Friday humour - August 30, 2013

Gussius @ Bluehaze

Predictably, this edition has a healthy smattering of federal election fun
stuff because Australian voters are expected to go without a beer, or put
housework on hold long enough to vote next weekend.

Newspapers say Toni Abbott is likely to be our second female Prime
Minister, unless he finds a pair and get them stitched back on soon.

The American spy agency, NSA, allegedly supports Kev Rudd’s plan for a
decent speed national broadband so they can check our emails with greater
efficiency.

So in summary, our choice is simple. Maternity pay combined with 10% of
available internet speed or blistering access to cat pictures and porn.
Vote early and vote often.

Contributors this week included Anonymous3, Burnout, Cartographer Chris,
Sack, Seasoldier, Wally, Arfermo, Digi Maria, Diks, Nottingham Smithie, 
Whizzbang & anonymous

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

FART PRANK - pretty funny!:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Norman Rockwell: magazine covers:

These are forty-eight years of Norman Rockwell's famous painting of
"People's Expressions"---  Just sit back, reminisce and enjoy.
 Click here
Realism/Rockwell/Rockwell.htm

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Football season.....chuckle for the day:

I've been getting ready for the upcoming football season and doing some
reminiscing from last.

Is this all just a coincidence?

Alabama beat Arkansas and Arkansas fired their coach

Alabama beat Tennessee and Tennessee fired their coach

Alabama beat Auburn and Auburn fired their coach

Alabama beat Notre Dame for the national championship and the Pope resigned

Sure wish the White House had a team that plays Alabama

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Cat Welcomes Home Her Military Mom From Deployment:

This is hysterical!
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Southern Utah - amazing flash flood:

Wahweap Creek north of Page, Arizona. David Rankin is a ranger for the
National Park Service.
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Tombstone:

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor.
"Is Fred home?" he asked the woman who answered the door.
"Sorry," the woman replied."Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the collector tried again.
"Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir," she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed,
"I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again?"
"No," the woman answered solemnly,
"Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided,
the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself.
But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone,
with this inscription:
"Gone, But Not for Cotton."

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

A few of life's more interesting moments...:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Old Kev - The tale of a cunning Rooster...:

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young
'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and
was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to
his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which
rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just
listening to the bells.

Fred's favourite rooster, old Kev, was a very fine specimen, but this
morning he noticed old Kev's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing
pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming,
would run for cover.

To Fred's amazement, old Kev had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Fred was so proud of old Kev, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and
he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Kev the"No Bell Piece
Prize,"but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Kev was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician
could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by
being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing
them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this coming election, the bells are not always audible

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Julia Gillard Kevin Rudd - It's All Over Now:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Oh, the South:

Florida

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even
more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then
120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing?
I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends
in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for
speeding - a reason I've never before heard - I'll let you go.."
The old gentleman paused then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State
Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an
invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the
University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000,
minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my
earrings."

Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of
the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause
everythang happens in
Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said
to his buddy, "Bubba,
somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license
number."

North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of
the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and
one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he
turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares
in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper
asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his
pick-up into the ditch. The
Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see
that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says:
'Fine For Dumping
Garbage.'

Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard
o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Dating in the 60's:

It was a hot Sat*rday evening in swinging London in the summer of 1960,
and James had a date with Annabella.

He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

'Oh, come on in!' Annabella's mother said as she welcomed James.

'Have a seat in the sitting room.
Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Tea?'

'Tea, please,' James said. Mum brought the tea.
'So, what are you and Annabella planning to do tonight?' she asked
interestedly.

'Oh, probably go to the flicks and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the
coffee bar, perhaps have a walk on the beach afterwards.'

'Annabella likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.

'Really?' James gasped, surprised to say the least. 'Oh yes,' mother
continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!'

'Is that so?' asked James, incredulously.
' Oh yes,' she said.

'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'

'Phew! Well, thanks for the tip!' James said as he began thinking about
alternative plans for the evening.

A moment later, Annabella came down the stairs looking pretty as a
picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt and with her hair tied back
in a bouncy ponytail.

She greeted James.

'Have fun, kids!' mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Annabella burst into the
house and slammed the front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mum!' she yelled angrily to her mother in the kitchen.

'The bloody dance is called the ....Twist!'

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

PENANCE:

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day,
decided he just had to play golf.

So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and
persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed
out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.

This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from
his
parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it
was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while
looking down from the heavens and exclaimed
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards
the pin dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did
you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

How to Win a Tennis Match Without Touching the Ball:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Glass Harp:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...:

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken
ship.

"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the
Mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of
our fins showing."

And they did.

"Well done, son!  Now we swim around them a few times with all of our
Fins showing."   And they did.

"Now we eat everybody."   And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just
Eat them all at first?   Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the sh*t
inside!"

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Funnies:

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I
almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing is the same as putting it in. You're not to see
that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the
poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over
to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that.
You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according
to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

Lemon Squeeze

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have
sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to
me seven times.'

The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into
a glass and then drink the juice.'

The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'

The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

Looks of Disappointment

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was
sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're
beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A
few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute..' The
wife was disappointed because instead of
'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.'

She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?'

The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.'

Catholic Dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and
asked, 'Father, my dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor
creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an
animal in the church.... But there are some Baptists down the lane, and
there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the
creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to
donate to them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell
me the dog was
Catholic?

Donation

Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

'It is!'

