Friday humour - April 11, 2014

Gussius @ Bluehaze

Thought for the week : Politicians should have a mute button.

Australia's federal Government have applied the principle of a mute button
when for example, it comes to
"on water matters" in the Northern Indian ocean, but apparently not the
Southern Indian ocean.

Malaysia airlines have misplaced a Boeing 777 and explained it as a classic
fight or flight response. When nothing goes right - go left. That's when
they hit the mute button.

Contributions this week are from  Anonymous3, Duke of Barsinov, KRP,
Nottingham Smithie, Sack, Wally,
Whizzbang, Cartographer Chris, Mitta, Seasoldier and anon


A Blonde Cowgirl:

A blonde city girl named Sue marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to  Sue,
'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today,
so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in
the barn.  'Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

The rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives  and knocks on the
front door.  "I came to inseminate the cow."¯ he said.

Sue takes him down to the barn.  They walk along the row of cows, and when 
Sue sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air-head blonde, asks, 'Tell me,
lady, 'cause I'm dying to know.
How would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple." she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she
explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I guess
it's to hang your pants on.'

(It's nice to see a blonde winning...once in awhile.)



NASA Science News for March 27, 2014.

A total lunar eclipse on April 15th marks the beginning of a remarkable
series of eclipses, all visible from North America. The video covers the
short version of the subject, or you can choose the full story.

 Click here

 Click here


Cruise Ship Cut in Half, Then Stretched 99 Feet (Time Lapse):

Fascinating painting technology for a shipyard. Amazing engineering
You've heard of stretch limos, but...
 Click here



With  apologies to any of Irish descent  ...   
The Irish have the lowest stress rate  because they do not understand the
seriousness of most medical terminology.....

Medical  Term   Irish  Definition
Artery - The study of  paintings
Bacteria - Back door to  cafeteria
Barium - What doctors do  when patients die
Benign - What you be,  after you be eight
Caesarean  Section - A neighbourhood  in Rome
Cat  scan - Searching for  Kitty
Cauterize - Made eye  contact with her
Colic - A sheep  dog
Coma - A punctuation  mark
Dilate - To live  long
Enema - Unfriendly  female
Fester - Quicker than  someone else
Fibula - A small  lie
Impotent - Distinguished,  well known
Labour  Pain - Getting hurt at  work
Medical  Staff - A Doctor's  cane
Morbid - A higher  offer
Nitrates - Rates of Pay  for Working at Night,
Normally more money than days
Node - I knew  it
Outpatient - A person who  has fainted
Pelvis - Second cousin  to Elvis
Post  Operative - A letter  carrier
Recovery  Room - Place to do  upholstery
Rectum - Nearly killed  him
Secretion - Hiding  something
Seizure - Roman  Emperor
Tablet - A small  table
Terminal  Illness - Getting sick at  the airport
Tumor - One plus one  more
Urine - Opposite of  you're  out  

Police Officer Test:

How do you tell the difference between an English Police Officer, a
Canadian Police Officer, an American
Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?

QUESTION:You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and your
Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks
eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.

You are carrying your trucheon and are an expert in using it. However, you
have only a split second to react before he reaches you.  What do you do ?


London Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
5) Am I dressed provocatively?
6) Could I run away?
7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?
8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?
9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this
send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab
and kill me?
12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if
he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself?
13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the
opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my
family home?

Canadian Police Officer:

American Police Officer:

Glasgow Police Officer:
"Haw, Jimmie.. Drop the knife, noo, unless you want it stuck up yer ar*e!"


Children's Bedrooms:
 Click here


One night on my way home:

One night on my way home from the Pub a Haggis trundled up to me and said "
You're drunk "
Yes I said, it's 2am and I've had ten pints.
The Haggis replied " so you really are Drunk!!! "
Yes I said, but at least I don't have a six foot giant p*ssing on me.


Peaches Geldof:

I see Peaches Geldof popped her clogs yesterday, I can only conclude that
she didn't like Mondays either


Oz Newspaper Predictions for 2030!:


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Little India ,
formerly known as Australia.

Tasmania executes last remaining Greenie.

White minorities still trying to have English recognised as Australia 's
third language.

Children from 2 parent heteros*xual families bullied in schools for being
Tolerance urged.

Gay Marriages now overtake heteros*xual marriages as preferred 'lifestyle'

Kookaburra and platypus plague threatens North Western Australia crops and

Melbourne schoolgirl expelled for not wearing Burqa: Being a Christian is
no excuse says school. Sharia law must be enforced.

Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are
now extinct and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. Australian
Government have told the Japanese that Cane Toads taste like whale meat.

Australia now has 10 Universities of Political Correctness. Professor
Goldman of ANU says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop
people saying what they think.

Australian Deficit $10 trillion dollars and rising. Government declares
return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime
Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration
secret to success.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries.
... No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally
into the USA, but US President
Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President
in 2032.

Australia Post raises price of stamps to $18 and reduces mail delivery to
Wednesdays only.

After a 10-year, $75.8 billion study: Scientists prove diet and exercise is
the key to weight loss.

Average weight of an Australian drops to 115 kgs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in
Vicindia and New South India ...

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed
they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Senate still blocking drilling in Canberra even though gas is selling for
5,000 Rupees per litre and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.

Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters, and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as
lethal weapons.

