Friday humour - December 21, 2012

Gussius @ Bluehaze

Welcome to the this year's Christmas edition of Friday Humour.

This week marks the 169th anniversary of the first publication of Charles
D*ckens 'A Christmas Carol' in 1843. It seems like only yesterday that Jim
Carrey was CGI'd into a 3D version of Ebenezer Scrooge, to be redeemed just
in time for the credits to roll. Nostalgia buffs however, know that the
original version was written entirely in black and white.

The holiday period is a traditional gathering time for family and friends
and to remember those who are not able to be with us for one reason or
another. This year and recently, has seen a period of great sadness,
upheaval and continuing economic malaise. A key message in 'A Christmas
Carol' is that darkness and despair can be turned around with a little
kindness, support and compassion.

On behalf of the crew at Bluehaze, let there be merriment and festivity in
abundance for all. May you have a very merry Christmas and a preposterously
fortunate new year. Bah! Humbug! indeed.

Contributors this week include Anonymous3, Burnout, Digi Steve, Diks,
Nottingham Smithie, Sack,
Whizzbang, Allnutts, Cartographer Chris, Dianne, Seasoldier and the ever
faithful anonymous.

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Grins:

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the
check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight
when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart
and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
------------------------------------------------------------

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor
and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.

"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45
minutes."

They were seated immediately.
------------------------------------------------------------

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would
"hate" to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

Ain't that the truth !!
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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the
aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom, the bride kissed her
father and placed something in his hand.

The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the
priest smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit
card.
------------------------------------------------------------

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
get used to the idea.
------------------------------------------------------------

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your
casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what
would you like them to say?"

Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and
servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.."

Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
------------------------------------------------------------

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."
-------------------------------------------------

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request,
dear," he said.

"Of course, John," his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."

"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..

With his last breath John said, "I do!"
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. '

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about
it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me.

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,what
should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I
can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone
for three hours. You want my advice?

The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

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50 Shades of Golf:

Four guys have been going on the same golf trip for many years.

This year, Ralph's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

And thus he calls his buddies and tells them the bad news.

Two days later, the 3 other guys arrive at the resort to begin their yearly
golf getaway. And of all things, they find Ralph sitting there with his
clubs already set up on his cart.

"Dang Ralphie boy, how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, yesterday evening, after my wife finished reading "Fifty Shades Of
Gray," she pulled me into our bedroom. On the bed she had handcuffs and
ropes!

She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did."

Then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am!

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Monopoly pieces:

Why the Monopoly Player Pieces (Thimble, Top Hat, Etc.) are What They Are

What do a thimble, a sack of money, a battleship, and a top hat have in
common? Not much, other than that they are among the eleven playing tokens
you receive in a standard Monopoly set.  And don't forget the wheelbarrow,
which you'll need to carry all that cash you are going to appropriate from
your hapless opponents.

The history of Monopoly is fraught with controversy and contention, for it
seems that its inventor, Charles
Darrow, at the very least borrowed liberally from two already existing
games when he first marketed
Monopoly in the early 1930s. After Darrow self-published the game to great
success, Parker Brothers bought the rights to Monopoly in 1934.

While the early history is contentious, on one thing all Monopoly
historians can agree- when Parker
Brothers introduced the game in 1935, Monopoly had no player pieces and the
rules instructed the players to use such items as buttons or pennies as
player markers. Soon thereafter, in the 1935-36 sets, Parker
Brothers included wooden player pieces shaped like chess pawns - boring.

The first significant development in customizing the playing pieces came in
1937, when Parker Brothers introduced these die-cast metal tokens: a car,
flatiron, lantern, thimble, shoe, top hat, and rocking horse.
Later that same year, a battleship and cannon were added to raise the
number of tokens to ten.

All was quiet on the token front until 1942 when metal shortages during
World War II resulted in a comeback of wooden tokens.  But the same mix of
tokens remained until the early 1950s when the lantern, purse, and rocking
horse were kicked out in favor of the dog, the horse & rider, and the
wheelbarrow.

Parker Brothers conducted a poll to determine what Monopoly fans would
prefer for the eleventh token;
true to the spirit of the game, the winner was a sack of money. Parker
Brothers themselves are not able to tell us why, within a couple of years,
Monopoly went from having no tokens, to boring ones, to idiosyncratic metal
ones.

Ken Koury, a lawyer in L.A. who has been a Monopoly champion and coach of
the official U.S. Team (yes,
there is one) in worldwide competition, says: Monopoly's game pieces are
certainly unique and a charming part of the play. I have heard the story
that the original pieces were actually struck from the models used for
Cracker Jack prizes.

