Friday humour - November 21, 2014

Gussius @ Bluehaze

Maybe it is simply the work of Beancounters, or our Spooks or just changing
technology, but something dodgy is going on with our email systems.

Recent changes in many of the main Australian providers including Bigpond,
TPG to name just two, might be to reduce the volume and therefore cost, by
making it impossible to transmit some attachments including image files,
deleting links to websites, spamming regular messages and deleting files.

Maybe the spying agencies have brought on these changes to make it easier
to monitor ordinary citizens along with trainee terror suspects. Perhaps it
is the uptake of social media including Twitter, Facebook and SMS that has
diminished the value of email. I note however that any reduced cost hasn't
has been passed onto consumers.

Complain if this is annoying you. The providers will blame you, your
computer, device, operating system etc. I’m not paranoid – everyone
really does hate me.

Contributions this week that weren't blocked include those from Anonymous3,
Duke of Barsinov, KRP,  Nottingham Smithie, Sack, Whizzbang,  Clooney's
Twin, Digi Maria, Duke of Barsinov, Seasoldier, Wally and anon.

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The CEO:

The lawyer says to the CEO: "I have some good news and, I have some bad
news."

The CEO replies: "I have had an awful day, let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer says: Your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures today that she
figures are worth a minimum of $2 million.

The CEO replies enthusiastically: Well done, very good news indeed! You've
just made my day; now what is the bad news?

The lawyer answers: The pictures are of you having s*x with your secretary.

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Tractor pulling Indian style:
 Click here

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Family Needs:

A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids, what do they need
at home?

1st kid says "A computer". Teacher replies "That'd be very useful. Every
family should have a computer

2nd kid says "We really need a new lawn mower" and the teacher responds by
saying that's an excellent choice.

Little Johnny pops up and says: "At my house we don't need anything."

The teacher asks him to think again carefully because everybody needs
something.

Little Johnny replies, "Nope I'm sure!"

When my sister started dating a Muslim, I remember Dad saying, Well, that's
the last f*cking thing we need."

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Science teachers:
 Click here

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Climate deniers at Bondi beach:
 Click here
Tony Abbott is the one on the left in bright blue budgie smugglers

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Free trade agreement:
 Click here
India's free trade agreement with Australia, this is the cover page:

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When life gives you lemons:
 Click here

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As usual, Phony Tony didn't really mean it:
 Click here

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Motherhood-lums:
 Click here

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Dublin Tram Crash:
 Click here Click here

This is the collision between a Dublin bus and a Dublin tram.

Now have a look at the ad on the side of the bus that the tram went
into..... You couldn't make it up!!!!!!!!!

Priceless!!

Did you know Supersavers was a multinational? I did not.

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Honeymoons:
Three virgin sisters were all getting married within a short time period.
Mum was a bit  worried about how their s*x life would get started and made
them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on
their first impressions of marital s*x.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.
The card said nothing but: "Nescafe". Puzzled at first, Mum went to her
kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Great from beginning to
end". Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from the Maldives a week after the wedding,
and the card read: "Rothmans".  Mum now knew to go straight to her
husband's cigarettes to read from the pack:
"Super strong King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still
happy for her daughter..

The third girl departed for her honeymoon in New Zealand . Mum waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. A month passed;
still nothing.. A card finally arrived from Auckland on which was written
with shaky hand, "Air New Zealand ".

Mum took out her latest travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing
the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ.

'Ten times a day, seven days a week, in all directions.'

MUM FAINTED!!!

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6 s*x stories:
 Click here

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Children learn:
 Click here

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Putin:
 Click here

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Should Have Phoned First !!:
 Click here Click here Click here

Chinese Man Proposes to his Girlfriend with 99 X iPhone 6s, She Said NO.

Chen Jiang, 25, a love-struck man, from the northern Chinese city of
Orumqi, decided to propose to his girlfriend, Daiyu Lihua, 23, in the
middle of a heart, made from 99 X iPhone 6s, at a cost of over 500,000 Yuan
($94,400).

Jiang assembled his stack of brand new iPhone 6 handsets, in the shape of a
heart.

Then, standing inside it with a bouquet of flowers, Jiang asked his
girlfriend Lihua, to be his bride, all while a crowd of family and friends
watched on.

Sadly, she said NO, leaving him with a bouquet of flowers, a mountain of
phones, and likely a very empty wallet. It's not known if the pair, who
have been dating for 4 years, are still together.

November 11 marks Singles Day in China, a national event that began several
years ago, as a way for the unlucky in love, to woo the objects of their
affection, or to meet new people at various parties, organised to mark the
occasion.

For the heartbroken programmer, who now has 99 X iPhones in his possession,
the proposal set Jiang back, $94,000. That's roughly two years' salary.

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Terminator 3 - The Greatest Story Ever Told:
 Click here

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Trained Crack Dog:
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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