Friday humour - February 03, 2012

From Burnout @ Bluehaze:

This week I placed the offering below \/ from Kaos_reflex at the head of
the cue.

Words mean everything.........This one is a special!

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From: Kaos_reflex
Subject: One minute clip.

Beautiful!

This is a wonderful, thought-provoking, one minute clip

You may have seen this before, but some things are worth seeing again.

It's not what you say, but how you say it.

Full of wisdom. . . . and very brief.

It's not a joke, it's not religious, it's not political.

It's just . . . special. I think you'll agree.

Please enjoy this one minute clip; it is truly special. It has a meaning
for all of us.
 Click here

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From: Allnutts
Subject: Stroke has a new indicator!

Stroke has a new indicator!
They say if you email this to ten people, you stand a chance of saving at
least one life.
Will you send this along?
Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue

I will continue to forward this every time it comes around!
STROKE:
Remember the 1st Three Letters..... S T. R.
STROKE  IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a woman stumbled and took a little fall - she assured
everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) ....she said
she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.
They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared
a bit shaken up, Jane went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.
Jane's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken
to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Jane passed away.) She had suffered a stroke
at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps
Jane would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless,
hopeless condition instead.
It only takes a minute to read this.
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he
can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick
was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient
medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR. Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately,
the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe
brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a  bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple
questions:
S  *
Ask the individual to SMILE.
T  *
Ask the person to TALK and
SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE  (Coherently) (i.e. It is sunny out today.)
R  *
Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks,
call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the
dispatcher.
New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue
NOTE:  Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to
'stick' out his tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side
or the other that is also an indication of a stroke.
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people;
you can bet that at least one life will be saved.
I have done my part.  Will you?

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From: Anonymous
Subject: Wave a big towel

Some years ago, in a small coastal Irish community, Paddy married a woman,
Maggie, half his age, All was well at first until Maggie took delivery of a
'woman's' magazine and began to read things about s*x. It soon became clear
that she had never climaxed during s*x and, according to her Grandmother,
all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while…

To resolve the problem, Paddy and Maggie went to see the Veterinarian since
there was no doctor within thirty miles who could be relied upon not to
gossip. However, the Vet didn't have a clue. He did recall however that
during hot summers, his mother and father would fan a cow (with a big
towel) that was having difficulty breeding. Apparently,
this cooled her down and helped her to relax. So he recommended they hire a
strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were
having s*x. This, the Vet said, should cause the young wife to cool down,
relax and possibly achieve the sought after climax.

So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave a huge bath
towel over them as the Vet suggested.

After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the
Vet who suggested she change partners and let the young man have a go while
Paddy waved the big towel.

They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming,
ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half
hours.

When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a
boasting voice shouted, "And that, me auld son, is how ya wave a feckin
towel

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Beer by 7 Year Olds

BEER-BY SEVEN-YEAR-OLDS

A handful of 7-year-old children were asked, 'What they thought of beer.'
Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.

'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the
prettier my mom gets.'
--Tim, 7 years old

'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television
when he is asleep, so beer is nice.'
--Melanie, 7 years old

'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and
takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'
--Grady, 7 years old

'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the
more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'
--Toby, 7 year old

'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes,
so he shouldn't have too much.'
--Sarah, 7 years old

'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances.
One time he danced right into the pool.'
--Lilly, 7 years old

'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the
sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'
--Ethan, 7 years old

'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'
--Shirley, 7 years old

AND THE BEST RESPONSE:

'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father.
Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone
down the street,but that doesn't make any sense.'
--Jack, 7 years old

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From: Burnout
Subject: The remarkable Dave Cremen...
 Click here

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From: Burnout
Subject: The New Ford For 2012

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for
women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the
'Cl*taurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able
to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is
and how to do it.

Rumour has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and
can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on
cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn
over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and
horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have
curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for
fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are
baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint
may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it
is best to lease one, and replace it each year.

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From: Burnout
Subject: New Speed Camera
 Click here

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From: Diks
Subject: Keeping You Up To Date

*Keeping You Up To Date* Playboy magazine reportedly offered Sarah Palin
$4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue. Michelle Obama was offered
$50 by National Geographic.

In other news... we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal,
consisting of two small breasts and two large thighs. Now KFC is offering
the "Obama Cabinet Bucket." It consists of nothing but left wings and
chicken sh*t.

