Friday humour - June 07, 2013

Gussius @ Bluehaze

That perennial question for consideration by Australian voters in less than
100 days: To be or not to be a Republic?

This long weekend Queen’s birthday holiday was the trigger once again for a
Republican media feature, presenting the case in favour.

Meanwhile, Royalists are keeping their powder dry and saying nothing. They
realise that as the chosen ones born to rule, apathy is the best weapon to
defend Queen and Country. Maybe even to restore antipodean Knighthoods.

The voting peasantry don’t give a tinker’s cuss. As long as the public
holiday stays put for a BBQ.
Perhaps if the pro-campaign rebranded to ‘Repubcrawl’, promised free beer
as well as a day off work – they might have half a chance.

With that said, here is a picture of the Queen of Australia (and England)
on the throne:
 Click here

Contributions this week are from Anonymous3, Burnout, Mad Mick from
Marwick, Mitta, Nottingham Smithie, Whizzbang, Cartographer Chris, 
Digi Maria, Diks, Sack, Wally and the regular anon.

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Something completely different:

Rembrandt's "Guards of the Night" brought to Life -- brilliant!

The Rijksmuseum museum in Amsterdam had an idea: Let's bring the art  to
the people and then, hopefully, they will come to see more.

They  took a Rembrandt painting from 1642, "Guards of the
Night," and brought it to  life. They placed the characters in a busy mall
and the rest you can see  for yourself:
 Click here

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Nice work, this one:
 Click here

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Play Ball..:
 Click here

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How good is your geography:

If ever there is a time waster - this is definitely it!!

Just click on where you think the city is and the plane will land there,
then it will show where the city actually is!

Good luck.

Take the 'Pilot's' test below. Warning - it can become addictive!
 Click here

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Amazon Product Review - Good Read:
 Click here

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WICOE Workshop...very important...a must attend..both days essential:

                 WICOE
                (Women In Charge Of Everything)

                Is proud to announce the opening of its
                EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
                OPEN TO MEN ONLY
                ALL ARE WELCOME

                Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each
course will accept a maximum of eight participants

                The course covers two days, and topics covered in this
course include:

                DAY ONE

                HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
                Step by step guide with slide presentation

                TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
                Roundtable discussion

                DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
                Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

                DISHES & SILVERWARE;
                DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
                OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
                Debate among a panel of experts.

                REMOTE CONTROL
                Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

                LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
                Starting with looking in the right place
                Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
                Open forum

                DAY TWO

                EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
                DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
                Group discussion and role play

                HEALTH WATCH;
                BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
                PowerPoint presentation

                REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
                Real life testimonial from the one man who did

                IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
                AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
                Driving simulation

                LIVING WITH ADULTS;
                BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
                YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE
                Online class and role playing

                HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
                Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

                REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
                & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
                Bring your calendar or PDA to class

                GETTING OVER IT;
                LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
                Individual counsellors available

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A brief history of television:

Endless hours of entertainment or useless crud - you decide. But here is
how it all started.
 Click here

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Rationing WW11:

Ahhh! Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
 Click here

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Insta-Chick:

  This Is COOL...

  Wait for it.
 Click here

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Russian Bartender, watch this!:
 Click here

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Sensuous Wife:

"Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"...the woman asked  her
husband.

"No"...said her husband.

She gave him a s*xy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of  her
blouse...and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a  soft,
silky push-up bra...and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her ...and smiled 
approvingly.

"Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"... she then asked her
husband?

"Uh...no, I haven't" ...he said (with an anxious tone in his voice).

She gave him another s*xy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and
seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a
crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill... and started breathing a little
quicker with anticipation.

"Now" ...she said. "Have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No way" ...he said (while obviously becoming even more aroused... and
excited).

"Well go look in the garage!"...she said.

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Sign:
 Click here

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Password humor:
 Click here

With age comes wisdom!

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Why???:
 Click here

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Do You Have The New Google Calendar Yet?: [XXX]
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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OH Nooooooo:
 Click here

This should make your day.  Just when you thought things couldn't get any
worse.

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The cowboy:
 Click here

A cowboy just appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of
bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her
alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the
face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the
ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the cr*p out of all of you!

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.'

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Roowwww:
 Click here

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Amazing Tombstones:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

          Be sure to read the ones in the Mexican cemetery at the bottom.
          Have you seen anything like these resting places ?

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HILARIOUS!!!:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

 LAUGH AND ENJOY.........GOOD FOR OUR HEARTS.

Cartoons for those growing older.

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BIRD FEEDER:
 Click here

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Dream:
 Click here

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Something about women...:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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News about New Zealand:
 Click here

Sheep lovers and One Ring Destroyers.

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The steaks are getting high:
 Click here

Abbott and Costello's prediction comes true.
 Click here

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Coulda been funny:
 Click here Click here Click here

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Lamborghini Egoista:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Lamborghini chalked up its 50th anniversary celebrations, on the 15th May
2013, by rolling out this outlandish design study concept.

Fittingly dubbed the Egoista (as it's a selfish car and designed for one
person only).

It is designed purely for hyper-sophisticated people who want only the most
extreme and special things in the world. It represents hedonism taken to
the extreme, it is a car without compromises,
in a word: egoista (selfish)ť.

In keeping with the concept's fighter jet inspiration, the stage for the
car's hyped reveal was transformed into a landing strip, with a top model
in a flight suit guiding the Egoista's arrival with light paddles, and the
roar of the V10 engine shaking the 20-metre-tall tensioned event structure.

There are no production plans, low-volume or otherwise  was driven on stage
by Lamborghini president and CEO Stephan Winkelmann.

Using the 5.2-litre V10 drivetrain, the Egoista's c*ckpit is designed like
a tailor-made suit for the driver. It was inspired by the Apache
helicopter, where the whole c*ckpit can be ejected in an emergency.