Australian Tax Office sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Richmond Tigers won this years National Footy final beating the Hindu
Hornets 20-11 to 13-18

South Asia (formerly Northern Territory ) voters still having trouble with
voting machines.

I Love This Country!


Gentle thoughts

Gentle Thoughts for Today
Birds of a feather flock together...
And then sh*t on your car.

A penny saved is a
Government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher
It is to lose weight, because by
Then your body and your fat have
Gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find
Something lost around the
House is to buy a replacement...

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman
Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL'.

The sole purpose of a child's
Middle name is so he can
Tell when he's really in trouble.

Did you ever notice: When you
Put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS'
Together it spells 'Theirs....'

Aging: Eventually you will
Reach a point when you stop
Lying about your age and
Start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back
Their odometers. Not me, I want
People to know 'why' I look this
Way. I've traveled a long way and
Some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and
Would like to go back to your
Youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting
Old when everything either
Dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no
One tells you about aging
Is that it is such a nice change
From being young. Ah, being
Young is beautiful, but being
Old is comfortable.

Lord, Keep your arm around
My shoulder and your hand
Over my mouth . . . AMEN


Good health:

For better digestion I drink beer,
in the case of appetite loss I drink white wine,
in the case of low blood pressure I drink red wine,
in the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch,
and when I have a cold I drink schnapps.¯

When do you drink water?¯

I've never been that sick!¯


Irish Idiom...:

Letter from an Irish Mother to her Son!

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive.  I'm writing
this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast.  We are all doing
very well.

You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have
moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20
miles from your home, so we moved.  I won't be able to send you the address
because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers when
they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

 This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm
not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the
chain and haven't seen them since..

 Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men
under him.  He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.

 Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found
out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or
an uncle.

 Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a
short while and they've already made him a court martial!

Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whisky in the
Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them
off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

 I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while
riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.

 I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me.
The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten
minutes. Your father offered to buy it  from him.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week,
first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the
chickens laid the same egg four times.

 We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last
payment on your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.

 About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley
said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we
cut them off and put them in the  pockets.

 John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really
worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

 Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck.
Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other
two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
tailgate down.

 There isn't much more news at this time.. Nothing much has

 Your loving Mum.

 P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already
sealed the envelope.


New Study:

A new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live
longer than the men who mention it.


F-35 joint strike force fighter outside loop:

This was an outside loop!!
This guy clearly has brass and you know the sailors on the flight deck had
a cow when they saw this unfold in front of them.  Intentional? Hardly!

This is unbelievable!  F-35 unintentional loop at takeoff - a real "check
your laundry" event. A supremely well-trained US Navy pilot, ice running in
his veins instead of blood, fully regains control of his $70 million,
F-35 joint strike force fighter, after a problematic vertical take-off
attempt... Watch as the rear vertical thruster fires to cause the problem.

There's nothing about this the pilot enjoys. If he could have ejected at
100' upside down and lived, he would have. Looks like the afterburner kicks
in while still vectored for vertical takeoff. Lockheed would call this a
"software malfunction" and do a little more "regressive testing".

This is a good demonstration of power-to-weight ratio of this aircraft! And
talk about stability control...
wow!  If he didn't come out of the loop wings-level, it probably would have
been bad news; maybe taking some of the carrier with him!  Add to this
flying through your own exhaust, which can lead to equipment malfunctions,
as in "flame out".

The F-35 is single engine aircraft with vertical takeoff/landing
capability, but it has the aerodynamics of a
Steinway piano at zero airspeed. This is the most unbelievable piece of
flying you will ever see in your life.

This guy's coolness saved a 70 million-dollar aircraft! On the other hand,
he might not have had time to react to anything except just ride it.
 Click here



At an auction in Manchester a wealthy American announced that he had lost
his wallet containing £10,000 and would give a reward of £100 to the person
who found it.

From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give £150!"


7 examples of British humour:

A Special Package for Businessmen
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men.
Buy your ticket, get your wife's ticket free.
After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking
how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"

New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her
husband who is seated on the couch in the Living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number:
"Hello Darling."
The husband responds in a low tone: "Let me call you back later
Honey, the stupid woman is in the kitchen."

Cool message by a wife
Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm
living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

Throwing knives at wife's picture
Husband was throwing knives at his wife?s picture. All were missing
the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."

Habit of talking in sleep
A lady to doctor: My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep!
What should I give him to cure it?
Dr: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.

Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate,
hurricanes to swirl around & no one teaches a man how to choose a wife.

Your husband needs rest
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some
sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!


A replacement:

A man was looking for a job and he noticed that there was an opening at the
local zoo. He inquired about the job and discovered that the zoo had a very
unusual position that they wanted to fill. Apparently their gorilla had
died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up
in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days. He was to just
sit, eat, and sleep. His identity would be kept a secret of course. Thanks
to a very fine gorilla suit, no one would be the wiser. The zoo offered
good pay for this job,
so the man decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he
looked just like a gorilla.

They led him to the cage; he took a position at the back of the cage and
pretended to sleep. But after a while, he got tired of sitting so he walked
around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises. The
people who were watching him seemed to really like that. When he would move
or jump around, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts. And the
man loved peanuts. So he jumped around some more and tried climbing a tree.

