Friday humour - October 11, 2013

 From Burnout at Bluehaze:

From: Allnutts
Subject: PICS OF COSTA CONCORDIA RECOVERY

Make sure you watch 1.44 min video at end of pics.
HIGH RESOLUTION PICS OF COSTA CONCORDIA RECOVERY
Costa Concordia Operation
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: A Waltz Across West Texas

Wyman, the photographer, used to live in the old jail in Benjamin, TX.  The
photo of the coiled rattlesnake appeared on the cover of a wildlife
magazine in the 80's.He said, there were times he crawled a long way on his
belly to get a good shot of a wild animal.
The music is by Doug Smith.  Doug is from Petersburg, Texas and lives south
of town.  Doug plays by ear- He cannot read music, but has many CDs. A
pickup accident left Doug paralyzed and he does not play anymore.

Most of the pictures were taken in the rolling plains (cap rock to Seymour,
the Fork, 6666, and Waggoner Ranches. There are some scenes in Palo Duro
Canyon.

Please take a moment and view this skillful combination of music and
amazing animal and landscape photography.
The changes in the tempo perfectly compliment the scenery.  It is simply a
beautiful portrayal of Texas!

Wyman Meinzer's West Texas
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Biology test

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The
question was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the
bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the
ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an 'A' ...

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From: Diks
Subject: How the AMA feels about ObamaCare......................

How the AMA feels about ObamaCare

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care
package. The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the
Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists
had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the
Administration had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain
everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists
considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said,
"Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while
the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their
hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a
bitter pill to swallow. The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal
would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was
a step forward, but the Urologists were p*ssed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty
Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to
the as*holes in Washington.

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  The Acrobatic Fly (1910)

Amazing stuff

Check out this video on YouTube:
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: The quest

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery..
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down.
Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no
other that he has ever heard.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We
can't tell you because you're not a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry
way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard
years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
"We can't tell you because you're not a monk."

The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how
do I become a monk?"

The monks reply, "You must travel the Earth and tell us how many blades of
grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles.
When you find these numbers, you will become a monk."

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and
knocks on the door of the monastery.
He says, "I have travelled the Earth and devoted my life to the task
demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are
371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand
pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, "Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now
considered a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the
sound is behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, "May I have
the key?"

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... The man requests
the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of
ruby..
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is
another door, this one made of sapphire.
And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of
emerald,........silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, "This is the key to the last door."

The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob,
and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange
sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight ....

.... But he couldn't tell me anything because I'm not a monk.

DON'T SWEAR AT ME;

I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO STARTED THIS!

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: A bloke was standing at a bar

A bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he
leans over and says,
"You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No. I'll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm
drunk."

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From: Nottingham Smithie
  Subject: Legged Robot Testing in Desert
 Click here

And, this one:
 Click here

I love watching this technology develop.  Those are amazing critters!

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Worth Watching to the End
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: 'Honour Crime'

A young Pakistani woman woke up feeling battered and bruised in a
wheelie-bin.
Luckily, a passer by heard her yells and rescued her, then called the
Police.
The police investigated things, though the young young woman said she could
not remember how she got there, perhaps she'd suffered a blow to her head.
Police are a appealing for witnesses - they believe it could perhaps have
been a family 'Honour Crime'. Her father Chindha, her mother Bindha and her
brother Dumpta are expected to soon be appearing in Birmingham Crown Court.

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the
difference between these two words...

In a recently held linguistic competition held in London and attended by
supposedly the best in the world,
Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing
ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was:.. How do you explain the difference between
COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Here is his astute answer....

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong
woman, you are FINISHED,
and when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY
FINISHED!!

He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old rum.

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From: Sack
Subject: Promotional Film 1920s Dodge Brothers Wild Ride

You've never seen anything like this,
 Click here

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From: Sack
Subject:   WALKING ON THE GRASS

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and
will make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface
like grass or a path."
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go
walking with her.
In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly
raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag
while we walk?"
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.

