Friday humour - December 13, 2013
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Vacuum cleaner commercial
There could be a good market for this vacuum.
I want a Dyson for Christmas !!!!!
Only the British could dream up this commercial...
Click here
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Emu Tango (Emu vs. Weasel Ball)
Click here
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C-17 On Final Approach
How would it be to climb into one of these?
For my friends who appreciate an impressive photo! Just thought you'd like
a shot of this impressive military transport jet on final approach over
the ocean.The Boeing C-17 Globemaster III was developed for the United
StatesAir Force in the 1980s by McDonnell Douglas and commonly performs
strategic airlift missions transporting troops and cargo throughout the world.
Additional roles include tactical airlift, medical evacuation and airdrop
duties. It has a crew of three (two pilots and one loadmaster).
With a payload of 170,900lbs., it can carry 102 paratroopers or 36 litter
and 54 ambulatory patients or one M1 Abrams tank or three Strykers or six
M1117 armored security vehicles. The length is 174 ft, with a wingspan of
169.8 ft. Empty weight is 282,500 lbs. and it is powered by four Pratt &
Whitney F117-PW-100 turbofans with a cruising speed of 450 knots and a
range of 2,420 nmi at a maximum service ceiling of 45,000 ft.
Click here
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Dogs in Boots for First Time
Click here
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From: Burnout
Discovery - virtual Tour.
Click here
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From: Burnout
North....
Click here
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From: Burnout
Shoplifting Dog
Click here
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From: Duke of Barsinov
Debt Bomb
A clever but humorous comment on modern state finances!
With apologies to Tom Jones
Click here
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From: Duke of Barsinov
Cats - not nice
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From: KRP
Emirates Aborted Landing, Birmingham UK 5 Dec 2013
Click here
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From: Nottingham Smithie
Had to share this funny video with you. It lasts a few minutes, but watch
until the end, it's good.
Outstanding "Christmas Carol" lip sync performance by 4 little boys. Gotta
Love the Bass Singer - he is an absolute riot!
Click here
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From: Nottingham Smithie
pete the parrot and shakespeare
Pete the parrot and Shakespeare
I got acquainted with
a parrot named Pete recently
who is an interesting bird
Pete says he used
to belong to the fellow
that ran the mermaid tavern
in London then I said
you must have known
Shakespeare know him said Pete
poor mutt I knew him well
he called me Pete and I called him
Bill but why do you say poor mutt
well said Pete Bill was a
disappointed man and was always
boring his friends about what
he might have been and done
if he only had a fair break
two or three pints of sack
and sherries and the tears
would trickle down into his
beard and his beard would get
soppy and wilt his collar
I remember one night when
Bill and Ben Jonson and
Frankie Beaumont
were sopping it up
here I am Ben says Bill
nothing but a lousy playwright
and with anything like luck
in the breaks I might have been
a fairly decent sonnet writer
I might have been a poet
if I had kept away from the theatre
yes says Ben I've often
thought of that Bill
but one consolation is
you are making pretty good money
out of the theatre
money money says Bill what the hell
is money what I want is to be
a poet not a business man
these damned cheap shows
I turn out to keep the
theatre running break my heart
slap stick comedies and
blood and thunder tragedies
and melodramas say I wonder
if that boy heard you order
another bottle Frankie
the only compensation is that I get
a chance now and then
to stick in a little poetry
when nobody is looking
but hells bells that isn't
what I want to do
I want to write sonnets and
songs and Spenserian stanzas
and I might have done it too
if I hadn't got
into this frightful show game
business business business
grind grind grind
what a life for a man
that might have been a poet
well says Frankie Beaumont
why don't you cut it Bill
I can't says Bill
I need the money I've got
a family to support down in
the country well says Frankie
anyhow you write pretty good
plays bill any mutt can write
plays for this London public
says bill if he puts enough
murder in them what they want
is kings talking like kings
never had sense enough to talk
and stabbings and stranglings
and fat men making love
and clowns basting each
other with clubs and cheap puns
and off colour allusions to all
the smut of the day oh I know
what the low brows want
and I give it to them
well says Ben Jonson
don't blubber into the drink
brace up like a man
and quit the rotten business
I can't I can't says bill
I've been at it too long I've got to
the place now where I can't
write anything else
but this cheap stuff
I'm ashamed to look an honest
young sonneteer in the face
I live a hell of a life I do
the manager hands me some mouldy old
manuscript and says
Bill here's a plot for you
this is the third of the month
by the tenth I want a good
script out of this that we
can start rehearsals on
not too big a cast
and not too much of your
damned poetry either
you know your old
familiar line of hokum
they eat up that Falstaff stuff
of yours ring him in again
and give them a good ghost
or two and remember we gotta
have something D*ck Burbage can get
his teeth into and be sure
and stick in a speech
somewhere the queen will take
for a personal compliment and if
you get in a line or two somewhere
about the honest English yeoman
it's always good stuff
and it's a pretty good stunt
Bill to have the heavy villain
a Moor or a Dago or a Jew
or something like that and say
I want another
comic Welshman in this
but I don't need to tell
you Bill you know this game
just some of your ordinary
hokum and maybe you could
kill a little kid or two a prince
or something they like
a little pathos along with
the dirt now you better see Burbage
tonight and see what he wants
in that part Oh! says Bill
to think I am
debasing my talents with junk
like that oh god what I wanted
was to be a poet
and write sonnet serials
like a gentleman should
well says I Pete
Bill's plays are highly
esteemed to this day
is that so says Pete
poor mutt little he would
care what poor Bill wanted
was to be a poet
Archie
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From: Nottingham Smithie
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me.
