Friday humour - March 28, 2014

 From Burnout @ Bluehaze

From: Wally
Subject: Malaysia Airlines Ad from 2012
 Click here
How ironic is this Malaysia Airlines Ad from 2012 ???

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Morning Chuckle

     WHERE ARE MY GLASSES?

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do
something useful with my time.
  Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good
thing.

 Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite
topic of conversation.
 She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior
center and hang out with the guys.

  I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a
lesson about staying out of my business.
  I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 73 years old, and now you're
going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy
to her.

She immediately telephoned me, "Good grief, where are your
glasses!
This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again; I really don't know what to do...
I signed up for five jumps a week."

The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said
that she had fainted.
 Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it
can be fun.

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Surprise photos
Must see!!
 Click here

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From: Burnout
Subject: Playing th' Spoons.......
 Click here

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From: Burnout
Subject: Can your vacuum do this??
 Click here

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From: Burnout
Subject: Maggie & th' Dawg!

*www.youtube.com/embed/qoaEBb4IN4Q?rel=0
* target=_blank>Click here

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From: Burnout
Subject: The Anzac on the wall

By Jim Brown

I wandered thru a country town, 'cos I had some time to spare,
And went into an Antique Shop to see what was in there.
Old Bikes and Pumps and Kero lamps, but hidden by it all,
A photo of a soldier boy ... An Anzac on the Wall.

'The Anzac have a name?' I asked. The old man answered 'No',
The ones who could have told you mate, have passed on long ago.
The old man kept on talking and, according to his tale,
The photo was unwanted junk, bought from a clearance sale.

'I asked around,' the old man said, 'But no one knows his face,
He's been on that wall twenty years ... deserves a better place.
For someone must have loved him, so it seems a shame somehow.'
I nodded in agreement and then said ... 'I'll take him now.'
My nameless digger's photo, well it was a sorry sight
A cracked glass pane and a broken frame ... I had to make it right
To prise the photo from its frame I took care just in case,
Cause only sticky paper held the cardboard back in place.
I peeled away the faded screed, and much to my surprise,
two letters and a telegram, appeared before my eyes
The first reveals my Anzac's name, and regiment of course
John Mathew Francis Stuart ... of Australia 's own Light Horse.
This letter written from the front ... my interest now was keen;
this note was dated August 7th, 1917

'Dear Mum, I'm at Khalasa Springs, not far from the Red Sea
They say it's in the Bible ... looks like a Billabong to me.
'My Kathy wrote, I'm in her prayers ... she's still my bride to be,
I just can't wait to see you both, you're all the world to me.
And Mum you'll soon meet Bluey, last month they shipped him out
I told him to call on you, when he's up and about.'
'That bluey is a larrikin, and we all thought it funny,
He lobbed a Turkish hand grenade into the Co's dunny.
I told you how he dragged me wounded; in from no man's land
He stopped the bleeding, closed the wound, with only his bare hand.'
'Then he copped it at the front, from some stray shrapnel blast,
It was my turn to drag him in, and I thought he wouldn't last.
He woke up in hospital, and nearly lost his mind
Cause out there on the battlefield, he'd left one leg behind.'
'He's been in a bad way Mum, he knows he'll ride no more
Like me he loves a horse's back, he was a champ before.
So Please Mum can you take him in, he's been like my own brother
Raised in a Queensland orphanage he's never known a mother.'
But Struth, I miss Australia Mum, and in my mind each day
I am a mountain cattleman, on the high plains far away.
I'm mustering white-faced cattle, with no camel's hump in sight,
and I waltz my Matilda, by a campfire every night
I wonder who rides Billy ...!! I heard the pub burnt down!!
I'll always love you ... and please say Hooroo, to all in town'.

The second letter I could see, was in a lady's hand,
An answer to her soldier son, there in a foreign land.
Her copperplate was perfect, the pages neat and clean it bore the date,
November 3rd 1917.

