Friday humour - March 08, 2013

George Burns
Delightful........how many of us remember this old chap???

THIS IS DELIGHTFUL. WATCH TO THE END, IT IS SHORT, JUST LISTEN TO THE SONG!
Oh, the Memories - You just might get misty eyes as you listen,
IT IS SO GOOD!

IT MAKES YOU WISH YOU WERE 18 AGAIN FOR SURE, but with all the knowledge
about life that you have now..
 Click here

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Funny take on Big City living...
 Click here

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100 Year Old Photos

Notice men and boys all wore hats in those days.
Amazing photos. The buildings are architectural wonders.
American cities 100 years ago...
 Click here

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Several women shared an apartment and didn't get along. Eventually, they
ended up in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they
were having.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the
evidence...I'll hear the oldest plaintiff first."

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

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Route 66: Trip of Fools - YouTube
 Click here

A group of intrepid travelers set off to deliver two 1970s sports cars via
one of America's most iconic roads -- Route 66. Our fearless posse faced
many hardships along the way. The Datsun 280Z and Jensen Interceptor they
were driving may have given them some issues, but they also gave them a
story to tell.

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Cat knocking on the door
This Cat Has a Unique Way of Knocking on Doors
 Click here

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Flight over Superstition Mountains in Arizona
Good review and makes you appreciate the climate and scenery here in the
valley.  We're kind of lucky.
The photography is HD, the planes are gorgeous, and, most notably, it is
shot as the B17 takes off from Falcon Field in Mesa, AZ and then flies over
the Superstition  Mountains to the east of Apache Junction and then on to
Roosevelt & Canyon lakes on the east edge of the Phoenix valley.

The backdrops are stunning.  Music is from the mini-series John Adams.
Great combination.
 Click here

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From: Duke of Barsinov
IRISHMAN IN THE ELEVATOR

A little Irishman gets into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black
guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at
him. He looks down and says:
"7 ft tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown"
The little Irishman faints dead away and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him......The big guy
says, "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you just say to me?"

The big dude says, "Well, I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just
give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks
me................ I'm 7 ft tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch
penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each....and my name is Turner
Brown"

The Irishman says:

"Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jesus.........I thought you said,"Turn around!"

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From: Duke of Barsinov
Yorkshire couple

"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.
"No," I said.
She gave me a s*xy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a
crumpled twenty pound note.
"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.
"No," I said.
She gave me another s*xy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled
out a crumpled fifty pound note.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"
"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."

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From: Whizzbang

"If you'd had a tin of shoe polish, you could have blackened her up and got
away with it," I said to Oscar Pistorius, laughing.
Then I realised that was in bad taste.
Why would he have a tin of shoe polish?

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From: Whizzbang
Constable Kenny Koala

KRAJINA RESIGNS FROM CKK ROLE AS FAMILY DAY TURNS UGLY- Canberra Times

In what was supposed to be a friendly open day at Cook Primary school, ACTP
member Mr Rob Krajina said he will stand down from his position as 'CKK
BACKUP' after he was attacked by up to 5 children in a heated exchange
today.  Police are investigating claims that a group of up to five 4-6
year-old children viscously attacked Kenny Koala and forced him to retreat
to his Police vehicle as he feared for his own safety.

"It started off ok and was just one kid sticking his hand in Kenny's mouth,
but then another kid poked him the eye and another pulled his ear.  Before
I could tell them to stop, he was being attacked by 5 kids and I had to no
choice other than to retreat to the car as punches where just coming from
all directions." told an emotional Mr Krajina "My offsider Bec Brown came
to my aid and quickly defused the situation. but it was scary and out of
control."

This incident came just minutes after 3 children ransacked the Police car
whilst Kenny and Ms Brown where mingling with the crowd. It's alleged that
several children played with Kenny's seat, sirens, lights and opened the
glove box as parents failed to control the children.  It is not yet known
if these children were involved in the second assault on Kenny and Police
are continuing their investigations.

Meanwhile an ACT Policing spokesperson said that the personal security of
Kenny will be reviewed.  "While it is rare, these events can quickly turn
nasty as kids consume large amounts of chocolate milk, cake and red
lollies.
These things along with the hot weather can be a nasty combination and kids
become aggressive. We will initiate an internal security review and work
with community groups in attempt to stamp out this violence."

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Gillard goes on a State visit to Israel. While she is on a tour of
Jerusalem,she has a fatal heart attack.

The undertakers tells the OZ diplomats: "You can have her shipped home for
$1 million or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $1000."

The OZ diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell
him they still want Gillard flown home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks: "Why would you spend $1 million to get
her home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious
country and you would only spend $1000?"

One diplomat replied: "More than 2000 years ago a man died here, was buried
here, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. We simply can't take
that risk".

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From: 4M
This is enforced how?
 Click here

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From: 4M
Police Officers
 Click here
I don't know the original author, and it is American, but it still holds
for Oz cops as well. :-)

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From: 4M
Whose stick family? :-)
 Click here

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From: 4M
Norwegian Road Patrol
 Click here
This is so absolutely true!!

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From: 4M
How to speak Kiwi!
 Click here
No offence ever intended! :-)

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Meanwhile, in Canada...
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here
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From: Cartographer Chris
For those who know Sydney....
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

For those who think they know Sydney....
I attach some past photos.
Here - to the city, zoo, etc.
People moved around much quicker in Sydney in those days
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From: Diks
Finally a compromise............
 Click here
At last!!  BOHICA!!

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From: Sack
Missing Person
 Click here

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From: Sack
The search is over for the most stupid person in Australia !
 Click here

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From: Sack
Dogs Explained
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Sack
Awesome Africa
 Click here

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From: Sack
Creative Stuff
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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From: Wally
Only in Russia
 Click here

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From: Wally
Daffy
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
MAGIC APPLES
 Click here
BARTENDER WITH MAGIC APPLES....AMAZING!!!

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From: Whizzbang
Another Famous American converts to Islam...
 Click here

It is becoming a very scary world out there.
Another Famous American converts to Islam...
It  was announced today that Buckwheat Of Our Gang (1950s) fame,  has
converted  To
The  Muslim faith  and changed his name to:
Kareem of Wheat...

I just hope he doesn't become a cereal killer!

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From: Whizzbang
Perfume
 Click here

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IN THE DAYS OF BOAC...

Many years ago on a long overseas BOAC flight, an elderly lady asked if she
could visit the c*ckpit.
When she got up there, she found four crewmen and asked the first one what
he did.
He explained that he was the Navigator and told her what his
responsibilities were.
She turned to next one and asked what he did? He explained that he was the
Flight Engineer his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems
to keep the flight operating smoothly.Satisfied, she turned to the next one
and asked what he did. He explained that as the Captain he was responsible
for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew.She finally
turned to the First Officer and asked "Well young man, what is your job?"
He replied "Ma'am, I am the Captain's s*xual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, the lady said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by
that?"

"Very simple ma'am; the Captain has told me that when he wants my f*cking
advice, he'll ask me."

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[ End friday humour ]

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