Friday humour - January 09, 2015


Winter Car Bowling
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From: Burnout

I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night.

One of the guys says to his buddy:  "Man you look tired."
His buddy says: "Mate, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have s*x all the time. She's after me 3 and 4 times a day I just don't know what to do."

A fellow about my age of 55, sitting a couple of stools down, also
overheard the conversation.
He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years said.
Marry her, that'll put a stop to that sh*t."

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From: Cartographer Chris
Willie Nelson Card Trick.....
 Click here

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From: KRP
Where's The Petrol Cap?
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Conference on Ageing
This video is around 15 minutes long but you will probably spend most of that crying with laughter.
The guy is an NBC weather forecaster but really should be a stand up comedian.
If you don't laugh you're not old enough.... yet!
 Click here

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From: Sack
In church, a private prayer

My prayer.

"Dear Lord:

The past year has been very tough for me.

You have taken ...
My favourite actor - James Garner;
My favourite actress - Lauren Bacall;
My favourite comedian - Robin Williams;
And finally, my favourite author - Elmore Leonard
I just wanted you to know that my favourite politicians are -
Tony Abbott, Scott Morrison, Barnaby Joyce,
Clive Palmer and Jacquie Lambie
Amen!"

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From: Seasoldier
Where is Newfoundland?

A Newfie is visiting Texas and starts a conversation with a Texan at a local bar.
The Texan asks the Newfie where he's from and the Newfie says, "You know where New York is?"
The Texan says, "Yeah, yeah, I know where that is."
The Newfie says, "Well boy, you just drive north of there about 6 hours, turn right for 3 hours and catch a 6 hour ferry and you're there in Newfoundland."
The Texan says  "That's got to be close to China!"
The Newfie thinks about this and then says, "By gosh, I think you might be right.......
I work with a Chinese guy and he goes home for lunch every day!"

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From: Whizzbang
Cool design ideas

    Movie theaters with screens in the bathroom so you don't miss anything.
    Even better if the theater has bean bag seats.
    Traffic lights with countdown indicators
    A pen that lets you scan and write in any color.
    Wall outlets with USB chargers.
    It should also come with a built-in night light.
    And the ultimate outlet would also have extension cords built into the wall.
    Small tiles you can attach to your keys, wallet, computer, or pretty much anything.
    If you lose anything, you can then look up their location on your smartphone.
    Fresh pizza vending machines.
    Benches that you can turn to always have a dry seat.
    Power strips that you can expand and rotate.
    Mug that catches any drips.
    Parking garages with lights showing open spaces.
    Stairs with slides.
    Supermarkets with build your own 12-packs of soda.
    How to stop littering.
    Where was this when I was in school?
    Device that charges your phone from hot or cold drinks.
    Or this solar powered charger.

    Subways where you can pay by recycling.
    Device to lift the Pringles up.
    I would totally love this.
    A fun way to clean.
    A hair brush that is easy to clean.
    Earbuds that wont tangle.

    USB rechargeable batteries.
    Packing tape that is easy to open.
    Bike racks that dont take up sidewalk space.
    Caution signs that are funny.

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From: Whizzbang
Beer
I remember drinking this beer and it was a good drop made in Brisbane
But I believe that VB those thieving Victorians stole our advertising
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Great ads
 Click here
 Click here
 Click here
 Click here

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From: Arfermo
THE IRISH BROTHEL
Three Irishmen were sitting in the pub window seat...
Watching the front door of the brothel across the road.
The local Methodist pastor appeared, and quickly went inside.
"Would you look at that!" said the first Irishman.
"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"
No sooner were the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appeared at the door,
Knocked, and entered.
"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"
They continued drinking their beer, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi
When they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.

"Ah, now dat's sad," said the third Irishman.
"One of the girls must have died...

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From: Digi Maria
Brighten your day
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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From: Digi Maria
Recent letter to the editor in the Sydney Morning Herald ...
 Click here

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From: Digi Steve
Adverts for teaching positions requiring specialist skills
 Click here

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From: Wally
Links & Photos
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Links & Photos

Pork Sausages
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Train catches Fire
 Click here

The Safest Restaurant in America
 Click here

Elvis in 1977 - Unchained Melody
 Click here

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From: Wally
Links & Photos
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Links & Photos

The Ripple
 Click here

The Cicret Bracelet
 Click here

Happy New Year (Sissel Kyrkjebo - excellent voice & photography)
 Click here

Zorba the Greek (Watch the waiter in Black)
 Click here

WWII in the Pacific (110 photos)
 Click here

25 Free Tools for Windows
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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