Don't worry, I only incurred super fish oil injuries.
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From: Nottingham Smithie
Puccini's 'O mio babbino caro'
Click here
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From: Nottingham Smithie
Kultur-Mob zur Weihnachtszeit | WDR
Check out this video on YouTube: The acoustics really add to this
performance!
Click here
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From: Sack
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large garbage
bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every now and then, a $50
bill fell out onto the footpath.
Noticing this, a cop stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $50 bills
falling Out of that bag."
"Oh, rats! Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see
if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money?
You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my yard is right next to the
baseball stadium parking lot.
On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a hole in the fence,
right into my garden.
It used to really annoy me and kills the flowers, you know.
Then I thought, 'why not make the most of it?'
So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real
quiet, with my shears.
Every time some guy sticks his dingus through my fence, I surprise him,
Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $50, or I cut off your
johnson!"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays"
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From: Seasoldier
Lions & s*x
Two Newfoundlanders are drinking in a small bar in Cornerbrook.
Fred says, "Did you know that Lions have s*x 10 to 15 times a night!"
"Ah, sh*t", says Bob. "I just joined the Kiwanis".
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From: Seasoldier
Job in Harley Street
A man went to Harley Street in London and saw a card advertising
for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he went in and asked the receptionist for details.
She pulled up the file and read...
"The job entails preparing ladies for their intimate examination
by the gynaecologist.
You have to help the women undress and remove their underwear.
Lay them down and carefully & thoroughly wash their private parts,
apply shaving gel and gently shave off their pubic hair,
then rub in soothing oils so they're relaxed and ready for the
gynaecologist's examination.
The annual salary is =A365,000 and if you're interested you'll have
to go to Manchester ."
"My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man.
She answered, "No sir, that's where the end of the queue is."
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From: Whizzbang
Tesla car manufacturing..U.S.A. Very Interesting!!
Click here
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Neighbor kids
Click here
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A new use for old socks on cold winter nights!!
Click here
A new use for your old socks on cold winter nights!!
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From: Cartographer Chris
Looking for a job!
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here
Can you just imagine the geriatric population in 40 years??
MOM, why can't I get a job?
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From: Duke of Barsinov
All the chapel bells are ringing...
Click here
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From: Sack
Winter Humor!
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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From: Sack
TRIBUTE TO NELSON MANDELA
Click here Click here Click here Click here
Beautiful tribute to Nelson Mandela
Fifty rods of steel, symbolising prison bars, so people will
never forget the years Mandela was imprisoned .
The remarkable thing about this artwork is that it is only
when you stand at a certain distance (which is marked) that you see ..
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From: Sack
Need for a Steady Hand
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Chinese artist Zheng Chunhui's incredible 12.2-meter-long (over 40 ft)
wooden carving, which has entered the Guinness Book of World Records as the
longest continuous wooden carving in the world, is a testament to
human craftsmanship, creativity and patience. Chunhui's work was
inspired by
"Along the River During the Qinming Festival," a long Chinese scroll
painting from more than 1,000 years ago depicting the activities of both
rich and poor during the Qinming festival. It took Chunhui four years to
complete the incredible masterpiece, which is carved from a single tree
trunk and features hundreds of people, animals, plants and buildings
re-created in painstaking detail.
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From: Sack
ENJOY.....
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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Click here
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From: Seasoldier
Great Guns [XXX]
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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From: Seasoldier
A Happy Canadian Christmas.
Your first Christmas song..
A Moose in a Maple Tree - The All Canadian 12 Days of Christmas
Click here
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From: Wally
Cinema Updates
Click here Click here Click here Click here
Flashing Neon Signs are the next thing at the Cinema
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From: Wally
Higella - The Express Route
Click here
Someone has taken a lot of time, putting this together.
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From: Wally
14 X Not Today
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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From: Wally
5 X Video Links & 6 X Photos
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Take a Ride -
Click here
(in a Fighter Jet)
Aldi Wine Ad -
Click here
(Funny)
Captain Picard Sings -
Click here
(Let it Snow? Make it So)
Airplane Tennis -
Click here
(with Novak Djokovic)
How a Pilot gets Engaged -
Click here
(While Flying)
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From: Wally
5 X Video Links & 12 X Photos
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Reuters Best 93 Photos of 2013 -
Click here
(The Best with Great Descriptions)
Daniel Menendez -
Click here
(Piano Juggler)
The Beauty of Pollination -
Click here
(Brilliant)
Camouflage & Christmas Lights -
Click here
(Rodney Carrington)
Amazon Air -
Click here
(New Drone Delivery)
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From: Whizzbang
YUMMM!!!
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Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here
CAN YOU IMAGINE ALL THE WORK THAT WENT INTO THESE!!
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From: Whizzbang
On a Dark and Stormy Night
Click here
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[ End friday humour ]
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