That seemed to really get the crowd excited. They threw more peanuts.
Playing to the crowd, he grabbed a vine and swung from one side of the cage
to the other. The people loved it and threw more peanuts.

Wow, this is great, he thought. He swung higher and the crowd grew bigger.
He continued to swing on the vine, getting higher and higher and then all
of a sudden, the vine broke! He swung up and out of the cage,
landing in the lion's cage that was next door.

He panicked. There was a huge lion not twenty feet away, and it looked very
hungry. So the man in the gorilla suit started jumping up and down,
screaming and yelling, Help, help! Get me out of here! I'm not really a
gorilla! I'm a man in a gorilla suit! Heeelllllp

The lion quickly pounced on the man, held him down and said, Will you be
quiet! You're going to get both of us fired!


Sarah Palin Wonders If Malaysian Flight 370 'Flew Directly to Heaven' ???:

Sarah Palin claimed today that Malaysia Flight 370 may have vanished
because it mistakenly flew too high and ended up in heaven.

  During an appearance on Fox News last night Sean Hannity asked the former
vice-presidential candidate for her thoughts about the aircraft, which has
been missing for nearly two weeks.

  The former Alaska governor stunned viewers with an unorthodox new theory
that international investigators have so far ignored.

  I see all these smarty pants people on CNN saying that it was terrorism
or a fire in the c*ckpit,¯ she explained to a bewildered Hannity, But I
don't hear anyone talking about the God possibility. I mean what if they
accidentally flew too high and go stuck up there?

  I'm not expert on international aviation. But I do know that God is up
there looking down on us. And everyone knows that once you go to heaven you
can't come back. This would explain why we haven't found any wreckage in
the ocean and why no one saw the plane land.

  "The radar had the plane at 45,000 feet, well above it's usual cruising
altitude. Who knows how much higher they went?

  Of course the looney liberal media can only imagine secular explanations
for this mystery. They would never tell the American public that God might
be involved! But I hope the Malaysian authorities and the
NTSB take a look at the facts and seriously consider the idea that this
flight crossed into Christ's kingdom and isn't coming back.¯
  Above the Clouds

  Malaysia Flight 370 vanished without a trace on March 8th less than two
hours into a regularly scheduled flight from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. After
an exhaustive search no sign of the aircraft or Its 227 passengers and 12
crew have been found.

  Initial speculation centered on the theory that a sudden explosive
decompression destroyed the Boeing 777 over the South China Sea. But a
subsequent review of radar and satellite data revealed that shortly after
contact was lost the flight made a drastic left turn and continued flying
for seven hours.

  The latest information seems to suggest that someone on the plane
deliberately shut down its transponder and flew it off course. However, the
uncertainty about the who may have done so and why has fed a wide range of
conspiracy theories involving everything from the singer Shakira to aliens.

  Palin seems to be the first to suggest, however, that there may be a
supernatural solution to this puzzle and the bizarre idea proved too much
even for the devoutly Catholic Hannity.

  You realize that heaven isn't an actually in the sky right?¯, he pleaded,
The concept of heaven is metaphorical. Some people believe it's in another
dimension or in another universe. It's not something you can just fly

  Sean I think its incredibly arrogant for us as humble human beings to
claim that we know how heaven works, Palin responded, How do you know
there's not a door to heaven in the sky between Malaysia and


Inside the Army Hidden_Treasure:
 Click here


World's Worst & Ugliest Cars:

This is a compilation of the world's worst & ugliest looking cars! This is
a list of cars from all over the world,
including some cars recently launched in India!
 Click here

The World's Ugliest Car - looks like it's melting!
(this is the LADA, Russian SUV concept that we hope will never see the
light of day - )

Unveiled in 2010, Tata Magic Iris may be a great and efficient vehicle for
India (and may even one day replace the ubiquitous autorickshaw),but to our
eyes it has very unbalanced shape... as though somebody kicked it in the
back and sent it on its way, wobbling and bouncing along:

The Aurora monster was built in 1957 by an eccentric New York priest trying
to make the ultimate safety vehicle. Clearly, this design was not graced by
the hand of God:

only one prototype was produced, and it broke down 15 times on the way to
the press conference,
requiring towing to 7 different garages (more info, and images at Gatsby

Safari Car (left) and 1968 Ostentatienne Opera Sedan, made by Mohs
Automobile - no side doors here;
entry is only from the rear door, what a bright idea:

Overland OctoAuto (1911): perfect for Doctor Octopus' garage!

Measuring more than 20 ft in length, Milton Reevesā€™ barmy behemoth had 8
wheels and received zero customer orders when it went on display at the
inaugural Indianapolis 500.

Unable to realize that 4 wheels was the future of automobiles, Reeves made
a 6 wheeled S*xAuto the following year, which was another flop.

Imagine the length of congestion lines today if 8 wheels had caught on as a
design concept!

Here is some strangely bloated 1912 racing car from Turin, Fiat S76,
rightly called "The Beast of Turin":

Scripps-Booth Bi-Autogo! (don't you just love this name?)

Not really a car but some sort of a bike / cart hybrid, this two-wheeled
3,200-lb monstrosity was built in 1913 and was powered by the very first V8
engine that was made in Detroit.

Check out the huge external radiator, made from the shiny copper tubes...
The Scribbs-
Bah...Bi...Whatever... even comes equipped with the training wheels!

