Friday humour - April 17, 2015

An Emergency Call Center worker has been fired in
Toronto, Ontario, much to the dismay of her colleagues,
who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating,
"I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I
can finally meet Allah."
To which the call center employee replied,
"Remain calm and stay on the line."

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From: KRP
Great Photographs
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
not bad
 Click here
this must have taken some rehearsal

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From: Seasoldier
Dr. Young & Dr. Geezer

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very
bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that
said:Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get
back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know
beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get
$1,000.

So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

This is what transpired.

Dr. Young: ---"Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can
you please help me ??"

Dr. Geezer:  ---"Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3
drops in Dr. Young's mouth."

Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will
be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days
figuring to recover his money.

Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3
drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor Young:  "Oh no you don't,  --  that is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That
will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back
after several more days.

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak  ---  I can hardly see !!!!

Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so --  "
Here's your $1000 back."

Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will
be $500."

Moral of story--Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you
can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!!

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From: Seasoldier
The call

The home phone rings and 'the wife' answers.

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says:
I bet you have a tight ass, with no hair.

The woman replies: Why yes, I have.

He's watching TV... Whom shall I say is calling?

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From: Whizzbang
Railway automation
 Click here

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Funny Dog Signs
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Clooney's Twin
My favourite actress
 Click here

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From: Clooney's Twin
This could be a kindergarten in SM
 Click here

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From: Clooney's Twin
So little thyme on my hands
 Click here Click here

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From: Clooney's Twin
Worth a read.
 Click here Click here

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From: Wally
Links & Photos
 Click here Click here Click here

Like a Bird on a Wire
 Click here

65 Perfectly Timed Military Photos
 Click here

Spectacular Photos
 Click here

$40 Million Watch
 Click here

10 Most Expensive Things Brought Online
 Click here

Tasmania
 Click here

Game Show Answers
 Click here

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From: Wally
Senior Calendar & Senior Moments
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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From: Wally
Two British Heroes
 Click here Click here

The   Two   Craziest,   Most   Courageous
Chaps Ever? Tales of Two British Heroes

Part 1 - Lieutenant Colonel John Churchill (The only soldier to kill an
enemy soldier, with  a  bow  &  arrow,  in  World  War 2)
 Click here

Part 2 - Major-General Carton de Wiart VC
 Click here

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From: Wally
Icelandair Flight 671
 Click here Click here Click here

This is the incredible photo, showing the nose of a plane, completely blown
out by a lightning strike.

Icelandair Flight 671 bound for Denver, USA was hit by lightning shortly
after take off, from Keflavik International Airport in Reykjavik, Iceland.

There was a loud bang, a pop, and a bright light, the crew said.

However the captain, unaware of the gaping hole, assured passengers
everything was OK, and continued on its 6000km journey to Denver. It was
only once the plane had landed, that passengers and crew noticed the damage
to the aircraft.

A statement from the airline confirmed the incident, and added during
departure from Keflavik International Airport, the Boeing 757 aircraft used
for Icelandair flight 671 was struck by lightning.

The aircraft handling characteristics and notification systems were
unaffected, and the flight continued.

Lightning strikes are common in the area, and protocol was followed. There
was no cause for further concern, and the flight landed without issue. This
aircraft was replaced upon landing, and is being evaluated.

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From: Wally
World Borders
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Wally
Links & Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Airplane Parodies
 Click here

World Maps
 Click here

Condor Ferries Safety Rap
 Click here

Thomson Airways Safety Video
 Click here

Air New Zealand Safety Video
 Click here

Animal Encounters on a Golf Course
 Click here

Star Trek Renegades (Official Trailer)
 Click here

St Bernard Dog
 Click here

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From: Wally
Airlines With the Best Economy Class
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Airlines With the Best Economy Class
If youve flown before, you know that economy class often means cramped
seats, minimal leg room, overpriced mediocre food, and slow service. While
most of us cant afford to buy a seat on business class (not to mention
first class), there are some companies that still offer a high level of
comfort for economy class prices.

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From: Wally
USB Stick for Seniors
 Click here

Soon it will be compulsory for the elderly, to not only carry their ID with
them, but also their insurance papers, their list of medication, and a
compact version of their medical history, their views about resuscitation
after a cardiac arrest etc. So, when an older person wants to go out, he or
she will need to carry a lot of paperwork. That is why there has been
developed a special USB stick for seniors. Available soon, but only on
Prescription.

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From: Wally
Aircraft Knowledge
 Click here Click here Click here

This should be an easy quiz for those who have even a modic*m of knowledge
about aircraft

However, the answer may surprise you . . .

The Question:
"What is the primary advantage of rotary winged aircraft over fixed-winged
aircraft?
Yeah, I got it wrong as well!

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From: Whizzbang
Veterinary Jokes
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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The Parking Ticket

Working people frequently ask us retired people what
we do to make our days interesting.

Well, for example, just the other day my wife and
I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a parking meter
cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man,
how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an a--hole . He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Bev called him a s--t head. He finished the
second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it
and went home. 

We try to have a little fun each day now

that we're retired. It's important at our
age.

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[ End friday humour ]

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