The c*ckpit, made completely of carbon fibre and aluminium, represents a
sort of survival cell,
allowing the driver to isolate and protect themselves from external
elements.

As for the exterior, the Egoista's profile is meant to mimic a stylised
bull preparing to charge, its horns lowered.

The upper part of the vehicle does not have aerodynamic appendages, but
rather flaps integrated in the bodywork profile that deploy automatically
depending on the driving conditions.

Two rear flaps activate automatically at high speeds to increase stability,
while a series of air intakes on the back of the engine hood provides the
necessary cooling airflow to the big V10 power plant.

The Egoista also eschews conventional headlights in favour of LED clearance
lights, that determine its position not just on a single plane such as the
road, but rather in three dimensions,
as is required in airspace.

Two white front lights, two red rear lights, a red flashing light in the
upper part of the tail, two orange bull's eyes as side markers, and a
further two lights on the roof, red on the left and green on the right,
make this four-wheeled UFOť easily identifiable even in the dark.

In addition, hidden behind the front air intakes at the base of the join
between the central body and the two side sections, are two powerful xenon
headlamps, that are inspired by two eagle's eyes.

As it’s crafted from lightweight materials such as aluminium and carbon
fibre, the vehicle has no-walk zones, that are marked in the same fashion
you’d find on the wings of an aircraft.

The parallels with the world of aeronautics do not end here, however, as
the body is made from a special antiradar material, and the glass is
anti-glare with an orange gradation. The rims are also made from antiradar
material, flat and rough, embellished with carbon-fibre plates to improve
their aerodynamics.

The cabin features a jet-fighter-inspired head-up display, and to get out
of the vehicle, the driver must remove the steering wheel and rest it on
the dashboard, open the dome with an electronic command, stand up in their
seat, sit down on a precise point of the left-hand bodywork, then swivel
their legs 180 degrees from the inside of the c*ckpit to the outside of the
vehicle.

At this point they can set their feet down, and stand up.

Even in getting out of the vehicle, the Lamborghini Egoista requires a
pilot more than a driver, a real top gun. To describe the Egoista in 6
words – “It’s a Fighter Jet on Wheels”

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Fly Paper:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Healthy shopping here, they even give a discount on the flies

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ADS That Would be Banned Today:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Who Rules the House??:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Busted:
 Click here

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Pedestrian crossing in China:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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T-Shirts:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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16 x Kids Sleep Anywhere Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Not Afraid:
 Click here

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Take it to the Car Wash:
 Click here

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Right:
 Click here Click here Click here

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Cubism & Curiosities:
 Click here Click here

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7 Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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They Walk Among Us:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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Raindrops & Fast Asleep Until:
 Click here Click here

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Two Cows:
 Click here

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4 X GIFs:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Taxi Accident:
 Click here

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Normandy:
 Click here

Normandy  6th June 1944

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Baby Food Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Would have taken an enormous amount of time

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8 X Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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Vivid Sydney:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Great spectacles are occurring both inside and outside the Sydney Opera
House this fortnight.
Vivid Sydney, an annual two-week event of Light, Music, Ideas,ť kicked off
on Friday, 31st
May, and runs until Sunday, 16th June, and as you can see by the
projections on the building itself, the creativity is extremely cool.

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5 X Photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Trash Bin:
 Click here

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Walk On:
 Click here

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Police Accident:
 Click here

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USA-SUPERMARKET:
 Click here

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New Word:
 Click here

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The Original Sin:
 Click here

NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE CAN TOP THIS
THE ORIGINAL SIN

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Memories with a note at the Bottom:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

AFTER YOU LOOK AT THE PICTURES READ THE NOTE AT THE VERY BOTTOM!
WE ALL NEED A REMINDER.

WE THINK WE'VE GOT IT BAD!
 This was a mere 72 years ago....
  Makes complaining about no cell service, high gasoline prices, not enough
cable channels, seem a bit ludicrous.
  No credit cards to buy what you want, but don't need!

  Forward this to remind our kids and others of what really tough times are
like.
  They don't have a clue.
  If you don't know what the Great Depression was, here's the motto:
  "Use it up -- wear it out", make it do or do without!!!!!
   This reminds me to be grateful for what I do have.....
   Start each day with a smile and a prayer ...

  "Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery.

  And Today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present."

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Now That's sweet ...:

The pleasures of old  age- enjoy

Two little old ladies had  been very long-time close friends.
But being old-fashioned, each went to a retirement home of her own
respective religion.

It was not long before Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, so
one day she asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend.

When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs, and kisses.
Mrs. Murphy said "Don't be holdin' back, Mrs. Cohen, how do you like it
here?"

Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the
care takers. 

Then, with a twinkle in her eye, she said, "But the best thing is that I
now have a boyfriend."

Mrs. Murphy said, "Now isn't that wonderful.  Tell me all about it."

Mrs. Cohen said, "After lunch we go up to my room and sit on the edge of
the bed. 
I let him touch me on the top, and then on the bottom, and then we sing
Jewish songs."

Mrs. Murphy said, "For sure it's a blessing. I'm so glad for you Mrs.
Cohen."

Mrs. Cohen said, "And how is it with you, Mrs. Murphy?"

Mrs. Murphy said it was also wonderful at her new facility, and that she
also had a boyfriend.

Mrs. Cohen said, "Good for you! So what do you do?"

We also go up to my room after lunch and sit on the edge of the bed. I let
him touch me on top,
and then I let him touch me down below."

Mrs. Cohen said, "Yes? And then....?"

Mrs. Murphy said, "Well, since we don't know any Jewish songs, we f*ck.

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[ End friday humour ]

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