A similar two-wheeled (or somewhat three-wheeled) "thing" was manufactured
from 1925-1928 in France

from a design by the Mauser company (better known for guns) and called a

King Midget (1946): Plain as a Box

Aiming to provide a cheap kit car every household could afford, Midget
Motors Corporation put together the King Midget package,containing an
instruction manual, axles, chassis, steering system, springs and patterned
schematics for the sheet metal.

Able to accept all one cylinder engines, the King Midget was bargain
basement design at its worst and later models were discontinued with
stricter safety and emissions regulations.

To say that King's dashboard was simple is an understatement (left), and to
our eye, this vehicle looks better and more interesting when totally

Even Uglier: The Town Shopper

Made by Carter Motor Corporation in California in 1950:

Renault Dauphine (1956): considered by many to be "the Slowest Car of All

Proof that no one ever lost money underestimating the intelligence and
taste of the general public, the
Renault Dauphine sold very well, over 2 million units globally.

Not bad, considering it was a cheap heap of junk with no identifiable
redeeming feature other than what the scr*p merchant ultimately offered for

A continental bad joke, the Dauphine possessed the glacial acceleration
(able to reach 60 mph from start in "only" 32 seconds) and was so prone to
rusting that one hard winter could corrode the front wings into sieves.

People were saying that "if you stood beside it, you could actually hear it
rusting". Imagine how criminals rejoiced when French police was outfitted
with Dauphines! And yet it even was used in car racing:

The actual shape of Renault Dauphine is not that bad-looking, and holds
nostalgic value for many people.

The idea behind this car was to provide modest transportation to many
working families in a post-war recovery France.

It did just that, but barely, providing people with many hilarious
memories, and earning itself a place in many "worst cars" lists.

Zunndapp Janus (1958): better not to look where it's going...

When the Janus was unveiled industry experts werenā€™t two-faced with their
reaction, they all openly agreed it was terrible.

Equipped with a 250-cc engine and boasting a maximum speed of 50 mph, the
Janus proved that motorbike manufacturers shouldnā€™t meddle in the
motorcar market.

Hilariously, the back seats were rear-facing so the red-faced passengers
could watch congestion build up behind them while being serenaded with an
irate cacophony of car horns.

The dashboard was no less hilarious:

Amphicar (1961): equally bad on the road and in the water

There was a certain sinking feeling about this bizarre concept car,
seemingly thought up by a drunk car designer who had watched far too many
Bond films.

Able to drive on land and ride on water, the Amphicar wasnā€™t watertight
and therefore only floated for as long as a pump held out or passengers
could bucket the rising flood overboard.

With a top speed of 7 mph when on water, consumers decided to keep their
cars and boats as separate vehicles.

Peel Trident (1966): you'll be so hot, your skin will start peeling off

A woeful attempt to make a futuristic car (though it is rather neat
looking, in a soap box sort of way), the
Peel Trident was made on the Isle of Wight and was basically a go-kart with
a ludicrously heavy bubble-
like chassis. Slow and c*mbersome, the Peel Trident was quickly laughed off
the road, particularly as the plastic dome threatened to cook the
passengers under the harsh gaze of the sun.

The Bond Bug (1970): Ask Sean Connery what he thinks about this

No relation to Agent 007, and ugly as sin, the Bond Bug was a two seated
sports car with three wheels which had a short production run of four
years, during which the guffaws from car critics resounded loudly.

The bright orange body paint made it look like a satsuma on wheels and the
price was ridiculously high for such a small oddball of a vehicle that
fared poorly when compared with the iconic and cheaper Mini.

See other super-small vehicles in our Smallest Cars series. One advantage
of their size, of course, is that you can transport them on the flat bed of
your truck:

Sebring-Vanguard CitiCar (1974): a pyramidal abomination

Surely this ugly duckling should be applauded for being an early attempt at
introducing an electric car on to the motor market?

No, it looked like the mismanaged mix of a golf-cart and a garden shed.
Made as a response to the 70s fuel crisis, the Sebring-Vanguard CitiCar
placed the reputation of car design and manufacturing itself in jeopardy
with its unpopular box-like body. Its production run ran for four years.

Incredibly awkward-looking Aston Martin Lagonda wagon (left) and the overly
souped-up Porsche (actually

Miserably-shaped 1965 Citroen Ami (designed by an Italian sculptor, it has
an eclectic, perhaps too eclectic shape - which still looks like parts
badly put together):

Ungainly Ford Taunus 2000 GXL with a custom front:

A kit car, but no less crime against any design sense ("a dash of Corvette,
the headlights from a Cougar,
tail lights from a Vauxhall, powered by a VW engine"), more info:

The 1977 Volkswagen prototype by Luigi Colani (definitely not the high
point in the career of the master):

Fiat Multipla (1998): this is ugly beyond reasonable level of ugliness

Proof that looks do matter, the Fiat Multipla is an ugly beast that had
drivers staying away in droves.

Less aesthetically pleasing than a proboscis monkey, Fiat trumpeted its
excellence as a family carrier,

while families pointed out they wouldn't be seen dead in it. Given the
advancements made in car design over the decades, how on Earth did the
schematics for the Multipla ever get used for anything other than a
practical joke?