'T'was hard enough to lose your Dad, without you at the war
I'd hoped you would be home by now ... each day I miss you more'

'Your Kathy calls around a lot, since you have been away,
To share with me her hopes and dreams, about your wedding day.
And Bluey has arrived ... and what a godsend he has been
We talked and laughed for days, about the things you've done and seen'

'He really is a comfort, and works hard around the farm,
I read the same hope in his eyes, that you won't come to harm.
Mc Connell's kids rode Billy, but suddenly that has changed.
We had a violent lightning storm, and it was really strange.'
'Last Wednesday, just on midnight, not a single cloud in sight,
It raged for several minutes, it gave us all a fright.
It really spooked your Billy ... and he screamed and bucked and reared,
And then he rushed the sliprail fence, which by a foot he cleared'

'They brought him back next afternoon, but something's changed I fear,
It's like the day you brought him home, for no one can get near.
Remember when you caught him, with his black and flowing mane?
Now Horse Breakers fear the beast, that only you can tame,'
'That's why we need you home son ...... Then the flow of ink went dry
......
This letter was unfinished ... and I couldn't work out why.

Until I started reading, the letter, number three
   A yellow telegram delivered news of a tragedy.
Her son killed in action ... Oh! What pain that must have been,
the same date as her letter ... 3rd November 1917
This letter which was never sent, became then one of three.
She sealed behind the photo's face ... the face she longed to see.

And John's home town's children, when he went to war,
Would say no greater cattleman, had left the town before.
They knew his widowed mother well, and with respect did tell,
How when she lost her only boy ... she lost her mind as well.
She could not face the awful truth, to strangers she would speak
"My Johnny's at the war you know ... he's coming home next week."

They all remembered Bluey, he stayed on to the end.
A young man with wooden leg, became her closest friend.
And he would go and find her when she wandered, old and weak,
and always softly say ... 'Yes dear ... John will be coming home next
week.'

Then when she died, Bluey moved on ... to Queensland some did say.
I tried to find out where he went, but don't know to this day.
And Kathy never wed, a lonely spinster... some found odd.
She wouldn't set foot in a church ... she'd turned her back on God.
John's mother left no Will, I learned, on my detective trail.
This explains my photo's journey, of that clearance sale.
So I continued digging, cause, I wanted to know more.
I found John's name with thousands, in the records of the war.

His last ride proved his courage... a ride you will acclaim
The Light Horse Charge at Beersheba of everlasting fame.
That last day in October back in 1917,
at 4pm our brave boys fell ... that sad fact I did glean.
That's when John's life was sacrificed, the record's crystal clear.
But 4pm in Beersheba is midnight over here .....
So as John's gallant sprit rose, to cross the great divide,
Were lightning bolts back home, a signal from the other side?
Is that why Billy bolted, and went racing as in pain ...?
Because he'd never feel his master, on his back again ...!
Was it coincidental ...? Same time ... Same day ... Same date ...!
Some proof of numerology ... or just a quirk of fate ...?

I think it's more than that you know, as I've heard wiser men,
Acknowledge there are many things, that go beyond our ken

Where craggy peaks guard secrets, neath dark skies torn asunder,
Where hoof beats are companions, to the rolling waves of thunder

Where lightning cracks like 303's, and ricochets again,
Where howling moaning gusts of wind, sound just like dying men
Some Mountain cattlemen have sworn, on lonely alpine track,
They've glimpsed a huge black stallion ...with  Light Horseman on his back.

[image: Description: Light Horse Gallipoli 3]

Yes Sceptics say, it's swirling clouds, just forming apparitions.
Oh No, My friend you can't dismiss all this as, superstition.

The desert of Beersheba ... or a windswept Aussie range,
John Stuart rides on forever there ... I don't find that at all strange.
Now some gaze upon this photo, and they often question me,
and I tell them a small white lie, and say he's family.

'You must be proud of him.' they say ... I tell them, one and all,
That's why he takes ... the pride of place ...

The Anzac on the Wall.

Lest We Forget

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From: KRP
Subject: Contribution

Thailand's Space Program;
 Click here

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From: KRP
Subject: Contribution

Extreme skateboarding;
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: This is a hoot! Watch and listen..............damned entertaining.

Gas Station Karaoke, this is a hoot! Watch the guys wife in the car
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Jim was excited about his new rifle

Jim was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He
traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after
there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black
bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my
cousin.
I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death, or I have
s*x with you."After considering briefly, Jim decided to accept the latter
alternative. So, he bent over, and the black bear had his way with Jim.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jim soon recovered and vowed
revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black
bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder.
This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.The grizzly said,
"That was a big mistake, Jim. That was my cousin and you've got two
choices: Either I maul you to death, or I have rough s*x with you. "Again,
Jim thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled
to death. So, he bent over again, and the grizzly had his way with Jim.
Although he survived,
it took several months before Jim fully recovered. Now Jim was completely
outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly
bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was
a tap on is shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing
there.The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Jim, you don't come
here for the hunting, do you?"