Not a definite answer and certainly doesn't instill a lot of confidence as
to the accuracy. But, it turns out,
the theory is a very good one with some evidence to back it, if we dig a
little deeper.

Author and game expert John Chaneski, who used to work at Game Show (a
terrific game and toy emporium in Greenwich Village), heard a similar story
from the shop owner: When Monopoly was first created in the early 1930s,
there were no pieces like we know them, so they went to Cracker Jack, which
at the time was offering tiny metal tchotchkes, like cars. They used the
same molds to make the Monopoly pieces. Game Show sells some antique
Cracker Jack prizes and, sure enough, the toy car is exactly the same as
the Monopoly car. In fact, there's also a candlestick, which seems to be
the model for the one in
Clue.
¯
John even has a theory why the specific player tokens were chosen: I think
they chose Cracker Jack prizes that symbolize wealth and poverty. The car,
top hat, and dog (especially a little terrier like Asta,
then famous from The Thin Man¯ movie series) were all possessions of the
wealthy. The thimble,
wheelbarrow, old shoe, and iron were possessions or tools of the poor.

The battleship and cannon were from another game, involving warfare, which
flopped.

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The explination....:

Mummy why is England called a kingdom?
 Because it is generally ruled by a king!

Oh! well that explains why Australia is a country!

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Romancing the wind...:

The guy flying the three kites is in his 80’s, and he's from Canada .
He comes to the Washington State International Kite Festival every year. 
His skin is like leather as he normally flies with his shirt off.
He is deaf, so when he flies we hold our hands up and wave them for
applause.
He flies 2 with his hands and the 3rd one is attached to his waist…….
 Click here

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The real spirit of Christmas:

Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the
elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an
X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas.
I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones  

Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the
time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to
get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus  

Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract, set by you I
might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me
what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season
into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight
coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones  

Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need
I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a
guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,
well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been
on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be
more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
eluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve you social
skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the
bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus  

Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be
polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now
you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be
waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone,
and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone  

Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? "He sees
you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal.
I got your sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to
Hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your
Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not
getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a
mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy  

Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy  

Timmy,
That's what I thought, you little bastard.
Santa

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Scottish Marriage Proposal:
 Click here

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Oops!:
 Click here

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An Inside Look at Golf:

Hope this helps your game.

You may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last several years
putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book about golf.
I am very proud of the results, and to assist with the marketing, I am
asking friends and family to help me out.

I believe my new book on GOLF gives the reader valuable playing tips and
insider information that I have gained through my years of struggle,
experience, and playing with friends. I'm hopeful you find this a useful
tool to help you enjoy your game that much more as you enjoy the great
outdoors.

The cost is only $19.95 and can be ordered. Don't wait until they're all
gone !!!!

AN INSIDE LOOK AT GOLF

Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.

Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titelist from
the tee.

Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie eight in a bunker.

Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank.

Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger.

Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings.

Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management.

Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a six Hour Round.

Chapter 10- When A Divot becomes classified as Sod.

Chapter 11 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the water.

Chapter 12 - Why your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th hole.

Chapter 13- Using Curse words Creatively to Control Ball Flight.

Chapter 14-When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome.

Chapter 15 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five off the Tee.

Chapter 16 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.

Chapter 17 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt.

Chapter 18 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever.

Chapter 19- Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective Stress-Reduction Technique.

Chapter 20 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?

Chapter 21 - How to respond when your wife says, "Oh Joe that was not a
very good shot!"

Chapter 22 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer from the Cart Girl,
give her a $3 tip, but will bitch about a $4.00 beer at the 19th Hole - and
stiff the Bartender.

Thanking you in advance for your order.

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A Word To The Wise At Christmas Time:

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with
my family and friends about drinking and driving. As you may know some of
us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time
on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Well , two days
ago I was  out for an evening with friends and had several c*cktails
followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense
to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something
that I've never done before - I took a taxi home . Sure enough on the way
home there was a police road block ,
but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without
incident.
    This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't
know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do
with it!

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THE HISTORY OF THE CAR RADIO (TRUE STORY):

Seems like cars have always had radios, but they didn't. Here's the true
Story:

One evening, in 1929, two young men named William Lear and Elmer Wavering
drove their girlfriends to a lookout point high above the Mississippi River
town of Quincy, Illinois, to watch the sunset. It was a romantic night to
be sure, but one of the women observed that it would be even nicer if they
could listen to music in the car. Lear and Wavering liked the idea.