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From: Sack
  Subject:  Questions That Haunt Me

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"?  Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court,
is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hear*e carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME cr*p, why didn't he
just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn,
and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons,
does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets angry at
you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?

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From: Sack
Subject:  The Dummy.
 Click here

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From: Seasoldier
Subject: Young Country Doctor

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who
was retiring.
The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds,
so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my
stomach."
The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh
fruit.
Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the
trick?"
As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman?
How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in
there?
When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the
trash.
That was what  probably was making her sick."
The younger doctor said "Pretty clever.
If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a
younger woman.
She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm
feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much for the Church," the younger doctor
told her.
"Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well.
Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, she's very active in the
church, but how did you arrive at it?"
"I did what you did at the last house.
I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the
Minister under the bed."

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From: Seasoldier
Subject: Very funny story to make your day. Laugh.......

       Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks
       to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to
       doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take
       care of another matter before she returned.

       Lucy came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting
       in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up,
       she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her
       to the toilet seat.

       About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
       They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.
       Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy
       wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the
       hospital emergency room.

       The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how
       to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this). Lucy tried to
       lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor,
       I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before".

       The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them...
       I just never saw one mounted and framed."

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Age test
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

DID YOU KNOW...
Those who were born in the 50s 60s ,70s and early 80s are the last
generation who played in the street.
During our childhood we walked over a mile a day when we played & played
hide & seek outside at night with no worries or fear of anything bad
happening to us.
We are the first generation who played video games and the last to record
songs off the radio onto a cassette tape.
We learned how to program a VCR before anyone else, we were the first to
play from Atari to Nintendo
We are the generation of Tom & Jerry, Looney Toons, & Captain Kangaroo. We
traveled in cars without seat belts or air bags, lived without cell phones
and caller ID.  We did not have fax machines,
flat screens, surround sound,  iPods, Facebook, Twitter, computers or the
internet, and through it all we had a great time.

Now send this on to those who remember all these things and those who are
too young to know what maybe the better times were really like. Ah the good
ole days.

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: FDR's car
 Click here

Hours after Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, the Secret Service found
themselves in a bind.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt was to give his infamy speech to Congress
the next day,
and although the trip from the White House to Capitol Hill was short,
agents weren't sure how to transport him safely.

At the time, Federal Law prohibited buying any cars that cost more than
$750,
so they would have to get clearance from Congress to do that, and nobody
had time for that....

One of the Secret Service members, however, discovered that the US Treasury
had seized the bulletproof car that mobster Al Capone owned when he was
sent to jail in 1931.
They cleaned it, made sure it was running fine and had it ready for the
President the day after.

And run properly it did. Capone's car was a sight to behold.
It had been painted black and green so as to look identical to
Chicago‚EUR^(TM)s police cars at the time.
It also had a specially installed siren and flashing lights hidden behind
the grille, along with a police scanner radio. To top it off, the
gangster's 1928 Cadillac 341A Town Sedan had 3,000 pounds of armor and
inch-thick bulletproof windows.

Mechanics are said to have cleaned and checked each feature of the Caddy
well into the night of December 7th, to make sure that it would run
properly the next day for the Commander in Chief.

The car was sold at an auction price of $341,000 in 2012.

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From: Cartographer Chris
Subject: Very Interesting
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

  In case you haven‚EUR^(TM)t seen these ‚EUR" pretty impressive salvage

The Costa Concordia Parbuckling in Pictures [24 High Quality Photos]
By Mike  target=_blank>Click here  On September 17, 2013