Just keeping you up to date...

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From: Diks
Subject: the pipeline answer

I finally learned why that little bastard won't let that pipeline happen .
It has nothing to do with the environment(the Sierra Club actually favors
it)

His billionaire buddy warren Buffet owns the railroad!

See  Click here

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Card Trick

Pretty cool.
 Click here

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Don't give up your day job, Dave...
 Click here

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: So you think you know your Geography ?

21,397 - bloody hopeless but would like to see Graham's score, Floss!

How well do you know your geography?

This is very good.

Just click on where you think the city is and the plane will land there,
then it will show where the city actually is!!  Good luck !!

Take the Pilots' test below.

  Warning - it can become addictive!

Click on the following site; it will certainly check out your geography
knowledge.
 Click here

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From: Johnny Green
 Subject: Tennis

Neat. and quick clip!
 Click here

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Medical exams..........

MEDICAL EXAMS

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,' . . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,' . . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle , WA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked,' How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis, OR

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up
on a man I asked . . .'So how's your breakfast this morning? ' 'It's very
good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'
Bob replied..
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
A foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing,
entered .. . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery... When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her
pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read .
. . ' Keep off the grass. '

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my
embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .
I'm sorry. Was I tickling you? '
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..

'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
'I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener ..'

Dr. wouldn't submit his name....

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Piglets

Last Tuesday Australian Foreign Minister Rudd got out of a Commonwealth car
in front of Parliament House.

He was carrying a piglet under each arm.

The Federal Police guard snapped to attention, saluted and said: "Nice
pigs, sir."

Rudd replied:

"These are not just pigs. These are authentic Australian wild bush pigs.

I got one for the Treasurer Wayne Swan, and I got one for Prime Minister
Gillard."

The Federal Police officer again snapped to attention,
salutes and said,

"Excellent trade, sir."

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Wild Gorillas - WOW

For wildlife lovers and those with 5 minutes to spare.

A couple of front rowers and their families:
 Click here
yer_embedded%26version%3d3

How would you like to have been that man?

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: AMAZING 10 YEAR OLD

What an amazing little girl!

AMAZING  10  YEAR OLD  SINGER
 Click here

For the enthusiast: Jackie Evancho from the 'burbs of Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania – runner-up in AGT in 2010 at the age of 10 (the winner
was amazed!) - future hubby for Jack Vidgen maybe!? J

In the beginning… ~10 minutes…
 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: CNN journalist

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been
going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long
time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was,
walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave,
using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to
love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the
people ahead of their own interests."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a ****ing wall."

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From: Sack
Subject:  Two Beggars in Rome

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in  Rome,  Italy

One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David

Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of
the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope comes by.  He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to
the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the
Star of David.

Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says,

"My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this
city is the seat of Catholicism.

People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David
in  front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is
holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just
out of spite."

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned
to the beggar with the Cross and said,

"Moishe, would you look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about
marketing!"

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From: Sack
Subject:   Lost Keys

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave
myself a personal TSA pat down.

I  was looking for my keys.  They were not in my pockets.  A quick search
in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car.  Frantically, I
headed for the parking lot.

My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the
ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.  Her theory
is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying
conclusion.

Her theory was right.  The parking lot was empty.

I immediately call the police.  I gave them my location, confessed that I
had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, Honey, I stammered.  I always
call her honey in times like these.

I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.

There was a period of silence.  I thought the call had been dropped, but
then I heard Dianes voice.

Jim she barked, I dropped you off!  Now it was my time to be silent.

Embarrassed, I said, Well, come and get me.

Diane retorted, I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not
stolen your car?

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From: Sack
Subject: business in Kandahar

A mate of mine quit the Aussie Armed Forces and just started his own
business in Kandahar.
He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.
Business is good.
He says prophets are going through the roof.

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From: Sack
Subject: GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...

Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous.
Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.  Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants.  During a recent
cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them
from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of
the plants.  When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go
under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to
see what the problem was.  She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.  About that
time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind.  He thought the
snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him
to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on
the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency
Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.  That's
when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on
a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake.  He armed himself with a
rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.  Soon he decided it
was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she
felt the snake wriggling around.  She screamed and fainted, the snake
rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to
revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery
store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband
in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and
cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying
on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake
had bitten him.  She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey,
and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here...

