Friday humour - December 06, 2013

 From Burnout at Bluehaze.

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Warning...new crime tech - tell your friends !

Some crooks are hitting the working people again with a gadget that's so
new, few police have heard of it.

Until we have a fix, keep NO valuables in your car.
 Click here

Subject: Budweiser Clydesdale commercials

Several Budweiser Commercials compiled together...
 Click here

Subject: Watch How to open a can without any tools
 Click here
any-tools

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From: Burnout
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Timmy writes a Christmas Letter (Comes up every Chrismas time,
this one! - ED)

Doesn'?t this describe the world today?

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for
Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones

* *

Dear Timmy,

Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the
time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to
get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus

* *

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the 'naughty vs. Nice' contract,
set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this
joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at
my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit
trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones

* *

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the 'nice' criteria,
need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it
a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,
well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been
on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be
more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social
skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the
bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus

* *

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends
into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys
and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console,
my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone

* *

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? 'He sees
you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake'. Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your
sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people
that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll
all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you
asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in
you're ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

* *

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.

Timmy

* *

Timmy,

That's what I thought you little bastard.

Santa

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From: Seasoldier
Subject: Christmas Lights

I LOVE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
They remind me of some of my co-workers
They all hang together
Half of the f*ckers don't work
And the ones that do aren't all that bright.

Subject: An honest face

A Newfie goes down to the Grand Bank wharf looking for work and comes up to
the captain of a fishing boat and says,'Hey Capt'n got any work fer Me?'
The captain gives him a 28 page job application and says
'Fill this out and bring it back to me'.
So two days later the Newfie brings it back and gives it to the Captain.

The captain takes a quick look at it and says 'OK, you're hired,
now go on board and find something to do..'
Just then, this Korean guy comes up to the captain and says,
'Lookie wok, need wok.'

The captain tells him 'OK you're hired.'
The Newfie is standing right there and asks the captain 'Hey, you made me
fill out a 28 page job application and you just hired this guy like that,
Why?"
Captain replies 'He's got an honest face'.

The Newfie sighs and walks onto the boat, all upset.
A few days later, they're out to sea and the Newfie is up in the crow's
nest looking for icebergs and the Korean guy is down on the deck mopping
the deck. Just then, this great big wave comes along and washes the Korean
guy overboard.

The Newfie gets down out of the crow's nest and walks into the Captain's'
office and says:
"Remember that Korean guy you hired with the honest face?
Well, he just f*cked off with your mop!"

Subject:Humour

Old is just Old - Old is not Dumb!
A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out-do
anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one
of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough.
'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,' he said.
'I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to
that building that you won't be able to wheel back.'

'You're on, old man,' the braggart replied. 'Let's see you do it.'
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said, 'All right, Dumb Ass, get in.'

DO NOT mess with old people.

Subject: Incredible Magic Trick: The Lottery Illusion
 Click here

Subject: Life in Banff, Alberta...

Ready for a casual walk through Banff?
The quiet and calmness of the peaceful Rockies will just blow your mind.

Life in Banff, Alberta - Who knew?
You have to see it to believe it.
Remember, this is regular life in Banff, Alberta.
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims

Funny, it's ok to make jokes about Catholics, the Pope, Jews, Christians,
the Irish, the Italians, the Polish .... etc .... etc,
but it is insensitive to make jokes about Muslims.
The sooner we are all on the same level the better.

1. If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection
to liquor,
You may be a Muslim.

2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but
you can't afford shoes,
You may be a Muslim.

3. If you have more wives than teeth,
You may be a Muslim.

4. If you wipe your bum with your bare hand, but consider bacon to
be unclean,
You may be a Muslim.

5. If you think vests come in two styles: Bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim

6. If you can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against,
You may be a Muslim.

7. If you consider television dangerous, but routinely carry
explosives in your clothing,
You may be a Muslim.

8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses, other
than setting off roadside bombs,
You may be a Muslim.