[The Costa The lifeboats were moored inside the harbor pier before dawn.
The grounded ship sank in
 target=_blank>Click here
The Costa Concordia rests on its side on the morning of January 14, 2012.
On the night of January 13, 2012, the 114,500 ton Costa Concordia ran
aground at Isola del Giglio, Italy, killing 32 people and eventually coming
to rest alongside a reef just outside the sleepy island‚EUR^(TM)s only
port. The event kicked off a flurry of regulatory changes in the cruise
ship industry, not to mention what would become the largest and most
expensive maritime salvage in history.
A team consisting of Titan Salvage, a subsidiary of U.S.-based Crowley
Maritime Corp., and the Italian firm Micoperi won the tender for the
ship‚EUR^(TM)s removal. The plan was to raise the vessel in one piece using
an age-old technique known as ‚EURoeparbuckling,‚EUR? which basically means
using leverage to rotate a ship or large opbject to an upright position,
before towing it away from the island. Use of the technique has been done
before, perhaps most notably to right U.S. Navy ships following the attack
on Pearl Harbor, only never on this scale.
Over the last year a team of about 500 salvage workers and engineers has
worked around the clock to make sure the parbuckling, easily the most
crucial part of salvage, went off without a hitch. There was no plan B, so
it had to work‚EUR¶ and it did.
Here is a collection of pictures from the operation to upright, or
parbuckle, the Costa Concordia:
The Costa Concordia wreck site as seen from the air. This photo was taken
August 26, 2013 as final preparations for the parbuckling were being made.
[REUTERS/Alessandro
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Alessandro Bianchi
Nick Sloane, the South African Salvage Master who has led the operation for
the Titan-Micoperi consortium, stands in front of the shipwreck in the days
leading up to the parbuckling. Little did he know then that the successful
parbuckling would earn him rockstar status. Ok maybe he knew.
[The head of the parbuckling project Nick Sloane poses as Costa Concordia
lies on its side next to Giglio
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
The parbuckling operation was expected to start at 6 a.m. CEST (local
Giglio time) on September 16, 2013 and last 10 to 12 hours, however,
overnight thunderstorms prevented salvage crews from making final
preparations.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
The parbuckling would eventually begin at 9 a.m., three hours behind
schedule. Live coverage of the entire event was streamed into the homes of
millions by nearly every major news outlet.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
On Monday morning, Giglio awoke to a beautiful sunrise. All the more reason
to get the ship out of there.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
The parbuckling itself was a slow process. It was hard to tell with the
naked eye if anything at all was happening if it wasn‚EUR^(TM)t for the
ever-growing, perfectly straight line of brown sc*m from the parts of the
ship that have been submerged for the last 20 months.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
The picture below gives a good view of the strand jacks, which were
connected to underwater platforms and used to pull the ship upright.
[Salvage crew workers are seen in front of  the capsized cruise liner Costa
Concordia after the start of
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
The brown sc*m grew, proof positive that the parbuckling was working,
albeit slowly.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
Not only was the parbuckling viewed online, but thousands hugged the shores
of the island to watch the historic salvage.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
As the ship was raised, salvage crews worked on the parts of the ship
previously hidden beneath the waves to clear any obstructions that may get
in the way. (Actually in the photo below, crews are seen removing
mysterious grafitti from the deck. Italian ‚EURoeMeow
‚EUR? target=_blank>Click here maybe?

