Friday humour - August 16, 2013

From Burnout@bluehaze;
It's election time again, Oh dear...........

This weeks contributions are from:

Anonymous3, Duke of Barsinov,KRP,  Wally, Seasoldier
Nottingham Smithie, Whizzbang, Dinks, The Great Gussius & your ED.

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Is S*x Work?
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel
decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he
failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of
just how much of s*x was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major
chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work .

A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor
of pleasure , depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge
of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100%
pleasure."

The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me
doing it for them."

The room fell silent.

God Bless the enlisted man.

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Matt decided to go skiing with his buddy, Dave. So they loaded up Matt's
minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So
they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered
the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all
to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Matt said... 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if
the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the
two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Matt got an unexpected letter from an
attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that
it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski
weekend...

He dropped in on his friend Dave and asked, "Dave, do you remember that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north
about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." Said Dave.

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes!," Dave said, a little embarrassed about being found out, I
have to admit that I did.."

"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"

Dave's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy..
I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... You know you
smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day)

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Japanese Ingenuity -- Save your plastic
This is one of the most amazing break-throughs in technology I have ever seen!!!
Why aren't we doing this now?
A case of Japanese ingenuity and perseverance. What is more important would
be the marketing and very low cost to make it mandatory to have one of
these in every home.
The sound is all in Japanese. Just turn off the sound, read the subtitles
and watch. What a great discovery!
 Click here

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Subject: The Dummy
 Click here

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Subject: Eight thoughts to ponder.....

*Number 8 *
*Life is s*xually transmitted. *

*Number 7 *
*Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. *

*Number 6 *
*Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. They can't tell them apart. *
*If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. *

*Number 5 *
*Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use *
*the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years. *

*Number 4 *
*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying there dying just like
*
*the rest of us who paid no attention to the rules. *

*Number 3 *
*All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism. *

*Number 2 *
*In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. *
*Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it  normal. *

*And The Number 1 Thought *
*Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, *
*might burn your ar*e tomorrow. *

*- - and as someone recently said to me: *
*"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long." *

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Subject: Jet Black.....

*Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black", the non-racist version of
"Snow White", has been put on hold.*
*All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, Pimp,
and Wog have all refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black
prostitutes.*
*They also say they have no intention of singing "It's Off to Work We
Go"  either.*

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Subject:  Howzat

A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help
you?"

"Yes," she said, "I'd like to report a case of s*xual assault".

"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.

"In the park just down the road" she replied.

"Can you describe what happened?"

"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a
man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there,
removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way
with me".

"Could you give me a description of him?"

"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he
had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees,
one on each leg".

"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the
Sergeant.

"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer".

€œThat's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from
his accent?"

"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".

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Subject: Short Film
 Click here

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Subject: Darwin Award Finalist
 Click here

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Subject: dance with a difference

This will drive your eyes crazy. I tried to watch just one girl and my eyes
crossed!
 Click here

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Subject: How clever is this??

Hema is a Dutch department store.  Apparently their web designer/programmer
has too much time on his/her hands.
 Click here

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Subject: Highly evolved baby prank

This is hilarious
 Click here

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Subject: Funnies

LOST KEYS

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself
a personal TSA pat down.

I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.

A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.

Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.

His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.

His theory was right.

The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location,

confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered;  ( I
always call him "honey" in times like these.)   "I left my keys in the car
and it's been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but
then I heard his voice.

"Are you kidding' me", he barked, "I dropped you off"!!!

  Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get
me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn't steal your
car."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

BALD

I met a beautiful young woman at a nightclub.  We were getting on very well
when she said she had something to show me.  She removed her wig and she
was totally bald.

"It's alopecia," she said, "but if you still like me you can ask me
anything."

I have always wanted to know, so I asked her straight.  "Does your
condition make you bald in other places?"

She whispered in my ear, "There's only one way to find out."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

TESTICLES

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over
his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial
sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to
wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Ar...e my testicles
black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from
worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his
testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir.
They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very
slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very
closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CRICKET

A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help
you?" "

Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of s*xual assault".

"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.

"In the park just down the road" she replied.

"Can you describe what happened?"

"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a
man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear
then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".

"Could you give me a description of him?"

"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he
had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on
each leg".

"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the
Sergeant.

"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie cricketer".

"That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his
accent?"

"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

NUNS

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game, with their habits
blocking the view, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get
them to move.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to
Utah; there are only 100 nuns living there."

The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana; there are only
50 nuns living there."

The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho; there are only 25 nuns living
there."

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet calm
voice said, "Why don't you go to Hell? There aren't any nuns living there!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PILLS

The middle-aged woman sought help from her doctor.  "All my husband does is
complain that I never want to have s*x with him.  And he's right too.  I
have no desire at all."

The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit in
two weeks.

After the two weeks were up, she bounced smiling into his office.  "Those
pills were great Doc, I'm doin' it twice a morning and twice a night now."

"That's wonderful," said the doctor. "What does your husband say now?"

"How should I know about that needled*ck?" she replied. "I ain't been home
yet."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

BUSINESS TRIP

Before he left on a business trip, Lex,  took his younger brother aside.

"Cam, since you are staying with us" he said, "I'm trusting you to take
care of the family.  You'll be the man of the house."

Comprehending the gravity of the situation, Cameron said, "In that case,
where do you keep the condoms."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CONGRESSMAN

An old doctor and his nurse were on the train, going to a Medical
Conference.  Opposite them was a man furiously scratching his elbow.

"I wonder what's the matter with him?" asked the nurse.

"He's a patient of mine and, in confidence, I can tell you that he suffers
badly from hemorrhoids," replied the doctor.

"Well, why he's scratching his elbow?" asked the puzzled nurse.

"Oh, he's a congressman, and he doesn't know his ass from his elbow."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

HE SAW HER

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne
Maynard, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that after her husband had
surgery there, he lost all interest in s*x.

A hospital spokesman replied ... "Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology
- all we did was correct his eyesight."

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Subject: Useless Facts

 Useless Facts

There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S that there are real ones.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for
Blood Plasma.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark
attacks. (So, watch your ass)

Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

 Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell
you? That women are going the 'right' direction?

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. [rubbish!]

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the
morning.

3.9% of all women do not wear underwear.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are 50 years of age or
older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE.

American Airlines saved $40k in 1987 by eliminating one olive from
each salad served in first-class.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

 Oh go ahead... the rest of these can wait...

Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

On average, Americans eat 18 acres of pizza everyday.

The 3 most valuable brand names on earth (in order):

 Marlboro, Coca Cola and Budweiser

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

 So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.

Walt Disney was afraid of... MICE!

PEARLS DISSOLVE IN VINEGAR!?

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet
away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
Yummy!

