Friday humour - March 01, 2013

 From Burnout @ Bluehaze:-

From: Allnutts
Subject: Good Morning The Christian Way to Call Someone a Bastard

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer
approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually
played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first few
holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched,
how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't
much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second guy won the remaining
sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, the
second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro
at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow
revealed that he was the Parish Priest. The pro was flustered and
apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said,
"You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your
winnings." The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a
donation...... And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll
marry them!
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From: Allnutts

Subject: A good Scottish laugh

An Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the
surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need
arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found
locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a
similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the
Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for
giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and $50,000 dollars. A couple of days
later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his
blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a
thank-you card and a box of Laura Secord chocolates. The Scotsman was
shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had
anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be
generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ...
but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates." To this the
Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".

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From: Anonymous3

Subject: NUDE MEN CLOCK Woo hooo!!!

 Click here

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From: Anonymous3

Subject: Puns 1.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir C*mference. He
acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island. It turned out to be
an optical Aleutian
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was
a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road ... and was cited for
littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the
other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse. 18. In a democracy, it's your vote that
counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine. .
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
per passenger."
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
"Dam!"
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank. Proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other
says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that
at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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From: Anonymous3

Subject: Exercise for People Over 50
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room
at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms
straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to
reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold
this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks,
move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and then
eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each
hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this
level.) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

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From: Anonymous3

Subject: CHINA CLIPPER
Historical China Clipper caught en route from NZ, Dec 7 1941. Great 5 min
video of historical China Clipper caught en route to NZ, Dec 7 1941.
Turn the sound on and enjoy some aviation history

 Click here

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From: Cartographer Chris

Subject: Oscar Pistorius Jokes Still Have Legs.......
Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't ever sneak up on Oscar
Pistorius.
She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the
limbs.
Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem. When
Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who
knew he meant OJ Simpson? Absolutely shocking news from South Africa.
White man arrested for murder. Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs
doesn't mean he's unarmed.
Surely Oscar Pistorius cant be the first man to wake up legless on
Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone
else! I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for
Valentines.
What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise
birthday party... or... An Oscar Pistorius St Valentine's Day Massacre
Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name - Six gold
medals, four silver medals and one argument. A young woman is dead, the
life of up‑and‑coming athlete, Oscar Pistorius, is ruined, and
people are already making jokes about it.
That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic. I think it's safe to say that
Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight. And the Oscar goes
to ... Prison.

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From: Cartographer Chris

Subject: "The Gun Slinger"
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired
old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town,
to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old
mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from
his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a
gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger
looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance...
never really wanted to." A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and
said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at
the old man's feet. The old prospector,
not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a
hot skillet. Everybody standing around was laughing. When his last bullet
had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and
turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack
mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and c*cked both
hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd
stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too,
and he turned around very slowly. The silence was deafening. The crowd
watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping
holes of those twin 12gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never
wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and
said, "No sir.. but...but I've always wanted to." There are a few lessons
for all of us here: *Don't be arrogant. *Don't waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. *Always make sure you
know who is in control. *And finally, don't screw around with old folks;
they didn't get old by being stupid. I just love a story with a happy
ending, don't you?

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From: Diks

Subject: A Little Chunky Rosy

Posing thoughtfully in the mirror, says to Nina, "I think I'm going to see
a dietician." Nina asked, "Why?" Rosy answered, "Cause I need to know once
and for all, how many calories are in sperm." Nina replied, "I really have
no clue, but if you're swallowing that much of it, no guy is going to care
if you're a little chunky."