Who knows‚EUR¶)
[Salvage crew work on part of the capsized cruise liner Costa Concordia,
outside Giglio
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
About midway through the first phase of the operation, officials gave an
update that the ship had been rotated 10 degrees from its starting position
and was now entirely off the reef for the first time in nearly two years. A
sigh of relief for sure, as it was unclear just how firmly the ship was
wedged into the rock prior to the lift.
The first phase was the pulling of the ship upright. The second phase
involved lowering the ship by ballasting the sponsons, or caissons,
attached to the ship‚EUR^(TM)s port side, gently lowering her onto
underwater platforms.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
The parbuckling was held up for one hour as crews performed maintenance on
the strand jacks, adjusting tension to the lines. It was at this point that
officials said the operation would take longer than expected, continueing
through the night and into the wee hours of Tuesday morning.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
As dusk fell, the ship kept moving upright, slowly.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
After 25 degrees of rotation, the parbuckling entered the second phase. It
was now time for gravity to take over. Crews carefully adjusted the water
levels in the steel sponsons to gently lower the ship to an upright
position. The movement of the ship would pick up at this point.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
At about 4 a.m. CEST Tuesday, officials announced the successful completion
of the parbuckling after 19 hours of work.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
The first photos of the ship‚EUR^(TM)s submerged side were shocking. The
amount of damage was almost unexpected, at least to the public. Then again,
the ship has spent the last 20 months being crushed under its own weight.
[The capsized cruise liner Costa Concordia is seen at the end of
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
Nick Sloane, who had been calling the shots from an offshore command post,
returned to Giglio to a heros welcome, and mobbed by press.
Congratulations, Nick! Someone get that guy a beer!!
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
Once the sun came up, the amount of damage to the ship‚EUR^(TM)s submerged
side really came to light.
[The capsized cruise liner Costa Concordia is seen at the end of
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
A side view of the ship showed where it was resting on two rock outcrops.
Now you can see why getting the ship off the rocks was so crucial.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
[The damaged side of the capsized cruise liner Costa Concordia is seen at
the end of
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile
With the parbuckling completed, crews will now install similar sponsons to
the ships previously submerged starboard side. Within a month the Costa
Concordia is expected to be floating once again.
[REUTERS/Tony
 target=_blank>Click here
REUTERS/Tony Gentile

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From: Duke of Barsinov
Subject: Le nouveau RER Versailles
 Click here Click here

Don't worry if you can't read french, just  enjoy the pictures of the
inside of a french train.

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From: Duke of Barsinov
Thoughts......Beautiful.....
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: New Airbus
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

This brand spanking new Airbus 340-600, one of the largest passenger
airplane ever built,
sits just outside its hangar in Toulouse , France without a single hour of
airtime.
Enter the Arab flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies (ADAT) to
conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground, such as engine run-ups, prior to
delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi .

The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area.

Then they took all four engines to takeoff power with a virtually empty
aircraft.
Not having read the run-up manuals, they had no clue just how light an
empty A340-600 really is.

The takeoff warning horn was blaring away in the c*ckpit because they had
All 4 engines at full power.
The aircraft computers thought they were trying to take off, but it had not
been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc..)

Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit breaker on the Ground
Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm.
This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air. The computers
automatically released all the brakes and set the aircraft rocketing
forward.

The ADAT crew had no idea that this is a safety feature so that pilots
can't land with the brakes on.
Not one member of the seven-man Arab crew was smart enough to throttle back
the engines from their max power setting,
so the $200 million brand-new aircraft crashed into a blast barrier,
totalling it.

The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown due to the news blackout in
the major media in France and elsewhere, because........

Coverage of the story was deemed insulting to Muslim Arabs.

Finally, the photos are starting to leak out.

   One French Airbus: $200 million dollars
   Untrained Arab Flight Crew: $300,000 Yearly Salary
   Unread Operating Manual: $300
   Aircraft meets retaining wall and the wall wins

   "And that's why their God gave them camels"!

   HAVE A GREAT DAY...........

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From: Nottingham Smithie
  Subject: Thought you might like this one!
 Click here

Finally got my sink fixed
I'll send you the name of my plumber!
Cheers!!!  Not to worry, the left handle does white wine.

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: taliban
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  Picture of the Future
 Click here

And what do you want to be when you grow up, little boy?

Children in Syria.

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From: Sack
Subject:   Wonders Of Another Kind
 Click here

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From: Sack
Subject:  Chicago
 Click here

Subject: Chicago

COMMENT ON THIS LETTER:   I'm sure that Canada is too intelligent to take
on that lousy basket case country. Last time I was in Victoria [Vancouver
Island] I read an article in a newspaper commenting about the large number
of Canadian badges etc. exported to the US for purchase by overseas
travellers.    I remember on one of my overseas trips there was a man of
Spanish extraction who resided in Canada. He wore a Canadian badge so that
he would not be presumed to be American!

