Friday humour - June 15, 2012

[from Steve @ Bluehaze]

Well this week in Melbourne we have a first. It seems the Water Authority
(a pseudo-non-government body) finally admitted to overcharging customers
around $220,000,000 in the last year. And are they going to give it back?
Not on your Nelly! And are they going to stop overcharging? Certainly not!
And our Great Leader (Premier) tells us it is "just a hiccup". An
interesting new euphemism for theft. Well is it not theft if you take
something you are not entitled to and refuse to give it back? Victoria -
the fraudulent State ... Ned would be proud.

This weeks content comes courtesy of Arfermo, David from Gymea, Duke of
Barsinov, Nottingham Smithie, Seasoldier, Valerie, Whizzbang, and the 
various anonymous brethren. Enjoy!

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Wanna play some hoops?

Kyrie Irving is the NBA Rookie of the Year from Cleveland that played at
Duke. They dress him up in movie make up and make him look like a 70 year
old man. He goes to the street basketball courts in New Jersey and gets in
a pickup basketball game with young guys ... at the beginning playing
terrible and then starts playing for real.
 Click here

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Brain Age Game

Measure your brain age in 2 minutes by playing some fun games. If your
final score is younger than your actual age, then you are doing enough
brain exercise for your brain...if you score higher than your age, then you
need to exercise your brain more...
 Click here

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Tablets.

The wife told me to go to the doctor's and get some of those tablets that
"help" men get an erection.
You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet
pills!
I am in hospital and looking for a place to live!!

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For those that are old enough to remember watching Laurel & Hardy
  target=_blank>Click here

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Elephant Bath
Watch this one to the end ... these Dutch tourists certainly lucked out
when they came upon this!
 Click here

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As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's
funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me
out!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters,
"Too late pal, the paperwork's already done"

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An American tourist in a small village he was visiting in Newfoundland,
approached a local person and asked, 'What's the quickest way to
Marystown?'

Jarge, the local, scratched his head, 'Are ya walkin er drivin'?' he asked
the stranger.

'I'm driving' said the stranger.

Jarge replied, 'That's the quickest way'

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A reporter runs up to them and says: "Excuse me, what is your opinion about
the meat shortage?"

The Saudi says: "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"

The Russian says: "Excuse me, what's meat?"

The North Korean says: "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"

The New Yorker says: "Excuse me? What's excuse me?"

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Q. If you've got one green ball in one hand and another green ball in the
other, what do you have?

A. The undivided attention of the Incredible Hulk.

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The National Poetry Contest had come down to two; a Yale graduate and a
redneck from Texas. They were given a word then allowed two minutes to
study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word
they were given was "Timbuktu."

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the
microphone and said:

"Slowly across the desert sand

Trekked a lonely caravan;

Men on camels, two by two

Destination Timbuktu."

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The
redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

"Me and Tim a huntin' went.

Met three chicks in a pop up tent.

They was three, and we was two,

So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

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Look what happens when we cut down too many trees
 Click here

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Dog training [XXX]
Sometimes, I just do not understand my wife ...
My neighbour was out training her dog!
And guess what?!
I got yelled at for staring!
 Click here

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Can you name this tool?
 Click here
Tobacco Smoke Enemas (1750s - 1810s)
The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient's rectum
for various medical purposes, primarily the resuscitation of drowning
victims.
A rectal tube inserted into the anus was connected to a fumigator and
bellows that forced the smoke inside the rectum.
The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration, but doubts
about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase "blowing
smoke up one's ass."
This has been reintroduced in Toronto by the McGinty Government.
It will be part of the new Health Ontario Program.

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Cartoon of the month...
 Click here

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Poster for The Underground
 Click here
The Royals have it so easy.....

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Got home late and the wife left a message in the kitchen
 Click here

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I do - where will it stop?
 Click here

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To creep or not to creep - avoid motoring accidents
 Click here
Driving a car without "creeping" seems to mean different things at
different times.
Not too fast in 2008 or not too slow in 1927?

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Brisbane winter Underwear
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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A Beautiful Horse Dance
 Click here
This rider and horse are absolutely unbelievable. You will really enjoy it!

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How to stop a nightmare
 Click here
Uber-cute.

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      Ah-the-eah the-eah That's All (for this week) Folks!


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