Friday humour - August 29, 2014

Gussius @ bluehaze

Contributors this week included Anonymous3, Arfermo, Biggus, KRP, Nottingham Smithie, 
Sack, Seasoldier, Wally, Clooney's Twin and Whizzbang. 

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Yes, Google Maps is tracking you. Here's how to stop it:
 Click here
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Best movie lines ever:
This set of 100 quick movie clips in 10 minutes is pretty cool. Some
of The " best and most memorable lines ever." Once you start, you
can't stop watching.
 Click here

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An amazing walk on Christ The Redeemer :
Watch the powerful images of workers, working at an altitude of
almost 100 feet, as they restore the lightening-damaged statue of
Christ the Redeemer, one of the symbols of Rio de Janeiro.
 Click here

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An Incredible Speed-Artist!:
 Click here
 How does he do it??
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Elephant 'jokes':Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
 A: Sir.
 Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
 A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
 Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
 A: To try to forget.
 Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow,
    grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
 A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
 Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?
 A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
 Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
 A: You don't, you get down from a duck.
 Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
 A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
 Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
 A: An inside out elephant.
 Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the
    outside?
 A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.
 Q: What is grey and not there.
 A: No elephants.
 Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
 A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
 Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
 A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns
    blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
 Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
 A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns
    blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
 Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
 A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!
 Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
 A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
 Q: How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
 A: He paints his balls red and sits in a cherry tree. - similar joke -
 Q: Why do elephants paint their nuts red?
 A: So they can hide in cherry trees.
 Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
 A: A native eating cherries.
 Q: How did Tarzan die?
 A: Picking cherries.
 Q: What's the fastest thing in the jungle?
 A: A monkey carrying a bunch of cherries.
 Q: How do you get an elephant to sit on a cherry tree?
 A: Plant a seed and let the elephant stand on it.
 Q: How does an elephant get down from a cherry tree?
 A: It doesn't, it gets down from a duck...
 Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
 A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn (or wait for parachute
    practice.)
 Q: Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?
 A: So they can jump up in trees and rape monkeys.
 Q: What sound do monkeys hate most?
 A: Booooiiiiiinnnngggg...Booooiiiiiinnnngggg...Booooiiiiiinnnngggg....
 Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
 A: Because it was dead.
 Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
 A: It was glued to the first one.
 Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
 A: It thought it was a game.
 Q: And why did the tree fall down?
 A: It thought it was an elephant.
 Q: What's the biggest drawback of the jungle?
 A: An elephant's foreskin.
 Q: Heard of the wallet made of elephant foreskin?
 A: When you rub it, it turns into a briefcase.
 Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
 A: Four, two in the front, two in the back..
 Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
 A: Chicken's day off.
 Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
 A: About 8kph
 Q: How do you know if you pass an elephant?
 A: You can't get the toilet seat down.
 Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
 A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door..
 Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW
    bug?
 A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.
 Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
 A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open
    the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.
 Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagon bug?
 A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back
 Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge?
 A: Footprints in the butter.
 Q: How do you know if there are 2 elephants in your fridge?
 A: Two sets of footprints in the butter.
 Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
 A: Can't get the fridge door closed.
 Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
 A: There's a VW bug parked outside it.
 Q: How do you get 8(!) elephants in a fridge?
 A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the
    fridge. A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold
