Friday humour - June 19, 2015

Gussius @ Bluehaze

Contributors this week included  Anonymous3,  Sack,  Wally,  Whizzbang,
ASIS, ASIO, NSA, MI5, and  KGB, ENI, DFIB and FIFA.

Enjoy.

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Bars are different in Scotland
 Click here
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An amazing story:

IT'S AN AMAZING STORY and worth watching... About 2.5 minutes.
An entire crew of a B-29 (12) was rescued by a US submarine after their
plane was shot down in 1945, 70 miles off the coast of Japan.
The entire rescue was filmed by a submarine officer, but sat in a guy's
closet until now.
This is a story from a Denver TV station of one of those rescued aviators
to whom the video was delivered.
It also shows their transfer to another submarine that is likely headed
back to port before the one that accomplished the rescue.
Can you imagine, 65 years AFTER your own rescue you get to watch the film?
 Click here

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Old Chrome:

A couple restored every one of these cars and still retain ownership to
everyone.
They live on Vancouver Island.
This collection is without a doubt the absolute finest collection of
fifties cars in the World.
I will endeavor through mere photographs to display this incredible
collection of beauty on this webpage.
 Click here
 Click here

1956 Ford Skyliner (Glasstop)
We restored this car in 1988 from an original car that came from the Indian
reservation here on Vancouver Island .
It is full power with all options.
 Click here

1956 Meteor Crown Victoria
We restored this car in 1990 and drove it to Ocean Shores Washington for
its first drive.
It is full power with all accessories except "air".
 Click here

1955 Meteor Convertible
This car is mostly original and it has taken me 28 years to buy it from the
original owner.
This car spent a good part of its life in Winnipeg .
There are probably only about 8 of these cars surviving out of the total
production of 201 cars.
We drove this car more last summer than any of our other cars.
I rebuilt all the mechanics and added all the accessories and options and
it has everything except "air".
There is an article on this car in FoMoCo Times
 Click here

1956 Meteor Convertible
Meteors used some Mercury colors in 1956.
This 56 Meteor is painted Grove Green and Saffron Yellow with a black
lightning bolt and the production numbers are only 479.
It is full power with all accessories except "air".
She has taken us to Rockin Red Deer in Alberta , Hot August Nights in Reno
and many other trips. Because of the colour, we call her "Juicy Fruit" and
many people have seen this car.
 Click here

1956 Mercury M-100 Pickup
We have driven this truck all over the place form Calif to Manitoba to
Sturgis many times since we bought it in 1978.
About 12 years ago I put an Aspen suspension, 302 and AOD in the truck to
make it drive better
It has never missed a beat. The next time I rebuild the truck I have a 5 L.
for it.
 Click here

55 Merc Sun Valley .
I bought this car from an old ladies estate sale in 1983.
It was rust free but pretty banged up with only 26000 miles on it.
I added all the options and accessories and restored only as needed keeping
the car as origional as possible.
 Click here

56 Mercury Montclair Convertible.
This car is one of our favorites.
I found what was left of it in the Spokane area and restored and drove it
to Hot August Nights in Reno in 1996.
It is London Grey and Persimmon with full power and all accessories.
 Click here

1955 Mercury Convertible
I tow barred this car from Southern Calif in 1989 behind my little Ford
short box 302.
The 55 was so ugly, not once did anyone give me the "thumbs up".
It is now restored in Canadian colors, Sunset Coral with matching Tapestry
weave interior and Metric speedo,
full power and accessory steering wheel.
It has only 530 miles on it because we mostly drive the 56 Mercury
convertible.
 Click here

1958 Pontiac Parisienne Convertible.
I built this car out of a super basket case.
I welded 6 months on this car alone.
It is a 348 tri-power, bucket seats and with practically every factory and
dealer option available in 1958.
We drove this car to Hot August Nights in 2004.
 Click here

1966 Park Lane convertible.
I bought this car at Don Wheaton's in Edmonton when I was a kid working in
the oilfields in 1968.
My wife and I honey mooned in this car in 1969 and then went overseas to
work in the oilfield for 25 years.
I had the car in my barn in Manitoba until May 2005.
It is now at home on Vancouver Island with 30,000 miles showing on the
speedometer.
This is a Canadian built, bucket seat car in which only a handful were
made.
 Click here

The 64 Park Lane convertible is a good old 78,000 mile car, with all good
parts to restore it.
It is a full power, bucket seat car with super marauder engine and rare 15"
wheels.
I have cast iron headers and tri-power for it.
 Click here