Read more:
 Click here
1. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
2. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
3. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
4. Every time you lick a stamp, you consume 1/10 of a calorie.
5. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
6. Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it
has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off
the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to
realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.
7. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every 2 weeks otherwise
it will digest itself.
8. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; '7' was selected after the
original 7-ounce containers and 'UP' for the direction of the bubbles.
9. 101 Dalmatians, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, and Mulan are the only
Disney cartoons where both parents are present and don't die throughout the
movie..
10. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
11. 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left
hand.
12. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its
eyeballs - it will let you go instantly.
13. Reindeer like to eat bananas.
14. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and
purple.
15. The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."
16. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
17. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
18. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II
Killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
19. More people are killed annually by donkeys than airplane crashes.
20. A 'jiffy' is a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
21. A whale's penis is called a dork.
22. Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther
if it is thrown west.
23. The average person spends 6 months of their life sitting at red lights.
24. In 1912 a law passed in Nebraska where drivers in the country at night
were required to stop every 150 yards, send up a skyrocket, wait eight
minutes for the road to clear before proceeding cautiously, all the while
blowing their horn and shooting off flares.
25. More Monopoly money is printed in a year, than real money throughout
the world.
26. Caesar salad has nothing to do with any of the Caesars. It was first
concocted in a bar in Tijuana, Mexico, in the 1920's.
27. One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.
28. Crocodiles and alligators are surprisingly fast on land. Although they
are rapid, they are not agile.So, if being chased by one, run in a zigzag
line to lose him or her.
29. Seattle’s Fremont Bridge rises up and down more than any drawbridge in
the world.
30. Right-handed people live, on average; nine years longer than left
handed people.
31. Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of
vodka.
32. In the United States, a pound of potato chips costs two hundred times
more than a pound of potatoes.
33. A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel.
34. A person cannot taste food unless it is mixed with saliva. For example,
if a strong-tasting substance like salt is placed on a dry tongue, the
taste buds will not be able to taste it. As soon as a drop of saliva is
added and the salt is dissolved, however, a definite taste sensation
results. This is true for all foods.
35. Nearly 80% of all animals on earth have six legs.
36. In the marriage ceremony of the ancient Inca Indians of Peru, the
couple was considered officially wed when they took off their sandals and
handed them to each other.
37. Ninety percent of all species that have become extinct have been birds.
38. There is approximately one chicken for every human being in the world.
39. Most collect calls are made on father's day.
40. The first automobile race ever seen in the United States was held in
Chicago in 1895. The track ran from Chicago to Evanston, Illinois. The
winner was J. Frank Duryea, whose average speed was 71/2 miles per hour.
41. Each of us generates about 3.5 pounds of rubbish a day, most of it
paper.
42. Women manage the money and pay the bills in 75% of all Americans
households.
43. A rainbow can be seen only in the morning or late afternoon. It can
occur only when the sun is 40 degrees or less above the horizon.
44. It has NEVER rained in Calama, a town in the Atacama Desert of Chile.
45. It costs more to buy a new car today in the United States than it cost
Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to and from the
New World.
46. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
47. An eighteenth-century German named Matthew Birchinger, known as "the
little man of Nuremberg," played four musical instruments including the
bagpipes, was an expert calligrapher, and was the most famous stage
magician of his day. He performed tricks with the cup and balls that have
never been explained. Yet Birchinger had no hands, legs, or thighs, and was
less than 29 inches tall.
48. Daylight Saving Time is not observed in most of the state of Arizona
and parts of Indiana.
49. Ants closely resemble human manners:When they wake, they stretch &
appear to yawn in a human manner before taking up the tasks of the day.
50. Bees have 5 eyes. There are 3 small eyes on the top of a bee's head and
2 larger ones in front.
51. Count the number of cricket chirps in a 15-second period, add 37 to the
total, and your result will be very close to the actual outdoor Fahrenheit
temperature.
52. One-fourth of the world's population lives on less than $200 a year.
Ninety million people survive on less than $75 a year.
53. Butterflies taste with their hind feet.
54. Only female mosquito’s' bite and most are attracted to the color blue
twice as much as to any other color.
55. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly
go mad and sting itself to death.
56. It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.
57. In eighteenth-century English gambling dens, there was an employee
whose only job was to swallow the dice if there was a police raid.
58. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
59. The human tongue tastes bitter things with the taste buds toward the
back. Salty and pungent flavors are tasted in the middle of the tongue,
sweet flavors at the tip!
60. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.
61. When you sneeze, air and particles travel through the nostrils at
speeds over100 mph. During this time, all bodily functions stop, including
your heart, contributing to the impossibility of keeping one's eyes open
during a sneeze.
62. Annual growth of WWW traffic is 314,000%
63. %60 of all people using the Internet, use it for pornography.
64. In 1778, fashionable women of Paris never went out in blustery weather
without a lightning rod attached to their hats.
65. S*x burns 360 calories per hour.
66. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down
continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.
67. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of
celery than the celery has in it.
68. The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write
approximately 50,000 English words.More than 2 billion pencils are
manufactured each year in the United States. If these were laid end to end
they would circle the world nine times.
69. The pop you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually a bubble of
gas burning.
70. A literal translation of a standard traffic sign in China: "Give large
space to the festive dog that makes sport in the roadway."
71. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.
72. Larry Lewis ran the 100-yard dash in 17.8 seconds in 1969, thereby
setting a new world's record for runners in the 100-years-or-older class.
He was 101.
73. In a lifetime the average human produces enough quarts of spit to fill
2 swimming pools.
74. It's against the law to doze off under a hair dryer in Florida/against
the law to slap an old friend on the back in Georgia/against the law to
Play hopscotch on a Sunday in Missouri.
75. Barbie's measurements, if she were life-size, would be 39-29-33.
76. The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30ft.
77. One third of all cancers are sun related.
78. THE MOST UNUSUAL CANNONBALL: On two occasions, Miss 'Rita Thunderbird'
remained inside the cannon despite a lot of gunpowder encouragement to do
otherwise. She performed in a gold lamé bikini and on one of the two
occasions (1977) Miss Thunderbird remained lodged in the cannon, while her
bra was shot across the Thames River.
79. It has been estimated that humans use only 10% of their brain.
80. Valentine Tapley from Pike County, Missourigrew chin whiskers attaining
a length of twelve feet six inches from 1860 until his death 1910,
protesting Abraham Lincoln's election to the presidency.
81. Most Egyptians died by the time they were 30 about 300 years ago,
82. For some time Frederic Chopin, the composer and pianist, wore a beard
on only one side of his face, explaining: "It does not matter, my audience
sees only my right side."
83. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared someway or another on television.
84. 1 in 8 Americans has worked at a McDonalds restaurant.
85. 70% of all boats sold are used for fishing.
86. Studies have shown that children laugh an average of 300 times/day and
adults 17 times/day, making the average child more optimistic, curious, and
creative than the adult.
87. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
88. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896.
Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
89. You were born with 300 bones, but by the time you are an adult you will
only have 206.
90. If you go blind in one eye you only lose about one fifth of your vision
but all your sense of depth.
91. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
92. The strongest muscle (Relative to size) in the body is the tongue.
93. A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first
flight.
94. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from
each salad served in first-class.
95. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
96. A palindrome is a sentence or group of sentences that reads the same
backwards as it does forward: Ex:'Red rum, sir, is murder.' 'Ma is as
selfless as I am.' 'Nurse, I spy gypsies. Run!''A man, a plan, a canal -