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: "Earthrise" - The Story Behind The Picture

It's been on the cover of TIME and on stamps.

But did you know it almost didn't happen?

This occurred 45 years ago, Christmas Eve, 1968.

You have to see the untold story of this iconic shot!
 Click here

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From: Seasoldier
Subject: Late Night Vet Call

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat", agreed to look after her
neighbour™s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and
moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in
apparent pain and unable to disengage, as usually happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it
was late, she called the Vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,  "Hang up the phone and
place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise
of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to
withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"It just worked on me," he replied.

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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: What the dog gets up to when you're out
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: How Not To Kill Yourself

DEPARTMENT OF 'DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME'
How Not To Kill Yourself With Household Items

Do you ever wonder, "How much of this can I accidentally ingest before I
die?"
Yeah, so do we. For your safety (and enjoyment) here's a bunch of stuff you
should only enjoy in small quantities or not at all.
Some things just don't belong in your mouth.
Obligatory warning followed by a heavy sigh: Don't try any of this at home,
okay? Just take our word for it.
Cinnamon “ 40 Tablespoons

One tablespoon of cinnamon has resulted in thousands of videos of people
coughing and choking on YouTube.
Thankfully it™s not the 40 tablespoon challenge, which could result in
fatal benzaldehyde poisoning.‹

Laundry Detergent “ 17 Cups

Tide laundry detergent doesn™t want to be inside you: drink half a cup
and you™ll have sudsy regurgitations.
Clean, yet so dirty. Manage to keep 35 times that down and the
detergent™s acids can cause fatal organ damage.

Glue “ 136 Ounces

If you try drinking 17 eight-ounce bottles of Glue you™ll get high on
glue fumes,
then everyone will look like this gorilla man, then you™ll die.

Toothpaste “ 13 Tubes

Swallowing a little toothpaste while brushing your teeth will make you feel
uncomfortable ” swallowing 13 tubes of toothpaste will kill you.

Water “ 1.75 Gallons

You can poison yourself with water: drink over a gallon in an hour and
you™ll be irritable, drowsy, suffering from a headache, and behaving
strangely.
If you consume another three quarters of a gallon in that hour, your
nervous system will shut down.
Potato Skins “ 40 Milligrams

Spoiled potatoes are seriously dangerous. Medical cases report cardiac
dysrhythmia, nightmares, headaches,
and dizziness from eating just over 40 milligrams of the stuff! Eat more
than three times that and you can die from central nervous failure.

Chewing Gum “ 404 Packs

Chewing a pack of gum a day for eight months can cause severe weight loss
and diarrhea,
all attributable to excess buildup of a compound called sorbitol. Gum can
also be fatal if you chew 404 packs in a single sitting.

Blue Cheese “ 22 Pounds

Blue cheese will make you smell a little ripe. Thank Penicillum Roqueforti
for that. I ts putrid fragrance and rich flavor comes with enough toxin to
kill you if you eat about 22 pounds. It's definitely one of the stinkiest
ways to die.

Painter's Caulk “ 7.5 Pounds

Not that we're judging, but why would you coat your digestive track with
the stuff you put around your tub and sink?
Whatever your reason, if you eat seven-and-a-half pounds you'll be six feet
under.

Carrots “ 39 Pounds

If you find yourself eating 24 carrots a week (roughly four pounds) for
eight months, you™ll turn orange and resemble Ernie, a condition
called Carotanemia.
Eating approximately 215 carrots (39 pounds) can cause carotenoid
poisoning, which is fatal.

Simple Green “ 12.5 Ounces

Simple Green can be fatal, albeit organic. Just 12.5 ounces can cause
central nervous system failure.

Windex “ 14 Ounces

If you drink two ounces of Windex glass cleaner within an hour you'll be
drunk. Fourteen ounces will shut down your nervous system.

Capsaicin “ 6 Grams

We all have a love-hate relationship with the spice molecule capsaicin
” eating two dozen wings always seems like a good idea at the time,
and a terrible one in the bathroom later.
But purified capsaicin can be downright dangerous, and even fatal. About
three M&Ms worth could kill you.

Pantene Hairspray “ Two Cans

Drinking two cans of Pantene Pro-V Frizz Control Anti-Humidity Hairspray
will stop your liver, and you will die.