1958 Mercury Convertible
I looked for one of these cars for about 10 years and finally got this one
from John Fowlie in Calif.
We restored it with a 430, full power with memory seat and everything and
it is big.
I was able to find a lot of NOS parts for this car probably because not
many of these cars are being restored.
Mostly 57's.
 Click here

When I found the 59 Impala it was a rust bucket folded up on an 8 ft
pallet.
The car had no interior or powertrain.
It was originally a black Canadian built car.
I have installed a 1995 LT-1 fuel injected engine with 700R4 trans but when
finished this car will look like it was built this way from the factory(I
hope)
It is going to be the usual cruiser with fender-skirts,
full continental kit, spotlights and so on.
It is presently 70% finished but will probably be finished for next spring.
 Click here

This 1959 Edsel Convertible
is the latest addition to the Mountaintop Collection.
Of course it goes without saying, this machine has full power options and
has been meticulously restored under skilled hands.
Another beautiful contribution to an already stunning collection. Congrats
Guys!

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Queen of England's Powers:
1. The Queen needs no license to drive.
Privilege is like a dessert served on a silver platter. But when it comes
to Queen Elizabeth II, her silver platter shines brighter than the moon.
Now, you're probably thinking "ab ye sab kaun sochta hai?" but trust me,
you're about to be completely blown off your game here because she has it
all, literally!
The British monarch's powers and privileges can put these terms to shame.
See for yourself:

2. She needs no passport either.

3. She gets to celebrate two birthdays!
According to the Royal Mint, the Queen's official birthday is celebrated on
a Sat*rday in June, although her actual birthday is on April 21st. An
official birthday has been a thing for the Royal family since the very
beginning.

4. Ever heard of a private poet? Well, she has one.
The role is currently held by Carol Ann Duffy. According to the official
website of the British Monarch, this honorary position is given to a poet
whose work is of national significance. Carol will hold the position till
2019. Here's more if you wish to read up.

5. She also has a private cash machine.
Installed in the basement of the Buckingham Palace, provided by Coutts (one
of Britain's most exclusive banks), this one is a special perk for the
queen and her royal family.A private ATM! Awesome, right?

6. She owns all the swans in the River Thames.

7. And all the dolphins in British waters belong to her too.

8. Without her consent, no bill can be passed to form a law.

9. She has the power to appoint Lords and Knights.

10. She can opt out from paying tax.
But she doesn't. She voluntarily began paying her share in 1992.

11. Her family (and she) have been spared from all Freedom of Information
requests!

12. In times of "grave constitutional crisis", the Queen has the power to
VETO any ministerial advice/opinion.

13. And under no "grave constitutional crisis" the Queen has the right to
be consulted, to encourage, and to warn her ministers.

14. She's also the Queen of Australia.
This is since the enactment of the Royal Styles and Titles Act in 1953.

15. Apart from being the Head of State of UK and Australia, she's also
dominion to all these commonwealth realms:
Antigua and Barbuda, the Bahamas, Barbados, Belize, Canada, Grenada,
Jamaica, New Zealand, Papua New Guinea, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia,
Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Solomon Islands, and Tuvalu.

16. She's also the head of the Church of England under her formal title
"Defender of the Faith and Supreme Governor of the Church of England".
Sounds like a fancy title picked from Game Of Thrones, don't you think?

17. She's immune from prosecution.

18. Here's the most epic one of them all. She can fire the entire
Australian Government!
Here's how it works. The Prime Minister of Australia is appointed by the
governor-general. The queen could instruct her representative to appoint a
new PM at any time. She can appoint a new governor-general too, if he does
not comply.

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This will keep you busy:
 Click here

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Letter to Joe Hockey:

Mel Wilson lives in the Victorian border town of Wodonga, 660km south of
Sydney. She has a young family and works in HR at an aged care facility and
two days ago, fired up by Joe Hockey's get a good job that pays good money
comments, sat down and did the maths on what you need to do to break into
Sydney's property market, posting the results in an open letter to the
treasurer on Facebook.

The Western Bulldogs supporter, who's had a good job for a decade, still
had to borrow from her family to afford a house, despite living in a
regional area.

The government needs to stop making ridiculous and uneducated comments and,
hopefully, this letter will put pressure on the government to see how out
of touch they are with the average Australian, Wilson told her local paper,
The Border Mail.

The response should serve as a warning to government, with around 23,000
people sharing it since it was posted on Wednesday evening.

Here's Wilson's letter to the treasurer.

Dear Joe,

I just wanted to touch base with you regarding your comment that young
people are able to enter the property market if they just “get a good job
that pays good money.”

I just wanted to ask you how one might go about this?