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From: Diks

Subject: Two Skinny Lawyers........AMAZING!
For all of you who have made disparaging remarks about President Obama,
please read the following... I'm sure most of us have read the so-called
comparison of Lincoln and Kennedy, but did you ever consider the
relationship between Obama and Lincoln ? You might be surprised...
Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and Barack Hussein Obama:
1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used
the same Bible.
2. Lincoln came from Illinois . Obama comes from Illinois .
3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the
Illinois Legislature.
4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had
very little experience before becoming President.
5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his
inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his
inauguration.
6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
8. Lincoln was in the United States military. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
9. Lincoln believed in everyone carrying their own weight. Obama is a
skinny lawyer.
10. Lincoln did not waste taxpayers' money on personal enjoyments. Obama is
a skinny lawyer.
11. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
12. Lincoln was born in the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.
13. Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe. Obama is a
skinny lawyer
14. Lincoln saved the United States. Obama is a skinny lawyer. AMAZING,
ISN'T IT?
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From: Diks

Subject: 100 Percent Correct

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple
of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport
through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went
out. So he began circling around looking for landmark.
After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the
passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog
appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth
floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts
to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies
"You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree
turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the
airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the
fuel has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.
"Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple
question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct, but absolutely
useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there
the airport is just a mile away." *Don't you just love Microsoft????*

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From: Duke of Barsinov

Subject: FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY- Seniors version
The heat from the fire was comforting as the three electric bars glowed
brightly in their metal cage. Nora peeked across the room over the rim of
her Reader's Digest. Gerald was snoring gently, with his half-moon
spectacles balanced on the end of his nose, a thin ribbon of drool sliding
down his chin onto the edge of his striped pyjamas. His half-read newspaper
had fallen to the floor, and the cat had curled up on top of the unfinished
cricket scores. She closed her book, turning over the corner of the page
she had been reading so as not to lose the article on herbaceous borders,
and placed it down next to her half–drunk Horlicks. Nora slid out of
her chair, and grabbed the armrest. Carefully kicking off her sheepskin
slippers and, sliding her wheeled table out of the way, she hitched up her
velvet dressing gown and padded towards him. She slid her hand under his
pyjama top, rubbing his arm gently. He smacked his lips together, as though
he could still taste the cod in parsley sauce they had for supper. His eyes
flickered open and he squinted at the light and the looming shadow in front
of him. Gerald could see she wanted him to follow her. He took off his
glasses and placed them on the coffee table as he rose out of his incliner,
his knees and back cracking as he straightened up. She reached forward and
grabbed the long-shaft of his walking stick, once smooth and vital, but now
gnarled and rough, and placed it in his hand. Nora began to negotiate the
stairs, gripping the banister, the light from the landing highlighting the
grey roots in her blue rinse. Gerald was eager to get to bed, as he
shuffled across the lounge to the staircase. He settled onto the green
padded cushion of his Stannah stair lift and expertly flicked the button.
Agonisingly slowly, his heart beating in anticipation of reaching the top,
he ascended behind her waddling bottom as Nora stumbled up the last few
steps. Nora padded into the bathroom as
Gerald sank down on the edge of the bed catching his breath. She returned
after a few moments, passing Gerald a cold and cloudy glass of tap water
into which he dropped his teeth with a quiet splash. She placed her own
glass onto the bedside table and removed her top denture,
dropping it into the glass and adding the tablet with a plop and a fizz.
Gerald had already slid under the 15-tog duvet and was smoothing out the
wrinkles on his V-pillow. Nora slipped her gown from her shoulders and
placed it next to the hand-painted commode by the bedside. Turning to
Gerald she slid under the paisley polyester, her hand gently brushing
Gerald’s as she fumbled for the TV remote. Gerald gripped the handrail
unsteadily as he slid open the drawer beneath the dimly lit touch lamp and
fumbled for the blister pack of Viagra, which he thought he had left there
last Christmas. His face fell as he realised the pack was empty. He
could’ve sworn there were a couple left. Nora smiled conspiratorially
to herself as she pressed the remote and the TV flickered into life on the
opening credits of Question Time. She sank back into the memory foam pillow
and her eyes glinted contentedly in the knowledge that Gerald would not be
able to get another doctor’s appointment for at least a couple of
weeks, by which time he would have forgotten what he was going for. Anyway,
the little blue pills did an excellent job cleaning their false teeth
overnight.