    two VW's!
 Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
 A: Open door, get two VW's out, put Tarzan in, close door.
 Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
 A: you can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO
 Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
 A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!
 Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
 A: The fridge isn't not large enough to hold them all.
 Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
 A: Depends on the number of elephants.
 Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW bug discover?
 A: The sun roof.
 Q: The Lion (Animal king) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all
    of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
 A: They were stuck in the VW bug.
 Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW bug?
 A: None, the elephants are in there!
 Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
 A: Optimistic!
 Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
 A: Free Parking.
 Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
 A: Sole use of the elevator.
 Q: What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
 A: Walk him and pitch to the giraffe!
 Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
 A: It's bike is outside.
 Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
 A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.
 Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
 A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
 Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
 A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
 Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.
 Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
 A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
 A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
 A: Elephino.
 Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
 A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
 Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
 A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
 Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
 A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
 Q: How do you get 1,000 elephants into a shopping cart at Safeway.
 A: To get the answer, you'd better get the 'S' out of Safe and the
    'F' out of the way.
 Q. What is the difference between an elephant and a blueberries?
 A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.
 Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the
    hill?
 A: "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
 Q: What did Jane say?
 A: Here come the blueberries. (Jane was color blind)
 Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses
    on, coming over the hill?
 A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
 Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
 A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream,
    5 tons of bananas,.....
 Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
 A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.
 Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
 A: Parachute him from an airplane.
 Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the
    afternoon?
 A: That's when the elephants are skydiving.
 Q: Why are pygmies so short?
 A: They climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.
 Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
 A: From stamping out forest fires.
 Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
 A: From stamp out flaming ducks.
 Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
 A: To fit on lily pads.
 Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the
    afternoon?
 A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.
 Q: Why are frogs so short?
 A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon....
 Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
 A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute
    jumping.
 Q: What is a furry alligator?
 A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.
 Q: Why are pygmies so short?
 A: They can't tell time.
 Q: What is that stuff between elephants toes?
 A: Watchless natives.
 Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
 A: 5 o'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence..)
 Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
 A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
 Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
 A: No? Well, it must work.
 Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the
    street wearing pink sweatshirts?
 A: They're all on the same team.
 Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you?
 A: She has a big 'E' on her pajama jacket pocket.
 Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
 A: Because they might let down their trunks.
 Q. Why do elephants have four feet? 
 A. Because lady elephants have     big twats.
 Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
 A: Sheep.
 Q: Why do elephants have long trunks?
 A: Because sheep don't have strings.
 Q: What do elephants use for condoms?
 A: Snakes.
 Q: What do elephants use for vibrators?
 A: Epileptic pigmies.
 Q: How do you know when an elephant has its period?
 A: There is a quarter on your dresser and your mattress is missing.
 Q: What is an elephant's s*x organ?
 A: His foot.... If he steps on you you're F*CKED!
 Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
 A: A pachydermatoligist.
 Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