Another Fiat, this time called "Doblo" (left), and a weird Australian item
(a Lightburn Zeta?):

Strange Tanghua ("A Piece of Cloud") concept car from China, 2008:

What is this?? A customized Tato Nano, that's what:

Fiat Aquila concept (left) and a custom abomination from the 2007 Tokyo
Auto Show:

Here is a truly outrageous-looking concept car, the recent 2010 Sbarro
Autobau - more info. It may look like it's got teeth and preparing to eat
you for breakfast.

It also looks like it's been hastily put together from LEGO blocks by a
4-year old. But in any case, the future is here and looks as yellow as it
can possibly be.

Stay tuned for the next part in this series!


Important Information About Vitamin D:

Vitamin D prevents osteoporosis, depression, prostate cancer, breast
cancer,and even effects diabetes and obesity.

Vitamin D is perhaps the single most underrated nutrient in the world of
nutrition. That's probably because it's free: your body makes it when
sunlight touches your skin.

Fifteen facts that are important to know about vitamin D and sunlight

1. Vitamin D is produced by your skin in response to exposure to
ultraviolet radiation from natural sunlight.

2. The healing rays of natural sunlight (that generate vitamin D in your
skin) cannot penetrate glass. So you don't generate vitamin D when sitting
in your car or home.

3. It is nearly impossible to get adequate amounts of vitamin D from your
diet. Sunlight exposure is the only reliable way to generate vitamin D in
your own body.

4. A person would have to drink ten tall glasses of vitamin D fortified
milk each day just to get minimum levels of vitamin D into their diet.

5. The further you live from the equator, the longer exposure you need to
the sun in order to generate vitamin D. Canada, the UK and most U.S. States
are far from the equator.

6. People with dark skin pigmentation may need 20 - 30 times as much
exposure to sunlight as fair-
skinned people to generate the same amount of vitamin D. That's why
prostate cancer is epidemic among black men - it's a simple, but
widespread, sunlight deficiency.

7. Sufficient levels of vitamin D are crucial for calcium absorption in
your intestines. Without sufficient vitamin D, your body cannot absorb
calcium,rendering calcium supplements useless.

8. Chronic vitamin D deficiency cannot be reversed overnight: it takes
months of vitamin D supplementation and sunlight exposure to rebuild the
body's bones and nervous system.

9. Even weak sunscreens (SPF=8) block your body's ability to generate
vitamin D by 95%. This is how sunscreen products actually cause disease -by
creating a critical vitamin deficiency in the body.

10. It is impossible to generate too much vitamin D in your body from
sunlight exposure: your body will self-regulate and only generate what it

11. If it hurts to press firmly on your sternum, you may be suffering from
chronic vitamin D deficiency right now.

12. Vitamin D is "activated" in your body by your kidneys and liver before
it can be used.

13. Having kidney disease or liver damage can greatly impair your body's
ability to activate circulating vitamin D.

14. The sunscreen industry doesn't want you to know that your body actually
needs sunlight exposure because that realization would mean lower sales of
sunscreen products.

15. Even though vitamin D is one of the most powerful healing chemicals in
your body, your body makes it absolutely free. No prescription required.

On the issue of sunlight exposure, by the way, it turns out that super
antioxidants greatly boost your body's ability to handle sunlight without
burning. Astaxanthin is one of the most powerful "internal sunscreens" and
can allow you to stay under the sun twice as long without burning.

Other powerful antioxidants with this ability include the super fruits like
Acai, Pomegranates (POM
Wonderful juice), blueberries, etc.

Diseases and conditions cause by vitamin D deficiency:

* Osteoporosis is commonly caused by a lack of vitamin D, which greatly
impairs calcium absorption.

* Sufficient vitamin D prevents prostate cancer, breast cancer, ovarian
cancer, depression, colon cancer and schizophrenia.

* "Rickets" is the name of a bone-wasting disease caused by vitamin D

* Vitamin D deficiency may exacerbate type 2 diabetes and impair insulin
production in the pancreas.

* Obesity impairs vitamin D utilization in the body, meaning obese people
need twice as much vitamin D.

* Vitamin D is used around the world to treat Psoriasis.

* Vitamin D deficiency can cause schizophrenia.

* Seasonal Affective Disorder is caused by a melatonin imbalance initiated
by lack of exposure to sunlight.

* Chronic vitamin D deficiency is often misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia
because its symptoms are so similar:
muscle weakness, aches and pains.

* Your risk of developing serious diseases like diabetes and cancer is
reduced 50% - 80% through simple,
sensible exposure to natural sunlight 2-3 times each week.

* Infants who receive vitamin D supplementation (2000 units daily) have an
80% reduced risk of developing type 1 diabetes over the next twenty years.

Shocking Vitamin D deficiency statistics:

* 32% of doctors and med school students are vitamin D deficient.

* 40% of the U.S. population is vitamin D deficient.

* 42% of African American women of childbearing age are deficient in
vitamin D.

* 48% of young girls (9-11 years old) are vitamin D deficient.

* Up to 60% of all hospital patients are vitamin D deficient.

* 76% of pregnant mothers are severely vitamin D deficient, causing
widespread vitamin D deficiencies in their unborn children, which
predisposes them to type 1 diabetes, arthritis, multiple sclerosis and
schizophrenia later in life. 81% of the children born to these mothers were

* Up to 80% of nursing home patients are vitamin D deficient.

