Friday humour - January 03, 2014

 From burnout @ Bluehaze:

2014 has arrived, for me not with a bang but a whimper. Anyhow hoping all
our contributors and readers have an excellent 2014. Considering the
season, contributions are a little less then normal.

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Beautiful Igloo in Edmonton - Caribou Calling

Daniel Gray, a New Zealander visiting Canada with his Canadian girlfriend
to meet her family found a very unique way to spend some of his time during
their cold December visit.

With the help of his girlfriend (Kathleen Starrie) and her family,
he build the most amazing thing in their Edmonton backyard.

Starrie's mother, Brigid Burton said "I wanted to keep him occupied,
not with my daughter necessarily. I wanted to keep him busy with something
else. I didn't want Daniel to just be twiddling his thumbs while he's
here in Canada so I thought, this needs to be something that's got some
meat to it."

And so the construction began.
The couple, along with help from Starrie's parents and even a friendly
neighbour, spent five days building what you're about to see.
They started out by clearing out some snow to create space.
 Click here

Then the first layer of ice blocks, built from milk cartons they collected,
added colouring to, and froze.
 Click here

Building the spiral.
 Click here

Laying blocks on top of the spiral. What is this thing?
 Click here

All bundled up, working diligently on their creation.
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All of the colourful milk cartons used in preparation.
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Okay, it's definitely coming along now.
 Click here

Is that an igloo?
 Click here

Daniel works from the inside.
 Click here

And here's the inside. Definitely looking like an igloo.
 Click here Click here

And at last, the incredible multicoloured igloo built from snow and milk
carton blocks.
 Click here Click here

It looks incredibly cozy. I want one.
 Click here

Gray says he is very proud of his accomplishment but, he's also very happy
the job is finally done.
It was a lot of work so, it's nice to actually have it there, he said,
It's been joked about that I have to sleep in it but, I don't think it'll
be happening.
 Click here

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From: Duke of Barsinov
Subject: seafire XV

Wonderful restoration work!

What a  project! Beautiful airplane!
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: East Indian Bank Robber
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Some of the most Awesome Machines Ever - Motor head stuff
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Opportunity for a unique Canoe Trip [XXX]

Opportunity for a unique Canoe Trip planned for August 30th 2014
We are planning a trip for August 30, 2014 to the home of one of the
earliest Indian settlements

The excursion will consist of a bus trip to the Cherokee Nation and a
guided tour along the river which runs through it.
Cost of the river trip is  £850.00 PER PERSON which includes food.

If you'd like to go too, please book early, as I anticipate space will be
extremely limited.
We'll do some sightseeing, wildlife photography and that sort of thing.

The highlight of the trip will be the river tour with white water rapids.
What makes the trip especially meaningful is that our river guide is a
full-blooded Cherokee .... born and raised in the area, extremely
knowledgeable of the territory and any obstacles we may encounter on our
journey.

Below is a photo of our guide and the river we will be running.
If you are interested, let me know as soon as possible.
This trip is often sold out a year in advance.

OUR GUIDE  . . . .
 Click here
Her name is UCAN TUCHUM

Don't forget ..... let me know if you would like a place on the trip!
    Regards,
    Chief Beaver Hunter

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Stamps for Christmas
 Click here

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From: Sack
Subject: Emailing: Camping car !!!
 Click here 


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From: Sack
Subject: dessins Poleur.pps
 Click here

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From: Sack
Subject:   CINDERELLA UPDATE

Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her
rocking chair,
watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for
companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these
years'?

The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life
since
I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful
consideration,
she uttered her first wish:

'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were
wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said,
'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother'

The fairy godmother replied,
'It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?'

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.'

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned
Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
'You have one more wish; what shall it be?'

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,
'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome
young man.'
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological
make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes
of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said,
'Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.'

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,
the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments,

Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful,
stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking
chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he
whispered...
'I bet you're sorry now that you cut my nuts off'

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From: Seasoldier
Subject: A few laughs to start the day off

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man,
on the woman's night-stand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.
'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.' ...

************************************

Clean can be funny.
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very s*xy
nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred,
'and you can do anything you want.
'So he tied her up and went golfing.

*****************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway,
and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her
lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack,
beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get  out!

********************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.

*************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?'
the optician asked. 'Read it?'
The Polish guy replied, 'Are you kidding? I know this guy.'

***********************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the Salt!
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him.
'What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied,
'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

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From: Wally
Subject: The Three Table Place Settings
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Submarine Warfare

Still more incredible photos coming in from BBC & CNN sources, of the
submarine war, in the North Atlantic.
 Click here Click here

Subject: How to have a Baby
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Subject: 4 X Video Links & 13 X Photos
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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

4 X Video Links:

Flying Christmas Tree - (Chuck Norris)
 Click here

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Pushin Daisies - (Mortuary Novelty Shop)
 Click here

------

Joey's Crash - (Son crashes Dad‚EUR^(TM)s new car)
 Click here 


-----

Mobile Phone -
 Click here  

(at Airport)

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Cashews? ....Did you know that they are not actually a nut?
 Click here Click here

Ever wonder where cashews come from?
You might think they grow inside a shell like any other nut,
but their true origins are far more bizarre.
First of all, cashews are not actually nuts,
but rather fruits from the cashew tree,
a large evergreen tree that thrives in tropical climates.
The tree produces red flowers, which in turn produce
yellow and red oval structures resembling apples.
These so-called cashew apples are very juicy and pulpy,
and their juice is often added to tropical fruit drinks.
The cashew apple and fruit.
However, cashew apples are not actually fruits in a scientific sense;
the real fruit of the cashew tree is the kidney-shaped formation
growing at the end.
These fruits, also called drupes, are harvested and become what we
know as a cashew nut.
In their raw form, the outer layer of the fruit contains multiple
toxins including anacardic acid,
a powerful skin irritant similar to the toxin found in poison ivy that
must be removed prior to eating.
Roasting the cashews destroys the toxins, but roasting must be
performed carefully outdoors
because the smoke can irritate the lungs, sometimes to a
life-threatening degree.
When they are roasted, cashews change from their natural greenish-gray color
to the light brown nut sold in stores.
Next time you crack open a tin of cashews,
take a moment to appreciate the long journey those little
C-shaped nuts took from the tree to your table!

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Quote of the Week:

"A womans mind is cleaner than a mans.
She changes it more often."

  - Oliver Herford.

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[ End friday humour ]

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