Friday humour - July 17, 2015

Gussius @ Bluehaze

This week in Australia, the War on Windpower replaced the war on terror
after our Feral Gubmint realised that any pesky varmints invading Oz could
be turned back at sea for the cost of a modest bribe or intercepted at
airports by the new Customs and Gestapo Department. Simple. Besides, wind
turbines are ugly and noisy according to our PM who is qualified to make
such comments given he somewhat resembles an Enid Blyton character around
the ears.

Before being appointed Prime Minister,  Tony Abbott was the Leader of the
Superstition. In this role he faithfully pandered to colourful characters
in the church & media as well as mining magnates like Gina Rinehart. Her
main claim to fame is that she fell into a river of gold. The gold was in
fact iron ore and the river is still owned by the Australian people. She
didn't even have the nous to fall in, but was pushed in by daddy. All hail
to her for saving her own kids from the brain damage – and immense wealth
- that such a fall can cause.

One Term Tony as our PM is now known, developed a flair for trying to
muzzle certain TV shows that have a track record of exposing lies,
charlatans and the below par IQ's of elected officials. This demented
attack on the ABC and free speech, was timed to possibly distract the
agenda from the Gay marriage issue or detention centre s*x abuse or
treasurer Joe's investments maybe or his mate Rupert's shenanigans.

PM Tony Baby and his environment minister, were on unpaid overtime
frantically handing out Snickers bars to frothing coalition members. After
'green lighting' a coal mine on prime agricultural land, more coal and less
renewable energy is obviously policy as we hurtle back to the future. Did
anyone notice Barnaby being dragged backwards by his hobnailed boots while
the Renewable Energy sector was screaming? As a result, the LNP tumbrils
are being dusted off and guillotines sharpened for another leadership push:
this time from the Cow C*ckies with lots of free time now that they won't
be busy sending cattle to Indonesia.

It's winter Downunder so many of our pollies are basking in Europe. Mathias
Conman and Chris Pyne are allegedly taking Idiot 101 lessons in Athens.
Both are guaranteed a pass mark with a taxpayer funded HECS debt. Skills
refined will doubtless help continue to drive the local economy over a
cliff as precipitous as any proposed for the Pilbara's Roy Hill mine.

Meanwhile, Australia is still open for business as long as it involves
digging stuff up, Royal Commissions, hiding unemployment numbers or some
other amusing political stuff up. But no jobs for the unemployed and
building submarines is right out. More jokes and opinions follow.

Contributions this week arrived despite the internet filters from
Anonymous3,  Biggus,  Duke of Barsinov,  KRP, Sack, Wally,  Whizzbang, 
Billy Bunter of Adelaide, Clooney's Twin and  Seasoldier.


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Stepping Back In Time:

Chiropractic Beauty Pageant, 1956 ----Miss Beautiful Spine
 Click here

A Supermarket In 1964
 Click here

Phone from Car (1959)
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Hot dog stand 1947
 Click here

Breaking all the rules 1950's
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Popular hair styles from the 50 ' s
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Segregated seating at the Orange Bowl, 1955
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The Jackie Look 1961
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Applicants to Paramount Motion Picture School, 1940
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For city kids the street was your playground
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1948 Los Angeles, street car chaos
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Irish Schoolboys get their Dose of Castor Oil
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Traveling First Class 1948
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Prom night, 1957
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Nice sales pitch 1953
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Crowd at a high school football game, 1944 (Notice that there are NO young
men in crowd. WWII was going on)
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Buying a car in 1950
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The Classic Lunch Counter 1960's
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A new suburban housing development opens, Bellflower California 1953
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NYC street near Central Park 1900
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Mobile School .  Classroom on a rail car - Ontario Canada 1932
 Click here

Picking up the U.S. Mail, early 1900 â s
 Click here

Doing Homework 1946
 Click here

Daytona Beach in the 1950s
 Click here

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Secret Fuel for the Spitfires...:

The 75th Anniversary of the Battle of Britain approaches this summer.
Here's an update item for the history books. No one questions the valor of
the RAF pilots and crews who held off Hitler's Luftwaffe. But they had a
secret edge not available to the Germans. 100 octane aviation gasoline,
produced by a new catalytic cracking process, which improved the
performance of their Spitfires and Hurricanes. British refineries could not
produce this secret fuel, so it was purchased almost entirely from the
United States. The primary facility that produced this fuel was the ESSO
refinery at Baytown, Texas. Logisticians delivering the goods were the
indispensable and unsung heroes of war. Read and enjoy.