Ed: More information from Sunsmart (Cancer Council of Victoria) is here:
 Click here



Don't watch unless you want to really laugh

Do you need a good belly laugh ??
The show is old and corny, the audience likewise, or even dead by now,
but good stuff.
Is a bowling ball as sharp as a knife?
Old, but a wonderful show for an appreciative audience...
 Click here

Fix your eyes forward on what you can do, not back on what you cannot

This message is made from 100% recycled pixels. Please consider the
environment before printing.


Drinking In Ireland:

  "As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs
  back home.
  In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's......
  The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.
  When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

  "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London,
  the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy
  the first two."

  "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in
  me favorite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll
  buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then,
  you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get
  all on the house."

  The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
  "Did this actually happen to you?"

  "Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen
  to me sister quite a few times."


Grandma and the free Oranges:

 Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside
and made them line up.
Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the
police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the
prostitutes. When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow,
still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip
the skin back and suck em' dry."

The policeman fainted.



A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks steps into a brothel
outside Kalgoorlie .
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your
ugliest woman and a burnt chop!!

The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of money you could have
one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal.

The truckie replies, 'I'm not horny . . . I'm homesick.


A fascinating "Guess who" test:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

 A variation of, you can't tell a book by its cover
We have all seen old photographs of famous people but the text with these
make them most interesting.


Old car trivia:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

See if you know the answers.
For the Car History Buff

Q: What was the first official White House car?
 Click here
A: A 1909 White Steamer,
ordered by President Taft.

Q: Who opened the first drive-in gas station?
 Click here
A: Gulf opened up the  first station in Pittsburgh  in 1913.

Q: What city was
the first to use parking meters?
 Click here
A: Oklahoma City, on
July 16, 1935.

Q: Where was the first drive-in restaurant?
 Click here
A: Royce Hailey's Pig Stand opened in Dallas in 1921.

Q: True or False?
The 1953 Corvette came in white, red and black.
 Click here
A: False.
The 1953 'Vetted' were available in one color, Polo White.

Q: What was Ford's answer to the Chevy Corvette, and other legal street
racers of the 1960's?
 Click here
A: Carroll Shelby's Mustang GT350.

Q: What was the first car fitted with an alternator, rather than a direct
current dynamo?
 Click here
A: The 1960 Plymouth Valiant

Q: What was the first car fitted with a replaceable cartridge oil filter?
 Click here
A: The 1924 Chrysler.

Q: What was the first car to be offered with a "perpetual guarantee"?
 Click here
A: The 1904 Acme, from Reading, PA. Perpetuity was disturbing in this case,
as Acme closed down in 1911.

Q: What American luxury automaker began by making cages for birds and
 Click here
A: The George N. Pierce Co. of Buffalo, who made the Pierce Arrow, also
made iceboxes.

Q: What car first referred to itself as a convertible?
 Click here
A: The 1904 Thomas Flyer, which had a removable hard top.

Q: What car was the first to have it's radio antenna embedded in the
 Click here
A: The 1969 Pontiac Grand Prix.

Q: What car used the first successful series-production hydraulic valve
 Click here
A: The 1930 Cadillac 452, the first production V16

Q: Where was the World's first three-color traffic lights installed?
 Click here
A: Detroit, Michigan in 1919. Two years later they experimented with
synchronized lights.

Q: What type of car had the distinction of being GM's 100 millionth car
built in the U.S. ?
 Click here
A: March 16, 1966 saw an Olds Tornado roll out of Lansing, Michigan with
that honor.

Q: Where was the first drive-in movie theater opened, and when?
 Click here
A: Camden, NJ in 1933

Q: What autos were the first to use a standardized production key-start
 Click here
A: The 1949 Chryslers

Q: What did the Olds designation 4-4-2 stand for?
 Click here
A: 4 barrel carburetor, 4 speed transmission, and dual exhaust.

Q: What car was the first to place the horn button in the center of the
steering wheel?
 Click here
A: The 1915 Scripps-Booth Model C. The car also was the first with electric
door latches.

Q: What U.S. production car has the quickest 0-60 mph time?
 Click here
A: The 1962 Chevrolet Impala SS 409. Did it in 4.0 seconds.

Q: What's the only car to appear simultaneously on the covers of Time and
 Click here
A: The Mustang

Q: What was the lowest priced mass produced American car?
 Click here
A: The 1925 Ford Model T Runabout. Cost $260, $5 less than 1924.

Q: What is the fastest internal-combustion American production car?
 Click here
A: The 1998 Dodge Viper GETS-R, tested by Motor Trend magazine at 192.6

Q: What automaker's first logo incorporated the Star of David?
 Click here
A: The Dodge Brothers.

Q: Who wrote to Henry Ford, "I have drove fords exclusively when I could
get away with one. It has got every other car skinned, and even if my
business hasn't been strictly legal it don't hurt anything to tell you what
a fine car you got in the V-8"?
 Click here
A: Clyde Barrow (of Bonnie and Clyde) in 1934.

Q: What car was the first production V12, as well as the first production
car with aluminum pistons?
 Click here
A: The 1915 Packard Twin-Six. Used during WWI in Italy, these motors
inspired Enzi Ferrari to adopt the V12 himself in 1948.

Q: What was the first car to use power operated seats?
 Click here
A: They were first used on the 1947 Packard line.