Both men had tinkered with radios (Lear had served as a radio operator in
the U.S. Navy during World
War I) and it wasn't long before they were taking apart a home radio and
trying to get it to work in a car.
But it wasn't as easy as it sounds: Automobiles have ignition switches,
generators, spark plugs, and other electrical equipment that generate noisy
static interference, making it nearly impossible to listen to the radio
when the engine was running.

One by one, Lear and Wavering identified and eliminated each source of
electrical interference. When they finally got their radio to work, they
took it to a radio convention in Chicago. There they met Paul Galvin,
owner of Galvin Manufacturing Corporation. He made a product called a
"battery eliminator" a device that allowed battery-powered radios to run on
household AC current. But as more homes were wired for electricity, more
radio manufacturers made AC-powered radios. Galvin needed a new product to
manufacture. When he met Lear and Wavering at the radio convention, he
found it. He believed that mass-
produced, affordable car radios had the potential to become a huge
business.

Lear and Wavering set up shop in Galvin's factory, and when they perfected
their first radio, they installed it in his Studebaker. Then Galvin went to
a local banker to apply for a loan. Thinking it might sweeten the deal, he
had his men install a radio in the banker's Packard. Good idea, but it
didn't work - Half an hour after the installation, the banker's Packard
caught on fire. (They didn't get the Loan.)

Galvin didn't give up. He drove his Studebaker nearly 800 miles to Atlantic
City to show off the radio at the 1930 Radio Manufacturers Association
convention. Too broke to afford a booth, he parked the car outside the
convention hall and cranked up the radio so that passing conventioneers
could hear it. That idea worked -- He got enough orders to put the radio
into production.

WHAT'S IN A NAME

That first production model was called the 5T71. Galvin decided he needed
to come up with something a little catchier. In those days many companies
in the phonograph and radio businesses used the suffix "ola" for their
names I.e., Radiola, Columbiola, and Victrola were three of the biggest.
Galvin decided to do the same thing, and since his radio was intended for
use in a motor vehicle, he decided to call it the Motorola.

But even with the name change, the radio still had problems: When Motorola
went on sale in 1930, it cost about $110 uninstalled, at a time when you
could buy a brand-new car for $650, and the country was sliding into the
Great Depression. (By that measure, a radio for a new car would cost about
$3,000 today.)

In 1930, it took two men several days to put in a car radio. The dashboard
had to be taken apart so that the receiver and a single speaker could be
installed, and the ceiling had to be cut open to install the antenna. These
early radios ran on their own batteries, not on the car battery, so holes
had to be cut into the floorboard to accommodate them. The installation
manual had eight complete diagrams and 28 pages of instructions.

HIT THE ROAD

Selling complicated car radios that cost 20 percent of the price of a
brand-new car wouldn't have been easy in the best of times, let alone
during the Great Depression. Galvin lost money in 1930 and struggled for a
couple of years after that. But things picked up in 1933 when Ford began
offering Motorola's pre-
installed at the factory.

In 1934 they got another boost when Galvin struck a deal with B.F. Goodrich
tire company to sell and install them in its chain of tire stores. By then
the price of the radio, installation included, had dropped to $55. The
Motorola car radio was off and running. (The name of the company would be
officially changed from Galvin Manufacturing to "Motorola" in 1947.) In the
meantime, Galvin continued to develop new uses for car radios. In 1936, the
same year that it introduced push-button tuning; it also introduced the
Motorola Police Cruiser, a standard car radio that was factory preset to a
single frequency to pick up police broadcasts. In 1940 he developed the
first handheld two-way radio, the "Handier-Talkie" for the U. S.
Army.

A lot of the communications technologies that we take for granted today
were born in Motorola labs in the years that followed World War II. In 1947
they came out with the first television to sell under $200. In 1956 the
company introduced the world's first pager; in 1969 it supplied the radio
and television equipment that was used to televise Neil
Armstrong's first steps on the Moon. In 1973 it invented the world's first
handheld cellular phone. Today
Motorola is one of the largest cell phone manufacturers in the world. And
it all started with the car radio.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO

The two men who installed the first radio in Paul Galvin's car, Elmer
Wavering and William Lear, ended up taking very different paths in life.

Wavering stayed with Motorola. In the 1950's he helped change the
automobile experience again when he developed the first automotive
alternator, replacing inefficient and unreliable generators. The invention
lead to such luxuries as power windows, power seats, and, eventually,
air-conditioning.

Lear also continued inventing. He holds more than 150 patents. Remember
eight-track tape players? Lear invented that. But what he's really famous
for are his contributions to the field of aviation. He invented radio
direction finders for planes, aided in the invention of the autopilot,
designed the first fully automatic aircraft landing system, and in 1963
introduced his most famous invention of all, the Lear Jet, the world's
first mass-produced, affordable business jet. (Not bad for a guy who
dropped out of school after the eighth grade.)