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From: Sack
Subject:   Balloons, Balloons & Balloons......
 Click here

Balloons, Balloons & Balloons...........(Powerpoint...sound...will
automatically move on)
Mondial hot air balloon rally.....what a rally....attracted over 300,000
spectators.......1267 Balloon Pilots....

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From: Sack
Subject:   MY LIVING WILL
 Click here

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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: Camo condom
 Click here

Subject: Leftover from the Essendon Bombers fiasco...
 Click here

Subject: He makes the roses grow
 Click here

Subject: Call me God
 Click here

Subject: Time travel for slow coaches
 Click here

The Tordis

Subject: Chompers
 Click here

Subject: Good advice
 Click here

Subject: I love you, but
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Rainbow Mountain
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

There are some unbelievable natural formations located all around the
globe.
The following photos display a mountain range called "Rainbow Mountain"
located in  China.
The mountains are part of the Zhangye Danxia Landform Geological Park in
China.
Layers of different coloured sandstone and minerals, were pressed together
over 24 million years,
and then buckled up by tectonic plates.

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From: Wally
Subject: Jenny the Blonde
 Click here

         Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day.

         "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the
other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.
         See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

         "Very good," said her mother.

         "Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.

         "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

         ... The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
         "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today,
and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G.   See?  
A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

         "Very good, Jenny," said her mother.

         "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

         "Yes, it's because you're blonde."

         The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.
           "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and
when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
         And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

         "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

         "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

         "No Honey, it's because you're 24."

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From: Wally
Subject: John Chaney Photography
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Nuns
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: 7 Insects You'll Be Eating in the Future
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

7 Insects You'll Be Eating in the Future

Mopane caterpillars

Mopane caterpillars ‚EUR" the larval stage of the emperor moth (Imbrasia
belina) are common throughout the southern part of Africa. Harvesting of
mopane caterpillars is a multi-million dollar industry in the region, where
women and children generally do the work of gathering the plump, little
insects.

The caterpillars are traditionally boiled in salted water, then sun-dried;
the dried form can last for several months without refrigeration, making
them an important source of nutrition in lean times. And few bugs are more
nutritious: Whereas the iron content of beef is 6 mg per 100 grams of dry
weight, mopane caterpillars pack a whopping 31 mg of iron per 100 grams.
They're also a good source of potassium, sodium, calcium, phosphorous,
magnesium, zinc, manganese and copper, according to the FAO.

Chapulines

Chapulines are grasshoppers of the genus Sphenarium, and are widely eaten
throughout southern Mexico.
They're often served roasted, giving them a satisfying crunch, and
flavoured with garlic, lime juice and salt,
or with guacamole, or dried chilli powder. The grasshoppers are known as
rich sources of protein, and are more than 70% protein.

Researchers have noted that the gathering of Sphenarium grasshoppers is an
attractive alternative to spraying pesticides in fields of alfalfa, and
other crops. Not only does this eliminate the environmental hazards
associated with pesticide sprays, it also gives the local people an extra
source of nutrition and income, from the sale of grasshoppers.

Witchetty grub

Among the aboriginal people of Australia, the witchetty grub is a dietary
staple.
When eaten raw, the grubs taste like almonds. When cooked lightly in hot
coals, the skin develops the crisp,
flavourful texture of roast chicken. The witchetty grub is chock full of
oleic acid, a healthful omega-9 monounsaturated fat.

Though people often refer to the larvae of several different moths as
witchetty grubs, some sources specify the larval stage of the cossid moth
(Endoxyla leucomochla) as the true witchetty grub. The grubs are harvested
from underground, where they feed upon the roots of Australian trees such
as eucalyptus and black wattle trees.

Termites

Want to get rid of the termites gnawing at your floorboards? Just do like
they do in South America and Africa: Take advantage of the rich nutritional
quality of these insects, by frying, sun-drying,
smoking, or steaming termites in banana leaves.