Panama.' 'He lived as a devil, eh?'
97. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's 'Born in the
USA'
98. In 1986 Congress & President Ronald Reagan signed Public Law 99-359,
which changed Daylight Saving Time from the last Sunday in April to the
first Sunday in April.It was estimated to save the nation about 300,000
barrels of oil each year by adding most of the month April to D.S.T.
99. The thumbnail grows the slowest, the middle nail the fastest, nearly 4
times faster than toenails.
100. The Human eyes never grow, but nose and ears never stop growing.
101. The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of
pickles the company once had.
102. Tom Sawyer was the first novel written on a typewriter.
103. If Texas were a country, its GNP would be the fifth largest of any
country in the world.
104. There are 1 million ants for every human in the world.
105. Odds of being killed by lightening? 1 in 2million/killed in a car
crash? 1 in 5,000/killed by falling out of bed? 1 in 2million/killed in a
plane crash? 1 in 25 million.
106. Since 1978, 37 people have died by Vending Machine's falling on
them.13 people are killed annually.All this while trying to shake
merchandise out of them. 113 people have been injured.
107. Half the foods eaten throughout the world today were developed by
farmers in the Andes Mountains (including potatoes, maize, sweet potatoes,
squash, all varieties of beans, peanuts, manioc, papayas, strawberries,
mulberries and many others).
108. The 'Golden Arches' of fast food chain McDonalds is more recognized
worldwide than the religious cross of Christianity.
109. Former basketball superstar Michael Jordan is the most recognized face
in the world, more than the pope himself.
110. The average talker sprays about 300 microscopic saliva droplets per
minute, about 2.5 droplets per word.
111. The Earth experiences 50,000 Earth quakes per year and is hit by
Lightning 100 times a second.
112. Every year 11,000 Americans injure themselves while trying out bizarre
s*xual positions.
113. If we had the same mortality rate now as in 1900, more than half the
people in the world today would not be alive.
114. On average, Americans eat 18 acres of pizza everyday.
115. Researchers at the Texas Department of Highways in Fort Worth
determined the cow population of the U.S. burps some 50 million tons of
valuable hydrocarbons into the atmosphere each year.The acc*mulated burps
of ten average cows could keep a small house adequately heated and its
stove operating for a year.
116. During a severe windstorm or rainstorm the Empire State Building sways
several feet to either side.
117. In the last 3,500 years, there have been approximately 230 years of
peace throughout the civilized world.
118. The Black Death reduced the population of Europe by one third in the
period from 1347 to 1351.
119. The average person spends about two years on the phone in a lifetime.
120. Length of beard an average man would grow if he never shaved 27.5 feet
121. Over 60% of all those who marry get divorced.
122. 400-quarter pounders can be made from 1 cow.
123. A full-loaded supertanker traveling at normal speed takes at least 20
minutes to stop.
124. Coca-Cola was originally green.
125. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
126. Hong Kong holds the most Rolls Royce’s per capita.
127. Average number of days a West German goes without washing his
underwear: 7 128. WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific armed their
airplanes while stationed with .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measuring
27 feet before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all
their ammo at a target, he went through "the whole 9 yards", hence the
term.
129. Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
130. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
131. Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.
132. In the early 1940s, the FCC assigned television's Channel 1 to mobile
services (like two-way radios in taxis) but did not re-number the other
channel assignments.
133. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
134. Firehouses have circular stairways originating from the old days when
the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground
floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
135. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year
because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight
of all the books that would occupy the building.
136. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 137. Statues in
parks: If the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in
battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a
result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the
ground, the person died of natural causes.
138. The expression 'to get fired' comes from long ago Clans that wanted to
get rid of unwanted people, so they would burn their houses instead of
killing them, creating the term 'Got fired'.
139. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
140. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them
looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
141. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which
stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your
thumb.
142. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
143. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five
must be straight in case of war or emergency, they could be used as
airstrips.
144. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army. G.P. for
'General Purpose' vehicle.
145. The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as
is necessary, because when it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia
still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks
and whites.
146. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each
gallon of diesel that it burns.
147. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have
$1.19, the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make
change for a dollar.
148. In Aspen Colorado, you can have a maximum income of $104,000 and still
receive government subsidized housing.
149. Honking of car horns for a couple that just got married is an old
superstition to insure great s*x.
150. Dr. Kellogg introduced Kellogg's Corn Flakes in hopes that it would
reduce masturbation.
151. The sperm of a mouse is actually longer than the sperm of an elephant.
152. In medieval France, unfaithful wives were made to chase a chicken
through town naked.
153. The Black Widow spider eats her mate during or after s*x.
154. Napoleon's penis was sold to an American Urologist for $40,000.
155. Eating the heart of a male Partridge was the cure for impotence in
ancient Babylon.
156. A bull can inseminate 300 cows from one single ejaculation.
157. When a Hawaiian woman wears a flower over her left ear, it means that
she is not available.
158. The "save" icon on Microsoft Word shows a floppy disk with the shutter
on backwards.
159. The only nation whose name begins with an "A", but doesn't end in an
"A" is Afghanistan.
160. The following sentence: 'A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful
ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a
slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.' Contains the nine different
pronunciations of "ough" in the English Language.
161. The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are
antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.
162. The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter
is uncopyrightable.
163. The shape of plant collenchyma’s cells and the shape of the bubbles
in beer foam are the same - they are orthotetrachidecahedrons.
164. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian
coat of arms for that reason.
165. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about
ten.
166. Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.
167. PEZ candy even comes in a Coffee flavor.
168. The first song played on Armed Forces Radio during operation Desert
Shield was "Rock the Casba" by the Clash.
169. Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
170. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the
name of the Don McLean song.) 171. Each king in a deck of playing cards
represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs -
Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
172. Golf courses cover 4% of North America.
173. The average person will accidentally eat just under a pound of insects
every year.
174. Until 1994, world maps and globes sold in Albania only had Albania on
them.
175. The value of Pi will be officially "rounded down" to 3.14 from
3.14159265359 on December 31, 1999.
176. The Great Wall of China is the only man-made structure visible from
space.
177. A piece of paper can be folded no more then 9 times.
178. The amount of computer Memory required to run WordPerfect for Win95 is
8 times the amount needed aboard the space shuttle.
179. The average North American will eat 35,000 cookies during their life
span.
180. Between 25% and 33% of the population sneeze when exposed to light.
181. The most common name in world is Mohammed.
182. Mount Olympus Mons on Mars is three times the size of Mount Everest.
183. Most toilets flush in E flat.
184. 2,000 pounds of space dust and other space debris fall on the Earth
every day.
185. Each month, there is at least one report of UFOs from each province of
Canada.
186. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
187. You can be fined up to $1,000 for whistling on Sunday in Salt Lake
City, Utah.
188. It takes about 142.18 licks to reach the center of a Tootsie pop.
189. The serial number of the first MAC ever produced was 2001.
190. It is illegal to eat oranges while bathing in California.
191. If done perfectly, a rubix cube combination can be solved in 17 turns.
192. The average American butt is 14.9 inches long.
193. More bullets were fired in 'Starship Troopers' than any other movie
ever made.
194. 60% of electrocutions occur while talking on the telephone during a
thunderstorm.
195. The name of the girl on the statue of liberty is Mother of Exiles.
196. 3.6 cans of Spam are consumed each second.
197. There's a systematic lull in conversation every 7 minutes.
