Friday humour - May 01, 2015

[from Steve @ Bluehaze]

Contributions this week from Arfermo, Havarum, Nottingham Smithie,
Seasoldier, Wally and nameless others.

Enjoy!

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Some New Pictures Taken At The Right Moment 
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Corvette sale at Wal-Mart?

Though the building in Punta Gorda , Florida was once a Wal-Mart, it's not
any more.   When Rick Treworgy saw that it was vacant, he decided it would
be the perfect place to showcase almost 200 Corvettes and other GM muscle
cars he owns in a vast collection begun more than 30 years ago.   He bought
it, and now, it's open to the public.

Called Muscle Car City, the venue is attracting thousands of people who
harken back to the golden days of muscle cars and their youth. It's also
drawing a newer generation of enthusiasts.
 Click here

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Computer homicide
 Click here
Know the feeling?

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Two indigenous Australians
Two indigenous Australians were driving their well used and abused old EH
Holden wagon in the outback recently, when off in the distance they saw a
police "booze bus".

Rather than trying to avoid it, the driver headed straight for it. As they
pulled up, the driver wound his window down and said 'Gidday brudders! Two
cold cans of Emu Export, tanks!'

The copper glared at him and said 'You must be drunk! Get out of the car
and blow into this tube!'

The driver said 'Sorry boss, I can't blow in ta dat fing, I gotta a letter
from me doctor in Alice Springs saying dat I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out
if I blow inta dat.'

The cop smirked and said 'OK, in that case, we require you to give us a
blood sample.'

'Nah, nah sorry, boss,' replied the driver. 'Can't be doin' that eifer. Got
a letter from the Red Cross in Darwin sayin' that I'm a haemophiliac and I
could bleed to deaf rel quick if I gave a blood sample. Nah, sorry, boss,
can't do that!'

By now the copper was getting very irate so he demanded that the driver
provide a urine sample for testing.

The driver shook his head and said, 'Nah, sorry boss, can't do that eifer.'

The copper protested 'Surely you haven't got a letter for that as well!!!'

'Blood oath, mate!' says the driver, 'It's from Tony Abbott, the Prime
Minister of this lovely Country of Australia . He's apologised, and it says
that you whitefellas can't take the p*ss out of us blackfellas no more!

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Thermal camera
 Click here

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+++ From: Havarum
Little Johnny
Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom and she said
yes. When he went to wipe his backside, there was no toilet paper so he
used his hand.

When he got back to class, his Teacher asked, "What do you have in your
hand?"

Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get
scared away."

He was then sent to the principals office and the Principal asked him,
"What do you have in your hand?"

So, Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll
get scared away."

He was sent home and his Mum asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"

Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get
scared away."

He was then sent to his room and told to stay there till his Dad came home.
His dad came home, went upstairs and said to Little Johnny, "What do you
have in your hand?"

So again Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he
get scared away."

Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hand!"

Little Johnny opened his hand and said, "Look Dad you scared the sh*t out
of him!

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Jimmy and the job

A road crew supervisor in Saskatchewan hired Herb from Newfoundland, to
paint the yellow line down the middle of route 32 heading up toward Prince
Albert. He was skeptical about hiring him since he didn't have any painting
background, but he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really needed
the job. At least his wife Lorrie- Jane, told him so.

He explained to Herb, that his work day would be to complete 2 miles of
centerline on the road.

He was set up with brushes and paint and his boss got him started.

After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he'd painted 4
miles of road in his 8 hour shift, instead of the two expected of him.

He told Herb, that he did an excellent job, and said how pleased he was
with his progress.

On the second day, Herb completed painting just the 2 miles of road that
was asked of him.

His supervisor was surprised, because on the first day, he had completed
twice as much work. But he didn't say anything, since 2 miles of road was
the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and
to look forward to the next day when he was sure that Herb would pick up
the pace again.

On day 3, the supervisor was disappointed to learn that in his 8 hour
shift, Herb completed painting only 1 mile of road. Herb was called to the
supervisor's office and asked what was the problem.

"On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2
miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of
road. What's the problem, Herb?"

"Well," Herb replied, "I'll tell you watt is da problem dare boy, but I
taught a smart man like you would figger it out fer yourself. Every day I
got farder and farder away from da paint can.

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Monopoly
 Click here
Bunnings warehouse is probably Australia's biggest hardware store.
Apparently they gave out their version of monopoly to staff for gifts.
Amazing! This is a triumph of advertising!!!

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How to Tell if your dog is involved in a s*x scandal
 Click here

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A Political Message from Monica
 Click here

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Links & Photos
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People are Awesome
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Women are Awesome
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3 German Shepherds (Oldie but a Goodie) [long version] 
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Johnny Cash on Beer Bottles
 Click here

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Love in Sarajevo

Seven girls, aged 13 to 15, have fallen pregnant, after a five-day school
trip to their country's capital city, and their parents are being blamed.

The schoolgirls, from the city of Banja Luka, went to the Bosnia and
Herzegovina capital, Sarajevo.

Nenad Babici, the National Coordinator for Reproductive Health of the
Republika, said that it was discovered, that the seven schoolgirls fell
pregnant on the school trip.

The school in Banja Luka had taken 28 girls to the nation's capital city
for a five-day trip, to visit museums, and historic sights in the city,
ranked among the finest in the world.

Furious parents are demanding to know, why there was such a lack of teacher
supervision.

However, Babici blamed parents, for not educating their children properly.

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Oops [extreme violence]
 Click here

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      Ah-the-eah the-eah That's All (for this week) Folks!


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