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey and assumed that a
drunken fight had occurred.  They were about to arrest them all, when the
women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his
sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the
policemen drew his gun and fired at it.  He missed the snake and hit the
leg of the end table.  The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and,
as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the
window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and
raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and
smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire
department.  The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were
halfway down the street.  The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires,
put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city
block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed!  Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was
repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was
right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold
snap for that night.  The wife asked her husband if he thought they should
bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her.

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From: Sack
Subject: A Man's Stomach]

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mum on top of his dad
bouncing up and down. The mum sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried
about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mum and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?'
The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes
I have to get on top of it and help flatten it...'
'Your wasting your time,' said the boy.
'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.
'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
knees and blows it right back up.'

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From: Sack
Subject: FW: A Summary of 2011 Emails I have received

I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails in 2011. I am
totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the
waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the
bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last
person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has
happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the
number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine
how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the year.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor
of a public restroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in
the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000
that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice
with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer buy petrol without taking someone along to watch the car so a
serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven
different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pr*cked with a needle
infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore , and Uzbekistan ..

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black
snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it
bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $2.00 coin dropped in
the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a s*x molester
waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin
Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m.
tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's
second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .

Oh, by the way.....

I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail
that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU ALL HAVE YOURSELVES

GREAT 2012.

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From: Sir Edward
Subject: PEAC*CK

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 84).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red,
orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him.
The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked:
'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on
his response; knowing he would have a good one.
And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response:
'Got stoned once and f*@ked a peac*ck. I was just wondering if you were my
son.'

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From: Sir Edward
Subject: THE WAY IT IS

NOT SURE IF THIS WENT THROUGH AS USUALLY THERE IS AN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT FOR
EACH CONTRIBUTION.   SO HERE IT IS AGAIN.

On 1/28/12, ELGAR ESOTS  wrote:
THE FOLLOWING PRETTY MUCH DESCRIBES LIFE IN AUSTRALIA.

PLEASE PLEASE TAKE 5 MINUTES AND READ THIS

This is one of the best letters for a long time, it puts it ALL into
perspective.

PLEASE PLEASE PASS IT ON to everyone you can, its time BOTH parties stood
up and listened,
This is our country and its being destroyed.

Subject: Fw: The silent majority

This seems to put into words what I – and I am sure many others of the
silent majority – think!  It was written by Mrs Jenny Bell of
South Australia to Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott:

To  Julia Gillard (Prime Minister) & Tony Abbott (Leader of the Opposition)
..

You BOTH Worry me ! ( In fact both of your Political parties worry the hell
out of me !!!)

Over the last three years, I find myself becoming more and more fearful of
the pair of you, and between you, you are turning this country into a place
that I no longer feel at home in, or feel a part of! I watch you in
parliament, and no, not just the two of you, but every politician that I
see, stand up in parliament sneering at each other, and acting like
children !!! (..and if you were my children, I would be ashamed of you all
... What an example to set!)

Although you would like us all to believe that you are putting the needs of
this country at the forefront, NEITHER of you are doing that,
you seem more interested in "one-up-manship ", in scoring off each other, 
& denigrating each other, to the detriment of this country & its people !!!

It seems to be all about YOU as individuals, and not about what you can DO
for this country !
It is fast becoming a place that I do not recognize, as the place I always
thought, was the best place in the world to be !!!

But no longer !!!

You are not listening to the people of this country !!!
And here in South Australia , your  counterparts are afflicted with the
same disease - is it endemic in all politicians ?

I am watching the deterioration of living standards in this country,
(and according to you, on a world stage we are doing better than most
countries ... REALLY ???) ... And yet the gap is widening between the
"haves"  and the "have-nots" .  I see our homeless on the streets, our
hospitals under-funded,  and understaffed, our health system is an absolute
mess and a disgrace ... And yet I see multi-millions of dollars being sent
off shore, in aid to other countries, before attending to this country's
needs !

I see the "selling off of the farm", in large amounts, to foreign
interests, (In Every State ) including water rights to foreign interests
too .... And WHY...?

Especially when you go to great lengths to tell us that water is a finite
resource, & supposedly,  we must ALL be careful with how we use it, so that
we ensure we have it for the future ?