Sometimes it is fun to find out how some of the many things that we take
for granted actually came into being! And It all started with a woman's
suggestion!


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Hospital Restroom ...:

In a  Hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's
restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any
of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had
promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW ,  WA , PP and a red one labelled
ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his
bottom.

What a nice feeling, he thought.  Men's restrooms don't have nice things
like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced
the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed
his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable
pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving
pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the
ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a
nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the
ATR button."

"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your
pillow.."

 MEN NEVER LISTEN

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The Irish working for Telstra:

TELSTRA  needed to hire a team of telephone pole installers for the Stuart
Highway, and McMurray and the boss had to choose between a team of two guys
from Port Pirie and a team of two Irish guys.

So the boss met both teams and said "Here's what we'll do. Each team will
be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs
the most poles gets the job."

Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Bud and Buddy, the two
Port Pirie guy's came back and the boss asked them how many they had
installed.

They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve. Forty-five
minutes later, Paddy and Mick, the
Irish guys came back in and they were totally exhausted.

The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?"

Mick, the team leader, wiped his brow and sighed, "Paddy and me, we got
three in.``

"The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Port Pirie guys put in twelve!"

"Yeah," said Mick, "but you should see how much they left sticking out of
the ground!

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Disease of Choice:

An old woman was asked.....
      " At your ripe old age, what would you prefer to get?
      Parkinsons or Alzheimers ?

The wise one answered,   " Definitely Parkinsons......
      Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle "

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Senior life:

Now, this is as close as you get to real life . . .
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Little Johnny's Breakfast:

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to
ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their
answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg,  'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
'I had bugger all', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some
rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada . Peter is able to tell
her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the
nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'
Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Pakistani boarder is in
bed with my mother.
That's why I got bugger all for breakfast'.

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Things you can only say at Christmas!:
 Click here

1: I prefer breasts to legs.
2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3: Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5: I've never seen a better spread!
6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
7: Are you ready for seconds yet?
8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10: Don't play with your meat!
11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
14: You still have a little bit on your chin.
15: How long will it take after you put it in?
16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more

Have a good one!

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Great News:
 Click here

Great News for YOU during these financially challenging times!

I found a prostitute who charges by the inch..

Obviously, I can't afford her, but I thought you might enjoy an inexpensive
night out.

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Mama deer protecting fawn:
 Click here

Mama deer protecting fawn...talk about opening up a can of "whoopass"

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Iconic photos:
 Click here

 100 years of iconic photos

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Here's a Xmas tree to hang up: XXX
 Click here

AIN'T IT A NICE ONE ?
YOU CAN DECORATE IT.
EVEN HANG YOUR BALLS ON IT.
MERRY CHRISTMAS

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Merry Christmas:

Merry Christmas - Ho Ho Ho.

IF YOU SEE A FAT MAN
Who's jolly and cute,
Wearing a beard and a red flannel suit,
And if he is chuckling and laughing away,
While flying around in a miniature sleigh,
With eight tiny reindeer to pull him along,

Then let's face it ...
You're P*ssed!

Merry Christmas and a Happy 2013!

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Penguin Family Photos:

Please turn on sound.....this an absolutely beautiful video.

A sight that few will ever see in person.
 Click here

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Five Horses is her Name....American Indian Legend:

This is mythical and deep, and just too beautiful not to share!
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.
He replied, "She is called 'Five Horses' ".
The man said, "What an unusual but lovely name.   What does it mean?"

The Indian man answered,
"It old Indian name....
It mean... **NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!

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Possibly a New Species?:
 Click here

It’s a new breed of young human beings!
They are referred to as “homo slackass-erectus” created by natural genetic
evolution through constant spineless posturing, and spasmatic upper limb
gestures, which new research has shown to cause a shorter legs and an
inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait.

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For a giggle...:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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The Best Robberies!:
 Click here

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A Little Poem, so true it hurts!:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Another year has passed
And we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.

There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'

We used to go to weddings,
Football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes
And after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And wile the night away.

We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel
To places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
From riding in the car.

We used to go to nightclubs
And drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
And watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too damned old!

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A bit of Ho Ho Ho to wish a Merry Christmas:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Happy Christmas!

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PORK CHOPS OR TIGER CUBS:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet
tiger cubs.

Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born
prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to
decline in health.

Although physically she was fine, the veterinarians felt that the loss of
her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression.