Centrum Vitamins “ 61 Bottles

You really have to work to get weird with Centrum multivitamins: 39 tablets
brings on iron-related stomach ulcers, vomiting, and reduced kidney
function.
Eat 6105 tablets, or 61 bottles, and you're likely to die of kidney
failure.
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Jokes (X)

Q: What's the difference between oral s*x and anal s*x?
A: Oral s*x makes your day; anal s*x makes your hole weak.

Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it but can't eat it.

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your d*ck.

Q: What is the similarity between a woman and KFC?
A: By the time you've finished with the breasts and thighs, all you have
left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: How do you circ*mcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The s*x is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A: Put a nipple on it.

Q. What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and use a lubricant.

Q. What do you call a blond that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose
?
A. Darling.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.

Q: Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their
minds?
A: Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Q: What do a d*ldo and soybeans have in common?
A: They're both used as a meat substitute.

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From: Wally
Subject: Medical Alert

The Australian Medical Association researchers have found, that patients
needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood, rather
than human blood. It tends to make the men c*cky, and the women lay better.

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From: Wally
Subject: Women's Problems Begin with Men (X)

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist
AND ..

When women have REAL trouble, it's a

HISterectomy.

Also, have you ever noticed...

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
  Madam has Adam in it;
   Men always want to be inside women!

  Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life
and time, trying to get back, between the legs of a woman....
Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: PICKUP LINE

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him,
looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Listen here good looking,  I
screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front
door,
back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes
on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me.  I've been doing it ever
since I got out of college and I just love it.'

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,
'No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?'

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Dog For Sale

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings
the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever
sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,
what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in
rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport
to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard'

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Priorities
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: For dog lovers only!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

The 20 Most Important Facts Dog Lovers Must Never Forget. The Last One may
bring you to tears...Dogs are so loyal that they love us no matter what we
do. But if we want to provide the best life possible to these wonderful
animals, we have to remember they have complex thoughts and feelings, too.
Here are 20 that we must never forget.

Don't be upset when I jump for joy when you come through the door.

dog1
I only live for ten or fifteen years. You are what makes that time
enjoyable. It's hard on me when you go away.

Give me time to understand what you want from me.

dog2
I don't always get it right on the first try, but I promise I'm trying as
hard as I can.

Give me your trust.

dog3
Just like I trust you, I need you to trust me, too.

Don't be angry with me for too long. And please don't lock me up to punish
me.

dog4
You have your friends and family to keep you happy and entertained. I just
have you.

Take me inside when the weather gets bad.

dog5
The backyard doesn't have air conditioning or a heater. You don't have to
let me on the couch, but a small part of the kitchen is much better than
sleeping in the snow.

Talk to me.

dog6
Sure, we don't speak the same language, but the sound of your voice
brightens my whole day.

Comfort me when I'm scared.

Scared puppy
You know a lot more about loud noises, strange people, and new places than
I do. I need to know that you'll protect me from them. I always feel safer
when I'm with you.

Remember that I'll never forget how you treat me.

dog8
Teach me that humans are made of love, not pain. And don't ever let me
forget it.

Come outside with me.

dog9
The sights, sounds, and scents of nature are some of my greatest pleasures
in life. I don't care if we play, go for a walk, or just sit under a tree
together . . . I want you to experience them with me.

Let me make new friends.

dog10
Introduce me to other dogs, cats, or even bigger animals. We might not get
along in the end, but having some more friends that look and smell like me
makes my life that much brighter.

Give me a treat every once in a while.

dog11
Food is one of my greatest pleasures in life. I know you want me to be
healthy, so I understand when you don't share your own meals with me. But
giving me a dog biscuit when I've been good or mixing tasty vegetables
mixed in with my dinner is guaranteed to make me wag my tail extra hard.

Please don't hit me.

Dog show in Morro Bay, 10 May 2009. Best of Bay Pooch Pageant
I have teeth that can crush bone. Instead, I cover you in sloppy, wet
kisses. Just as I choose not to hurt you, please make the choice to not
hurt me.

Understand when I need my alone time.

dog13
I love you more than anything, but even though it's rare, I don't always
want to play or cuddle. Don't be sad if I'd rather sleep on the cold tile
floor instead of in your bed on hot summer nights, and be understanding if
I don't want to play as much as the years go on.

Show me your world.

dog14
The house and yard might be the only places I ever see unless you let me
come with you. A trip to the pet store, the park, or even just a ride in
the car is exhilarating for me. I can't wait to see what you want to show
me.