9. If you have nothing against women, and think every man should own
at least four,
You may be a Muslim.

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From: Wally
Subject: 4 X Video Links

What to do with a Hitch-hiker -
 Click here

Floating Cubans -
 Click here
(Trying to get to USA)

Samsung Washing Machine Ad -
 Click here
(Enter the Bear)

Swiss Top Secret Drum Corps -
 Click here
  (Brilliant)

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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Seeing Eye Dog

Two women were out for a Sat*rday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other,
a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman
said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs
with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of
dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said,
"You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua
was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult,
but thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to
walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
The woman with the Chihuahua said, ........
"A Chihuahua ? They gave me a f***ing Chihuahua ?!"

Subject:  What happens when you load a shot shell full of .22 tracers?
(VIDEO)
 Click here

Subject: 'Well,' said the big Croc,

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River Thames.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age,
We were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down at the car park by the Houses of Parliament.'
'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
The car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the sh*t out of
Them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
Getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the sh*t
Out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an ar*ehole and a briefcase.

Subject: Indonesia....................

   INDONESIA DIGS ITSELF INTO A VERY DEEP HOLE

   Author Known

   Saving face may be a high priority for an Asian but in the real world of
international diplomacy it can be very costly. And SBY has foreshadowed a
showdown that is likely to leave him without a face to save. Demanding an
apology leaves no room to manoeuvre, as does giving an apology, and
Australia understood that when an apology wasn'??t demanded from Indonesia
over their troopsâ?? slaughter of five of our journalists in Balibo.
An apology is an admission of guilt and not even Whitlam could expect that
of them.

SBY'??s statement that he will not co-operate to protect our borders
(unless an Abbott apology is forthcoming) is close to a declaration of war:
He is saying his administration intends to continue to support, and profit
from,
the breaching of our sovereign borders. Thatâ??s pretty serious stuff!
Unfortunately that'??s the only card SBY has to play... Abbott has a full
deck.

Ex-Indonesian army generals like SBY are usually not known for their high
IQs but this bloke is different yet his naivety is confounding.
As we said initially Abbott will not be apologising for anything and if SBY
is silly enough to play the smuggling card he is courting a public
relations disaster... he doesn'??t realise the importance to us.

??So, Mr Bambam, while you are still getting your priorities in order,
please return the two patrol boats that we gave you and also return the two
that Ms Gillard gave you,
you know, the ones that were supposed to be used to intercept boats but are
in north-east Sumatra somewhere fishing.

"Of course you understand you will be without $648.8 million in aid
budgeted for next year,
so the renovations on your weekend palace will just have to wait.

??Oh, and the $500 million to build schools on that land your brother
intends to sell you (but hasn'??t bought yet) you can give that back.

"But we donâ??t want the Hercules returned, they cost more to keep in the
air than the aircraft is worth but we won'??t be upgrading them for you
now, nor paying for the fuel.

??Forget that costly HIV assistance program and the almost two million
needles we supply to your addicts. Also inform those doctors we train for
you, you know,
the ones who can'??t tell a stethoscope from a thermometer?

??You will need to apologise to those 600,000 poor people who we were in
the process of supplying running water to, guess they'??ll go thirsty or
get sick again now.
??And sorry, but we will be unable to train your military personnel anymore
because they might be shooting at us now... just as well they couldn'??t
hit the water if they fell out of a boat, eh?
??Oh, and the 596,000 teachers and school officials who couldn'??t read?
Unfortunately we will have to cancel the adding-up classes now.

??You remember that 110 kilometers of roads we had under construction?
Oops, those potholes!
??Oh and that wonderful â??Empowerment of Womens?? program across 3,234
villages?
Guess those Islamic blokes will be happy about that eh?

â??And what about those 1,598 officials we were training in electoral
management systems?
You politicians will be over the moon about that I guess.

??And that real-time Rapid Response Earthquake Impact Estimation System we
were setting up for you.
That'??s stuffed now.

??But we will keep our commitment to deploy assistance within 48 hours of
any
Indonesian disaster because, unlike you lot, we are a decent people.??

Subject: Should everone play golf?
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Lee Marvin with his dog 1962
 Click here

Subject: Calvin about snow
 Click here

Subject: BOZANSTVENA MJESTA
 Click here

Subject: Old Farmer's Advice

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don 't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches
you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad
judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back
in..
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around..
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight,
he'll just kill you.

