Friday humour - November 28, 2014

[from Steve @ Bluehaze]

Until today I would NEVER have thought of cricket as being potentially
fatal. Bizarre.

This weeks collection courtesy of Burnout, Mitta,  Nottingham Smithie,
Sack, Seasoldier, Wally, Whizzbang, an the odd (numerically) anonymi.

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The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day,

leaving several of us stranded.

Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers,

I dialed the first and explained our situation.

After what seemed to be a very long silence,

the voice on the other end said,

"I don't know what you expect me to do for you;

I'm a psychologist."

"A psychologist?" I replied.

"Your phone is listed here as an emergency number.

Can't you help us?"

"Well," he finally responded in a measured tone.

"How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?"

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Texting wives

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship
with your husband.

The women were asked, "How  many of you love your husband?"
All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you
loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text  their
husband: "I love you, sweetheart."
The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to
read aloud the text message they received.

Here are some of the replies:
1.  Who the hell is this?
2.  Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3.  Yeah, and I love you too.  What's up with you??
4.  What now?  Did you wreck the car again?
5.  I don't understand what you mean?
6.  What the ___ did you do now?
7.  You're kidding, right?
8.  Don't beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?
9.  Am I dreaming?
10.  If you don't tell me who this message is actually for,
11.  I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

(my favorite)
12.  Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

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Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.

The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."

The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typically dishonest of you Arabs. I am
going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will
show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry.

The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.

The owner gives him another one.

Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What
did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies "Look in the Arab's pocket....."

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What NOT To Say To The Police. This Is Gold.
 Click here

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An Artist draws a Woman's lifetime, this is awesome.
 Click here
Really very clever [ed.]

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Food items that are Halal certified.

Cut these items out of your regular supermarket purchases and there will be
a big hole in the trolley.
 Click here

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Very Cool Pictures
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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Child's grave
 Click here

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These are actual billboards in Detroit , Michigan put up by GM. This is
definitely cool!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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What Happened To All Those Fuel Tanks Jettisoned Over Vietnam?
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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Some new some old
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Breast Cancer Fund Raising in Japan [Xish]
 Click here

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TURN AROUND !!!
 Click here

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      Ah-the-eah the-eah That's All (for this week) Folks!


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[ End friday humour ]

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