198. The buzz from an electric razor in America plays in the key of B flat;
Key of G in England.
199. There are 1,575 steps from the ground floor to the top of the Empire
State building.
200. The world's record for keeping a Lifesaver in the mouth with the hole
intact is 7 hrs 10 min.
201. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
202. The world record for spitting a watermelon seed is 65 feet 4 inches.
203. In the Philippine jungle, the yo-yo was first used as a weapon.
204. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered
blood donors.
205. Texas is also the only state that is allowed to fly its state flag at
the same height as the U.S. flag.
206. The three most recognized Western names in China are Jesus Christ,
Richard Nixon, & Elvis Presley.
207. There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called D*ldo.
208. The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston,
Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a
train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
209. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the
back of the $5 bill.
210. In space, astronauts are unable to cry, because there is no gravity
and the tears won't flow.
211. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
212. There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S that there are real ones.
213. The crack of a whip is actually a tiny sonic boom, since the tip
breaks the sound barrier.
214. Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets in our solar system
combined.
215. Hot water is heavier than cold.
216. The common idea that only 10% of the brain is used it not true as it
is impossible to determine the actual percentage because of the complexity
of the brain.
217. Lawn darts are illegal in Canada.
218. There are more psychoanalysts per capita in Buenos Aires than any
other place in the world.
219. Between 2 and 3 jockeys are killed each year in horse racing.
220. 5,840 people with pillow related injuries checked into U.S. emergency
rooms in 1992.
221. The average woman consumes 6 lbs of lipstick in her lifetime.
222. Some individuals express concern sharing their soap, rightly so,
considering 75% of all people wash from top to bottom.
223. Conception occurs most in the month of December.
224. CBS' "60 Minutes" is the only TV show without a theme song/music.
225. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.
226. 'Obsession' is the most popular boat name.
227. On average, Americans' favorite smell is banana.
228. If one spells out numbers, they would have to count to One Thousand
before coming across the letter "A".
229. Honey is the only food which does not spoil.
230. 3.9% of all women do not wear underwear.
231. This common everyday occurrence composed of 59% nitrogen, 21%
hydrogen, and 9% dioxide is called a 'fart'.
232. "Evaluation and Parameterization of Stability and Safety Performance
Characteristics of Two and Three Wheeled Vehicular Toys for Riding." Title
of a $230,000 research project proposed by the Department of Health,
Education and Welfare, to study the various ways children fall off
bicycles.
233. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child
reaches 2-6 years of age.
234. Meteorologists claim they're right 85% of the time (think about that
one!) 235. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on
when patients would die.
236. Los Angeles' full name 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los
Angeles de Porciuncula' is reduced to 3.63% of its size in the abbreviation
'L.A.'.
237. If you went out into space, you would explode before you suffocated
because there's no air pressure.
238. The only real person to ever to appear on a pez dispenser was Betsy
Ross.
239. Mike Nesmith's (the guitarist of The Monkeys) mom invented White Out.
240. Only 6 people in the whole world have died from moshing.
241. In a test performed by Canadian scientists, using various different
styles of music, it was determined that chickens lay the most eggs when pop
music was played.
242. The storage capacity of human brain exceeds 4 Terabytes.
243. In Vermont, the ratio of cows to people is 10:1 244. Any free-moving
liquid in outer space will form itself into a sphere, because of its
surface tension.
245. The average American looks at eight houses before buying one.
246. In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times
around the equator.
247. Koala is Aboriginal for "no drink".
248. Shakespeare spelled his OWN name several different ways.
249. The first contraceptive was crocodile dung used by the ancient
Egyptians.
250. A signature is called a John Hanc*ck because he signed the Declaration
of Independence. Only 2 people signed the declaration of independence on
July 4. The Last person signed 2 years later.
251. Arnold Schonberg suffered from triskaidecaphobia, the fear of the
number 13.He died at 13 minutes from midnight on Friday the 13th.
252. Mozart wrote the nursery rhyme 'twinkle, twinkle, little star' at the
age of 5.
253. Weatherman Willard Scott was the first original Ronald McDonald.
254. Virginia Woolf wrote all her books standing.
255. Einstein couldn't speak fluently until after his ninth birthday. His
parents thought he was mentally retarded.
256. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
257. Deborah Winger did the voice of E.T.
258. Kelsey Grammar sings and plays the piano for the theme song of
Fraiser.
259. Thomas Edison, acclaimed inventor of the light bulb, was afraid of the
dark.
260. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
261. You can sail all the way around the world at latitude 60 degrees
south.
262. The earth weighs around 6,588,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons.
263. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
264. Porcupines can float in water.
265. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
266. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
267. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
268. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20, a
national pot-smokers hour.
269. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
270. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
271. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
272. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
273. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous":
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, andhazardous.
274. Tigers not only have striped fur, they have striped skin!
275. In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a
watch is 10:10.
276. On the ground, a group of geese is a gaggle, in the sky it is a skein.
277. To Ensure Promptness, one is expected to pay beyond the value of
service – hence the later abbreviation: T.I.P.
278. When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the
stadium becomes the state's third largest city.
279. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert
the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."
280. A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.
281. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
282. On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand
corner of the "1"encased in the "shield" and a spider hidden in the front
upper right-hand corner.
283. The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator,
Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z; hence the
name "OZ."
284. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube
and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
285. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
286. John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.
287. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
288. The scene where Indiana Jones shoots the swordsman in Raider’s of the
Lost Ark was Harrison Ford's idea so that he could take a bathroom break.
289. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
290. A snail can sleep for three years.
291. All polar bears are left-handed.
292. China has more English speakers than the United States.
293. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
294. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full
moon.
295. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line
would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
296. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
297. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
298. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
299. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English
language.
300. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
301. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
302. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton
growers in the 1930s lobbied against hemp farmers they saw it as
competition.
303. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
304. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
305. Starfish haven't got brains.
306. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
307. The name of all continents in the world end with the same letter that
they start with.
308. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
309. The longest word comprised of one row on the keyboard is: TYPEWRITER
310. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
311. The average person spends 12 weeks a year 'looking for things'.
312. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe..
313. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
314. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
315. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and
ends with the letters "und" 316. The longest word in the English language,
according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is:
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis..
317. The longest place-name still in use is:
Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiakitnatahu,
a New Zealand hill.
318. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
319. Alfred Hitchc*ck didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he
was sewn up after surgery.
320. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
321. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
322. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the
same pattern of whiskers.