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From: Cartographer Chris
Subject: Cool, Creative and Wacky!!!!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Yikes - no lipstick
 Click here

Don?t you just hate it?? ...
get all dressed up ...hot to trot!!!...
then you catch yourself in a mirror
and REALISE...oops, forgot the lipstick.

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Keep On Truck'n!
 Click here

Here?s how the Italians do it:

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From: Sack
Subject: Fw: Who let the dogs out?  Oh dear!
 Click here

Subject: Wine Connoisseur
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Subject: Fw: Duck Hunter

Curly went hunting one day up in The Northern Territory'
And bagged three ducks.
He put them in the back of his Ute and was about to
Drive home when he was confronted by a surly Territory game warden who
didn't like smart alecs.
The warden ordered Curly to show his hunting license, so
Curly pulled out a valid Northern Territory license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and
Picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its bum and said,
"This duck ain't from The Territory. This is a Queensland duck.
You got a Queensland huntin' license?"
Curly reached into his wallet and produced a Queensland license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second
duck, sniffed its bum, and said
"This ain't a Queensland duck. This duck's from West Australia.
You got a West Australian license?"
Curly reached into his wallet and produced
A West Australian hunting license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck,
Sniffed its bum, and said, "This ain't a Western Australian duck.
This duck's from South Australia. You got a South Australian Huntin
license?" Again Curly reached into his wallet and brought out a
South Australian license.
The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at
Curly "just where the hell are you from?"
Curly smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said,
"You tell me, you're the expert..."

Subject: Fw: Fwd: Maxine is here to brighten your day!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Subject: Spassmail
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

   Perfekt getimte Fotos!
   Hätte der Fotograph eine Millisekunde/Sekunde früher oder später auf den
Auslöser gedrückt,
   wäre der Effekt dieser Fotos so nicht gegeben.

   ?Perfectly timed photos occur when the photo is captured at a precise
moment in time,
   when one second, or in some cases millisecond either way, the photo
would simply not exist?

Subject:   Kanga humour
 Click here

Subject: Fw: 4 GRUMPY OLD MEN
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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 From Seasoldier
Subject: Nice Try
 Click here

Subject: Leaving work early

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.
Each day, they watched the boss leave work early.
One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right
behind her.
After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know
they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early...she did a little gardening,
spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa
before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband,
but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her
husband in bed with her boss!
Gently she closed the door and crept out of the house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead said that
they planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was
going to go with them.
?No way!? the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: Bikers out of control
 Click here

The government seems powerless to stop the bikers from doing whatever they
want.

Here's a picture taken yesterday of a group of bikers, all wearing the same
gang patch, in blatant and open disregard for the new laws.

What can be done to stop this lawlessness?

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From: Wally
Subject: Elephant Style (XX)
 Click here

Subject: S*x Sells Coffins (X)

Apparently s*x even sells coffins (X)

Check out the NSFW Lindner Coffin company's nudes on coffins calendar.
Including 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, & 2014.

Update:
To be clear, the calendar is pictures of (live nude) women posing with
coffins.
Sorry for any confusion.
 Click here

Subject: Bridal Funnies
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Subject: 1 X Video Link & 19 X Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Dave Cremin - Click here (Greatest

Card Trick Ever)

Subject: Picked the Wrong Plane
 Click here

When a drunk passenger tried to choke a flight attendant with his belt,
he did not know an ice hockey team full of cops was on board,
?and ready to put an end to the attack.
Henryk Glowala, 28, flew into a rage when was refused another drink,
and tried to storm the c*ckpit, and strangle the flight crew of a
LOT Polish Airlines flight, from Warsaw to Toronto. However,
the violent passenger was overpowered by a squad of off-duty Ontario cops,
who tackled him.
The 17 police officers were members of the Justice Hockey Canada team,
who were returning from a police championship event in Europe.
"Myself and the guy sitting beside me, we made our way to the back,
and saw the guy with his belt around the steward??s throat,
trying to choke him," police officer Kyle Talsma said.
"At that point we took physical control of him."