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From: Sack

Subject: Give us this day...
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican. After
receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers 'Your
Holiness, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100
million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this
day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.' The Pope
responds, 'That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord. It must
not be changed.' 'Well,' said the Nescafe man, 'we anticipated your
reluctance. For this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million.'
'My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and it
must not be changed.' The Nescafe guy says, 'Your Holiness, we at
Nescafe respect your adherence to the faith, but we do have one final
offer…. We will donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to
the great Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it.' And he leaves. The next day the Pope convenes the
College of Cardinals. 'There is some good news,' he announces, 'and some
bad news. The good news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'
'And the bad news your Holiness?' asks a
Cardinal. 'We're losing the Wonder-bread account.'

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From: Seasoldier

Subject: British Humour is Different
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
___________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES 1/2 C*cker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
________________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is
a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
_______________________________________________________
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
________________________________________________________
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100.
_____________________________________________________________
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
___________________________________________________________
And the WINNER is... FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia
Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer
needed, got married, wife knows everything. (Statement of the
Century) ___________________________________________________________
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a
headache and s*x at the same time?"
____________________________________________________________
Children Are Quick TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this
child) ____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have
ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie.... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish
him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your
brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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From: Seasoldier

Subject: Father of the Bride Jamaica Bay Gord The most damaging phrase in
the language is: 'It's always been done that way.' ~Grace Hopper I thought
this was cute!! And precious.

 Click here

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From: Seasoldier

Subject: 50 shades He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his
wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again....back
and forth...back and forth...in and out.... She could feel the sweat on her
forehead and between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back,
she was getting near to the end. Her heart was pounding...her face was
flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,
"OK, OK! I CAN'T park the f*cking car! You do it, you SMUG bastard!"

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From: Whizzbang

Subject: The Church Dinner

A group of friends who all attended the same church wanted to get together
on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. They would meet in each home
in rotation and the resident/s of that house were to provide a meal. When
it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts,
Janet wanted to do something special. She decided to have
mushroom-smothered steak. But when she checked at the local greengrocer she
was shocked at the cost of their mushrooms. Regretfully she told her
husband, "Mushrooms are out. They're too expensive." He said, "Why don't
you go down in the back and pick some of those mushrooms. There are plenty
down near the creek." She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poison." He
said, "Well, I see rabbits eating them and they don't seem to suffer any
ill effects." So Janet decided to give it a try.. She picked a basket full,
then washed, peeled and sliced them for her smothered steak. Then she went
out on the back verandah and gave Ol'
Spot (the dog) a dish of the mushrooms. Ol' Spot ate every bite. All
morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to
affect him, so she decided to use them. The meal was a great success.
After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played '21' and
dominoes. But then a neighbour knocked on the door and said, Mrs.
Williams I am sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings but Ol' Spot is dead."
Janet went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the
doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor said,
"That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an
ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible. We'll give everyone
enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine.
Just keep them calm." Soon an ambulance arrived. The paramedics and the
doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump. One by one, each
person was taken into the bathroom and given an enema. Then his or her
stomach was pumped out. After the last one was finished, the doctor came
out and said, "I think everything will be fine now," and he left. They were
al l looking pretty weak as they sat around the living room . The neighbor,
who had stayed at the house through all the drama,
sank into a seat beside Janet. "You know," she said" that fellow who ran
over Ol' Spot never even stopped."

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From: Whizzbang

Subject: Engineers at Play!
I'm wondering how long it took to set this up - and how many trial runs!!!

 Click here
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From: Whizzbang Subject: Anthony Mundine:

Anthony Mundine goes to the doctor and says:

"€œHey Doc.............I get s*xually aroused when I look into the
mirror"€.
"€œI'€™m not surprised", said the doctor............................
"You'€™re a cxxt!"€

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From: Allnutts
Subject: Something different--

 Click here


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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Winter Snow Humor

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: CARD STACKER

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Bryan Bergis a professional "card stacker" who builds houses of cards on a
very large scale.

