Friday humour - June 28, 2013

From: Burnout
A Blonde morning tea....
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Nottingham Smithie
World Musical Saw Champion Petr Dopita

Check out this video on YouTube:
I'm inspired by this video.
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Seasoldier
The Hairy Babe
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Seasoldier
Mensa Question

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off.
And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is
unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in
front of you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

See answer below:

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
More Crazy Laws

In Salt Lake County Utah, it is illegal to carry a violin in a paper bag.
In Florida it is illegal to fart in public, after six o'clock in the
evening on Sundays
In Massachusetts it is illegal to go to bed without bathing, however, in
the same state, law prohibits bathing on Sundays
In New York when a person jumps off a building it is against the law, and
they are sentenced to death.
In Alabama it is illegal to wear a fake mustache to make people laugh in
church.
In Alabama it illegal to throw salt on railroad tracks, and death is the
penalty.
In Los Angeles courts it is illegal to cry on the stand.
In California it is illegal to bath two babies in the same bath at the same
time.
No alcoholic beverage is allowed within five hundred fee of a cash register
in a store that sells both alcohol and gasoline in California.
In Saratoga, Florida no citizen can sing and wear a swimsuit at the same
time.
In Illinois it is illegal to walk around without one dollar on them. If a
citizens does not have at least one dollar in their possession, they will
be charged with vagrancy.
In Kentucky every citizen is required to take a shower once a year.
In Louisiana a woman's' husband has to wave a flag in front of her car
before she can drive it anywhere.
In Bozeman, Montana it is illegal to have s*x in your front lawn after
sundown.
In Devon, Texas the law prohibits anyone from making furniture while in the
nude.
In Florida a man wearing a strapless dress, is breaking the law.
In Arizona no one can take pictures before twelve o'clock on Sunday
afternoons
In Florida oral s*x is illegal.
In Minnesota it is illegal for a human to have s*x with a fish.
In Tennessee it is illegal for any woman to call a man for a date.
In Montana it is illegal for a woman to wear a corset.
In Massachusetts it is illegal to have s*x with a rodeo clown.
In Utah a person can have s*x with an animal as long as it is not for cash.
In Kentucky all nude people in a household must be registered with the
state.
In Washington, a law prohibits anyone from having s*x with a virgin under
any circ*mstances, including the wedding night.
In San Fransisco it is illegal to pile horse manure higher than six feet on
a street corner.
Additionally, in Wilbur, Washington it is illegal to ride an ugly horse.
In Oklahoma a citizen can get arrested for making ugly faces at a dog
In Arizona a man may not beat is wife more than once a month.
In Tucson women may not wear pants.
In Arkansas is illegal for any women teachers who "bob" their hair to get a
raise.
In California, bathhouses are against the law.
In Blythe a citizen cannot wear cowboy boots unless they own two cows.
In Denver it is illegal to fly over any body of water unless carrying large
supplies of food and water.
It is illegal to say "O Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
In Georgia it is illegal to cut off a chicken's head on Sundays.
In California it is illegal for a car without a driver to be going over
sixty miles per hour.
In Tennessee it is against the law to drive while sleeping.
In Alabama it is illegal to drive while barefoot.
Car dealers may not sell cars on Sundays in Colorado.
In Long Beach cars are the only items allowed in the garage.
In Georgia members of the state assembly cannot get ticketed for speeding
when the state assembly is in session.
In Illinois it is illegal to enter the state before contacting the police.
In Indiana it is illegal to pass a horse on the street.
Idaho prohibits a police officer from walking up to a vehicle when he
suspects that the occupants are having s*x. He must honk three times and
flash his lights before approaching the car. If the police officer fails to
do this, any charge given to the occupants is null and void.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Anonymous3
Air Bag Test
 Click here

 ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Burnout
People Who Had One Job and Failed Miserably at it......
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Cartographer Chris
Pub Signs
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Cartographer Chris
Tree-Hugger [XXX]
 Click here
Now that's what I call "communing with nature" :)
I know you are an environmentally conscious kind of guy....
So I thought you would appreciate this tree hugger.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Diks
US Presidents in Uniform
 Click here
Makes y'all proud, doesn't it!
Need a tissue for that tear in your eye?