Are you going to be reviewing all the current Awards that are in place to
ensure that most jobs pay good money?

Are you going to be creating hundreds of thousands of new jobs that, under
your Awards, pay over $100,000 per year?

Apologies if I have missed this fantastic news, but as someone working in 2
senior HR roles, I believe I would have known about this so that I could
pass the message on to some very tired, over qualified employees who
currently fall under various Federal and State awards and are being paid
between $18 to $25 per hour.

Are you aware of what the average Australian wage is?

Are you aware of what the average Australian mortgage in Sydney is?

Are you aware of the first-home buying process?

Just in case these facts and figures aren't available to you, I thought
you might be interested.

The average weekly wage according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics on
1st January 2015 was $1,128.70, or $58,692.40 before tax. This means a take
home amount of about $904.00 per week.

The median house price in Sydney, according to the Domain Group Housing
Price Report, as of March 2015, was $914,056.

Not sure if you know how first home buying works at the moment, but you
normally need a deposit of about 20%. This is to pay for the Stamp Duty
(which is a State Tax you must pay every time you buy a property), and also
to assist in the approval process so that you don't need to pay Lenders
Mortgage Insurance.

So in this instance, the first home buyer would need about $182,811.00
saved to purchase a house that is the average price in Sydney.

So to go out and get one of these 'good jobs that pay good money' I
assume these young people you speak of would need to go to university
first.

On average, it takes about 3-4 years to get a degree, so if a young person
goes to University straight out of school, they can expect to finish their
course and be ready for the workforce at about 21, with a HECS-HELP debt of
over $20,000. To make this a bit easier for you to understand, let's say
there is a young person named Joe Junior who has done just this.

If Joe Junior is extremely lucky, and is up there with the best of the
graduates from that course and that year, he will get a job straight out of
University paying usually under the average wage.

However, lets just be extremely generous here and say that Joe Junior got a
job and was on the national weekly take home wage of $904 per week.

Joe Junior needs to only save every single dollar worked for about 4 years
to save his $182,811 deposit for their first home. Thank you, Mr Hockey,
for throwing in that $7,000 first home owner grant too ' that meant Joe
Junior could get into his first home 8 weeks earlier!

Just a quick side note, this example does not take into consideration the
rising house prices, or Joe Junior's HECS-HELP debt that he obtained from
getting his degree to get one of your so-called 'good jobs'.

Joe Junior is now 25 (not so junior anymore), has been living at home with
his parents this entire time and has not been able to spend a single dollar
on any bills, board or holidays or public transportation. He also can't
afford a car or petrol for a car but then again poor people don't drive
cars. Oh wait, Joe Junior isn't a poor person ' he has a 'good job that
pays good money.'

Luckily Joe Junior's parents have been happy to drive their little Joe
Junior to and from work every day and provide free housing, clothing,
medical expenses and also provide the food for his breakfast, lunch and
dinner each day.

So finally Joe Junior has saved his $182,811 deposit (of which only about
half will go towards his mortgage due to the stamp duty cost), and can now
purchase his first home, with a mortgage of about $822,650.00.

According to the Commonwealth Bank's online mortgage estimator, the
repayments for a mortgage of this amount are $1,073.00 per week over 30
years.

So hopefully Joe Junior's average weekly wage of $904.00 has gone up
enough to cover the cost of the mortgage.

Joe Junior has been applying for these 'good jobs that pay good money'
that you speak of (I assume by 'good money' you mean more than the
average wage as you have just seen it is not even enough to cover the cost
of the average house prices' mortgage in Sydney), but hasn't had any luck
as yet. He needed to stay in the same job post university to demonstrate to
the bank job stability so that he could purchase his first home.

So he only has a degree, and experience in the one job, one industry, and
there are just not that many jobs out there paying 'good money.'

Joe Junior now also can't wash his clothes, eat food, or get to and from
work as he no longer lives with his parents, so getting one of these 'good
jobs' is even more difficult.

So Joe Senior, are you really aware of all the facts and figures when you
says things like buying your first home is readily affordable to young
people?

Just slightly confused as to what you were thinking when you said these
words at the media conference in Sydney.

Looking forward to another one of your politically correct, direct and well
thought out responses.

Regards,

Another baffled Australian

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Clocks:

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly
Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on
earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.'

'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved,
indicating that she never told a lie.

'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved
twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'

'Where's Tony Abbott's clock?' asked the man.

St Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling
fan!'

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What a dog!!:

Gotta see this one!!!!