The secret fuel that made the Spitfire supreme 13 May 2009

In the year that sees the 70th anniversary of the outbreak of the Second
World War, a previously untold story has emerged of how, through a
"miracle" chemical breakthrough, Spitfire and Hurricane fighters gained the
edge over German fighters to win the Battle of Britain. An American
scientist and author has claimed that the famed pair of war-winning
aeroplanes gained superior altitude, maneuverability, and rate of climb by
a revolutionary high-octane fuel supplied to Britain by the USA just in
time for the battle.

Books, doc*mentaries, and movies have chronicled the brilliant contribution
of UK designers and engineers behind the legendary fighter planes that won
the Battle of Britain, preventing invasion of the British Isles.

The courage and sacrifice of RAF pilots who flew the aeroplanes is rightly
celebrated and their bravery has become an inspirational chapter of the
British national story.
What has not been known until now, however, is the story of the
revolutionary aviation fuel supplied to the RAF by an American company,
using a process invented by a Frenchman, without which Spitfires and
Hurricanes might not have achieved crucial dominance over the Luftwaffe.

The Royal Society of Chemistry read the claims about Eugene Houdry, and his
process at the Sun Oil Company, in a paper written originally for the
journal Invention and Technology by American science writer Tim Palucka.
The introduction to the paper by Palucka says of Houdry: "His miraculous
catalyst turned nearly worthless sludge into precious high-octane gasoline
and helped the Allies to win World War II."

He continued: "That process would make a crucial difference in mid-1940
when the Royal Air Force started filling its Spitfires and Hurricanes with
the 100-octane gasoline imported from the United States instead of the
87-octane gasoline it had formerly used."

The RSC is inviting experts and the public to challenge the new claim, and
if it remains intact, then the society will send the report to aviation and
military historians to mark the newly-discovered contribution of chemists
to victory in one of the key battles. Eugene Houdry, born in France,
developed, after settling in the USA, one of the earliest catalysts to
convert useless crude oil into high octane fuel. He revealed the "cracking"
process at a Chicago chemicals conference in 1938.

The 100-octane fuel that resulted from the Houdry Process increased the
Spitfire's speed by 25 mph at sea level by 34 mph at 10,000 feet. This
extra speed gave the British fighters in the summer of 1940 the edge over
the Luftwaffe above the English Channel and in the skies of London and
south-east England. With the balance tipped towards the British, the German
invasion was abandoned and Hitler turned eastwards, allowing the UK armed
forces time to regroup and to revive.

"Luftwaffe pilots couldn't believe they were facing the same planes they
had fought successfully over France a few months before. The planes were
the same, but the fuel wasn't," said Palucka.

Tim Palucka says that in the 1943 book The Amazing Petroleum Industry, V.
A. Kalichevsky, of the Socony-Vacuum Oil Company, explained what
high-octane gasoline meant to Britain. Kalichevsky wrote: "It is an
established fact that a difference of only 13 points in octane number made
possible the defeat of the Luftwaffe by the RAF in the fall of 1940. This
difference, slight as its seems, is sufficient to give a plane the vital
edge in altitude, rate of climb, and maneuverability that spell the
difference between defeat and victory.

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Safer selfies:

Some good Darwin Award entries! Love the warning signs
 Click here

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Poor joke:

You can say what you like about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly
past primary schools!!.

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A True Adventurer:

 Click here
Loved the quote; "It was the most fun thing I've ever done".

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Steam To The Rescue!!:

Well, the little diesel helped too;
 Click here

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SHERIFF EXAM IN TEXAS:

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big,
6' 2" strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle
cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.

