Friday humour - December 13, 2013


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Vacuum cleaner commercial

There could be a good market for this vacuum.
I want a Dyson for Christmas !!!!!
Only the British could dream up this commercial...
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Emu Tango (Emu vs. Weasel Ball)
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

C-17 On Final Approach

How would it be to climb into one of these?
For my friends who appreciate an impressive photo! Just thought you'd like
a shot of this impressive military transport jet on final approach over
the ocean.The Boeing C-17 Globemaster III was developed for the United
StatesAir Force in the 1980s by McDonnell Douglas and commonly performs
strategic airlift missions transporting troops and cargo throughout the world.
Additional roles include tactical airlift, medical evacuation and airdrop
duties.  It has a crew of three (two pilots and one loadmaster).
With a payload of 170,900lbs., it can carry 102 paratroopers or 36 litter
and 54 ambulatory patients or one M1 Abrams tank or three Strykers or six
M1117 armored security vehicles.  The length is 174 ft, with a wingspan of
169.8 ft.  Empty weight is 282,500 lbs. and it is powered by four Pratt &
Whitney F117-PW-100 turbofans with a cruising speed of 450 knots and a 
range of 2,420 nmi at a maximum service ceiling of 45,000 ft.
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Dogs in Boots for First Time
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Burnout
Discovery - virtual Tour.
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Burnout
North....
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Burnout
Shoplifting Dog
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Duke of Barsinov
Debt Bomb
A clever but humorous comment on modern state finances!

With apologies to Tom Jones
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Duke of Barsinov
Cats - not nice
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: KRP
Emirates Aborted Landing, Birmingham UK 5 Dec 2013
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Nottingham Smithie
Had to share this funny video with you.  It lasts a few minutes, but watch
until the end, it's good.
Outstanding "Christmas Carol" lip sync performance by 4 little boys.  Gotta
Love the Bass Singer - he is an absolute riot!
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Nottingham Smithie
pete the parrot and shakespeare

Pete the parrot and Shakespeare
  I got acquainted with
  a parrot named Pete recently
  who is an interesting bird
  Pete says he used
  to belong to the fellow
  that ran the mermaid tavern
  in London then I said
  you must have known
  Shakespeare know him said Pete
  poor mutt I knew him well
  he called me Pete and I called him
  Bill but why do you say poor mutt
  well said Pete Bill was a
  disappointed man and was always
  boring his friends about what
  he might have been and done
  if he only had a fair break
  two or three pints of sack
  and sherries and the tears
  would trickle down into his
  beard and his beard would get
  soppy and wilt his collar
  I remember one night when
  Bill and Ben Jonson and
  Frankie Beaumont
  were sopping it up

  here I am Ben says Bill
  nothing but a lousy playwright
  and with anything like luck
  in the breaks I might have been
  a fairly decent sonnet writer
  I might have been a poet
  if I had kept away from the theatre
  yes says Ben I've often
  thought of that Bill
  but one consolation is
  you are making pretty good money
  out of the theatre

  money money says Bill what the hell
  is money what I want is to be
  a poet not a business man
  these damned cheap shows
  I turn out to keep the
  theatre running break my heart
  slap stick comedies and
  blood and thunder tragedies
  and melodramas say I wonder
  if that boy heard you order
  another bottle Frankie
  the only compensation is that I get
  a chance now and then
  to stick in a little poetry
  when nobody is looking
  but hells bells that isn't
  what I want to do
  I want to write sonnets and
  songs and Spenserian stanzas
  and I might have done it too
  if I hadn't got
  into this frightful show game
  business business business
  grind grind grind
  what a life for a man
  that might have been a poet

  well says Frankie Beaumont
  why don't you cut it Bill
  I can't says Bill
  I need the money I've got
  a family to support down in
  the country well says Frankie
  anyhow you write pretty good
  plays bill any mutt can write
  plays for this London public
  says bill if he puts enough
  murder in them what they want
  is kings talking like kings
  never had sense enough to talk
  and stabbings and stranglings
  and fat men making love
  and clowns basting each
  other with clubs and cheap puns
  and off colour allusions to all
  the smut of the day oh I know
  what the low brows want
  and I give it to them

  well says Ben Jonson
  don't blubber into the drink
  brace up like a man
  and quit the rotten business
  I can't I can't says bill
  I've been at it too long I've got to
  the place now where I can't
  write anything else
  but this cheap stuff
  I'm ashamed to look an honest
  young sonneteer in the face
  I live a hell of a life I do
  the manager hands me some mouldy old
  manuscript and says
  Bill here's a plot for you
  this is the third of the month
  by the tenth I want a good
  script out of this that we
  can start rehearsals on
  not too big a cast
  and not too much of your
  damned poetry either
  you know your old
  familiar line of hokum
  they eat up that Falstaff stuff
  of yours ring him in again
  and give them a good ghost
  or two and remember we gotta
  have something D*ck Burbage can get
  his teeth into and be sure
  and stick in a speech
  somewhere the queen will take
  for a personal compliment and if
  you get in a line or two somewhere
  about the honest English yeoman
  it's always good stuff
  and it's a pretty good stunt
  Bill to have the heavy villain
  a Moor or a Dago or a Jew
  or something like that and say
  I want another
  comic Welshman in this
  but I don't need to tell
  you Bill you know this game
  just some of your ordinary
  hokum and maybe you could
  kill a little kid or two a prince
  or something they like
  a little pathos along with
  the dirt now you better see Burbage
  tonight and see what he wants
  in that part Oh! says Bill
  to think I am
  debasing my talents with junk
  like that oh god what I wanted
  was to be a poet
  and write sonnet serials
  like a gentleman should

  well says I Pete
  Bill's plays are highly
  esteemed to this day
  is that so says Pete
  poor mutt little he would
  care what poor Bill wanted
  was to be a poet