Don't miss this dog: he will bring a big smile to your face!! His owner is
21 years old, and had never trained a dog before; lives in Litchfield Park
near Phoenix, Arizona
 Click here

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Knock It off Dad:
 Click here

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Why Male Elk Have Long Antlers:
 Click here
'It's a guy thing, regardless of Species.'

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Links & Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here

Cow Serenade
 Click here

2015 Impossible Pool Trick Shots
 Click here

ISIS Car Explodes in Mid-Air
 Click here

Aerial-Refuelling 5 X F-35's
 Click here

Interactive view of Space Station
 Click here

15 of Mr. Bean's Best Funnies
 Click here

America's got Talent  Light & Rain Dance
 Click here

Top 10 Best Magicians Got Talent (Amazing)
 Click here

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13 X Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

European Windows
 Click here

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Only in Oregon:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Oregon Man Sentenced to 30 Days in Jail -- for Collecting Rainwater on His
Property

(CNSNews)  A rural Oregon man was sentenced to 30 days in jail, and fined
$1,500, because he collected rainwater, in barrels, on his 170 acre
property.
Gary Harrington of Eagle Point, Oregon, says he plans to appeal his
conviction in Jackson County Circuit Court, on the misdemeanour charges
under a 1925 law, for having what state water managers called illegal water
on his property, made up of rainwater and snow runoff.

Harrington said that he could no longer collect rainwater in barrels,
because it belongs to the state.

They've just gotten to be big bullies, and if you just lay over and die and
give up, that just makes them bigger bullies. So, we as Americans, we need
to stand on our constitutional rights, and our rights as citizens, and hang
tough,' Harrington said.

According to Oregon water laws, all water is publicly owned. It is centred
on a 1925 law, which states that Oregon holds exclusive rights to all core
sources of water in the state.

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3 X More Wacky Stuff:
 Click here Click here Click here

You have all heard of the Ice Bucket Challenge that raised millions for
ALS. Now there is this new challenge, called the Coke Challenge

Ken Gidney made $1.4 million catching ants. He supplied the ants for the
Uncle Milton Ant Farm sets. He got the job in 1956, by being first in line
in response to the job ad, and continued at it for over 20 years, getting
paid 1 cent per ant. His technique: "At first I excavated, and I would
catch 'em on broom straws. Then I found I could dig a narrow hole alongside
an ant hill, and place a baby food jar next to it." He would blow into the
hole using a plastic hose, and the ants would scurry out into the jar. Ants

Back in 2003, the Pittsburgh Port Authority wrote the slogan "Ziggin
Zaggin" on nine of its buses. Why ziggin and zaggin? Because, as one
resident put it, "A vehicle zigs and zags through the city to pick somebody
up. It's a bus." But recently a driver noticed that if you read the slogan
backwards, it spells an offensive word. The city has now announced that the
slogans will be promptly removed Buses

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Blow Up Doll:
 Click here

Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says , 'Male or female?'

Customer says , 'Female.'
Counter guy asks , 'Black or white?

Customer says , 'White.'

Counter guy asks , 'Christian or Muslim?'

Customer says , 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'

Counter guy says , 'The Muslim one blows itself up.

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17 X Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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What a Take-Off:
 Click here
Boeing 787 Dreamliner Vertical Take-Off

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Sister Cities:
 Click here Click here

Boring, Oregon, USA -
 Click here

Dull, Scotland -
 Click here

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Fleggard Ad:

Right over the border of Northern Germany in Denmark there are a couple of
"Fleggard" supermarkets, where you really find everything your heart
craves, especially high tech and household appliances; a lot cheaper than
in Germany. For this commercial, more than 100 skydiver women jumped from a
transport plane, you see them in free fall forming the ad text:

"SIEMENS washing machine for only 269 Euros"
 Click here

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Bikini Evolution in France:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Bikini Evolution on the Beaches of Southern France !

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Links & Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Dumb Crook of the Month
 Click here

MV-22 Osprey Time-lapse Carrier Departures
 Click here

2016 BMW Series 7
 Click here

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Links & Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

German Desk
 Click here

Run Rabbit, Run
 Click here

The Martian (Official Trailer)
 Click here

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Some Birds Will Nest Anywhere:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Birds need to nest. It is where they raise their young and find shelter.
They can get quite creative about their choice of locations, however, and
it can be quite surprising to see just how clever they can be when choosing
a nesting place. Here are some of the surprising places you may find a bird
has made a comfy home for itself.

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Coming to a mining site near you...:
 Click here
HI-VIS Burka, it was only a matter of time.

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Iphones:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

The Death of Conversation. We are heading in this direction, just like
sheep!!

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WTF:
 Click here
Nice bit of 'shopping.

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LOL:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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