Friday humour - July 10, 2015

[from Steve @ Bluehaze]

One of our editors, Smithie, is quite unwell again, and is unlikely to be
back to editing in the foreseeable future. This leaves us short staffed
again. We have asked for expressions of interest from volunteer editors in
the recent past, and silence has been the full reply. Sadly the rest of us
are not prepared to take the extra workload indefinitely, so we are
weighing options for folding Friday Humour. It has been 9 years now in its
current format, so perhaps it is time.

But not this week. Enjoy!

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Greek debt a joke?
 Click here

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Treat of the day for icecream lovers 
 Click here

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Washing Machine Test
 Click here

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Sir Reginald's Marvellous Organ ( Needs sound on) 
 Click here

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This guy is a good ventriloquist but how he got his dog to open his mouth
the right time is beyond me!
 Click here

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Senior's trip

Miss Smith checked into motel on her trip to visit friends.  The young man
at the desk was friendly and realizing she was a senior traveling alone
told her to call if she needed any help with anything. They chatted for
awhile and he said there's a lovely little church nearby where his father
is the Pastor and he'd be happy to have her join his family tomorrow
morning for Sunday service.  She said that would be very nice and would
join them.

That evening, Miss Smith was feeling a little lonely and decided to have
some naughty fun; who would know, it would be her secret. She found an ad
for male escort "service" and decided to call them. She dialed the number
and man softly answered, "how can I help you?"  She said she'd like an
escort for evening, actually make that for the night.  And bring whipped
cream, oh heck, bring the works.  I'm old but I'm up for a good time.

Voice on the phone, "ah, Miss Smith",

Yes?

"You have to dial 9 for an outside line."

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The Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year.

Upon her return, her father cussed her, "Where have ye been all this time?
Why did ye not write to us?   Not even a line.  Why didn't ye call? Can ye
not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?"

The girl, crying, replied, Sniff, sniff ... "Dad ... I became a prostitute
..."

"Ye what!!?  Out of here, ye shameless harlot!  Sinner! You're a disgrace
to this Catholic family, so ye are."

OK, Daddy -- as ye wish.  I just came back to give Mummy this luxurious fur
coat, title deeds to a 10-bedroom mansion plus a $5 million check...For me
little brother Seamus, this gold Rolex...  And for ye Daddy, the sparkling
new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a
membership to the Limerick Country Club ... (takes a breath) ...  And an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht, in the
Caribbean, and ... ."

Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad.

Girl, crying again, Sniff, sniff ... "A prostitute, Daddy!" Sniff, sniff.

Oh!  Be Jesus!  Ye scared me half to death girl!  I thought ye said a
PROTESTANT. Come here and give yer old Daddy a big hug."

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Pompeii 24th August, 79AD
 Click here

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A good fun advert which works.
 Click here

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I Know How This Kid Feels
 Click here

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+++ Time: 20150701154201
+++ From: Wally +++ Subject: =?utf-8?Q?Debtor=E2=80=99s_Revenge?=
+++ File links:
 Click here
+++ Content:


Debtor's Revenge

For almost as long as there's been weird news, there have been tales of
people plotting revenge against fine-imposing, money-grubbing officials, by
delivering payment in some obnoxious form. This is usually but not always,
a bucket full of pennies. The idea is to force the bean counters to count
the pennies, one by one. The debtor may have no choice but to pay, but, by
God, he's going to make those bastards work for it. The logic at work in
the debtor's mind, is that pennies are legal tender, and therefore MUST be
accepted as payment. There are elements of truth to this, but as one might
expect, it's not quite the incontrovertible legal mandate, that many people
seem to think it is. In the United States, it's true that the Coinage Act
of 1965, made pennies and nickels legal tender, in any amount. However, if
you show up at court ready to pay a fine, with a wheelbarrow full of
pennies, it's actually not the court's responsibility to count them. The
debtor is the one, who has to prove he's made payment in full, and guess
who's going to do the counting. Also, a judge might impose an additional
fine, for contempt of court. So as often as not, the prank ends up
backfiring, on penny-toting debtors. Nevertheless, the news keeps bringing
us tales of debtors, who scheme to get revenge by means of obnoxious
payments. Below are some classic examples from the past one-hundred years.

1910. Four striking shirt-waist makers, collectively fined $25 for
picketing, laughed from the sidelines, as it took the court half-an-hour to
count the 25,000 pennies they had delivered.

1955. The San Francisco Traffic Fine Bureau received a package by mail
containing 599 pennies that had been liberally doused with a "malodorous
chemical." The coins were payment for a $6 fine charged to Navy Lt. Comdr.
Vernon Eugene Sutton for running a stop light. The municipal court clerk
warned that Sutton could face arrest unless he paid the missing penny, as
well as the 19 cents the city had to pay for postage due. However, Sutton
was already out of their reach. He had retired from the Navy, and moved to
Oregon.