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Mitta
Only with a Renault..... Impossible with a Mercedes or a BMW !!!
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Seasoldier
Try to Make Your Job More Interesting
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Kilroy Was Here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

He is engraved in stone in the National War Memorial in Washington, DC-
back in a small alcove where very few people have seen it. For the WWII
generation, this will bring back memories. For you younger folks, it's a
bit of trivia that is a part of our American history.Anyone born in 1913 to
about 1950, is familiar with Kilroy. No one knew why he was so well known-
but everybody got into it, I even remember seeing him around public places
in the late 60s...

So who the heck was Kilroy?

In 1946 the American Transit Association, through its radio program, "Speak
to America ," sponsored a nationwide contest to find the real Kilroy,
offering a prize of a real trolley car to the person who could prove
himself to be the genuine article. Almost 40 men stepped forward to make
that claim,
but only James Kilroy from Halifax, Massachusetts, had evidence of his
identity.

'Kilroy' was a 46-year old shipyard worker during the war who worked as a
checker at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy. His job was to go around and
check on the number of rivets completed. Riveters were on piecework and got
paid by the rivet. He would count a block of rivets and put a check mark in
semi-waxed lumber chalk, so the rivets wouldn't be counted twice. When
Kilroy went off duty, the riveters would erase the mark.

Later on, an off-shift inspector would come through and count the rivets a
second time, resulting in double pay for the riveters.

One day Kilroy's boss called him into his office. The foreman was upset
about all the wages being paid to riveters, and asked him to investigate.
It was then he realized what had been going on. The tight spaces he had to
crawl in to check the rivets didn't lend themselves to lugging around a
paint can and brush, so Kilroy decided to stick with the waxy chalk. He
continued to put his check mark on each job he inspected, but added 'KILROY
WAS HERE' in king-sized letters next to the check, and eventually added the
sketch of the chap with the long nose peering over the fence and that
became part of the Kilroy message.

Once he did that, the riveters stopped trying to wipe away his marks.
Ordinarily the rivets and chalk marks would have been covered up with paint.
With the war on, however, ships were leaving the Quincy Yard so fast that
there wasn't time to paint them. As a result, Kilroy's inspection
"trademark" was seen by thousands of servicemen who boarded the troopships
the yard produced.

His message apparently rang a bell with the servicemen, because they picked
it up and spread it all over Europe and the South Pacific.

Before war's end, "Kilroy" had been here, there, and everywhere on the long
hauls to Berlin and Tokyo. To the troops outbound in those ships, however,
he was a complete mystery; all they knew for sure was that someone named
Kilroy had "been there first." As a joke, U.S. servicemen began placing the
graffiti wherever they landed, claiming it was already there when they
arrived.

Kilroy became the U.S. super-GI who had always "already been" wherever GIs
went. It became a challenge to place the logo in the most unlikely places
imaginable (it is said to be atop Mt. Everest, the Statue of Liberty, the
underside of the Arc de Triomphe, and even scrawledin the dust on the moon.

As the war went on, the legend grew. Underwater demolition teams routinely
sneaked ashore on Japanese-held islands in the Pacific to map the terrain
for coming invasions by U.S. troops (and thus, presumably, were the first
GI's there). On one occasion, however, they reported seeing enemy troops
painting over the Kilroy logo!

In 1945, an outhouse was built for the exclusive use of Roosevelt, Stalin,
and Churchill at the Potsdam conference. Its' first occupant was Stalin,
who emerged and asked his aide (in Russian), "Who is Kilroy?"

To help prove his authenticity in 1946, James Kilroy brought along
officials from the shipyard and some of the riveters. He won the trolley
car, which he gave to his nine children as a Christmas gift and set it up
as a playhouse in the Kilroy yard in Halifax, Massachusetts.

And the tradition continues...

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Seasoldier
How to recognize a female suicide bomber [XXX]
 Click here
If you see a woman with a fuse, be very careful and call the police, as she
may be a terrorist.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
3 Ways to Find a Millionaire [XXX]
 Click here Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
Juli Rudd
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
Angry Birds
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
Ghetto
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
Wherever you are let the wind blow Free
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
Nightmare
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
Words
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
They Never Were
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
S*x in the Woods
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
Done but Wrong
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Wally
Why God sends rain to Mexico & not the Middle East
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[ End friday humour ]

 Previous (June 21, 2013)  Index Next (July 05, 2013)