Foreign interests "Fracking"  for coal seam gas, and riding rough shod over
farmers' rights to their own land, AND USING QUESTIONABLE
CHEMICALS. (You don't even KNOW what chemicals they use),  and possibly
causing damage to the water table  in the process !!!
And those foreign interests I believe, do NOT have to pay anything in
royalties back to this country, for the first five years of their tenure 
... IS THIS CORRECT ???

A Carbon Tax,( which you KNOW  is just another tax with a "Starting
Point dollar value")  which will make NO appreciable difference, to carbon
emissions, AT ALL!

A tax,  which in spite of all your arguments FOR it, you are doing alone,
when other major countries will NOT & DO NOT embrace it, or believe in it 
!

All that it will do for this country is put working families and small
businesses behind the eight ball, ....what planet are you on, if you think
that your few hundred dollars a year,  will make even a scr*p of difference
to the effect of the carbon tax on people ?Blind
Freddy can see the holes in that argument !!! Do you really think we are 
that dumb ???

The CONVOY OF NO CONFIDENCE was real !!! ...and I haven't spoken to even
ONE person, who would not have liked to be there if they could,
but the tyranny of distance and /or work was the only thing that kept them
away,  ( myself included ), ... and you KNOW that only a part of the convoy
was actually allowed to be in front of Parliament house and
ON VIEW .. the rest were streets away, unreported by the media !

For Mr Albanese to stand up in parliament,  and call it "THE CONVOY
OF NO CONSEQUENCE ", in his sneering tone, shows just how out of touch with
the people of Australia , you really are !!!!  WE WOULD HAVE ALL
LIKED TO BE THERE !!!

DEFENCE ....... Because Americans are our Allies, and we support them in
Wars, ......... Korea , Vietnam , Iraq , Afghanistan , .... and you have
sent our soldiers to those places, and our soldiers fought for you, and for
Australia ....... some coming home with terrible physical injuries, and
some with devastating Mental Injuries as well ..... BUT
WHERE ARE YOU, WHEN THEY NEED YOU ?????

Veteran's Indexation to CPI only is a disgrace .. and is something
YOUR Labor party Julia, used as an election sweetener, to get the
Veteran's Vote ... BUT YOU LIED (Again) ! You never had any intention of
honouring your election promise to them ... and it WILL come back to bite
you at the next election !!!! (And Tony, Liberals were NO
BETTER, Howard had more than 10 years to "fix it " and didn't !)

Veterans are not alone, they have families, friends and supporters,
who are heartily sick of the deception your party perpetrated on them
...AND THEY ALL VOTE !!!!

THEY are your obligation, first and foremost .... and it is not your first
obligation to give aid to every man and his dog overseas first !!!  Look
after your own FIRST !!!! Is this what you call SALUTING
THEIR SERVICE ???

Have you any idea , how sickening it is for our Vets to see you both,
( Labor or Liberal ) turn up to the funerals of our current young vets for
a photo opportunity, to  be seen to be "caring " in the public eye, but
only to turn your backs on them all,  when they need you ???
(Just ask Breanna Till  an Afghanistan Soldier's  wife, how CARING this
government is !!!)

And in light of what you DON'T do  for our Vets .......Let's talk about
Multiculturalism .....People have come here from other countries, for a
better life, for more years than I have been alive  (
I am 65 years old !) ... my own family migrated here in 1883, from
Germany , and did find a better life ...

Pre & Post war immigrants have came for a better life, and settled in and
became wonderful contributors to this country, as did those who came here
after the Vietnam War,  .. all have contributed to the rich diversity of
this country, and some descendants have even fought FOR this country, and
they have become Australians and were glad to be ...and they had NO
handouts from our Government either, ...they worked hard for everything!

I have never before had a problem with all, or any, race of immigrants 
coming here ...

.......However , I DO NOW !!!