When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of
working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.

After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him
into his office for the young man's last interview.

The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot.
So far your qualifications all look good,
but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test" that you
must take before you can be accepted.
We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk,
the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot:
six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists,
six Democrats, and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.
"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"

I LOVE TEXAS

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PARENTS watch this one:

This should be a compulsory piece of equipment in every home and every
restaurant!!!!!!!!
Every family should/must have one!!
 Click here

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This short film should be seen by the entire world...:

This video is about an island in the ocean about 2000 km from any other
coast line.
Nobody lives there, only birds... And yet .....You will not believe your
eyes!!!!!!!

This film should be seen by the entire world, please don't ever throw
anything into the sea.

Unbelievable, just take a look at the terrible Consequences!!!!!
 Click here

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How to Ride Bitch:

 Click here

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Bananas:

A woman goes to the hospital. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the
Doctor.

"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Tully in
North Queensland, in my Vagina."

The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said, "Those aren't postage stamps my
dear, they're the sticker's off the bananas."?

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Greece:

 Click here

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The First Car Back-Up Parking Sensor Radar System:

 Click here
Prototype  As soon as you back-up and you hit something it squeals ...

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Aspire to harden up:

 Click here

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Uluru and roll maybe:

 Click here

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If you are one, this could be for you:

 Click here Click here

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Viagra too expensive?:

 Click here
Who do you call.....

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When Masterchef didn't work out:

 Click here Click here

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This job is outta sight

 Click here

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 A One Word E-Mail:

 Click here

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This Cartoon Also Says It All About Greece:

 Click here

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Meet the cast of the new 2015 series Hogan's Heroes~---:

In safe hands
When der sh*tzen hits der fan vee are here to protect you.

 Click here

Cast:
Joseph Hockey as the bumbling Sergeant Schultz
Anthony Abbott as Colonel Klink

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My Thoughts on the Confederate Flag:

 Click here

This is a touchy subject, but Ill try to explain my feelings in an open and
honest way. In general, what my generation does not recognize is that the
meaning of the
Confederate flag has changed over the years.

The flag once was a symbol of Southern values and pride. It has since been
hijacked, and for several years now, younger people have known it only as a
symbol of racism and hate.

We cant fight this losing battle of words, so let's concede with dignity.
We old timers can still be respectful of the past, But we have to accept
the reality of the present, so Just
REMOVE the flag, and move on!

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Anna Louise Hindman:

 Click here

 Click here

 Click here

Anna Louise Hindman, 74, of Rogersville passed away Thursday, September 13,
2012 in Springfield. Anna was born on July 8, 1938, in Springfield, to
Eulan and Olive (Turner) Bussard. She was married to Michael J. Hindman on
July 17, 1953, and he preceded her in death, on December 15, 2004. She was
an accomplished roller skater, both figure and racing, and performed for
President Truman. She had her pilot's license, and enjoyed flying, and
riding motorcycles, with her husband.

The articles below were in 1960, and she must have had a change of heart, &
withdrew the divorce petition only 12 days later.

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Links & Photos:

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Ring of Fire (X) (Oldie, but a Goodie)
 Click here

Turtle Cam (Great Barrier Reef)
 Click here

How Do Pregnancy Tests Work?
 Click here

How Do X-Rays Work?
 Click here

Dead Zebra
 Click here

30 Disturbing Things Found on Google Maps
 Click here

Don't Upset the Camel
 Click here

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Please tell the Jury the Truth:

 Click here Click here
Lawyer: "Now, would you please tell the Jury the truth.
Why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow?"
Defendant: "I didn't want to wake up the children."

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The "Football" solution:

 Click here Click here

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Links & Photos:

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

What Companies Don't Tell You (X  Extreme Couponing)
 Click here

North Korean Children playing Guitar
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Island Airports
 Click here

10 Funny Weddings
 Click here

JUMPR
 Click here

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Coca Cola Uses:

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Coca-Cola is the most popular drink in the world and has been around for
over 100 years. Enjoyed by millions around the world, but some enjoy it not
by drinking it, but rather for a variety of uses. Here are some uses you
never thought you could do with Coke.