 A: Take away his credit card.
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hooker?
 A: A two-ton pickup.
 Q: What did the female elephant say during s*x?
 A: "Can I be on top this time?"
 Q: What did the elephant say to the nude man?
 A: Cute, but can you breathe through it?
 Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
 A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
 Q: What do you do when you come across an elephant?
 A: Wipe it off!
 Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants?
 A: None of the offspring survived.
 Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she's
    lying down in tall grass?
 A: VERY attractive..
 Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in you're yard?
 A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag!
 Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
 A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).
 Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
 A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!".
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?
 A: Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler.
 Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
 A: Lots of room.
 Q: What's grey and comes in quarts?
 A: An elephant.
 Q: What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
 A: Swim for your life!!
 Q: Why do elephants lay on their backs?
 A: To trip low flying canaries.
 Q: Why did the elephant have a yellow spot on his ass?
 A: He wasn't laying on his back.
 Q: Why do elephants have Big Ears?
 A: Because Noddy won't pay the ransom. (somebody want to explain this
    for me?)
 Q: Why don't you go into the jungle between 3 and 4 am?
 A: Because the elephants are jumping from the trees.
 Q: Why are pygmies so short?
 A: Because the go into the jungle between 3 and 4 am.
 Q: What's that red stuff between elephants toes?
 A: Slow pygmies.
 Q: How can you tell when elephants have been making love in your back
    yard?
 A: The fence is broken and one of your Hefty bags is gone.
 Q: What do you do when you see a thousand elephants coming down the
    mountain slopes?
 A: Swim for your life!
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?
 A: A dead ant.
 Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.
 Q: What does an elephant with a runny nose (trunk) need?
 A: A bl*w job.
 Q: How do you make an elephant fly?
 A: Start with a 3 foot zipper.
 Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
 A: An elephant with spare parts
 Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
 A: To pick up the squashed chicken.
 Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat
    of your car?
 A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!
 Q: What is more difficult than getting 2 elephants in the back seat
    of your car?
 A: Getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car!!
 Q: Whats more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in the back
    seat of your car?
 A: Getting an elephant pregnant in the back seat of your car!
 Q: What is the height of ambition?
 A: An ant climbing an elephant's leg with the intention of rape.
 Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
 A: Smokey the Elephant.
 Q: What do elephants use for condoms?
 A: Garbage bags!
 Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
 A: You miss most of the picture!
 Q: Why do pygmies wear giant condoms on their heads?
 A: Because if an elephant steps on them, they're f*cked!
 Q: What did one elephant say to the other elephant when he realized
    he'd stepped on a pygmie?
 A: Look what I just stepped in!
 Q: What do elephants use for slippers?
 A: Sheep!
 Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
 A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.
 Q: Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?
 A: No? See, it works!!!
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rat?
 A: A dead rat with an 18 inch as*hole!
 Q: What's big and green and slimy, and hangs from tall trees?
 A: Elephant boogers.
 Q: How many elephants can you fit into a Dodge?
 A: 5. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove
    compartment.
 Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage?
 A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead! (damn elephants get into
    everything!)
 Q. What's the difference between a little moron and an elephant?
 A. About 20 pounds, but the elephant's gaining!
 Q: How do you tell if there's an elephant under your bed?
 A: Your nose touches the ceiling.
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mountain
    climber?!?
 A: Silly, a mountain climber is a scaler and you can't cross a vector
    with a scalar!
 Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
 A: Cinderelephant.
 Q: What do you do with a elephant with 3 balls?
 A: Walk him and pitch to the bear
 Q: What is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant?
 A: About 40 lbs..
 Q: How do you equalize the two?
 A: Feed the elephant. (From the "Canonical List of Sorority Girl
    Jokes")
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
 A: The 'Elephino!
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and an orang-utan?
 A: One dead ape with two-foot stretch marks.
 Q: How dow you get an elephant to come in a thimble?
 A: Stuff a bale of hay in it.
 Q: How do you stuff a bale of hay in a thimble?
 A: One straw at a time.
 Q: What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
 A: An elephant with diarrhoea.
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Remarkable Escape:
 Click here