Trained as an architect, Bryan Berg is the only known person to make a
living building structures with freestanding playing cards.He uses no tape,
glue, or tricks, and his method has been tested to support 660 lbs. per
square foot.

Berg has stacked cards for corporate special events, public relations
campaigns, and science and children's museums in many U.S. cities, Canada ,
Europe, and Asia .

Berg's clients have included Walt Disney World, a Lexus commercial, Procter
& Gamble, American major league baseball and hockey, and the San Francisco
Opera among others.

He also participated in a music video by The Bravery, playing a lonely man
who builds a fantasy world out of cards.

In 2004, Guinness created a record category for World's Largest House of
Freestanding Playing Cards to recognize a project Berg built for Walt
Disney
World, a replica of Cinderella's Castle.

In 2010, the record was renewed by himself using 4051 sets of cards, over
218,000 cards, and built in

44 days, replica of the Venetian Macao.


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From: Anonymous3
Subject: The art of stacking firewood

FOR YOU SO CALLED WOOD CUTTERS!!!


If you do not know how to pack firewood for the winter, here are some ideas


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From: Arfermo
Subject: Chinese Express the proper way

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From: Arfermo
Subject: School answering machine

 Click here


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From: Cartographer Chris
Subject:  The new tattoo

  Click here


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From: Diks
Subject: Ison Comet Coming

 Click here

Actually it's coming in late November, 2013


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From: Duke of Barsinov
Subject: THE NEW NIKE ADD.

 Click here


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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Just in Time photos
These are brilliant - hope the horse made it!


A Second Before, 20 more images after the break...


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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: School Buses In Japan and India
SCHOOL BUS IN JAPAN
SCHOOL BUS IN INDIA

........and which country do I get when I have a technical problem with my
computer?


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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  This did make me laugh..

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: New Vatican menu item.

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Be very careful with chocolate

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Learn the secret about this stuff
THIS IS THE RESULT...
It makes your head smaller!


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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Camerasutra

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  Worth a smile

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From: Sack
Subject: Pictures: one second before ...
Taking pictures at the right moment...........


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From: Sack
Subject:   Doesn't take long, does it?

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From: Sack
Subject:  You had ONE job..

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From: Sack
Subject:  at the zoo
A mother chimpanzee who lived in a zoo died, one of the zoo's employees
took her baby chimp home to care for it. It never crossed his mind that his
dog, who had recently given birth would adopt the chimp and raise it with
her pups. Judging by the look on her face at times, she is not quite sure
why this particular offspring has hands to grab her with.
Now that portrays unconditional love.

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From: Wally
Subject: Russian Shopping Cart Prank

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From: Wally
Subject: How not to Sell a Poncho

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From: Wally
Subject: 8 X Photos

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From: Wally
Subject: Bikini Girl

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: No wonder they hate us (XXX - ED)

Theirs

 Click here

Ours
 Click here

  No wonder they
  hate us!

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Man escapes from police custody
Man escapes from the South African local police custody!


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Gas explosion
This is why I stopped smoking ......


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  25 Incredible Photos From History...!!

Last four couples standing in a Chicago dance marathon. ca. 1930.
 Click here


Three Princeton students pose after the Freshman, Sophomore snowball fight.
1893. Princeton, NJ.
 Click here


"Get the hell out of my race and give me those numbers." After realizing a
woman was running Boston marathon     organizer Jock Semple went after
Kathrine Switzer. Other runners blocked him and she went on to finish the
race. 1967.
 Click here


The only known photograph of an African American Union soldier with his
family. c1863-65
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Russian peasants getting electricity for the first time in 1920
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Johnny Cash performing for prisoners at Folsom Prison – Jan. 13th 1968
 Click here