323. Steely Dan got their name from a s*xual device depicted in the book
'The Naked Lunch'.
324. The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharoh Ramses II who
fathered over 160 children.
325. There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten
words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, he,
in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
326. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
327. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened
cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
328. The male gypsy moth can "smell" the virgin female gypsy moth from 1.8
miles away.
329. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti.
330. The word "dexter" whose meaning refers to the right hand is typed with
only the left hand.
331. To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a
statement made by swearing on their testicles.
332. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order,
as does ar*enious, meaning "containing ar*enic."
333. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah
Mat," which means "the king is dead."
334. The first episode of "Joanie Loves Chachi" was the highest rated
American program in the history of Korean television, a country where
"Chachi" translates to "penis".
335. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
336. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has
memorized all 158 verses.
337. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
338. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
339. Giraffes have no vocal cords.
340. The pupils of a goat's eyes are square.
341. Van Gogh only sold one painting when he was alive.
342. A standard slinky measures 87 feet when stretched out.
343. The highest per capita Jell-O comsumption in the US is Des Moines.
344. If a rooster can't fully extend its neck, it can't crow.
345. There were always 56 curls in Shirley Temple's hair.
346. The eyes of a donkey are positioned so that it can see all four feet
at all times.
347. Worcestershire sauce in essentially an Anchovy Ketchup.
348. Rhode Island is the only state which the hammer throw is a legal high
school sport.
349. The average lifespan of an eyelash is five months.
350. A spider has transparent blood.
351. Every acre of American crops harvested contains 100 pounds of insects.
352. Prince Charles is an avid collecter of toilet seats.
353. The most common street name in the U.S. is Second Street.
354. Tehran is the most expensive city on earth.
355. The sweat drops drawn in cartoon comic strips are called pleuts.
356. Babies are most likely to be born on Tuesdays.
357. The HyperMart outside of Garland Texas has 58 check-outs.
358. The Minneapolis phone book has 21 pages of Andersons.
359. In the 1980's American migraines increased by 60%.
360. Poland is the "stolen car capital of the world".
361. Jefferson invented the dumbwaiter, the monetary system, and the
folding attic ladder.
362. The S in Harry S. Truman did not stand for anything.
363. In Miconesia, coins are 12 feet across.
364. A horse can look forward with one eye and back with the other.
365. Shakespeare is quoted 33,150 times in the Oxford English dictionary.
366. The word Pennsylvania is misspelled on the Liberty Bell.
367. NBA superstar Michael Jordan was originally cut from his high school
basketball team.
368. You spend 7 years of your life in the bathroom.
369. A family of 26 could go to the movies in Mexico city for the price of
one in Tokyo.
370. 10,000 Dutch cows pass through the Amsterdam airport each year.
371. Approximately every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics
class pulls their hamstring.
372. Simplistic passwords contribute to over 80% of all computer password
break-ins.
373. The top 3 health-related searches on the Internet are (in this order):
Depression, Allergies, & Cancer.
374. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet
away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
375. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
376. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
377. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or
older.
378. The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
379. All US Presidents have worn glasses; some just didn't like being seen
wearing them in public.
380. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the
mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
381. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
382. The site with the highest number of women visitors between the age of
35 and 44 years old: Alka-Seltzer.com 383. The king of hearts is the only
king without a mustache.
384. Pearls melt in vinegar.
385. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's
supply of footballs.
386. Thirty-five percent of people who use personal ads for dating are
already married.
387. The 3 most valuable brand names on earth are Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and
Budweiser (in that order).
388. Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of
their hands.
389. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a 'Friday the 13th'.
390. The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from
those of humans, so much so that they can be easily confused at a crime
scene.
391. The mask worn by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was
actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
392. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional
sports games--MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL--are the day before and the day after
the Major League All-Star Game.
393. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
394. When the French Academy was preparing its first dictionary, it defined
"crab" as, "A small red fish, which walks backwards." This definition was
sent with a number of others to the naturalist Cuvier for his approval.The
scientist wrote back, "Your definition, gentlemen, would be perfect, only
for three exceptions. The crab is not a fish, it is not red and it does not
walk backwards."
395. Dr. Jack Kevorkian first patient has Alzheimer's disease.
396. Fictional/horror writer Stephen King sleeps with a nearby light on to
calm his fear of the dark.
397. It's possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
398. It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The
frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its
mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's
contents and then swallows the stomach back down.
399. The very first song played on MTV was 'Video Killed The Radio Star' by
the Buggles.
400. William Marston engineered one of the earliest forms of the polygraph
in the early 1900's. Later he went on to create the comic strip Wonder
Woman, a story about a displaced Amazon princess who forces anyone caught
in her magic lasso to tell the truth 401. Americans travel 1,144,721,000
miles by air every day 402. The the U.S. you dial '911'. In Stockholm,
Sweden you dial 90000 403. 38% of American men say they love their cars
more than women 404. The U.S. military operates 234 golf courses 405. 100%
of lottery winners do gain weight 406. Bullet proof vests, fire escapes,
windshield wipers, and laser printers were all invented by women 407. A cat
has 32 muscles in each ear.
408. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.  (yes it does.....)
 brewwwww 409. Cats urine glows under a black light.
410. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
411. Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while
he was host of "Lorne Greene's Wild Kingdom."
412. Pamela Anderson Lee is Canada's Centennial Baby, being the first baby
born on the centennial anniversary of Canada's independence.
413. Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head."
414. When possums are playing 'possum', they are not "playing." They
actually pass out from sheer terror.
415. Who's that playing the piano on the "Mad About You" theme? Paul Reiser
himself.
416. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
417. Most lipstick contains fish scales!
418. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear
pants!
419. There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building!
420. Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand!
421. The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all
four feet at all times!
422. The average American/Canadian will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per
year!
423. Over 1000 birds a year die from smashing into windows!
424. The state of Florida is bigger than England!
425. Dolphins sleep with one eye open!
426. In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons!
427. Recycling one glass jar, saves enough energy to watch T.V for 3 hours!
428. Owls are one of the only birds who can see the color blue!
429. Honeybees have a type of hair on their eyes!
430. A jellyfish is 95 percent water!
431. In Bangladesh, kids as young as 15 can be jailed for cheating on their
finals!
432. The katydid bug hears through holes in its hind legs!
433. Q is the only letter in the alphabet that does not appear in the name
of any of the United States!
434. 166,875,000,000 pieces of mail are delivered each year in the US 435.
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave 436. The praying mantis is the
only insect that can turn its head 437. Daffy Duck's middle name is "Dumas"
438. In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer's name is "Yensid" (Disney
backwards.) 439. In The Empire Strikes Back there is a potato hidden in the
asteroid field 440. Walt Disney holds the world record for the most Academy
Awards won by one person, he has won twenty statuettes, and twelve other
plaques and certificates 441. James Bond's car had three different license
plates in Goldfinger 442. Canada makes up 6.67 percent of the Earth's land
area 443. South Dakota is the only U.S state which shares no letters with
the name of it's capital 444. The KGB is headquartered at No. 2 Felix
Dzerzhinsky Square, Moscow 445. The Vatican city registered 0 births in
1983 446. Spain leads the world in cork production 447. There are 1,792
steps in the Eiffel Tower 448. There are 269 steps to the top of the
Leaning Tower of Pisa 449. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand
while drawing with the other