Teach me new things

dog15
Learning new tricks keeps my mind active, but most of all, it gives me a
way to impress you. I love showing off for your friends, looking up at you,
and seeing how proud of me you are.

Let me get dirty once in a while.

dog16
Your world is inside, but I thrive outdoors. Sometimes I find a lot of mud
or a lake that smells like all of its fishy inhabitants. I understand if
you don't want to wash all that stuff off every day, but as long as it's
safe,
let me go back to my wild roots every now and then.

Touch me.

dog17
Nothing makes me feel more loved than when you take time out of your day to
rub my ears or scratch that itchy spot on my back that I can't reach. I
can't understand your words, but I definitely understand the feelings
behind a hug.

Pay attention if I don't seem like myself.

dog18
It might seem like I'm just being lazy or stubborn, but I might not be
feeling well. I can't get help for myself, and I need you to look out for
me.

Love me when I'm old just as much as you did when I was young.

dog19
I might not be the cute puppy that I once was, but I still love you just as
much now as I did then. Please take care of me when my body doesn't work
like it used to.

Come with me on my final journey.

dog20
I know it will be difficult, but I need you by my side when the time comes
for me to leave this world. Every moment down to my last breath is easier
if
I have you with me.

With deep affection, love, and respect.

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From: Arfermo
Subject: Re: The Irish Workmen
 Click here

For goodness sake, what was wrong with concrete and a few bricks? Have they
no imagination?

These workmen are installing bollards to stop people from parking on
the

pavement outside the Royal Hospital in Belfast .

They are cleaning up at the end of the day.

How long do you think it will be before they realise that they can't
get the van out to go home?

  This is a real photograph.

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From: Digi Maria
Subject: Sign in Doctor's office---howzat!!!
 Click here

You have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything
from tissues to note pads.This one gets First prize...

Description: Erectrician.JPG

I e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back:

"If light stay on for more than 4 hour, call erectrician."

(This make me raugh out roud)

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From: Sack
Subject: Give it time
 Click here

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From: Sack
Subject:   JEHOVAH'S WITNESS

There was a knock on the door  this morning.

I  opened it to find a young man standing there  who said:

"Hello sir,I'm a Jehovah's Witness  ..."

I  said "Come in and sit down."

I  offered him coffee and asked, "What do you want to 
talk about?"

He  said,

"Buggered if I know, I've never got this  far before."

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From: Seasoldier
Subject: hat every women should know - how to stop a Grizzly

   This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an
"itsy bitsy shooter" by a woman facing a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?

   The 25 cal. Beretta Jetfire:

Here's her story:
While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband we were surprised by a
huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere.
She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely
aggressive.
If I had not had my little 'Beretta Jetfire' with me I would not be here
today!
Just one shot to my husband's knee cap was all it took.
The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk
pace.

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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: What's wrong with the younger generation?
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Cameltoe Song
 Click here

(Oldie, but a Goodie. I have not heard this for about 15 years,
when I played in on śNot the 9 O™Clock Newsť on Radio
103.9TTT-FM)

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From: Wally
Subject: From the Confessional
 Click here

A Man walked into a Canberra Catholic Church Confessional.

He tells the Priest "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
Last night, I killed the Prime Minister, Tony Abbott."

The Priest responds: "My son, I'm here to forgive your sins,
not discuss your community service work.

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From: Wally
Subject: Pink Mosque
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

The Colourful Pink Mosque

When it comes to historical buildings, we usually imagine castles,
towers, bricks and mortar. Rarely do we think about the colours it might
have.

Here's an exception. The Nasir Al-Molk Mosque was built in 1876 in Shiraz,
Iran. The specialized stained glass windows were built to capture the
morning light and create a glorious and colourful display of light on the
building's floor,
earning it the name "Pink Mosque".

At certain times of the day, it seems like this building contains all the
colours in the world. It also uses traditional Islamic architecture styles,
such as iwan arches,
a central fountain etc. However, the stained glass windows are a rarity in
mosques,
with another example being the famous blue mosque in Istanbul.

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From: Wally
Subject: 6 X Video Links & 6 X Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

6 X Video Links & 6 X Photos

USS Pennsylvania
 Click here

---

James Galea “ Card Trick
 Click here

----

Duracell in Canada
 Click here

----

F-35B trials on the USS Wasp
 Click here

----

Surface of Mars
 Click here

-----

Prince “ The Talking Dog
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Each Photo Has a Story to Tell
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

The world is a complicated place, full of happiness, sadness,
tears and laughter. There are a billion stories out there, some good,
some not. Each of these photos has a story to tell, not only about the
moment when it was taken, but about the world in general, about what it
means to be human, and what it means to live at this day and age.
Some of these are hard to see, while some may uplift you, but all will stay
with you, and teach you something about this world.