Cow shoes used by Moonshiners in the Prohibition days to disguise their
footprints, 1922
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"The Long Walk" British Army EOD Tech approaches a suspect device –
Date Unknown
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Tereska, a child in a residence for disturbed children, grew up in a
concentration camp. She drew a picture of "home" on the blackboard, Poland,
1948
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A Native American looks down at a newly-completed section of the
transcontinental railroad. Nevada, about 1868
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Microsoft staff photo from December 7, 1978
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Jewish refugees, approaching allied soldiers, become aware that they have
just been liberated, April, 1945
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New York man reads a newspaper, headline reads "Nazi Army Now 75 Miles From
Paris." May 18, 1940
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Gay pride, 1970. USA
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Three archers, Japan, ca.1860-1900
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The earliest known photograph of men drinking beer. Edinburgh Ale, 1844
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Alerted by the smell of a broken bottle of liquor, Federal Agents inspect a
"lumber truck". Los Angeles, 1926
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Martin Luther King Jr removing a burned cross from his front yard with his
son at his side. Atlanta Ga 1960
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A Japanese family returning home (Seattle, Washington) from a relocation
centre camp in Hunt, Idaho on May 10, 1945
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9 kings featured in one photo (Windsor Castle, 20 May 1910)
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Louis Armstrong plays for his wife in front of the Sphinx by the pyramids
in Giza, 1961
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The headquarters of Benito Mussolini and the Italian Fascist party in
Italy, 1934
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The Kennedy trio in the mid-30s as teenagers; John, Bobby and Teddy
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The first official riders in New York City’s first subway, 1904
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: The most beautiful tree tunnels in the world


The 10 most beautiful tree tunnels in the world


Trees, The longest-living organisms on Earth, beautify and protect our
environment by providing colour,
shelter, and shade. They renew our air supply by soaking up carbon dioxide
and producing oxygen.
10. Cherry Blossom Tunnel, Germany
 Click here
Each spring, a peaceful street, located in the German city of Bonn,
transforms into an enchanting cherry blossom tunnel. Photographer Marcel
Bednarz captured this stunning sight of cherry blossoms in full bloom. He
explained to me that there are actually two streets in Bonn where cherry
trees are planted, but the one you see in the above picture is called
Heerstraße. As you may know, the average cherry blossom lasts only between
7 and 10 days, depending on weather conditions.

  09. Rua Gonçalo de Carvalho, Brasil
 Click here
Number nine goes to Brazil’s green tunnel from Porto Alegre, Rua Gonçalo
de Carvalho.
According to a decree signed in 2006 by former mayor Joseph Fogaça,
this beautiful street is part of the country’s historical, cultural,
ecological and environmental heritage.
There are more than one hundred towering Tipuana (Rosewood) trees along Rua
Gonçalo de Carvalho.
The great shade trees stretch over three city blocks, which is a good thing
for the city’s overall health.
Did you know that trees, properly planted around buildings, can reduce air
conditioning demands by up to 30%?

08. Autumn Tree Tunnel, USA
 Click here
Photographed in glorious autumn colours by Kevin McNeal, this tree tunnel
is simply astonishing!
The picture was taken on the way up to Smuggler’s Notch, a Vermont state
park.
The eye-catching foliage starts changing its colour in the northern region,
in response to many environmental factors, and spreads south as the fall
season advances.

07. Ginkgo Tree Tunnel, Japan
 Click here
Gingko biloba is a highly venerated tree in Japanese culture. Six ginkgo
trees survived the Hiroshima bombing, continuing to grow despite facing so
many challenges, and are still alive today.
Therefore, the Japanese regard the gingko as “the bearer of hope”.
It is also known as “the survivor” or “the living fossil.”
Around 65,000 ginkgoes grace Tokyo’s streets, gardens and parks today.
According to some people who visited Tokyo, the tunnel you see in the above
picture is located in the outer garden of Meiji Shrine.