Termites generally consist of up to 38% protein, and one particular
Venezuelan species, Syntermes aculeosus, is 64% protein. Termites are also
rich in iron, calcium, essential fatty acids, and amino acids such as
tryptophan.

African palm weevil

A delicacy among many African tribes, the palm weevil (Rhychophorus
phoenicis) is collected off the trunks of palm trees. About 10 centimetres
long and 5 cm wide, the weevils are easily pan-fried,
because their bodies are full of fats, though they're also eaten raw.

The Journal of Insect Science found that the African palm weevil is an
excellent source of everal nutrients such as potassium, zinc, iron, and
phosphorous, as well as several amino acids,
and healthy monounsaturated, and polyunsaturated fatty acids.

Stink bugs

Their name certainly doesn't lend itself to culinary appeal, but stink bugs
(Hemiptera) are consumed throughout Asia, South America and Africa. The
insects are a rich source of important nutrients, including protein, iron,
potassium, and phosphorus.

Because stink bugs release a noxious scent, they are not usually eaten raw
unless the head is first removed, which discards their scent-producing
secretions. Otherwise, they are roasted,
or soaked in water, and sun-dried. As an added benefit, the soaking water
‚EUR" which absorbs the noxious secretions ‚EUR" can then be used as a
pesticide to keep termites away from houses.

Mealworms

The larvae of the mealworm beetle (Tenebrio molitor) is one of the only
insects consumed in the Western world. They are raised in the Netherlands
for human consumption, as well as for animal feed, partly because they
thrive in a temperate climate.

The nutritional value of mealworms is hard to beat: They're rich in copper,
sodium,
potassium, iron, zinc, and selenium. Mealworms are also comparable to beef
in terms of protein content, but have a greater number of healthy,
polyunsaturated fats.

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From: Wally
Subject: Whiskey Toothpaste
 Click here Click here Click here

WHISKEY TOOTHPASTE

Invented by fresh-out-of-college entrepreneur Don Poynter in 1954, who
laughed all the way to the bank, since the stuff proceeded to become the
best-selling novelty item of the 1950s and 60s, despite the efforts of some
states to ban it. But eventually the market was flooded by imitators, at
which point Poynter branched out into crossword-puzzle toilet paper and
trick lighters, and continued to make oodles of money.

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From: Wally
Subject: Parrot
 Click here

I was in a pet shop, when I noticed a Muslim girl,

with the most amazingly coloured parrot perched on her shoulder.

"Where did you get that from ?" I asked.

"Christmas Island, there's f*ckin" thousands of 'em!" ........ said the
Parrot.

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From: Wally
Subject: New York City - Then & Now
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

New York City - Then & Now

Famous Daily News photos brought back to life.

Subject: Global Warming Protest
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Artist Nele Azevedo‚EUR^(TM)s 1000 melting men, on the steps of Berlin's
concert hall,
dramatizing global warming. The artist has done similar installations in
various cities.
The men typically last about 30 minutes before melting completely.

Subject: Gossl Wings
File links:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

This unusual sport called Gossl Wings, was held recently in Salzburg,
Austria.
It's a kind of diving championship with all the participants, females under
30 years old,
dressed in traditional costumes. Points are awarded for the traditional
costume, jump height,
dive, splash, cleavage displayed, and underwear shown. I hear they are
trying to get it accepted as a late entry new sport, at the 2016 Olympic
Games, in Rio de Janeiro.
Here are some pictures of this curious championship.

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: The mistress in Afghanistan
 Click here

       THE MISTRESS IN AFGHANISTAN ...... (see translation below)

       TRANSLATION

       HE: God likes us, Rabia.darling!...Allahu Akbar..!

       SHE: Abdullah my forever love.....God loves us.....my husband just
walked by...the pr*ck did not even recognize me !!

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Having Fun With Statues
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Subject:  Aunty Acid is Back
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Subject:  How the NRL video referee works
 Click here

now it makes sense

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Quote of the Week:

  "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live
forever."

Mahatma Gandi

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[ End friday humour ]

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