Friday humour - August 03, 2012

 From Gussius @ Bluehaze.

As the 2012 Olympic Games begins, LOCOG struggled to explain why empty
seats canít be sold again through twitter or fenced on facebook to ticket
scalpers for on-selling to a whinging public.

The Social Network Games showed international harmony at a new level with a
Swiss athlete expelled for tweeting what his own team said gravely insulted
South Koreaís dignity. Apparently dignity can now be detected during
routine IOC drug tests.

A British journalist slammed US TV network NBC when his twitter account was
suspended after a scathing attack on the broadcaster's delayed Olympic
coverage. The First Amendment lives on in spirit at least.

Ozzie couch potatoes with smart phones slagged off about swim suited body
shapes. Australia may miss out on our well-deserved medals, but our mining
companies are the real winners.  So far the Australian flag hardly got a
look in, despite high expectations that Julian Assange would win Gold for
Hide and Seek in London.

Contributors this week include Afermo, David from Gymea, Duke of Barsinov,
Nottingham Smithie, Sack,
Wronknee, Digi Maria, Diks, Runto from Dublin, and  anonymous

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Subterranean London and NY:

The images of what lies inder New York and London are fascinating. Have a
look here
 Click here

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University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam:
†
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term exam.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that
exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are,
we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now,
we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, 'It will be a cold day in
Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept
with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that
Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this
theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not
accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only
Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why,
last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

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Nigel Farage:
you have got to love this man
 Click here

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Surf photography video pt 1:
 Click here

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MODERN TECHNOLOGY:

            I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night
            when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

            'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.
            'We don't waste money on newspapers.
            Here, you can borrow my iPod.'

            I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it...

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Meteorological Terms:

Meteorological Daffynitions:

Conversion Zone:

In reporting the weather a 'conversion' zone is defined as that location
wherein the temperature changes from degrees Fahrenheit to degrees
Centigrade, or the inverse.

Temperature Inversion:

When the low temperature reading for a given twenty four hour period
exceeds the high temperature reading for that same period then we have what
is referred to in meteorological circles as a temperature inversion.

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This Nails It:
 Click here

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GERMAN PLUMBER FINDS A REMEDY FOR A COMMON HAZARD:
 Click here

One plumber's remedy for a professional hazard...apparently engineering
ingenuity is alive and well in Germany. Guys never cease to amaze me.

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JULIE ANDREWS:
 Click here

Julie Andrews Turns 79, this is hysterical†

To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special
appearance at Manhattan's
Radio City Music Hall†for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical
numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things'† from the legendary movie
'Sound Of Music'. Here are the lyrics she used:

(Sing It!) - If you sing it, its especially hysterical!!!
†
Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',†
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over
four minutes and repeated encores. Please share Ms. Andrews' clever wit and
humor with others who would appreciate it.

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Nothing wasted in China:
 Click here

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How to Raise Olympic Attendances: XXX
 Click here

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Railway Vandals:
 Click here

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GIANTS IN GREECE!: 
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

[Snopes = Click here ]


clear evidence that the first basketball players were in Greece!!!

These astounding photos are from a recent archaeological discovery in
Greece .
This totally unexpected find furnishes proof of the existence of
"Nephilim."

Nephilim is the word used to describe the giants spoken of in biblical
times by
Enoch as well as the giant David fought against (Goliath).

Note the incredible size of the skull...

Genesis 6:4 There were giants on earth in those days; Numbers 13:33
And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants:
and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their
sight.

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Why you gotta love the NT Government:
 Click here

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The olympics is just about to start - or has it already?:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

the Olympics is just about to start - but here in Sherwood forest it
already has, the sudden warm weather has got the insect world into a
frenzy,
yesterday I was harvesting raspberries, today the same, some shield bugs
seem to have taken a fancy to my raspberries for their amorous adventures,
they have been at it for two days now and still going strong - my only
conclusion is I must eat more raspberries

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New editions of 50 shades:
 Click here Click here

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DRUGGED BY MY PARENTS:
 Click here

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Breast Feeding in Public Causing Traffic Jam:
 Click here
What were you thinking????

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She is a real Life Saver:
 Click here
I don't know much about life saving.. but to bring this guy back to life,
my money is on the girl on the right.

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Priorities:
 Click here

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Nice idea for the new week:
 Click here

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Street art:
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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