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Darwin Award In Darwin:
 Click here

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Spells:Spell to Get Measles.
 1. Find someone who has measles.
 2. Lick them..!
 Spell to Turn Day Into Night
 1) Stand facing a large tree or wall.
 2) Close eyes tightly.
 3) Keeping eyes closed, run straight ahead as fast as you can.
 Spell to Breathe Under-Water
 1) Attach concrete block to your feet.
 2) Jump into water.
 3) Breathe normally and sing the tune to "Flipper".
 4) Takes about 5 minutes for lungs to adjust.
 Spell to Commune With Pink Elephants
 1) Pour glass of vodka or alcoholic drink of choice.
 2) Drink.
 3) Repeat steps 1-3.
 Spell to Attract Lightning
 1) Cover yourself in metal: jewellery, chains, golf
 clubs, nails, nuts & bolts, hub-caps. Etc.
 2) Go out into a thunderstorm and hold a long TV
 antenna high in the air.
 3) Wait.
 Spell to Stop a Runny Nose
 1. Get two cotton balls.
 2. Shove one up each nostril.
 3. Tape them there.
 Spell to Make a Person fall in Love with You
 1. Call person at least thirty times a day.
 2.. Park outside their house and shut your headlights
 off.
 3. Leave sweet tokens on doorstep ( i.e.-roses without
 petals, a nice headless Barbie doll.).
 4. Follow them everywhere they go. careful, they'll
 try to lose you!
 5. Don't worry if they get that silly restraining order,
 that means the spell is working!
 Spell to Make Your Computer Fast
 1. Open Window.
 2. Throw Computer out window.
 (If the computer hit ground really fast, the spell worked.)
 Spell to Save on Petrol
 1. Cut holes in floorboards of car.
 2. Remove shoes.
 3. While still seated, pedal feet really fast.
 4. Scream "Yabba Dabba Do!"
 Optional: Invite passengers to join in the fun!
 A Spell to Go to the Loo
 1) Drink so much water that you think you will burst.
 2) Drink another glass anyway.
 3) Wait ten minutes, then guzzle a can of Pepsi.
 4) Repeat step 3 as often as desired to increase the
 spell's effect.
 Alternate Spell to Go to the Loo
 1.. Eat a bushel of prunes.
 2. Take a dose of Exlax.
 3. Wait. Stay close to the bathroom!
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JAPANESE INGENUITY - Save your plastic and change it back to OIL? :
With all the concern of plastic disposal around the world, this
invention has got to be a real winner!!!!!!
Wonder if the oil producers will permit the wide use of these
machines?????
Excellent video.
HOW BRILLIANT IS THIS?
 WONDER WHAT HAPPENS TO OURS, EVERY TOWN SHOULD HAVE ONE, A BIGGER
ONE!
 This is one of the most amazing emails and break-throughs in
technology I have ever seen!!!
Why aren't we doing this now????
I think we should all do what we can to save what we are destroying!
A case of Japanese ingenuity and perseverance. What is more important
would be the
marketing and very low cost to make it mandatory to have one of these
in every home.
The sound is all in Japanese. Just read the subtitles and watch. What
a great discovery!
 Click here

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What a coincidence:
A woman and a farmer entered the same restaurant and sat down at
adjacent tables. The farmer ordered a glass of champagne. The woman
said: "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne."
 "What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, It is a special day
for me. I am celebrating".
 "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" said the
woman.
 "What a coincidence." said the farmer. As they toasted, the farmer
asked, "What are you celebrating?"
 "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and
today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."
 "What a coincidence," said the man. "I am a chicken farmer and for
years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay
fertilized eggs."
 "This is awesome," said the woman. "What did you do for your chickens
to become fertile?"
 "I used a different rooster," he said.
 The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."

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Hovering on a London Bus:
Pedestrians and drivers were amazed last week as magician Dynamo
appeared to hover above them, holding on to a London bus. The magician
and illusionist is famous for making such audacious stunts, and this
one was very well appreciated but puzzling.
How do you think he did it?
 Click here

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Spray glue:
I did laugh out loud !!
Old Ladies with Spray Glue
OK… you better be watching this in a place where you can laugh out
loud!!
Ya gotta love the Brits.
If ya don't laugh at this one, check and see if ya got a pulse.
 Click here

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Donuts:
An admiral visits one of the ships under his command. While eating
morning tea with the crew he was impressed to see the naval insignia
stamped on every biscuit.
He went to the cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used
on other ships under his command.
 The cook replied, "Well Admiral, after each one is cut out I just
slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the insignia."
 Horrified the Admiral exclaims, "Well that's very unhygienic!"
 The cook shrugs and replies, "Well if you feel that way sir, I
suggest you steer well clear of the donuts."

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Resurrection:
 Click here Click here
RESURRECTION?
While the priest was presenting a children's sermon.
He asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at
the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation
can also be very dangerous. In response to the question, a little boy
raised his hand.
The priest called on him and the boy said, "I know that if you have a
resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call
the doctor."
It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for
the service to continue.
Innocence personified and just imagine the conversation at home.