1. Stain Remover

Don't know how to get rid of a greasy stain? Soak it in Coke, scrub a
little, and immediately put it in the washing machine. The stain will be
gone as if it was never there.

2. Remove Rust

Want to repaint metallic surfaces, but don't have a rust removing spray?
Dip a rag in Coke, and scrub the rust away.

3. Eliminate Oil Spills

If oil has leaked from your car messing your garage floor or driveway, you
can pour Coke over the spill, scrub with a broom, and let it sit for 15
minutes, and then wash the stain away.

4. Loosen a Rusty Screw

Since Coke is effective at removing rust, if youâre stuck with a rusty
screw that wonât budge, just pour some Coke over it, and try unscrewing
it. Within seconds, the screw will become loose.

5. Exterminate Snails and Slugs

We all know that they hate salt, but instead of chasing the slimy pests,
you can use Coke. Pour some Coke into a bowl, and leave it in your garden 
the sugar will draw them in, and the acidity will kill them.

6. Relieve an Asthma Attack

Studies have found that caffeine can prevent asthma attacks, as much as
four hours after being ingested. If you canât get to your inhaler in time,
a cup of Coke will do the trick. This is not, however, a recommended
replacement for proper asthma medication!

7. Cleaning Burnt Pots

No one wants to use a burnt pot. If you happen to burn something in a pot,
you can pour Coke inside, and let it soak overnight. In the morning, the
burnt stains will be gone.

8. Relieve Jellyfish Stings

Vinegar is effective in relieving jellyfish stings, but most of us donât
take a bottle of it to the beach. Surprisingly, Coke is just as effective
as vinegar.

9. Nausea / Diarrhoea Relief

If you're suffering from nausea or diarrhoea, you can use Coke to relieve
the symptoms. Pour some into a cup and let it sit until it is no longer
carbonated. Now, take a spoonful every hour.

10. Get Rid of the Hiccups

Got a persistent hiccup that just wonât go away, no matter what? Gargle
some Coke several times, until the hiccups are gone. The fizz may feel
weird in your throat, but itâs a small price to pay for hiccup relief.

11. Decongestion

If you've got a cold and your nose is congested, you can take a cup of
Coke, warm it up (do not boil it!) and drink it. The congestion will be
gone in a jiffy.

12. Cleaning Dirty and Old Coins

Got a coin collection? You can use Coke to clean the old coins by soaking
them, in it for an hour. After you rinse off the Coke, the coins will
sparkle.

13. Hair Curling

If you'd like to add some curl to your hair, soak it in Coke for a few
minutes, then wash it like you normally would. Your hair will gain a bit of
a curl.

14. Better Compost

The acidity and sugars in Coke, are perfect for the compost heap.

15. Remove Gum from Hair

Getting gum in your hair is an unpleasant experience, especially because
you'd usually have to cut the hair off. However, if you or your children
get gum stuck in your hair, don't reach for the scissors, reach for a Coke
bottle instead. Soak the gum in the Coke for a few minutes, and it'll come
right off.

16. Treat Dry Skin

If your skin is dry, and regular moisturiser isn't cutting it, add a
tablespoon of Coke to your moisturiser, and apply to your skin.

17. Keep Bees & Wasps at Bay

If you're having a picnic, pour some Coke in a container, and place it far
from your food. The sugar will be more appealing to the bugs, and you'll
enjoy an insect-free time.

18. Remove Hair Dye

Want to remove your hair dye? No need to go to the hairdresser, or wait for
nature to take its course, just wash your hair with Diet Coke.

19. Window Cleaner

Need to clean your windows, but you ran out of cleaner? Grab a piece of
paper, dab it in some Coke, and use it to clean the window, for sparkling
results.

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So True: (xx1/2x)

 Click here

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Nsw GO:

 Click here

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Samsung Safety:

 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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