Friday humour - May 22, 2015

Gussius @ Bluehaze

Perspective can be a wonderous thing.

Take for example, the young Australians who went to Syria before they
realised that 72 virgins will, at the rate of one a day,  only last 2.4
months into Eternity. Now a few want to come home after a stint in what the
government calls a “Death Cult”

Before the feral election, women were being encouraged with a financial
proposal to help them return to the workforce until it was discovered they
were double dipping into maternity benefits. If they were male, there would
be strident calls for castration. For the new mums, poverty will have to
suffice.

The Royal Commission into our very own “Christian Kiddy Rape Cult”
overseen by the church, continued in Ballarat, Victoria with bombshell
evidence. Cardinal Pell could share a cell with those radicalised youths to
save costs and see who double dips who in that cold 6 x 12 cell.

Contributors this week included Arfermo, Duke of Barsinov, KRP, Seasoldier,
 Whizzbang,  Nottingham Smithie, Sack, and Wally.

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Australian pet python has BBQ tongs surgically removed:
 Click here

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LANCASTER Bombers!!........Reunion of The Giants:
 Click here

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Pirates Of The Caribbean; Starring Bananaby Joyce:
 Click here

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Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning,
and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse,
everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new
one.
All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with
his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me,
and even hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're
running for President of the United States.

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A Stupid Can of Peaches:

A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.She
gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to
the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized
everything and everyone throughout the process.

When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen
from the store.

The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches."

The judge then asked why she had done it.

She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."

The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.

She replied in a nasty tone, "Nine! But why do you care about that?"

The judge answered patiently, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you
nine days in jail -- one day for each peach."

As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long-suffering husband
raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.

The judge said, "Yes sir, what do you have to add?"

The husband said meekly, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."

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Tosser:
 Click here

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This is fascinating:

A welder is smarter than an Engineer...
The mind is an amazing organ no doubt about it ... great video and thanks
for sharing
 Click here

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Car Made in Canada:

Made in Canada but not sold in nine provinces, only in BC?

You guys, who are car buffs will be intrigued with this little number.
Check this out.....
Did you Know that the ZENN car (Zero Emissions No Noise) is made in Quebec.
Cost approx $12,000.
Plug it in like a toaster, et voila !!!

And is illegal to sell in Canada (except in B.C.)
 Click here

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Patriot Super Bowl rings are in!
 Click here

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On A Porsche, no doubt!:
 Click here Click here

www.nydailynews.com/news/national/texas-man-custom-license-plate-revoked-dmv-article-1.2179552

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Phones:
 Click here Click here Click here

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Optical Illusions:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Amazing... Isn't it???????
Wonder how these things work!

Don't you love these educational emails?

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Men's logic:

A woman was outside pulling weeds on a hot summer day when her husband
walked up and asked her what they were having for dinner.
Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house while
she laboured away on the weeds, she snapped, "I can't believe you're asking
me about supper right now!
Pretend I'm out of town, go inside and make dinner yourself!"

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, potatoes,
garlic bread, and a tall beer.
His wife walked in just about the time he was finishing up and asked,
"Where's my dinner?"

"Huh? I thought you were out of town."

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Robert Baudin:
 Click here
 Click here

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Wealthiest_Men_of_All_Time:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Celebrity Net Worth computed world's richest human beings inflation
adjusted incomes.

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Bad Boys of Rugby:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Banned Album Covers:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Banned Ads:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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Down Memory Lane:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here
(Hundreds of Pages dealing with 1954) (Great articles after the ads)

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Benno's Story:
 Click here Click here

An Arkansas veterinarian has kept a dog from going out with a bang, after
the animal ate 23 live rifle rounds.

Benno, the 4-year-old Belgian Malinois, had surgery last week, to remove
the .308 calibre ammunition from his stomach.

Owner Larry Brassfield said Benno has eaten socks, magnet,s and marbles,
but he didn't expect the animal would bother a bag of bullets by his bed.
Brassfield and his wife realized Benno needed medical attention, after the
pet vomited up four rounds.

Veterinarian Sarah S*xton at All Creatures Animal Hospital, removed 17
rounds from Benno's stomach, but left two in his esophagus, which the dog
was allowed to discharge on his own.

Brassfield said he won't leave ammo lying around anymore, but isn't
optimistic that Benno will stick to dog food.