Please tell me why we have  areas  like  Lakemba, where police do
NOT,  & will NOT go, for fear of their life ?
Please tell me why we can no longer have religion in schools, for fear of
"OFFENDING" someone ? (The latest little gem is that they are not having,
or being funded, for  "chaplains " any more , but
"Counsellors "?)
Please tell me why religious Christmas observances are no longer allowed in
some schools for fear of OFFENDING someone ?
Please tell me HOW Christmas decorations in some stores might OFFEND
someone ?
Please tell me why we have to have segregated days in some swimming
centres, for fear of "OFFENDING" someone ?
Please tell me why we have some RADICAL clerics demanding Sharia Law in
this country ... when if we were in THEIR country, this would NEVER be
allowed ?
Please tell me why our laws need to be changed, so as not to OFFEND someone
?
Please tell me why we are fast becoming a MINORITY voice, in our own
country, because of POLITICAL CORRECTNESS ?
Please tell me WHY Australians cannot legally wear a face covering bike
helmet into a bank ..and yet it is ok to wear a Burqa which covers the
whole face ?
And please tell me WHY, when those people who want asylum here, can wreck
our detention centres, as in Villawood , and STILL be accepted here ?

SO , in light of the above, WILL BOTH OF YOU .....Please tell me WHY,
when some of our Vietnam Veterans FINALLY received (in the last 6 months)
the recognition that they should have had after the Vietnam
War, (and which they received from the USA & South Vietnam,  during and
immediately after the Vietnam War), that the families of those
Veterans,  were refused assistance by this Government, to attend that award
ceremony, and yet this Government ...flew , accommodated , and even took on
bus tours , to the the families of asylum seekers, after the funerals of
those who were killed in the boat which sunk off
Christmas Island ?

What does that say,  about just who are this government's priorities ?

The Australian people that I speak to have genuine concerns about becoming
a second class minority in our own country, and the reasons for it,  are
some of the above,  ..... Are you so blind that you cannot see this ?

And no , I am NOT racist !!!...(if I did not like Catholics or
Protestants would I be considered racist ?) Of course not !

Why is it, that if we object to what is happening in our country ...
we are immediately labelled RACIST, in an attempt to shut us up ?

We are fighting Radical Muslims, in Afghanistan & Iraq , are we not ?I hear
you say, yes but the Muslims we have here are "Not like that " ... well how
would we know ? ...do we hear ANY of them coming out & speaking AGAINST
radicals ??  I haven't ...have you ???

Islam is not compatible with ANY of the values that we hold here in
Australia ! ....Are not the experiences of Britain , France , and the
Netherlands an example of that?   Why do you think it would be any
different here ?  We even have an Australian born "radical ", whose message
is that Australia WILL become a Muslim country, under Sharia
Law, & that we had "better get used to it ".

Will both of you grow some "Balls ", and start sticking up for this country
and its people ???

We are the people who put you where you are, and PAY you to look after our
interests ! ... And you are NOT doing that, by any stretch of the
imagination !!!

I would appreciate an answer, from both of you, if only to convince me that
once again, I am not talking to a brick wall !!!!!

In case it has escaped both of you ...I would like to remind you that, in
Australia the Government .. is FOR THE PEOPLE, OF THE PEOPLE,
& BY THE PEOPLE ..
never forget that......because you sure have up till now !!!

Mrs Jenny Bell
20 Helene St
Nuriootpa
S.A.
0885623753

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From: Sir Edward
Subject: LONDON WEEKEND
 Click here

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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: They were inevitable!

Q. How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships?

A. On the rocks

Q. What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships?

A. Leeks

Q. What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship?

A. Follow the captain

Q. What did the captain say when asked if he knew where he was going?

A. "Off course."

So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock.
That's more than can be said for his ship.

The captain says he is not guilty of manslaughter.
He has witnesses to prove he was nowhere near the passengers who died.

The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in
Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.

and finally...

Q.  What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken
cruise liner Costa Concordia?

A. Nothing - The bottom's dropped out of both.

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From: Tommo963
Subject: The word 'manyana'

Manyana

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne
Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'.
Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the
next day, maybe the day after that.
Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"

The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked
him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.

"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency,"
replied Brennan.
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From: Tommo963
Subject: High Birth Rate

High Birth Rate

A little rural town had one of the highest birth rates in the country and
this phenomenon attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state
university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; moved to town; set
up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their
questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the
project director decided to go to the local Café for a cup of coffee.

He sat down at a table, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it,
he told the owner what his purpose was in town,

then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

"Sure," said the café owner. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes
through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well,

it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up

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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Male Date Drug

(be sure to watch the short video at the end)

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be
alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.

Many females use a date-drug on the market called 'Beer '.