1955. Mrs. Shirley Winberg, fined $1 for a parking violation, sent a
payment of 100 pennies by mail, along with a poem:

I was parked but an inch or two past the line,

So I really don't feel that I should pay this fine.

But pay you I must, so pay you I will,

With 100 pennies, instead of a bill.

1956. Benny Bowen, charged with speeding and drag racing, was fined $58,
and decided to pay by bringing a 40-pound bag of pennies to court. The
judge promptly had a table brought out, and directed Bowen to count out the
pennies himself. Three hours later, Bowen had counted  5765 pennies. He was
35 cents short.

1958. Connecticut motorist Kenneth Johnson, fined $2 for a parking
violation, obediently mailed a cheque for that amount, but when the town
court received the payment, it fined him an additional $50 for contempt.
His cheque had been made out to the Connecticut Gestapo Police.

1990. Arthur Handshy, ordered to pay $362.90 from a 10-year-old parking
ticket, complained bitterly that he had paid it ten years ago, but no
longer had any record of the payment. Receiving no sympathy from the court,
he finally paid with $359.90 in pennies, and three $1 bills. It was noted
that he left the court clerk's office without a receipt.

1997. NASCAR driver Rusty Wallace, fined $5000 for cussing on the radio,
paid his fine with 500,000 pennies, delivered in an armoured car to NASCAR
president Bill France. However, the payment turned out to be unnecessary.
Wallace was unaware that Penske Racing South had earlier paid his fine with
a certified cheque sent to NASCAR.

2008. Richard Roper paid a parking fine to the Suffolk Police, by writing
them a cheque for £30 on toilet paper. The police responded by charging
him an additional £15 check-processing fee. He protested, and a District
Judge allowed the cheque fee to be dropped, but ordered Roper instead, to
spend an hour standing in the back of the court, as punishment.

2008. Susan Catcheside, a 74-year-old church choir leader, paid a £35
parking fine, with 3500 pennies placed in a large, plastic jar. She
explained that she wanted to make those Hitler-ites work for it.

2011. Cake-shop owner Thierry Chahez, turned down by Chase Bank for a
re-finance, decided to settle his $6,500 credit card debt with them, by
delivering 650,000 pennies, packed into crates, to one of their branch
offices. Told the bank would not accept the coins, unless they were placed
in rolls, he returned with the pennies in rolls. The bank initially again
refused to accept them, because the were rolls, were all in different
amounts, but finally directed him to a branch with a vault, large enough to
hold the coins.

2012. A Houston motorist paid a $137 traffic ticket with 137 $1 bills
folded into origami pigs, and placed in Dunkin' Donuts boxes. The court
clerk accepted the payment, on the condition that the motorist unfold the
bills himself. The officer who supervised the unfolding said, "Little
piggies in a donut box. I got it, I got it." Then he took a photo.

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Anybody with a Dog?
 Click here

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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Sir Nicholas Winton (WW2 story)  Click here

Japanese Fireworks
 Click here

Vittorio Brurmotti (Freestyle Bike Rider)  Click here

10 X Amazing New Inventions
 Click here

Attempt to Steal Lincoln's Corpse (plus others)
 Click here

10X Weird Moments of the Statue of Liberty
 Click here

Older Ladies (Funny Song)
 Click here

US Fireworks Injuries
 Click here

Rainer Hersch (funny orchestra Conductor)  Click here

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Buzzers
 Click here

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+++ Time: 20150702101950
+++ From: Wally +++ Subject: Failure Gene +++ File links:
 Click here
+++ Content:


MINNEAPOLIS - Geneticists at the University of Minnesota, believe that they
have isolated the gene, that makes some people much more prone to failure,
than others.

While the research is preliminary, the scientists said that they were able
to successfully identify the failure gene, by studying the DNA of males in
two generations, of the same American family.

"If we have indeed isolated the gene that makes people fail, and we believe
we have, all of the subjects in our study are carriers,' said Davis
Logsdon, the geneticist who supervised the research.

According to Logsdon, those who carry the gene for failure have absolutely
no idea that they have it, and thus project the confidence and
self-assurance of people whose genetic material does not make them likely
to wreak havoc on a massive scale.

"Not only does this gene cause people to fail, it makes them fail to
understand that they have failed,' he said, "It is a really bad gene.'

While scientists have not yet found a cure for the failure gene, they
consider isolating it a major breakthrough in itself. "Once we identify
someone as a carrier of this gene, we can try to keep him out of situations
where he might do great harm to others,' Logsdon said.

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Crow & Eagle
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Photographer Phon Chan, has captured some incredible images of a crow,
riding on the back of a bald eagle, mid-flight. Chan explains that crows
are territorial birds, who will attack and harass much larger birds, who
invade their space. In this case, the attack included a slight pause, as
the crow perched itself on the eagle's back, for a brief mid-air ride, and
a short rest.

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[ End friday humour ]

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