Q: Which of the Chrysler "letter cars" sold the fewest amount?
 Click here
A: Only 400, 1963, 300J's were sold (they skipped" "I" because it looked
like a number 1)

Q: What car company was originally known as Swallow
Sidecars (aka SS)?
 Click here
A: Jaguar, which was an SS model first in 1935, and ultimately the whole
company by 1945.

Q: What car delivered the first production V12 engine?
 Click here
A: The cylinder wars were kicked off in 1915 after Packard's chief
engineer, Col. Jesse Vincent, introduced its Twin-Sis.

Q: When were seat belts first fitted to a motor vehicle?
 Click here
A: In 1902, in a Baker Electric streamliner racer which crashed at 100 mph.
on Staten Island!

Q: In January 1930, Cadillac debuted it's V16 in a car named for a
theatrical version of a 1920's film seen by Harley Earl while designing the
body, What's that name?
 Click here
A: The "Madam X", a custom coach designed by Earl and built by Fleetwood.
The sedan featured a retractable landau top above the rear seat.

Q: Which car company started out German, yet became
French after WWI?
 Click here
A: Bugati, founded in Molsheim in 1909, became French when Alsace returned
to French rule.

Q: In what model year did Cadillac introduce the first electric sunroof?
 Click here
A: 1969

Q: What U.S. production car had the largest 4 cylinder engine?
 Click here
A: The 1907 Thomas sported a 571 cu. in. (9.2liter) engine.

Q: What car was reportedly designed on the back of a Northwest Airlines
airsickness bag and released on April Fool's Day, 1970?
 Click here
A: 1970 Gremlin, (AMC)

Q: What is the Spirit of Ecstasy?
 Click here
A: The official name of the mascot of Rolls Royce, she is the lady on top
of their radiators.

Q: What was the inspiration for MG's famed octagon-shaped badge?
 Click here
A: The shape of founder Cecil Kimber's dining table. MG stands for Morris

Q: In what year did the "double-R"  Rolls Royce badge change from red to
 Click here
A: 1933


 Click here Click here Click here Click here

As you may know, ammunition is in real short supply and last night a man in
his 80's lucked out and was able to buy several boxes of AR-15 5.56 NATO
round ammo at the local sporting goods store.

On his way home he stopped at the 7-Eleven station for some gas where this
drop-dead gorgeous young blonde was filling up her car at the pump next to

She glanced at the ammo boxes in the back of his Jeep and said in a very
seductive voice, "Hey old timer, I'm a big believer in barter, would you be
interested in trading s*x for ammo?"

The old guy thought for a moment and replied, "Yep, I might be, what kinda
ammo ya got?"


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here


Very true:
 Click here


Cars you have never seen:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Pure fantasy on wheels, machines designed to make the heart race and the
mind ask, "What if?" These 1950's concept cars were automotive art built to
attract public attention, test wild engineering ideas and give motorists a
fleeting glimpse down the highway of tomorrow.

Had to laugh at the license plate on the Jetson's car. No wonder the
windshields were shaped the way they were. But I believe the comic family
didn't debut until 1962.







1951 BUICK XP-300




1958 FORD X-2000



195? MERCURY D524, This car was never shown to the public.



1953 FORD X-100





If you want to see a dog really laugh...:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here


1890 - rare vintage:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Not an anorexic model amongst them!!!!!!
Playboy Calendar: 1890 (Great pictures!)


Malasia flight box recorder found:
 Click here


Remember your School photos?:
 Click here

Graduation day -
it will be lovely for them,
in years to come,
to remember their classmates!


Who cares:
 Click here


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

 Japanese knickers...

What you see are not see thru skirts.. They are actually prints on the
skirts to make it look as if the panties are visible.

They are the current rage in Japan!

I forward this as a public service, so you won't have a heart attack when
this hits your local Target store

I just hope it doesn't spread to Lakemba...


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

This could almost  destroy your belief in hereditary theory?
Who'd have guessed?

Personally I would be  seeking a DNA test!!


Margaret Thatcher's Love child:

Notice the resemblance ??
 Click here


 Click here


  Last night she went to a party at the local senior center.
The second Tuesday of every month they have an evening potluck supper.
  They usually eat, play bingo, reminisce, and drink a little
wine and talk about the good ole days...
  Selma Martin's grandson is staying with her for a few weeks.
It's rumored he got in a scr*p over some marijuana with the law  in Calgary
and he came to Richmond to avoid the heat.
  Anyway, Selma is known for her delicious Brownies and she
always bakes up a quadruple batch for each get-together. She makes enough
for everyone and some for folks to take one home for later.
  For some reason they were extra good this week and every last
one of them was eaten. Not a one left over.
  We later found out that Selma 's grandson, Butch, laced the
brownies with some of his marijuana.
  Knowing this, I guess it offers a logical reason for everyone
feeling good that night. By the time
Zeke put on a hip hop record, everyone was in a real good mood and it was
the first time the whole place got up and danced the conga

  That is until the cops came to check all the noise

  Well, that's another story.....................

.............. .......................

  Life's too Short....and you thought all we did was play Bingo


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here


A New Crop of WalMartians Has Landed:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here


Only in India:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Talk about some ingenuity….



