Subject: Memories
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

AFTER YOU LOOK AT THE PICTURES, READ THE NOTE AT THE VERY BOTTOM!   WE ALL
NEED A REMINDER.

WE THINK WE'VE GOT IT BAD! This was a mere 72 years ago....
Makes complaining about no mobile service, high petrol prices, not enough
cable channels, seem a bit ludicrous.
No credit cards to buy what you want, but don't need!
Forward this to remind our children and others of what really tough times
are like. They don't have a clue.
This reminds me to be grateful for what I do have.
"Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery.
And Today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present."

Subject: Superflex Movies
 Click here Click here Click here

Subject: Wally's Easy Christmas Chicken Recipe

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a
stuffing -- imagine that. When I found this recipe, I though it was perfect
for people like me, who are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly
cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

1 chicken
1 cup melted butter 1 cup stuffing 1 cup uncooked popcorn
Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 200 degrees.
Brush chicken well with melted butter salt and pepper.
Fill cavity with stuffing mixed with popcorn.
Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's ar*e blows the oven door
open, and the chicken flies across the room,
and lands on the table, it's done and ready to eat.

And you thought I couldn't cook .....

Subject: How the Citroen 2CV is Made
 Click here

Video - How the Citroen is Made -
 Click here

Subject: Heck Cows
 Click here Click here

Hitler wanted them to be Aryan cows.

Hermann Goering was so keen to recreate the one-time prey of
Roman hunters, that he employed two Nazi scientists to breed the once
mighty aurochs back into existence.

The project seemed to have ended with the Second World War,
when nearly all the cattle kept in Berlin and Munich's zoos,
were destroyed.

But some 70 years later, the fruit of this deluded labour to bring back to
life the gargantuan bovines, which roamed Eurasia can now be found
peacefully chewing the cud in a few fields on the Devon-Cornwall border.

A herd of 13 Heck cattle, named after the two German zoologist brothers who
bred the long-horned, stocky cattle in the
Nazi-funded project, has been acquired by a West Country conservationist,
as part of a rare breeds farm.

Derek Gow, bought the nine cows and four bulls from a Belgian conservation
park, which had bred a herd of the shaggy Heck cattle,
the few surviving animals left in Munich's Hellabrunn Zoo after 1945.

Subject: 6 X Video Links & 4 X Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

6 X Video Links

Landing at Queenstown -
 Click here
(New Zealand â?? Brilliant)

Security Cameras -
 Click here (Around

the World)

Ken Block -
 Click here (The Need

for Speed)

7yo Maria Cristina Cracuin -
 Click here (Luciano

Pavarottiâ??s Grand-Daughter)

Bob Dylan -
 Click here (Click the channel

button up & down)

Named after John F Kennedy -
 Click here
(100â??s of them)

Subject: I Don't Like Yours !!!
 Click here Click here

Subject: WHO-R0X
 Click here Click here

Deb Levy, a Missouri driver did not appreciate the message she saw on the
state issued license plate that she recently received. The new plate read
WH0 R8X something she was offended by, and felt could be read as, ??whore
eight times.?? It'??s a message,
placed below the state'??s nickname the ?'?Show Me State',?? that is
insulting to Deb.

So the Missouri mom has decided to keep the expired license plate on her
car'??s bumper and carry the current plate inside the car, just in case a
police officer stops her.
Deb filed a complaint with the state, and asked for a replacement,
but was told that she would have to pay a fee of $17.
Deb went to a local TV station, and after the story was aired,
the Missouri DMV issued Deb with a new plate ?? Free of Charge.

Subject: Gary Gray is Hungry
 Click here

Subject: Bring a Knife to a Gun Fight?

WALLY'??S WORDS OF WISDOM

Don'??t Bring a Knife to a Gun Fight

Example 1: Greenfield â?? California - A man who tried to rob a Greenfield
gun shop at knifepoint yesterday afternoon, was shot in the chest by the
shop owner, police said.
The victim, Adam Schlecht, 57, of Greenfield, was taken to Froedtert
Memorial Lutheran Hospital in Wauwatosa.