Oh, GAWWD - ED!

   ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

  Subject: 10 Ghost Stories
  An interesting overview of the top 10 most mysterious and enigmatic ghost
stories in various vehicles. So, we read further stories that do appear on
the body shivers.

  1. Flight "401 Eastern Air Lines"
 Tenth December 1972 passenger jet crashed into the Everglades swamp
in Florida. In the accident killed 101 people, including the pilot and
flight engineer Bob Loft Don Repo.About the crash immediately crawled
terrible rumors. The surviving parts wrecked car dismantled for parts for
other aircraft, after which they began to observe the sides of the strange
phenomena: from time to time in the passenger seat appeared ghosts Repo and
Loft, and even engage in a conversation with the members of the crew. The
figures of the dead were incredibly realistic. And they appeared in those
places where they were inserted or used parts crashed plane.Once one of the
ghosts they suddenly appeared terrified to death and flight engineer
reported that he has spent the pre-flight check. A silhouette of the face
of Don Repo, three members of the crew warning of an impending fire during
the flight, once saw in a microwave oven (which, guess where pulled?).
After some time in the airplane engin
  e caught fire and the flight was canceled.Eastern Airlines has officially
declined to comment on the phenomenon. However, the ghostly guards became
something of a legend among employees of the airline. It is said that even
the vice-president once had a chance to meet with them.

 2. Black Volga
 No one knew who was behind the wheel. Some have argued that in the
salon were priests, others have noticed inside the nuns, while others swore
that he was sitting behind the wheel of the devil.
 Black Volga - is appearing out of nowhere with a white limousine
drives and curtains on the windows. According to rumors, mirrors turned
into a real horn. Car kidnap children and kill anyone who dared to approach
him (sometimes immediately, and sometimes the victim is dead even after 24
hours). No one knew why the Volga abducted children may have to sell them
to the Arabs, who needed to cure leukemia, or they were taken away by
authorities. The myth of the black Volga quickly sold to Russia, Belarus,
Ukraine, Poland and Mongolia. However, no convincing evidence for its
existence has been found. We add that these limos were the most expensive
cars in the Soviet Union. They drove to the main party leadership.

 3. Train "Silverpilen"
 In the capital of a peaceful, prosperous Sweden hiding a terrible
secret. Silver shining ghost train «Silverpilen» (Silver Arrow) travels
on the subway, occasionally stopping at different stations.
 Sometimes there is no one inside, sometimes it is full of ghostly
silhouettes of passengers. And if a "lucky" to sit on it, you can see the
station dead "Kimling" (it exists in reality, but long abandoned). After
that, probably more than you, no one will see it. In the best case - will
be able to get out of there in a couple of weeks, or even
years.Silverpilen-once really existed train. This is an experimental model
consisting of eight cars class C5. She was never allowed to go on the
conveyor belt, but occasionally used during peak hours. Unpainted, outlined
graffiti, silver train - an eerie sight. Although Silverpilen very rarely
appeared on the tracks, according to rumors, he still haunts workers in
abandoned subway tunnels.

  4. Ghost Bus London
 In 1934, the driver of the car suddenly veered off the road when
driving along Cambridge Gardens. It was a terrible death: car crashed into
a wall and exploded.
 No one has been able to explain what happened. However, many
witnesses to the accident have decided that it was a ghost bus. It is
rumored he was often seen in the period between thirty and ninety years of
the last century. It was a very realistic copy of the red double-decker bus
with a scheduled number 7. He always appeared exactly at 1:15 am, with a
roar trotting towards frightened drivers. Because of the darkness into the
cabin to make out who was behind the wheel, it was impossible. And when the
drivers of oncoming cars turned around, trying to avoid a collision, it
turned out that the bus was gone.

  5. "Pippo" - the plane ghost
 During World War II, Italy had not sweet: the Nazi leadership and
allies Nazis literally terrorized the population, while the Allied forces
considered it an enemy. However, in the north of the country, there was
something much bigger instill fear - the plane "Pippo". No one knew where
he came from, looked like the one who was at the helm, and most importantly
- to whom he belonged. It was said that each shot guns fighter who got in
the way. The aircraft will be recognized by the characteristic sound of its
engines (hence came the name) and appeared mostly at night.It is rumored
that in his deadly ar*enal which just was not: exploding pens, poisoned
candy and powerful bombs. Sometimes boredom Pippo opened fire on farmers.
And even though the story is more like an airplane on an invention,
historians believe that she was hiding something more.In fact, most likely
it was a squadron of British night fighters of the "De Havilland Mosquito."
The sound of their engines is very
   much like the one that attributed Pippo. Anyway, in memory of the people
he was a ghost, a kind of reminder of the horrors of the Second World War.

  6. Bouncing car
 They say when the car starts to move by itself - it is a bad omen.
Members of the same family from Cape Town have experienced it first hand,
waking up one night from a strong thunder.
 Jumping out into the street, they saw a car they mark "Reno"
literally jumping around the yard and only a massive fence failed to tame
his zeal. At first everyone thought that someone was trying to steal a car,
but most car thief was never found. There were no signs of penetration into
the yard, the car was locked and the windows are intact. Even the handbrake
was not raised.
 When police arrived, the officers did not believe a word of
witnesses, roaring, did not start jumping again until crashed into a tree
hibiscus. After an investigation by representatives of the company
"Renault" suggested that the failure was caused by a rusted cables starter.
But even in this case, without explanation were growling sounds wafting
underside hood of the car.

  7. Ghost Train of Abraham Lincoln
 This is perhaps one of the most famous and terrible "traffic ghosts"
in stories. They say that every year in the month of April, he toured the
180 American cities.
 If we look at history, we learn that this is a funeral train that
Abraham Lincoln went on their last journey. It is rumored that when it
passes, all clocks are stopped nearby. The president in the ghost train is
not visible - the coffin with his remains, covered with an American flag,
guarded by the spirits of soldiers in uniform. The train comes out of the
black, thick fog, behind which are dragged wagons. During his appearance,
the air becomes heavier and colder. Annual route follows the funeral
procession of a length of 2,700 kilometers, with the only difference being
that never reaches the final destination - the Springfield (Ill.).

