white house.*


A STORY ABOUT General McChrystal's resignation in Obama's office from
General McChrystal's book!
NEVER STAND IN LINE AGAIN
Some men carry and handle their diplomacy better than others.
When former U.S. Military commander in Afghanistan, General McChrystal, was
called into the Oval Office by Barack Obama, he knew things weren't going
to go well when the President accused him of not supporting him in his
political role as President.
"It's not my job to support you as a politician, Mr. President, it's my job
to support you as Commander-in-Chief," McChrystal replied, and he handed
Obama his resignation.
Not satisfied with accepting McChrystal's resignation, the President made a
cheap parting shot:
"I bet when I die you'll be happy to p*ss on my grave."
The General saluted and said, "Mr. President, I always told myself after
leaving the Army I'd never stand in line again."

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Rest in Peace on the Moon!:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

While some may be expecting to go to heaven once they pass, those
interested in space travel now have the opportunity to rest in peace on the
moon.

For a fee of about $12,000, San Francisco startup Elysium Space will
privately transport your cremated remains to the moon. Founded by former
NASA engineer Thomas Civeit, Elysium boasts of bringing space and funeral
experts together to provide the unique service.

"Families now have the historic opportunity to commemorate their departed
loved ones every night through the everlasting splendor, and soft
illumination of the Earth's closest companion: the moon," they stated in a
press release.

Although the company was founded in 2013, the service was only offered in
August of 2015, after Elysium managed to seal a deal with space logistics
company Astrobotic Technology. They're currently taking orders, and the
first batch of ashes will travel to the moon on Griffin Lander spacecraft -
Astrobotic's inaugural lunar mission - in 2017.

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Hair on the Muffin:

 Click here

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her dad, and stands next to the
chair eating a muffin, while her dad gets a haircut.

The barber smiles at her, and says: "Your gonna get hair on your muffin!"

"I know" she says "I'm gonna get tits too, you dirty old bastard!"

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Syrian Kidnapping S*x Slave:

 Click here

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15 of the Most Expensive Items in the World:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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Happy Holiday:
 Click here

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Links & Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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How Things have Changed
 Click here

Sapphire the Musical Horse
 Click here

Animals That Will Kill You
 Click here

The Red Baron (The Death of Richthofen)
 Click here

31 X Parking Problems
 Click here

The Yellow Star
 Click here

The Day in Auschwitz
 Click here

Lucky People
 Click here

People Who Survived The Impossible  Click here

Harness Racing Accident
 Click here

History of Aircraft Carriers
 Click here

World of Colour
 Click here

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All aboard for Europe :
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

This could be your next cruise ship.
Foods not much but price is ok.

One of the tramp steamers leaving for Italy from Libya.
And everyone is taken in by the loving Europeans - those kind, loving,
PC-socialists that are soon going to be overrun.

The next step is a Muslim Europe and the do gooders just canĂ¢t see it !!!

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Does the earth rotate? Here's your answer:
 Click here
Wow !! this changes my world view -this guy should be on myth busters.

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Eyes front!:
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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