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Don't Text and Drive:
 Click here

Don't Text and Drive
 Click here
 Click here
 Click here

Statistics - Click here

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Links & Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Close Air Support (A-10C)
 Click here

$9 Computer
 Click here

Camouflage Fish
 Click here

Sheâs Alive (Sad)
 Click here

Princess Dianaâs 1995 Interview Click here

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Chinese Topiary:
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When it comes to gardening, there is huge room for creativity. If you truly
want to see something different in the world of gardening, I invite you to
try some of these Chinese gardens. These Topiary masterpieces are
mesmerizing, and the fact that they are actually made of living material
just adds to their undeniable charm (Absolutely Brilliant â Best Topiary I
have ever seen .

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Courtney Yule's Story:
 Click here Click here

An Edinburgh student has created a cookery kit to encourage people to eat
insects, as part of their daily diet.
Creepy-crawlies like beetles, caterpillars, and grasshoppers, are a staple
food in many parts of the world.

However, despite them being low in fat and calories, and containing as much
protein as beef, many in the Western world steer clear of eating insects.

As part of her degree show, student Courtney Yule has designed a "starter
kit" for turning them into a meal.

The 22-year-old, who is in the final year of a product design course at
Edinburgh Napier University, was inspired by studies identifying
entomophagy (eating insects), as the best way to feed the growing global
population.

Insect flour
Harvesting insects is also seen by experts as more environmentally
friendly, than traditional livestock farming which requires land, crops for
feed, and animals and machinery, which produce greenhouse gases.


The plastic Entopod includes a grinder to create insect flour to bake into
recipes, or add to shakes, and detachable containers to heat food in the
oven, microwave, or on a cooker.

Insect fondue is also a possibility with the addition of a candle
underneath the leg stand, and the reverse ends of the eating utensils used
as skewers.

Insect snacks can also be stored, in the detachable containers for lunch.

The device is one of hundreds of exhibits created by students, to be
showcased at Edinburgh Napier's 2015 Degree Show from 22 May.

Miss Yule said: "The main barrier is obviously getting consumers to accept
the idea of eating insects. Before I began this work I didn't even like to
touch them, but I don't have any problem with eating them now, and it is a
practice which is growing in popularity every day.

"People think nothing about eating prawns and shrimps, but they have a
different reaction to grasshoppers and crickets. However, the more you read
about the health benefits, the less bothered you become.

"You can do anything with insects; sweet and sour grasshopper, mealworm
macaroni, lime and ginger locusts, or cricket cookies."

Miss Yule carried out research, which found most people would consider
eating insects.

However, many did find the look off-putting, even those who enjoyed lobster
or prawns. The taste and texture of the initial bite often came as a
pleasant surprise, and she decided there would be interest in a starter
kit, which allowed people to experiment with entomophagy.

Miss Yule, from Berwick-upon-Tweed, added: "A lot of people are now
supplying dried insects, but in the course of my research, I have not seen
any other products, which help in preparing them to eat.

"I am now at the stage of tweaking design components, and although the
prototype is white, I am also working on bright neon and anodised colours,
resembling the natural colouring of insects.
"After the degree show, I will be taking it down to the New Designers show
in London in July."

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Manatee Orgy:
 Click here

Every year Florida wildlife officials receive multiple reports of manatee
sea cows, in distress, from concerned individuals. Little do these good
Samaritans know that the groups of animals are not in distress at all.
During their mating season manatees have group s*x.
So, if you are in Florida at the right time an you see these large animals
thrashing around in groups remember, its bad form to interrupt an orgy.

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25 Pets Who Don't Understand How Furniture Works.:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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Lots Of Laughs:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Steam In China:

How the hell do these things stay on the tracks???? I don't know, they are
almost flat, almost parallel, almost nailed down, almost stuffed!!!!!!!!!!

They just don't build `em like they used to! thank goodness.

Have a look at the track bed ... How do they ever manage to stay on the
rails????
 Click here

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What To Do With Your Bills:
 Click here

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Two Dollar Coins And A Five-Dollar Note:
 Click here

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a five dollar note in one hand and two one dollar coins in
the other. Then he calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?'"

The boy takes the two one dollar coins and leaves the five-dollar note.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber, "that kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of
the ice cream shop and says, "Hey, son may I ask you a question? Why did
you take the two one coins instead of the five dollar note?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the five
dollar note the game's over!"

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Sarcasm seen as Daily Wisdom :
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Some great laughs:
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A Little Stress Relief to help your day!

Thank You For Sharing The Wisdom

THE AGING PROCESS
TEACHES YOU TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF.
SO DON'T FORGET TO PASS
THIS TO ALL THOSE "SENIORS"
AND SOME NOT THERE YET

THAT YOU LOVE AND RESPECT..... I DID !

And remember.....
"Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person
Wondering ..What The Hell Happened !"

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[ End friday humour ]

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