  8. Damn car Franz Ferdinand
 Even before the outbreak of the First World War machine-made «Graf
& Stift» successfully sold, and among the company's customers were
well-known and rich.In one of these machines was shot and killed Archduke
Franz Ferdinand. His murder was the last straw in the increasing tension
between European countries and was the beginning of the First World War.
Everyone is familiar with the historical and political implications of the
murder, but not many people know about the strange story that is connected
with it.Over the next twelve years the car was replaced by Franz Ferdinand
fifteen owners and was the cause of the thirteen accidents. Austrian
general, for example, went mad and got in a mental hospital. Another driver
nine days after the purchase of auto shot down at a speed of two peasants
and drove into a tree (despite all efforts to avoid an accident). Another
owner committed suicide. But that's not all. President of Yugoslavia during
the vehicle ownership was a member o
  f the four accidents, one of which cost him his arm. Serbian farmer did
not even have to sit behind the wheel - the car overturned while being
towed and crushed him. The last owner of the most unlucky: the car suddenly
out of control when he went to a wedding with five of his friends. As the
legend goes, they all died in the crash. Then surfaced again in the 50's of
last century, but in the existence of the curse of the car nobody really
believed it. Most likely, we'll never know what was the cause of all these
deaths, as Today the car is broken in an Austrian museum.

 9. James Dean's Porsche Spyder
 James Dean was Heath Ledger of its time: a beautiful, talented and
promising actor, whose life was tragically cut short at the height of his
youth and fame. He was killed in a crash with his Porsche 550 Spyder, which
is affectionately called "little bastard." The car, as it soon turned out,
was cursed. The surviving components and spare parts purchased George
Barris. Rebuilt engine Porsche went racing Lotus and he soon gained a grim
reputation, becoming a member of multiple accidents, one of which ended
tragically.Adversity occurred not only on roads or race tracks: one car for
no reason caught fire in the garage. One day, he mysteriously disappeared
from a sealed car. And though all these stories about the cursed cars are
well known, most of them believe that they invented himself, George Barris.
According to rumors, he was personally interested in the death of Dean. But
even if this is true, there is one creepy nuance. Alec Guinness (who served
the role of Obi Wan Ken
  obi in "Star Wars") predicted the death of James. According to legend, he
asked Guinness what he thought about the engine of his car. The answer was:
"If you sit behind the wheel, you will die in the next week." Dean died
exactly seven days.

  10. Ghost of a German submarine
 Submarines have been a formidable weapon in the First World War. One
of these was a German U-boat class «UB III», the Flood 507 ships,
including the battleship «Britannia».However, this type of submarine was
dangerous not only for the enemy, but also for the crew. Even the process
of its creation was the sheer disaster: three workers suffocated from
diesel exhaust, and two crushed bar. During the test, one of the men fell
overboard and disappeared. And Launching, to put it mildly, not a success:
the bottom of the submarine quickly flooded with water due to rupture of
the ballast tanks. The crew of a few hours was almost at the bottom of the
ocean, while the compartments are filled with poisonous gases from the
damaged battery. And although all of them were eventually rescued, the
health of each of them suffered greatly as a result of which two died of
gas poisoning. Despite this, the submarine recognized suitable for
launching. During one of his first missions torpedo e
  xplosion killed eight crew members and officers. Soon, witnesses reported
that they saw a ghost on a submarine.Shortly after the incident, the
captain of the ship's head blown off by shrapnel. That night, a few sailors
saw the ghost of an officer guarding the headless body. This was the last
straw that broke the patience of the team, and they were asked to transfer
to another ship, but the leadership of the German Navy was unable to find a
replacement as long as the former coach did not agree to the ritual of
exorcism. Alas, it did not help: a few months later overtaken by an
American submarine U-65 and torpedoed it. However, the captain of an
American ship later said that he had not had a chance to open fire.
According to him, U-65 exploded herself.

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Subject: World's Shortest Books

World's Shortest Books!

MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods ____________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros ________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton ___________________________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton _____________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates ____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman _________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry _____________________________________
GUIDE TO: THE PACIFIC
By Amelia Earhart ____________________________________
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian __________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell _______________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson __________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY _______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson _________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy ______________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introduction by
The Rev. Jesse Jackson ____________________________________________________
HOW TO WIN A SUPERBOWL
BY THE DETROIT LIONS ___________________________________________________
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
By Nancy Pelosi ________________________________________________________
My Life and Times as a Fighter Pilot during the Vietnam War by George W.
Bush _____________________________

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Subject: A Beautiful story

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you, " the
lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife
and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large
as the limousine was.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,"Sir,
you are too kind."

"Thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.
You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."

Come on now...you really didn't think there was such a thing as a
heart-warming lawyer story...did you????

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Subject:  My dogs

  This morning I went to Centrelink to sign my dogs up for welfare. At
first
  the lady said,  "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So I explained
to her that my
  dogs  are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have
no
  frigging  clue who their Dads are. They expect me to feed them, provide
them with
  housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it
  takes to qualify.
My dogs get their first cheques next Friday.

  This is a great country.

Don't follow me, for I may not lead.

Walk beside me and be my friend.

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Subject:  HoHo

1.     The future

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and
walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced
to a U.S. Marine General.

As they talked the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I
have seen in America." The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help."

The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called Star Trek and in it
there is Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is
Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO
Muslims.

My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians,
Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on
Star Trek."

The General laughed, leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador and whispered in
his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future..."

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  Subject: article from the Australian Newspaper

this would be an excellent job!!!!!

Laundry staff on $420k a year
   a..

LAUNDRY hands and cooks employed on offshore construction projects will
potentially earn more than $420,000 a year, according to employers who
claim the extraordinary rates will have a flow-on impact on mainland
resources projects.

New analysis by the Australian Mines and Metals Association finds the most
recent wage agreement registered for offshore construction workers contains
maximum annual pay packages for a four-week-on, two-week-off rostered
employee of $423,000 for a laundry hand; $445,000 for a cook; $450,000 for
a tradesperson; and $498,000 for a barge welder.

If the employee works a three-week-on, three-week-off roster for a year,
the AMMA said, the maximum remuneration was $317,734 for a laundry hand;
$334,408 for a cook; $337,484 for a tradesperson; and $373,701 for a barge
welder.

Steve Knott, the association's chief executive, said the pay rates were a
"worrying precedent", particularly for Queensland employers competing for a
dearth of skilled workers.

"There is a very real risk to resource employers. As offshore rates and
allowances flow across to the onshore construction sector, many projects
will face the risk of significant wage blowouts," Mr Knott said. "I think
most fair-minded people would start to think something is fundamentally
wrong when a barge welder earns more than the Prime Minister, whose salary
is $350,000.

"And Queensland's Chief Justice, Paul de Jersey, on $395,000, is only
earning slightly more than a ship's laundry hand or cook."

The Minister for Workplace Relations, Chris Evans, said last night the AMMA
raised concerns at high wage settlements on new projects by its members in
the offshore oil and gas sector last September.

"In today's specific examples, they acknowledge that these rates were
agreed to by the companies concerned," a spokesman for Senator Evans said.
"This sector has always paid rates well in excess of those applying in
other industries." The spokesman said the "current Fair Work framework
restricts the likelihood of any flow-on of offshore oil and gas agreements
to other sectors".

