Friday humour - August 23, 2013

Woman Adding Quart of Oil to Her Car
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Kevin's Folding Chair
Typical Aussie humour - you really shouldn't wear such short "shorts"!!
Brings tears to ones eyes, and not just through the laughter!
You're going to laugh at this - sound on.
 Click here

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Little red wagon

WON'T YOU COME RIDE MY LITTLE RED WAGON?!
Amazing!
 Click here

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From: Burnout
 Click here

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From: Burnout
40 Maps to help you make sense of the world
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From: Burnout
A short Video clip for you.....
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From: Burnout
A trip to the Shop
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From: Cartographer Chris
Dutch Oven
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From: Nottingham Smithie
Gratitude. Ten minute video.

THIS IS AN EXTRAORDINARY FILM -- ABOUT BEAUTY, NATURE, GOD AND GRATITUDE
FOR
WHAT WE HAVE.  IT IS NOT "PREACHY".  IT RELIES ON THE VISUAL MUCH MORE THAN
THE NARRATIVE AND THE PHOTOGRAPHY IS COMPELLINGLY BEAUTIFUL.  IF YOU WILL
CLEAR YOUR MIND, OPEN YOUR SCREEN FULLY AND GIVE IT A LOOK, THE 10 MINUTE
EXPERIENCE WILL BRING YOU BLESSINGS.
 Click here

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From: Seasoldier

HOW MANY MORE DOCTORS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
One man's faith in the medical profession is about to be "sorely" tested.
Click here and sound on....
 Click here

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From: Seasoldier
Bob was sitting on the plane waiting to fly to Detroit, when a guy took the
seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking,
moaning in fear.

"What's the matter?" Bob asked.
"I've been transferred to Detroit - I've heard the people are crazy there.
They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor schools,
abandoned neighborhoods, filth, no fire or police protection, no dependable
garbage pickup or sanitation system, and the highest crime rate in the
nation."

Bob replied, "I've lived in Detroit all my life. It's not as bad as the
media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and
enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a place as anywhere
in the world."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been
worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your
word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."

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From: The Great Gussius
Gays urge recognition of Catholics
 Click here

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From: The Great Gussius
Pizza lovers beware
 Click here

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From: The Great Gussius
God saves Fukushima
 Click here

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From: Wally
New Arrivals
All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to
determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who
inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last
day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good
one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed
she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked
the shower and it was completely dry, too.

I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I
went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging
to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his
fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by
some awnings and bushes.

On seeing he was still alive, I found super human strength to drag our
antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and
killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive
heart attack and died."

The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the
roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over
my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony
rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the
balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot.

I fell, but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I
saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but
failed and was hit and killed by the chest."

The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters.  He
apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the
fellow in here just before you."

"I don't know" replies the man, "picture this, I'm buck naked hiding' in
this cedar chest ....."

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From: Wally
20 Most Expensive Celebrity Homes for Sale

It is not the best of times if you want to sell your home as the real
estate market hasn't fully recovered from the adverse impact of the
economic downturn. Real estate prices were the hardest hit when the
recessionary pressures started building up. However, the very high end of
the real estate market was relatively unaffected. The volume of
transactions did come down but in comparison the prices held their own. The
celebrity homes also form part of the high end of the real estate market.
You can browse through some of the most expensive celebrity homes which are
in the market for sale.

1. Billy Joel's Sagaponack Village Home
Billy Joel, the famous singer has listed his home in Sagaponack village but
hasn't found a buyer as yet despite scaling down the price. He had first
listed the house in Hamptons for $22.5 million. The asking price was first
scaled down to $19.9 million then to $18.5 million and finally to $16.8
million. He is reluctant to go below that as that's the price he paid for
the house in 2007. It is a pretty New England style home that reeks of
class and elegance but Billy will find it difficult to find a buyer at this
price.

2. The Richard Neutra Designed Staller House in Bel-Air
Film producer Gary Levinsohn whose best known films are Saving the Private
Ryan, The Patriot and Snakes on a Plane, has listed his Richard Neutra
designed home in Bel-Air. It is a classic Neutra home which was
commissioned in 1955. Spread on an acre the house has walls of glass. The
highlight of the house is a 4,200 bottle wine tasting room. The 6,674
square feet home has four bedrooms and seven bathrooms. The asking price is
$10.9 million.