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From: Wally
Subject: Sprinkle Speech
 Click here

Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos is up for re-election this year,
but after this passionate speech things may be on the downturn.
More importantly, check his pants around the 20 second mark, and keep
watching.
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Ruby Sprains His Arm
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Abbyssial, and jockey Ruby Walsh,
fall at the second flight in front of the stands, during the JCB Triumph
Hurdle at Cheltenham, England,
on 14th March 2014. Both horse and rider escaped serious injury.
Note last photo jockey in pink (13).

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From: Wally
Subject: 3 X Video Links & 6 X Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

3 X Video Links & 6 X Photos

Drum Band
 Click here

---

Blonde takes a Bath
 Click here

---

Frazil Ice
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Lesson 5 at HJ School
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: 13 X Evil Parents
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Holiday for Men Only
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Only in Cleveland
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Idiots in Cleveland decided to release 1.5 million balloons at once,
unsurprisingly, the consequences were disastrous. Cleveland came up with
what they thought was a brilliant idea for a publicity stunt.
They would release 1.5 million helium-filed balloons all at once!
What could possibly go wrong? Well,as it turns out, quite a lot
A large team of volunteers worked for hours to inflate all the balloons,
which were then released into the sky, in an explosion of colour,
the wind pushed all the balloons back down over the city, forming a thick,
impassable layer, the balloon release was responsible for the death of two
people, as Coast Guard helicopters could not fly through the air,
to attempt a rescue. When they eventually did manage to get to the scene of
the disaster, they were unable to spot the heads of the victims,
amongst the endless floating balloons. The stunt ended up costing the city
of Cleveland millions in lawsuits, and the clean up process took several
weeks.

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From: Wally
Subject: 5 X Video Links & 8 X Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

5 X Video Links & 8 X Photos

The Phone “ Do You Really Want it Back?
 Click here

---

Waters around Fiji
 Click here

---

First Jump
 Click here

---

Flying Boats
 Click here

---

Farmer Should Have Stayed Home
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: 1 X Video Links & 2 X Photos
 Click here Click here

1 X Video Links & 2 X Photos

Mum is Always Watching
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Aston Martin (Pre-Owned)
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Photos of Fireworks in Long Exposure
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

The photos you are about to see are not a microscopic of cells or artistic
photos,
these are simply fireworks filmed in long exposure by amateur photographer
David Johnson, at Lake Gatineau in Quebec, Canada. The photos allow us to
take a good look at something, we usually only see for a split, dlightful,
second.

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From: Wally
Subject: 2 X Japanese Ads
 Click here Click here

Japanese Chewing Gum Ad ??? (I have no idea ... Wally)
 Click here

Japanese Jii USB/Lighter Ad
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Stupid Criminals
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Thank God for Stupid Criminals.
A lot of crimes are hard to solve. You need to find good evidence,
good eye witnesses, or catch the person in the act, otherwise it's a tough
case of detective work, and putting together clues. However,
sometimes the police doesn't have to work that hard, especially with
criminals like these.

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From: Wally
Subject: Elizabeth Raine Auctions Virginity
 Click here Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: 10 X The Joys of Divorce
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Irony
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Photo of the Year
 Click here Click here

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From: Whizzbang  (XXX- ED)
Subject:  it's so unfair.....
 Click here

When  a girl gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty  fun.
BUT...when  a guy orders a 240-volt Binford F*ckMaster Pro 5000 blowup
latex  doll with 6-speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip 
semen collection tray, together with optimal built -in realistic orgasm
scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!!

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Wednesday humor...
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Granny's Advice...
 Click here

Hi! What do you make of this advice? Sandra

Yes, our grandmothers still had genuine knowledge of staying naturally
healthy!!!
My granny lectured me about her practical knowledge:
For better digestion, I drink beer, for loss of appetite I drink white
wine,
with low blood pressure red wine, with high blood pressure cognac,
and whenever I have a cold, I drink Vodka.€ €œAnd when do you drink
water?
I have never been that sick!

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Quote of the Week:

"It's not the time in your life, but the life in your time."

- Abraham Lincoln.

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[ End friday humour ]

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