Friday humour - May 04, 2012

From: Allnutts
The dying friend ....

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved rugby all our lives, and we played
rugby on Sat*rdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour,
when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's rugby
there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed, "Mike, you've been my best friend
for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you."

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep
by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, 
"Mike -- Mike."
"Who is it?" asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven," replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad
news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says, "is that there IS rugby in heaven. Better yet,
all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better even than
that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it
never rains or snows. And, best of all, we can play rugby all we want, and
we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's
the bad news?"

"You're in the team for this Sat*rday."

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Do you qualify for an Aussie passport?
This is a bit of of fun!!!
Check if you qualify for the Aussie passport.
 Click here

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From: Arfermo
 I do like this one !

Frau Merkel arrives at passport control in Athens:
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
.... "German" she replied.
"Occupation?"
...."No, just here for a few days"...

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From: Billy Bunter of Adelaide
The BA duet

You'll all remember this when you next fly.
These two ladies work for British Airways and did this at a BA party in a
hotel in England
At first it appears that they are just miming  - but they were genuinely
singing!

 Click here

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From: Diks
Real fish tale...........

I was fishing on the Diversion Canal, here in SC, a few years back, and was
in a 16 foot boat , I was after some large catfish and so I was using a
25lb butterball turkey for bait.

I knew that a regular pole and line wouldn't get the job done so I was
using a 1/4" nylon rope with a meathook on it.

About midnight I got a strike and the way it started dragging the boat I
knew it was a biggun!!!
After 2 1/2 hours I finally got it up next to the boat, Thats when I saw it
was bigger than the boat and so I just tied the rope off around one of the
seats.

Pulling that fish thru the water must have revived it somewhat, cause it
tossed it's head sideways and drove the barb on its head thru the boat just
under the waterline,. Thinking quickly I grabbed a paddle and hit the barb,
bending it over and temporarily sealing the hole.

This just made the fish mad and it took off dragging the boat again.

The boat began taking on water and I could see that pretty soon the boat
was gonna be sinking. The next time it drug the boat close to the landing I
jumped overboard and swam to shore. The last I saw my boat it was almost
completely under water but still leaving a wake behind it like one of those
torpedoes in an old war movie.

When I got home and told my wife what happened she DIDN'T believe my story,
which made for a rocky relationship for a few months.

However a year or so later they closed the spillway from the dam for
repairs and that lowered the water in the canal about 20feet.

The local paper ran a story about some kids scavanging the canal that had
found a fish skeleton with a huge chunk of fiberglass pinned to it's head
by a bent barb.

I never spoke up cause I know that some people think all fisherman are
liars !!!

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From: Johnny Green
This actually takes up to a minute but great to watch.  I had to go to the
American version to get it to work.
This is hysterical when you see what it's for.  Do it and pass it along!!

After you type your first name a card comes up with Sorry Sorry Sorry on
it.
Just wait about 30 seconds.
The words will turn white, then....... Trust me, you'll love it.
Amazing what people are doing with computers today
 Click here

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From: The Great Gussius
Elephant bath - cute
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
X- RAY PLASMA TV
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Goldman
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Adam and Eve (Muslim Version)
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
"Yes, could I speak with the architect, please?"
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Diks
We've located the blockage.....................
 Click here

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From: Diks
Received your Voice Message by mistake.
 Click here

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From: Johnny Green
Why some people have issues later in life . . .
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Johnny Green
PICKERING
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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hot wheels
 Click here

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From: Sack
When you think you have seen it all
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Sack

The watermelon festival in South Melbourne......Wow!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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From: Sack
Bazza
 Click here

Bazza: Hey Boys yas comin ova for a swim?
Boys: Mate you don't have a pool!
Bazza: Yeah but I gotta UTE!!
MAAAAAATE!!

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From: Sack
Grizzly Bear Gets Locked In $70,000 Toyota
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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From: Sack
 Ferry clever -- pun!
 Click here
No engineers. No calculations or load studies.
No checklists or inspections. No modifications.
No insurance. No pumps. No ballast studies.
No tow master. No manuals.
No certifications. No contingency plans.
Now watch the video!

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From: Sack
 Click here

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From: Sack
Every Dog Should Have His Own Cat
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: The Great Gussius
Kalitta Air looses an engine inflight...
 Click here Click here Click here Click here
Engine falls off a 33 year old 747 Jumbo

CHICAGO (AP)
A cargo plane bound for New York's Kennedy International Airport landed
safely at Detroit Metropolitan Airport after losing an engine somewhere
over
Michigan.

The Kalitta Air jet took off from O'Hare International Airport in Chicago
late Wednesday.

It later reported mechanical problems with one of its engines, a Federal
Aviation Administration spokeswoman in Chicago said. The Boeing 747-R was
able to fly but was diverted as a safety precaution to Detroit, where it
landed without incident, FAA officials said. No one was injured. After the
landing, airline personnel discovered the engine was completely gone.

Michigan authorities searched Thursday for the engine, which may have
fallen into Lake Michigan, the FAA said. The FAA will investigate the
incident, but the results of an investigation could take weeks, the FAA
said.

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From: Whizzbang
Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Love it
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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