3. Dr. Phil Lists Another Home in Beverly Hills
Dr Phil had sold one of his homes in Beverly Hills in April for $12 million
after listing it for $16.5 million. He along with his wife had bought
another house in Beverly Hills for $29.5 million. The home that he has
listed now is also a Mediterranean like all his other houses. The 6,980
square feet house was built in 2006. The house boasts of five bedrooms, a
formal dining room and living room. The house features a pool, spa and a
resort style yard. The asking price for the property is $6.25 million.

4. Barry Manilow Waits for a Buyer for his Malibu House
Barry Manilow and his soft pop were very popular in the 1970s and 80s. His
Malibu home that he had purchased way back in 1999 for $3 million has been
on the market since 2009 but has failed to get a buyer for the asking price
which has moved from $10.9 million to $7,991,938 in November. It is a
walled and gated property designed and built in a contemporary style.
Located on the prestigious Malibu Road the house provides both privacy and
excellent views. The house features a master suite and three guest bedrooms
along with a detached guest house. However the highlight of the house is
the sunken living room with floor to ceiling windows.

5. Mel Gibson Puts Up his Malibu Home for Sale
Actor Mel Gibson has put up his Spanish style family home in Malibu for
sale. Located in the famous Sierra Retreat community, the rustic mansion is
called the Lavender Hill Farm. Sitting on a 2.57 acre plot the house has
5,403 square feet of living space. The house has six bedrooms and six
bathrooms and an additional private master suite on the second floor. The
house also boasts of two walk-in closets, a large kitchen, a music room,
library, office, exercise room and conservatory. On the outside there is a
large swimming pool, a tennis court and perfectly preened gardens. The
property has been listed for $14.5 million.

6. Diane Keaton Mansion
Diane Keaton had listed her Beverly Hills home for $13 million last year.
After failing to find a buyer at that price point she has relisted the
property by scaling down the asking price by 16%. The house with a new
price tag of $10.95 million has seven bedrooms and nine bathrooms. The
Spanish
Colonial Revival mansion was originally built in 1920s under the architect
Ralph Flewelling. The highlight of the mansion is the inner courtyard
fountain that separates the two sides of the home.

7. Fifty Cents Puts Up his Sprawling Mansion for Sale
Fifty Cents has put up his 50,000 square feet mansion on the market for
sale. The asking price has been kept just under $10 million. The estate is
spread on a 17 acre gated plot. The lavish home boasts of an infinity pool
with grotto but the unique feature of the mansion is a three story atrium,
a fully equipped night club and an indoor racket ball court. It is more
like a complex with three separate living quarters complete with kitchen,
living room, dining room and bedrooms.

8. Heidi Klum Wants to Sell her Beverly Hills House
Heidi Klum along with her husband Seal has listed their Beverly Hills home
for $6.9 million. The house built in European style provides 6,794 square
feet of living space including six bedrooms and ten baths. Spread on a
twice gated 4.04 acre plot the villa boasts of large walk-in closets,
private stone terrace, tennis court, two car garage, a swimming pool and
landscaped lawns.

9. Ryan Seacrest Lists his Los Angeles Mansion
The radio and television tycoon Ryan Seacrest has put his Los Angeles, CA
mansion on the market. The asking price has been fixed at $14.95 million.
With a built up area of 10,000 square feet, the mansion was built in 1974.
The house features five bedrooms and four bathrooms. The mansion also
features a large garage for cars and a detached guest house.

10. Zsa Zsa Gabor Lists her Bel Air Mansion
The Bel Air mansion of Zsa Zsa Gabor which is strategically located to
offer expansive views of Los Angeles is up for sale. The listing price is
$15 million. Built in 1955 the mansion boasts a Hollywood Regency style.
Located on the exclusive Bel Air Road, the 6,400 square foot house sits on
an acre of prime land. Ms Gabor has been living in the house for 35 years
now.