'This is the Internal Revenue Service . Can you help us?'

'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

'I do!'

'Is he a member of your congregation?'

'He is!'

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

'He will.'

Confession

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation
ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children,
grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college
girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel,
where I had s*x with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!'

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a
young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'

Marriage Humour

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an
hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Chickens:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

First time!:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Special message:
 Click here
SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM THE NSA...

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Bacon:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Gene Krupa:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

At the beach:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Religious Irony:
 Click here
And all this bloody fuss about keeping their head covered!

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

THEY WALK AMONG US......BE AFRAID...BE VERY AFRAID:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Where's this Photo Been Hiding:
 Click here Click here

You probably won't remember a Melbourne Late Show and Victorian Premier -
Joan Kirner's rendition of Joan Jett's - "I Love Rock and Roll".

But look closely at the leather mini-skirt clad go-go dancer girl ogling
her star struck!

What's more scary?

Joan Kirner in a leather jacket or Julia Gillard in a leather mini-skirt?

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

New Walmartians ..... And we think we've got problems:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Email of the year!:
 Click here
Excuse the French.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Car stickers for Seniors:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

How To Tell When Bananas Turn Bad...:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Romance advisory
 Click here
How to pick up girls

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Cats - domesticus dillbrainius:
 Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Animals:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Cartoonies:
 Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Grand Prize Winner at Wildlife Film Festival:

Video by Scott McKinley Productions, Produced for Rocky Mountain Elk
Foundation for Ad campaign. Licensed music by Kenny G.

This short video won Grand Prize - Best of Show at International Wildlife
Film Festival in Missoula, Montana!

The majority was shot on location in Yellowstone National Park, Grand Teton
National Park and The National Elk Refuge in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Christmas gift idea...:
 Click here
Suitable for pre-schoolers to secondary years.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

12 X Motivational Posters:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Allure of the Seas:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

THE TITANIC We all think of the Titanic as a big ocean liner. . . well,  at
least until we see the below comparison.
  Titanic is in foreground.   Allure of the Seas Cruise Ship in
background

Behind the Scenes of the World’s Largest Cruise Ship

The Allure of the Seas is the largest passenger ship ever constructed
and the statistics are simply mind-boggling: - 225,282 GRT (gross register
tonnage)
- 1,187 feet (362 meters) long
- 215 feet (66 meters) wide
- 213 feet (65 meters) high from the water line
- 30 feet (9.1 meters) draft
- 22 knots cruising speed
- 16 passenger decks, 24 passenger elevators
- 4 bow thrusters with 7,500 horse power each
- 5,400 guests (double occupancy), 6,318 guests total, 2,384 crew
(from appx. 80 countries)
- 2,706 staterooms
On a recent vacation aboard the cruise ship, Redditor eatababy took a
tour of the ship’s facilities (at a cost of approx. $150)
and doc*mented the entire experience. He uploaded a comprehensive
104-picture gallery to
Imgur where you can see not only the ˜behind the scenes” areas but the main
areas and rooms as well.
Below you will find just the areas that are typically off-limits to
guests, categorized into their respective areas.


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

14 X Ridiculous Bathroom Products:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

2 X Video Links & 17 Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Slow Ass Jolene (Dolly slowed by 25%, sounds good)
 Click here

Bride loses Dress (Only in Russia)
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Bondi Beach & Iceland Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

4 X Bondi Beach Photos

7 X Iceland Photos

13 X World Hotels opening in August 2013

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Adult Cartoons:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

3 X Video Links & 15 X Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

28 Foods (Named after people)
 Click here

Dueling Banjos (Steve Martin & Kermit the Frog)
 Click here
banjos

Magic Beard (Very Strange)
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Only $425+:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Ohio Airline Offers a Mile-High Package To Have S*x in the Sky

Cincinnati, Ohio-based airline company Flamingo Air is currently offering
the Mile High Club
Romantic Flights package; where couples can purchase a one hour flight to
have s*x, in a private curtained aircraft. It comes with champagne,
chocolates, and one very discreet pilot.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Rolf Harris:
 Click here Click here

 I was shopping at Bunning's Hardware the other day When I bumped into the
Legendary Entertainer Rolf Harris.
 I was so excited I said to him,
 "I remember you doing Two Little Boys in 1970".
  He said ....P*ss off! ... That was Gary Glitter.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

BARGAIN:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Movie production halted:
 Click here

 Disney's new film called "Jet Black,"

The aboriginal version of "Snow White," has been put on hold:

All 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Car Jacker, Shoplifter,

Drinker and Bludger, have flatly refused to sing

"Hi Ho."

They also say they have no f*cking intention of ever singing

"It's off to work we go."

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

THE HAIRCUT...:

Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without
forgetting.
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied,
'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning,
there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you '
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay
his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.  'The Member of Parliament was very
happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

If you don't forward this you have no sense of humor.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

About leaving town...:
 Click here

Send this to your friends and relatives so they'll know what happened to
you.

To help rescue the economy, the RUDD Government will announce next month
that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of
illegals) in order to lower
Old age Pensions and Health Care costs.

Older people are easier to catch and won't remember how to get back home.

I started to cry when I thought of you.

Then it dawned on me....

........   " Oh, sh*t,  I'll see you on the bus!!! "

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

The most interesting English word...:
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[ End friday humour ]

 Previous (August 23, 2013)  Index Next (September 06, 2013)