Giraffe Manor:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Giraffe Manor is a unique property and hotel in the Lang'ata suburb of
Nairobi , Kenya ,
famous for its resident herd of endangered Rothschild giraffes that live in
the extensive grounds of the manor house. Every day shortly before 9am, the
mammoth beasts stroll up to the house and poke their heads through the
windows and doors in search of morning treats.

Guests could feed the giraffes from their breakfast table, photograph them
and interact with this graceful animal through the open window, at the
front door and even at the second floor bedroom window.

This is the only place in the world where one can share breakfast with the
worlds tallest animal.

The Giraffe Manor was built in 1932 by Sir David Duncan, in 150 acres of
land running down to the Mbagathi River, the southern boundary of the city
of Nairobi . In the 1960s the Manor was purchased by a local investor who
leased it to a succession of people, including the late Dennis Lakin,
before it fell into disrepair, unoccupied.

From 1974, Giraffe Manor was the home of Jock and Betty
Leslie-Melville,whose lifelong ambition became the preservation of this
beautiful and threatened species of giraffe.

When Jock died, Betty decided to open her house, now called The Giraffe
Manor, to visitors. Today, many tourist make the Giraffe Manor part of
their East African Safari. Some spend a week here and The
Giraffe Manor is reported to have many repeat guests, who have become old
friends with the hotel owners.

The Giraffe Manor is surrounded by 140 acres of indigenous forest just
outside Kenya 's capital, Nairobi .
As well as the giraffe, the property is also home to many species of birds,
large families of Warthogs and the elusive Bush Buck.


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Before chainsaws were invented, the logging industry in the United States &
Canada was a seriously challenging occupation and we are only talking about
125 years ago. In the Pacific Northwest there were forests full of monster
trees and cutting them down was done by hand.

A friend sent me these photos and I had to share them with you.

Look at the length of the two-man hand saw and heavy duty axes above that
they used to drop these tremendous trees.  It is almost inconceivable to
think of cutting down a tree this size with a hand saw.

The work required very strong men (and horses) working long days for
minimal pay. Could you imagine doing this to earn a living?

After a tree was finally felled, it took a week or more to cut it up into
sections that could be managed (somehow) and transported by train to a
lumber yard.

Maneuvering the logs down the mountain to the train was a complex job.  I
didn't do any research on this, but I would be willing to bet that many men
lost their lives doing this dangerous work.
One slip and a hunk of wood as big as a hotel is rolling your way!  The
other question that begs an answer is how did they get those logs up onto
the flatbeds of that train?

Hollowed out logs became the company's mobile office. Can you imagine
stacking such logs to build a log home?   Two courses would produce a 30'
ceiling.  Maybe that's why it was easier to hollow out a tree.

A long time before anyone ever thought of a mobile home or RV, hollowed out
logs were also used to house and feed the logging crews.

We are accustomed to our modern conveniences like electricity and
gasoline-powered chainsaws, and it is always such a mind-boggling
experience to see how such monumental tasks were performed before these
conveniences appeared on the scene.  Remember that the picture above shows
a hollowed-out log made into a travel trailer.

Share this with your friends.  Even those who don't live in a log home will
enjoy this blast from the past!


Fabulous renovation ideas (The Block):
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

The Fertility window is a favourite.


Old Photos:
 Click here


1 X Video Link & 25 X Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Please Don't Shoot Me
 Click here


The World's Oldest Hotel:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

The Oldest Hotel in the World
HŨshi is a ryokan (Japanese traditional inn) in the Awazu Onsen area of
Komatsu, in Ishikawa
Prefecture, Japan. Founded in 717, it is the world's oldest hotel still in
operation according to the Guinness
World Records, and the world's oldest continuously operating company. The
hotel has been operated by the same family, for forty-six generations.


Peac*ck Spider:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Peac*ck Spider (Australia only 4mm long)
 Click here


Happy Birthday (1/2X):
 Click here


Ta End is Near

Sean is the pastor of a Church of England parish on the Northern Ireland /
Southern Ireland border and
Patrick is the priest in the Roman Catholic Church across the road.
One day they are seen together erecting a sign into the ground which says:


As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,
"Leave people alone you Oirish religious nutters! We don't need your

From the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash.

Shaking his head, Rev. Patrick says, "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'."

"Yaa," Pastor Sean agrees, "Do ya tink maybe da soign should jost
say, 'BRIDGE OUTā€™?"


Union rules:
 Click here Click here

The Hookers' Union

A dedicated AWU union worker, Craig Thompson was attending a convention in
Sydney and decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union run

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, Craig stomps off down the street in
search of a more equitable,
hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a
brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We
observe all union rules."

Craig asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" Craig said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a
stunningly attractive green-
eyed blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a
92-year old woman in the corner,
"but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's
next cab off the rank!"


Excellent Questions from a son to his Father:
 Click here

A young Arab asks his father,
"What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why,
It's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads
from the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked
the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert  it’s very hot and it
protects the body." said the father.

The son asked,
“And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied,
"These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in
the desert."

"So tell me then," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Cabramatta, and still wearing all this sh*t?


Breast Feeding Incident:
 Click here

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman
next to him started to breastfeed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it, so she said,"Come on sweetie, eat it all up or
I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."

Five  minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on,
honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."

A few minutes later, the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid.
Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!


 Click here


[ End friday humour ]

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