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I can't tell the difference:
 Click here

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This explains why the feral guvmint can't sell it's
budget:
 Click here

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Our Clive Palmer deserves a triple face Palmer:
 Click here

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Expect a refund of the carbon tax? Well here's the answer - Fook Yew
and Fook Mee:
 Click here

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Slow cooker:
 Click here
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That would be right:
 Click here

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What now is was not in the time of the prophet -- funny:
 Click here
London cab driver's answer to a request from a Muslim to turn off the
radio.A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly
asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his
religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of
the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the
music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and
opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?"
The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis,
so p*ss off and wait for a camel.."

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Bathurst 1964- interesting old photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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How to predict a border pat down....:
 Click here
I bet you spotted it right off!
Yep.... the suitcase doesn't have a name tag on it.

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News from Rome:
 Click here
The Pope has finally lifted the ban on Condoms.... but more training
is needed

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Shave and Shine:
 Click here Click here
A guy from Texas walked into a barbershop, sat on the barber's chair
and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."
The barber (using a straight razor by the way) began to lather his
face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts
that he had ever seen, knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The Texan said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time
in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."
The Texan said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you
the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you!"

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More Chinese Translations
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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The 10 Most Poisonous Animals in the World: Some of the following
animals look scary, some look innocent. Some are large, and some are
very tiny. Some are predators, and some are peaceful. But all of them
have one thing in common - they're poisonous to the extreme, and it
will be the worst day of your life to be their victim. So let's go
down the list of the 10 most poisonous animals on earth, so we know
who to avoid. Interesting to note that the top 4, are found in
Australia.
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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A note from a proud grandfather:Many years ago I took my grandson to
his 1st ball game.
Good grandfather and grandson stuff right?
Male bonding, right?
I buy him hot dogs, pretzels, ice cream!
He sees one hit over the wall!!!
But....
Will he remember the time we spent together?
Will he remember the taste of the hot dogs?
Flavor of the Ice cream? Size of the pretzel?
Will he often think of the long home run?
NAH!
What will he remember?
 Click here

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Chinese Sick Leave:
 Click here

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Oops - Welcome to Pakistan:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here
One has to wonder why anyone would build an aircraft ramp or engine
run-up area, with pavement bricks, not secured by something other than
sand. Shaheen Air B-737 at Sialkot Airport, Pakistan, 19 July 2014.
After a B737 Run-up:

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World Lego:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Yesterday Lego opened their new
 Turkish headquarters in Istanbul.
 A quick peek inside ......

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Sharks:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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World Mosquito Day:
 Click here Click here
Today the 20th August is World Mosquito Day
Take the Quiz to find out how much you know about Malaria
Quiz -
Click here

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Links & Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here
FedEx
 Click here
Mt Everest
 Click here

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Deulmusae (XXX):
 Click here Click here Click here
There is an actual Restaurant in Korea dedicated to Glorifying
the Human Penis.
All aboard the C*ck-a-Doodle Express to
 Click here

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Human Compassion in the Face of Violence:
25 Photos of Human Compassion in the Face of Violence
 Click here

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Old Japanese Man:
 Click here
(Oldie, but a Goodie)
 Click here

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Links & Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here
What happens went an Airport moves in Next Door?
 Click here
Beaches
 Click here
Anna Lappe - Marketing aimed at Kids
 Click here
Gold Coast Australia -†Timelapse
 Click here

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Dumb Quotes:
 Click here
Question: If you could live forever, would you, and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live
forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would
live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not
live forever."
 --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
 --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life,"
 -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for
federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
 --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime
rates in the country,"
 --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it,"
 --A congressional candidate in Texas .

"Half this game is 90% mental."
 --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
 --Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
 -- Dan Quayle

"The word genius isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
 --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."
 -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
re-apply if there is a change in your circ*mstances."
 --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
 --Keppel Enderbery

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart throughout the night,
and the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
 -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Putin:
 Click here

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Would you tell him or just watch?:
 Click here

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Hamas ceasefire:
 Click here

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Now THIS is a BBQ:
 Click here

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Looters:
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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