11. Jennifer Aniston Beverly Hills Home
It is not clear who is advising Jennifer Aniston but she has listed her
Beverly Hills estate for a whopping $42 million. The 34 year old mansion
was bought by Jennifer in 2006 for $13.6 million and was extensively
renovated.
The 10,000 square foot property is located in the hills above Sunset
Boulevard. The mansion boasts of five bedrooms, 8.5 baths, a pool and a
cabana. The unique features of the house are a Japanese spa, powder room
and an office.

12. John Legend NY Condo
John Legend, the nine Grammy winning singer has put his sprawling all glass
East Village condo in New York on the market for $2.95 million. The
apartment was originally listed for $2.3 million but after some lavish
renovation done by the renowned architect Winka Dubbeidam the asking price
was revised upwards. The stunning 1,359 condo boasts of two bedrooms, a
rooftop swimming and a private elevator landing.

13. Katharine Hepburn's Fenwick Home
The four time Oscar winning actress had lived in the mansion till 2003. The
mansion was built by her parents in 1913. They rebuilt it in 1938 after The
Great New England Hurricane destroyed it. Located in the posh borough of
Fenwick in Old Saybrook, the brick mansion was bought by Barbara and Frank
Sciame in 2004 for $6 million. The listing price now is $28 million.

14. Christie Brinkley Waterfront Hamptons Home
Hamptons socialite and model Christie Brinkley has amassed a collection of
real estate. She admittedly likes fixing old houses but has become too busy
over the years to pursue her expensive hobby. This house, dating back to
1843 is spread on a 4.5 acre lot with 327 feet of beachfront. The house
featuring five bedrooms is fronted with massive white columns. The listing
price for the 19th century property is $15.75 million.

15. Sean Diddy's  NJ Colonial Style Home
Sean Diddy Combs, the hip hop mogul whose net worth has been estimated to
be $475 million by Forbes has put up his Alpine, N.J., Colonial style home
for sale for an asking price of $13.5 million. He had bought a house in Los
Angeles last year and prefers staying there. The new Jersey house has
17,000 square foot of built up area and a total of 26 rooms. The lot size
is three acres and boasts of a swimming pool, a putting green and a
detached guest house.

16. Former Nicolas Cage Home in Las Vegas
Nicolas Cage's foreclosed, bank owned home in Las Vegas was put back on the
market at a new low price of $4.95 Million and was snapped up on the very
first day of listing. Cage had bought the property in 2006 for $8.5
million.
The 14,000 square foot home boasts of a 16 car garage. The extravagantly
designed and decorated home features seven bedrooms, a sweeping stairway,
home theater, elevator and panoramic views of Las Vegas. The house has
resurfaced on the market and the listing price has been jacked up again to
$8.9 million.

17. Ricky Martin's Mediterranean Home
Ricky Martin had bought the home in Golden Beach, Florida in 2007 for $16.5
million. The same year he had put it on the market for $22.5 million. It
couldn't find a buyer as the real estate market hit rock bottom and the
home has been now relisted for $18.9 million. The two story Mediterranean
home is located in a private oceanfront community. The house features five
bedrooms,
a beautiful pool and spa. The walk-in closets, terrace and the new gourmet
kitchen are the other highlights of the property.

18. Anjelica Huston Wants to Sell her Venice, CA Home
Robert Graham, the renowned sculptor had created a home for Oscar winning
actress Anjelica Huston in Venice, CA. She had dated Jack Nicholson for
over a decade and several years after their split she had settled down with
Robert Graham. The sculptor died in 2008 and she now wants to sell the
house he had built. The ultra modern home is an artist's dream with 13,796
square foot of living space. Apart from the three bedrooms and bathrooms,
library and gym the house features a large studio and gallery.

19. Charlie Sheen's Beverly Hills Home
Charlie Sheen is leveraging his celebrity status to speed up the sale of
his
Beverly Hills mansion. He has positioned it as a spectacular celebrity home
in the listing. He has fixed the asking price at $7.2 million. Charlie had
named the house Sober Valley Lodge but has been designed for entertaining
and partying. The 8,000 square foot home features five bedrooms and seven
bathrooms. But the highlight of the house is its spacious public rooms
opening to beautifully landscaped yard and a professional outdoor kitchen,
pool and spa.