The vets decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs,
perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news
was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the
mourning mother.

The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a
zoo environment.

Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different
species.

The only subjects that could be found quickly, were a litter of weanling
pigs.

The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the
babies around the mother tiger ... Would they become cubs or pork chops?

Take a look ... you won't believe your eyes.

Now, please tell me one more time ...
Why can't the rest of the world get along?

I am sending this to all that love animals........It is just too cute not
to pass along.

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Mayan Calendar:
 Click here

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RM Williams:
 Click here Click here

I have always Been fascinated by Australian Trivia and I thought you
Might be interested in This bit of trivia as well.
Where did the R.M. Williams Longhorn logo idea come from?

I did not know this!
My duty to teach you something new
Every day is done.

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Aussie Worksafe:
 Click here

 WORKSAFE' ... And about time!

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Christmas is Coming:
 Click here

Merry Christmas everyone ! ! !

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Van Gogh Starry Night:
 Click here

You know that, "Starry Night" was a song by Don McLean, written in
the seventies as a tribute to Vincent van Gogh. It is also known by
its opening line,"Starry Starry Night", a reference to van Gogh's
painting "Starry Night."

The song describes different paintings by Van Gogh. Don McLean wrote
the lyrics in 1971 after reading a book about the life of the artist.
The following year the song became the No. 1 hit in the U.K. and No..
12 in the U.S.

For several years, the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam played the song
daily. A copy of the sheet music is in a safe beneath the museum,
along with a set of van Gogh's paint brushes, the hat he wore while
painting Starry Night and various other items.

It is rumoured that Van Gogh's painting of the 'Starry Night' was
painted during the time he was in an asylum and we've heard that he
sold only one painting during his lifetime, as his genius was not
recognized. That's perhaps what caused him to fall into an abyss of
depression which eventually led to his suicide. How tragic to have
felt so hopeless and not understood in spite of being so gifted!

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Amazing How He Gets Both Balls!:

Great pool shot.
 Click here

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My new phone:
 Click here

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Rare old photos:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

History in Pictures

During the Apollo 16 mission, Charles Duke left a family
photo on the moon that was enclosed in a plastic bag.

Vought F4U Corsair crashes on the deck of a carrier when the
arresting gear failed.

Most likely sometime during WW2 in the Pacific Theater.

John F. Kennedy at NASA's Cape Canaveral Missile Test Annex
in 1962.

The photo is believed to be the last photo ever taken of the
RMS Titanic before it sank in April 1912.

1884 De Dion, Bouton et Trepardou Dos-Ć -Dos is the oldest
running car on the planet.
It was the first car to participate in an automobile race.

This photo was taken in space right after World War II
(1946). A team of soldiers and
scientists used a German-made V-2 missile equipped with a
camera to capture this shot making it the first photo in space.

Douglas MacArthur signing the official Japanese surrender
instrument aboard the USS Missouri, 1945.

Hitler inspecting the massive 800mm Schwerer Gustav railway
gun from afar. It was the largest-caliber rifled weapon ever 
used in combat, and fired the heaviest shells of any artillery piece.

George S. Patton's Dog, Willie, mourning his best friend on
the day of his death.

Joseph Goebbels on his wedding day. Hitler was his best man
and can be seen behind him in a trench coat and top hat.

George Armstrong Custer and some of his fellow soldiers,
during the American Civil War.

Howard Carter, an English archaeologist, examining the opened
sarcophagus of King Tut.

An RAF pilot getting a haircut while reading a book between
missions.

Manfred von Richthofen, aka The Red Baron¯, petting his dog
on an airfield.

Samurai ~ 1860- 1880

A team of SAS soldiers in North Africa, 1943.

Soviet soldiers stop for a break in 1945 on the outskirts of
Berlin

Tsar Nicholas II goofing around with his friend in 1899.

Walt and Roy O. Disney on the day that they opened the Disney
studio. Beside them are their wives and mother.

John Young and Charles Duke training for the Apollo 16
mission in the New Mexico desert.

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Very effective I would imagine:
 Click here

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Airport Security:
 Click here

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5 big baby boys:

A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.

Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says,
"Congratulations, your wife has had quins,."  5 big baby boys
The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a
chimney."
The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned,
they're all black."

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Finally got the Tree up!
 Click here

I'm done ... got the tree up!

Just love the smell of pine!

Merry Christmas!

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More offense:
 Click here

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Horrendous bike smash - not gory:
 Click here

Always someone in a hurry to go to hell.

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So true:
 Click here

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SANTA JIGSAW:

 Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
 This is cool.

When you finish putting it together, watch what happens.
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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