Police have yet to interview the victim, because the shooting left him
unconscious, and in a serious condition.
Police said the shooting took place inside Buckhorn Guns, on West Ramsey
Ave.
The parking lot was surrounded by yellow police tape, as police
investigated the shooting.
Police said the store owner, 44, shot the man once in the chest, after
Schlecht threatened him with a knife. No one else was inside the store,
when the shooting took place. The store owner was not injured.

The case has been referred to the Milwaukee County district attorney's
office, which will review the actions of the suspect, and the shop owner.

Example 2:
 Click here

Example 3:
 Click here

Subject: What a Job?
 Click here

It'??s the job all travellers have plenty of experience in.
Now the art of finding the best public toilet to use while out and about,
is being recognised as a legitimate occupation.
A vacancy with a start-up website that helps users find public toilets near
them, is offering cash for slash.
As you might expect, the position is listed as "urgent".
Now based in New York, the "rapidly expanding" site aims to take its
services to the world.
The ad, posted on Craigslist, asks applicants to supply examples of their
work. We hope they're talking about their writing.
It's not just a piddling amount on offer - the successful candidate will be
paid $100 a day.
"I built ToiletFinder in order to address a universal,
legitimate human need," the founder of Toilet Finder, Michael Li, explains.
"The goal is to have fun, while helping to make peoples' lives easier.
"ToiletFinder.com is on track to making $200-$500 a day within six months."
The concept of a toilet directory isn't new, but is yet to take off on a
truly global scale.
As every tourist who's ever faced a dunny dilemma will attest,
it's the kind of local knowledge that can make the difference between a
comfortable holiday, and a nightmare experience.
A recent survey conducted by Escape, found toilet troubles rate among
travellers' biggest fears, with Aussies more afraid of toilet explosions,
than terrorist attacks, when they travel overseas.
The WC Finder app, and Bathroom Diaries website, are among products already
rating public loos internationally, and the Australian Government runs the
National Public Toilet Map.

Subject: China Declares War on BBQ's
 Click here

Forget about China's turf fight with Japan, it seems the country has a
bigger enemy to declare war on ... barbecues.
Authorities in the capital have destroyed more than 500 open-air barbecues
"to cut PM2.5" - the tiny particulate matter in the air,
that can enter deep into the lungs.
Photos carried by state media showed workers cutting pieces of metal, with
sparks flying as city wardens looked on.
Citizens ridiculed the exercise, suggesting authorities should focus on
bigger sources of pollution.
A media officer at Beijing's Xicheng district administration bureau,
said the hundreds of barbecue grills were confiscated over a three-month
campaign, and cut up so they couldn't be used again.
She refused to give her name, as is common with Chinese officials.
The capital's pollution regularly reaches hazardous levels.
The city government announced last month that emergency measures such as
factory shutdowns and traffic limits, would kick in when air pollution
levels are particularly heavy.

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Incredible Story....Elephant
 Click here

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
Louisiana State University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing
with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter
approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large
piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he
could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant
gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its
face,
stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of
nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly,
turned and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his
teenage son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The
large bull elephant stared at Peter,
lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did
that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this
was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the
railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the
elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped
its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing,
killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for all those who send me those heart-warming bullsh*t stories

Subject: Homeless Golfer
 Click here

Subject:  In & around the Workshop...
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: anonymous
Subject: RETIREMENT FROM CSIRO
 Click here

Good morning everyone

"The time has come," the Walrus said, - - - - -
And my time has come after more than 36 years with the Organisation,
to say adieu.  I start a new chapter as a retiree, one that most,
if not all of us, strive for in the end.

It was a hard decision to make, and I did not make it lightly,
but felt that it was the right time for me.  I will miss CSIRO,
as I have spent well over half of my life working for the Organisation.
I have made lifelong friends, and worked with some absolutely amazing
people.
Over these years, I have seen countless changes, and I have memories that
will keep reminding me of the great times I had at CSIRO for years to come.

I thank you for the friendships that I have made, and the encouragement to
spread my wings and take chances, and try something new - I appreciate it
very much.
I wish you all a the best in your association with an Organisation that has
a remarkable history and future.

To those very special people that have made my time here exceptional, thank
you!

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Quote of the Week:

  Land is really the best Art.

- Andy Warhol.

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.
Read more at
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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