The pay rates cited by the association are from agreements at four major
offshore projects.

Many workers would not work on a project for an entire year, or be eligible
for all the allowances listed in the agreements.

But Mr Knott said the "enormous scale" of projects being contemplated in
Western Australia and Queensland would require construction periods, in
some cases, of 18 months to two years.

"Accordingly, these escalating wage levels will have a significant impact
on upfront project costs." He called on the Gillard Government and Fair
Work Australia to "not sit idly by and watch these damaging wage rates feed
wage inflation, and hinder job creation in other parts of the economy".

"These problems are created by irresponsible unions using the new workplace
laws to force employers to agree to unsustainable wage levels," he said.

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Subject: Federal Court Ruling/NSW

     Federal Court Ruling from the Courier Mail, Australia

     A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday
when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

     The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge
initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody
law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree
possible.

     The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the
judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that
they also beat him.

     After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning
that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge
took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have
custody of him.

     After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child
welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the New South
Wales State of Origin team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of
beating anyone.

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Subject: Surprising book facts
 Click here

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Subject: Falcon nesting

I'€™ve seen many remarkable nature photographs over the years, but this
photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps one of the most remarkable nature
shots

that I'€™ve ever seen.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Nature is truly breath-taking!
 Click here

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Subject: Back to the future?
 Click here

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Subject: My Mother is the Best!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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Subject: Some I've seen before but others...
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Subject: Fishing Season is Finally Here! (XX - ED)
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Subject: Neck Pillow
 Click here

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Subject: POLITICALLY INCORRECT

 I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich,
large chips, ear

 of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and
said 'I've

 not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will
power.'

   I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two
things

 commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans"
were

 NOT the correct answers.

 A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said
'sorry about

 the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it
eventually'.

 I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into
the bank.

 When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I
said, 'Nope,

 you're still black'.

 Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was
expecting

 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a
face like that!

 A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man

 passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died
this

 morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call

 Father O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister,
s*x is the

 last thing on my mind at the moment.'

 Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor
away.

 But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a
bacon

 sandwich works best!

 Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a
fantastic

 shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of
a woman

 with her mouth closed.

 I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days
when you could

 look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself. I'm

 going to take that.'

 I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until
the last

 question which I got wrong. The question was where do women
have

 the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did
I know they

 wanted the name of a country?

 I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but p*ssing
everyone

 off is a piece of cake.

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Subject: Sailor "Stormin' Norman" & the prostitute

 Norman, an old retired sailor,
 puts on his old uniform
 and heads for the docks once more,
 for old times sake and some hot s*x.
 He engages a lovely prostitute
 and takes her up to a room.
 He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age,
 but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'
 The prostitute replies,
 'Well Norman, ya old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'
 'Three knots?' he asks. ' What's that supposed to mean?'

 She says,

 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, 
 and you're knot getting your money back.'

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Subject:  Mother in law

Dear Boss,

My mother-in-law died tragically yesterday, whilst on her way to do a
little shopping.

I will therefore need to take a few days off.

A photo of the accident is attached so you know I am not just taking a
"sickie".

Yours sincerely..
 Click here

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Subject: Who's on First?
 Click here

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Subject: New Innovations
 Click here
Pizza Scissors
 Click here
Secret Drawer
 Click here
Glass Holder
 Click here
Traffic Signal with Hour glass timer
 Click here
Solar Charging while Parking
 Click here
Independent Kids
 Click here
Hidden Power Outlet
 Click here
Eco friendly Toilet
 Click here
Solar rocking chair
 Click here
Digitally precise protractor
 Click here
You can find the keyhole even when drunk
 Click here
Enjoy
 Click here
  Built-in Wall extension cord
 Click here
Spoke-less bicycle
 Click here
Inheritance
 Click here
Solar Charges + Window Stickies
 Click here
Knives Set
 Click here
Rubik's cube for the blind
 Click here
cool cup
 Click here
Self Locking Bike
 Click here
Calender Ring
 Click here
Table Tennis Door
 Click here
Solar Powered Camping Tent

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Subject: Elephant Ate My Phone
 Click here

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Subject: Independence Cigar Ad (XX - ED)
 Click here

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From: Wally
Subject: Lonely?- Find the dating site that suits you best, from the list
of 26.
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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Subject: Noah's Ark in Hong Kong

The Noah's Ark Theme Park, complete with fiberglass animals, sits in front
of the Tsing Ma Bridge in Hong Kong The tourists go in two-by-two.
The Ark in Hong Kong measures 450 ft. long and 75 ft. wide. The Ark also
boasts less authentic biblical touches, such as double-glazed windows and a
fine dining restaurant.
The billionaire brothers who built the Ark in Hong Kong, claim it is the
only full scale version in the world, and the imaginative trio even
attempted to give the giant boat an air of authenticity by placing 67 pairs
of animals at the entrance, just like the pairs of creatures saved from the
great flood by Noah in the Bible. Guests on board Noah's Ark can also stay
on the Biblical vessel in one of its luxurious hotel-style rooms.
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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Subject: 14 X Skateboarding Mice Photos
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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  Subject: It's hell to be old......(Tell me about it - ED)

 It's Hell to be Old

 OLD people have problems that you haven't
 even considered yet!

 An 85-year-old man was  requested by his
 Doctor for a sperm count as  part of his physical
 exam.

 The doctor gave  the man a jar and said, 'Take
 this jar home and bring back a  semen sample
 tomorrow.'

 The  next day the 85-year-old man reappeared
 at the doctor's office and  gave him the jar,
 which was as clean and empty  as on the
 previous day.

 The doctor asked what happened and the man
 explained, 'Well, doc, it's  like this -- first I tried
 with my right hand, but  nothing.  Then I tried
 with my left hand, but still  nothing.

 'Then I asked my wife for help.  She  tried with
 her right hand, then with her  left, still nothing.
 She tried with her mouth,  first with the teeth in,
 then with her teeth out, still  nothing.

 'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
 and she tried too, first with  both hands, then an
 armpit, and she even tried  squeezin' it between
 her knees, but still  nothing..'

 The doctor was shocked!

 'You asked your  neighbour?'

 The old  man replied,

 'Yep, none of us could get  the jar  open.'

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Subject: Waddya reckon
 Click here

Waddya reckon,poke or petrol tank? I bet  every copper he passes  pulls him
over for a stickey !

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Subject: Detroit
 Click here

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Subject: They are getting sneaky
File links:

This new style speed camera is on the highway leading into Cairns.
It's one of many that will be installed over the next 12 months throughout
Qld.
 Click here

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Subject: HONDA- Another great ad!
 Click here

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Subject: Manus Island Solution !!
 Click here

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Subject: Shanghai love market (A fitting end to another week on the
hustings. - ED)

Shanghai love market funny
 Click here

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Quote of the week:

The cat is a dilettante in fur.
 - Theophile Guatier.

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[ End friday humour ]

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