20. Burt Reynolds Florida Mansion
Burt Reynolds has stopped making the mortgage payments on his Florida
mansion and still owes the banks nearly $1.2 million. He had originally
listed the 12,538 estate in 2005 for $15 million. He has been scaling down
the price over the years and according to the most recent listing the
asking price is down to $8.995 million. The three acre property has a
waterfront home that features five bedrooms, seven bathrooms, a screening
room,
billiard room, gym and wine cellar. However the unique feature of the house
is a dock and a helipad.

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From: Whizzbang
Man Stuck in Mud

The stuck guy  has a lot of faith in the shovel operator and the shovel
operator is obviously VERY GOOD at operating this machinery!! Never saw
anything like this before. That backhoe operator is an "artiste".
OHS-Australia would be cr*pping in their pants!
 Click here

There  is  a  fine  line  between  fishing  and  ...
standing on the waters edge looking like a idiot ...

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Keyboard symbols
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How to make symbols with the keyboard

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From: Burnout
US Wildlife....
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A Cougar sleeping in a tree. This was taken near Old Faithful in
Yellowstone National Park. They look pretty harmless when they're asleep,
don't they?

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From: Cartographer Chris
Vintage Cars -I love them! they have character
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From: Cartographer Chris
Picture
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From: Cartographer Chris
Life as I see it
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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From: Digi Steve
Courage
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From: Seasoldier
Welsh speed dating
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From: Seasoldier
Some Laughs for the day
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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From: Seasoldier
New Pub for Seniors!
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From: Wally
 Click here

A Must Try Recipe

AKUTAQ or ESKIMO ICE CREAM

Akutaq is a common food in Alaska, consisting of whipped fat mixed with
berries, with optional additions such as fish and sugar. There are many
variations of Akutaq, but most are based around mixing berries, meat,
leaves, or roots with animal oil or fat. Cranberries, salmonberries,
crowberries, cloudberries, and blueberries are common fruits. Salmon and
caribou are common meats. Reindeer tallow, moose tallow, walrus tallow,
caribou tallow, or seal oil can be used. "Mouse akutak" is made from roots
found in mouse holes.

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From: Wally
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Wally
10 Largest Diamond Heists
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Wally
Manure Happens

A former Royal Canadian Mounted cop is in trouble for filling his wife's
hot tub with manure, after he was served with divorce papers.
Officers arrived at a home here, north of Montreal, after receiving a call
about mischief.
Police said officers caught the man dumping manure, which was piled in the
tub, and at the house's front door.
The man had to be taken down with pepper spray, after he took off in a
tractor, and then resisted arrest, when officers caught up with him, police
said.
Rene Daniel, 64, faces charges of hit and run, assaulting a police officer,
obstructing police, and mischief over $5,000.
He's pleaded not guilty, and has been released on bail. He returns to court
in the coming weeks.

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From: Wally
How to Win a Tennis Match Without Touching the Ball

Radek Stepanek faced off against Fabio Fognini in a first-round match at
the
Western & Southern Open, and won the final game of the match without having
to touch the ball, thanks to his fiery Italian opponentā?Ts inability to
land a serve, hit a serve without stepping over the line, or react to his
inability to hit a serve by angrily hitting a ball high into the stands.

Watch as Fognini hits two double faults, gets a code violation for ball
abuse, which brought upon a point penalty since it was his second of the
match, engages in an argument with the chair umpire for said point penalty,
and in his grand finale, commits two consecutive foot faults on triple
match point. The only thing he didnā?Tt do was threaten to stuff a ball
down the throat of the linesperson, who called the foot fault.

Games like this often occur (well, not like this but similar style
meltdowns), but usually when the match is out of hand. Fognini had dropped
the first set, yes, but he was on serve in the second, and could have
easily taken that set to force a decisive third. But, hey, sometimes you
just have to hit a ball into an empty upper deck to make your point.

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From: Wally
Emergency House Key
 Click here

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From: Wally
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Wally
Creative Booze Advertising
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Sale
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Truck accident Eton Range Sat*rday morning 10 August 13.
All drivers have been released from hospital
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Doctors Recommendation..... Bless them!
 Click here
Doctors Recommend 1 Glass Of Red Wine Per Day

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[ End friday humour ]

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