06. Yew Tree Tunnel, UK
 Click here
The medieval Aberglasney House features one of the most beautiful gardens
in Wales, UK.
They have been an inspiration to writers since 1470. The Yew Tunnel is a
popular tourist attraction in this area. Believe it or not, it took nine
years of pruning to restore this unique archway. “Years of neglect had
left it unsafe and with a perilous future, as the once formally clipped
structure had grown even higher than the top of the Mansion itself. It is
so nice to see it looking invigorated and healthy again,
I had every confidence that with careful restoration it would help its
future longevity,
but I have to confess that it did look drastic at the time,” declared
Graham Rankin,
one of Aberglasney’s directors.
The Yew Tunnel is thought to have been planted by the Dyer family of
Aberglasney, during the 18th century.

05. The Dark Hedges, Northern Ireland
 Click here
Tucked away in the county of Antrim, these beautiful beech trees are
thought to be around 300 years old. According to local records, James
Stuart planted the 150 beech trees in the 18th century,
to impress guests as they approached his splendid property, Gracehill
House.
Legend tells that the spirit of a maid, who lived in a neighbouring mansion
and died in mysterious circ*mstances hundreds of years ago, haunts the
country road. “Grey Lady” silently floats along the road and quickly
disappears as she reaches the last beech tree.

04. Bamboo Path, Japan
 Click here
The Sagano Bamboo Forest is located in Arashiyama, a nationally-designated
historic site.
The pathway you see in the above picture is 500m long, and runs through one
of Japan’s most beautiful bamboo forests. No wonder the Agency for
Cultural Affairs declared Arashiyama a “Place of Scenic Beauty”.
This forest is close to many famous temple and shrines, including the
Adashino Nenbutsu-ji Temple.
The sound the wind makes, as it blows through the tall bamboo trees,
has been voted by the Japanese authorities as one of 100 must-preserve
sounds of Japan.

03. Tunnel of Love, Ukraine
 Click here
The Ukrainian Tunnel of Love is actually a two-mile sector of private
railway that serves a woodworking plant near Klevan, a small city located
in western Ukraine.
I read somewhere that couples pass through this romantic tunnel to make a
wish.
The myth goes that, if their love is strong and pure, the wish will come
true.
May all of your wishes come true, but watch out for the train! It runs
three times a day through the leafy tunnel.

02. Jacarandas Walk, South Africa
 Click here
Over 10 million trees keep South Africa’s largest city green. According to
several unofficial sources, Johannesburg is home to the world’s largest
man-made forest.
There are at least 49 species of Jacaranda, most of them native to South
America (particularly in Uruguay, Brazil, Peru & Argentina), and the
Caribbean basin.
The tropical trees were imported to South Africa over one hundred years
ago.
October is the month when the flowers of thousands of Jacaranda trees are
in full blossom.
This spectacular tree tunnel is located either in Johannesburg or Pretoria,
the Jacaranda City, where 70,000+ Jacarandas add vivid splashes of
purple-blue to the urban landscape.

01. Wisteria Tunnel, Japan
 Click here
As soon as the cherry blossom season ends, the gorgeous Wisteria flowers,
that hang in grape-like clusters,
take their turn on the Japanese floral calendar. The Fuji Matsuri, or
Wisteria Festival, is celebrated each spring in Tokyo, Shizuoka, and
Okazaki.
The Ashikaga Flower Park is one of the best places to admire different
varieties of wisteria, including double-petaled wisteria, giant wisteria
and yellow, white, light pink or purple variants of wisteria.

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Russian Women's Hockey Team
Sports fans, rejoice

Just like the bad feeling I had about Lance Armstrong???.J
 Click here

Russian Women's Hockey Team relaxing After Winning Gold

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From: anonymous
Subject: OMG - The search is over for the most stupid person in

 Click here

Perhaps I should put his ideas forward to my scientific colleagues here!!!


This is from letters to the editor in The Border Morning Mail, Albury, on
the border of New South Wales and Victoria.


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From: anonymous
Subject: This is so funny!

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Quote of the Week:


Absence - that common cure of love.
- Lord Byron.


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[ End friday humour ]

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