Friday humour - October 24, 2014

[from Steve @ Bluehaze]

On Tuesday we lost a Great Australian.

Regardless of political beliefs, no-one can disagree that Gough Whitlam was
the catalyst and engine for great social modernisation and equality. Apart
from a very few notable bad decisions (mainly foisted on him by a combative
and unwieldy cabinet not of his choosing) all the changes he made had a
lasting positive effect on our society. Even his 1975 nemesis Malcolm
Fraser became his friend and stanch defender in later life.

I had the singular honour to meet him and be in a select small audience to
hear him speak decades after his dismissal, and the man still just exuded
intelligence, confidence and authority.

With one exception, this weeks offering has been restricted to original and
funny stuff, so it’s a bit lighter on.

Enjoy!

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Ultra-slow motion lightning
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

*Divorce*

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce. He asked,
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the
property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's
parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "we have a two-car carport and have never really needed
one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in yo0ur marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like
the music, but the answer to your question is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a
divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My
husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

My nephew says

In the Beginning God made heaven and earth... The rest was made in China.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

The Dwarf With a Lisp

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm, 'I'd like to buy a horth' he
says to the owner of the farm.

'What sort of horse?' said the owner.

'A female horth' the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare.

'Nithe horth.' says the dwarf, 'Can I thee her eyeth?'
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes.

'Nithe eyeth.', says the dwarf, 'Can I thee her teeth?'
Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.
Nithe teeth.... Can I see her eerth?' the dwarf says.

The owner is getting fed up but again picks up the dwarf to show him the
horses ears.
'Nithe eerth.' He says, 'Now...can I see her twot?'
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves
his head deep inside the horse's vagina.

He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and
putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says:
'Perhaps I should weefwaze that. Can I see her wun awound?

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Drawings of Bill Mauldin

He meant so much to the millions of Americans who fought in World War II,
and to those who had waited for them to come home.  He was a kid cartoonist
for Stars and Stripes, the military newspaper; Mauldin's drawings of his
muddy, exhausted, whisker-stubble infantrymen Willie and Joe were the voice
of truth about what it was like on the front lines.
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Cut and paste
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Faceless Fun - Very chauvinistic
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Guy Posters ...
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

This is the biggest load to be moved in WA. It weighed over 700 tons with
four trucks towing and two pushing it on gravel. They were travelling at 4
kms per hour on the gravel roads, reaching 6 kms per hour on the bitumen.
The distance to the new mine is 230 kms - they drove up to 15 hours a day,
taking 6 days to reach their destination (this also included becoming
bogged, with four front end loaders having trouble pulling it out).
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Snappy retorts
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Bless me ...
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Classical music - and other bits ...
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Honesty Test..........

Be honest and try to answer each question honestly.
They seem simple at first and get harder as you go along.

Question # 1:
You are running late for work, so you cut through the park to save time.
As you round the corner you find a little girl crying because she has
spilled her ice cream all over herself.

What do you do?

A) You are running late so you keep on going and hope that no one sees you.
B) You stop and offer to buy her another ice cream to shut her up.
C) You stop and offer to clean her up and get her another ice cream.
D) You lick the ice cream off because you didn't have breakfast

Scroll down and see if you answered correctly!

Remember, BE HONEST.

Want to change your answer?

.....end of test........

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Lovestruck (Watch after credits at end)
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

WTF Parrot [Warning Language]
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

You Gotta Love old Hippies
 Click here
Could you go and Gas up in public with this unit and not get embarrassed?

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

      Ah-the-eah the-eah That's All (for this week) Folks!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[ End friday humour ]

 Previous (October 17, 2014)  Index Next (October 31, 2014)