  Archie

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Nottingham Smithie

Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me.
Don't worry, I only incurred super fish oil injuries.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Nottingham Smithie
Puccini's 'O mio babbino caro'
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Nottingham Smithie
Kultur-Mob zur Weihnachtszeit | WDR
Check out this video on YouTube:  The acoustics really add to this
performance!
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Sack

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large garbage
bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every now and then, a $50
bill fell out onto the footpath.

Noticing this, a cop stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $50 bills
falling Out of that bag."

"Oh, rats! Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see
if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money?
You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my yard is right next to the
baseball stadium parking lot.

On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a hole in the fence,
right into my garden.

It used to really annoy me and kills the flowers, you know.

Then I thought, 'why not make the most of it?'

So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real
quiet, with my shears.

Every time some guy sticks his dingus through my fence, I surprise him,
Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $50, or I cut off your
johnson!"

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays"

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Seasoldier
Lions & s*x
Two Newfoundlanders are drinking in a small bar in Cornerbrook.
Fred says, "Did you know that Lions have s*x 10 to 15 times a night!"
"Ah, sh*t", says Bob. "I just joined the Kiwanis".

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Seasoldier

Job in Harley Street

A man went to Harley Street in London and saw a card advertising
for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Interested, he went in and asked the receptionist for details.

She pulled up the file and read...

"The job entails preparing ladies for their intimate examination
by the gynaecologist.

You have to help the women undress and remove their underwear.

Lay them down and carefully & thoroughly wash their private parts,
apply shaving gel and gently shave off their pubic hair,
then rub in soothing oils so they're relaxed and ready for the 
gynaecologist's examination.

The annual salary is =A365,000 and if you're interested you'll have
to go to Manchester ."

"My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man.

She answered, "No sir, that's where the end of the queue is."

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
Tesla car manufacturing..U.S.A. Very Interesting!!
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Neighbor kids
 Click here

 ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

A new use for old socks on cold winter nights!!
 Click here

A new use for your old socks on cold winter nights!!

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Cartographer Chris
Looking for a job!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Can you just imagine the geriatric population in 40 years??
MOM, why can't I get a job?

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Duke of Barsinov
All the chapel bells are ringing...
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Sack
Winter Humor!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Sack
TRIBUTE TO NELSON MANDELA
 Click here Click here Click here Click here
Beautiful tribute to Nelson Mandela
Fifty rods of steel, symbolising prison bars, so people will 
never forget the years Mandela was imprisoned .
The remarkable thing about this artwork is that it is only 
when you stand at a certain distance (which is marked) that you see ..

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Sack
Need for a Steady Hand
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Chinese artist Zheng Chunhui's incredible 12.2-meter-long (over 40 ft) 
wooden carving, which has entered the Guinness Book of World Records as the
longest continuous wooden carving in the world, is a testament to
human  craftsmanship, creativity and patience. Chunhui's work was
inspired by 
"Along the River During the Qinming Festival," a long Chinese scroll 
painting from more than 1,000 years ago depicting the activities of both 
rich and poor during the Qinming festival. It took Chunhui four years to 
complete the incredible masterpiece, which is carved from a single tree 
trunk and features hundreds of people, animals, plants and buildings 
re-created in painstaking detail.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Sack
ENJOY.....
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Seasoldier
Great Guns [XXX]
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Seasoldier

A Happy Canadian Christmas.
Your first Christmas song..
A Moose in a Maple Tree - The All Canadian 12 Days of Christmas
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
Cinema Updates
 Click here Click here Click here Click here
Flashing Neon Signs are the next thing at the Cinema

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
Higella - The Express Route
 Click here

Someone has taken a lot of time, putting this together.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
14 X Not Today
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
5 X Video Links & 6 X Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Take a Ride - 
 Click here
  (in a Fighter Jet)

Aldi Wine Ad -
 Click here
 (Funny)

Captain Picard Sings -
 Click here
 (Let it Snow? Make it So)

Airplane Tennis -
 Click here 

(with Novak Djokovic)

How a Pilot gets Engaged - 
 Click here 

(While Flying)

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
5 X Video Links & 12 X Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Reuters Best 93 Photos of 2013 - 
 Click here  

(The Best with Great Descriptions)

Daniel Menendez -
 Click here 

(Piano Juggler)

The Beauty of Pollination - 
 Click here 

(Brilliant)

Camouflage & Christmas Lights - 
 Click here 

(Rodney Carrington)

Amazon Air -
 Click here 

(New Drone Delivery)

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
YUMMM!!!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

CAN YOU IMAGINE ALL THE WORK THAT WENT INTO THESE!!

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
On a Dark and Stormy Night
 Click here

_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[ End friday humour ]

 Previous (December 06, 2013)  Index Next (December 20, 2013)