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in
bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.

Beer is used by female s*xual predators at parties and bars to persuade
their male victims to go home and sleep with them

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then
simply ask him home for no-strings-attached s*x.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach.  After several Beers , men
will often succ*mb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to
whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly
what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling
that
'something bad' occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's
savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship'.  In extreme cases,
the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a
longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as'marriage'.

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer  is administered and
s*x is offered by the predatory females.

If you fall victim to this 'Beer ' scam and the women administering it,
there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your
shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Bowls Clubs' in the phone
book.

Please forward this warning to every male you know.

For a video to see how Beer works click below:

Beer Demo Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Unfortunate incident

While hiking along the white cliffs of Dover yesterday I noticed a
Muslim extremist slip from the cliffs and fall into the English
Channel .

He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he had been
carrying. If he didn't get help he'd surely drown.

Being a responsible Brit, and abiding by the law of the land that requires
you to help those in distress, I informed Kent Police and the
Home Office.

It is now 09:45 the following day., he has drowned, and neither authority
has yet responded.

I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: : Remote Controlled Airplane

How much time do you think this kid used up learning to do this?  I also
wonder how many planes he's wrecked learning to do this.

If you think you have seen a remote controlled Airplane put through its
paces not til you have seen this demonstration!!click on below:!
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: What died at Auschwitz?

 This is 100% correct...

  What  died at Auschwitz ?

    EUROPEAN LIFE DIED IN  AUSCHWITZ

    The following is a copy of an article written by Spanish writer

    Sebastian Vilar Rodrigez and published in a Spanish newspaper on

    Jan. 15 2008. It doesn't take much imagination to extrapolate the

    message to the rest of Europe - and possibly to the rest of the world.

    IT WAS IN A SPANISH PAPER

    Date: Tue. 15 January 2008  14:30

   EUROPEAN LIFE  DIED IN  AUSCHWITZ

    By Sebastian Vilar  Rodrigez

    I walked down the street in Barcelona, and suddenly discovered a

    terrible truth - Europe died in Auschwitz ... We killed six million

    Jews and replaced them with 20 million Muslims. In Auschwitz we

    burned a culture, thought, creativity, talent. We destroyed the

    chosen people, truly chosen, because they produced great and

    wonderful people who changed the world.

    The contribution of this people is felt in all areas of life:

    science, art, international trade, and above all, as the conscience

    of the world. These are the people we burned.

    And under the pretense of tolerance, and because we wanted to prove

    to ourselves that we were cured of the disease of racism, we opened

    our gates to 20 million Muslims, who brought us stupidity and

    ignorance, religious extremism and lack of tolerance, crime and

    poverty, due to an unwillingness to work and support their families

    with pride.

    They have blown up our trains and turned our beautiful Spanish

    cities into the third world, drowning in filth and crime.

    Shut up in the apartments they receive free from the government,

    they plan the murder and destruction of their naive hosts.

    And thus, in our misery, we have exchanged culture for fanatical

    hatred, creative skill for destructive skill, intelligence for

    backwardness and superstition.

    We have exchanged the pursuit of peace of the Jews of Europe and

    their talent for a better future for their children, their

    determined clinging to life because life is holy, for those who

    pursue death, for people consumed by the desire for death for

    themselves and others, for our children and theirs.

    What a terrible mistake was made by miserable Europe..

    A lot of Americans have become so insulated from reality that they

    imagine America can suffer defeat without any inconvenience to

    themselves.

    Recently, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its

    school curriculum because it 'offends' the Muslim population which

    claims it never occurred. It is not removed as yet. However, this is

    a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how

    easily each country is giving in to it.

    It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe
ended.

    This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the 6

    million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians, and 1,900

    Catholic priests who were 'murdered, raped, burned, starved, beaten,

    experimented on and humiliated.'   Now, more than ever, with Iran,

    among others, claiming the Holocaust to be 'a myth,' it is

    imperative to make sure the world never forgets.

    This e-mail is intended to reach 400 million people. Be a link in

    the memorial chain and help distribute this around the world.

    How many years will it be before the attack on the World Trade Center
'NEVER HAPPENED' because it offends some Muslim in the United States?

    Take only a minute to pass this along. Wake up America before it's too
late!!!!!!!!

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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Mmmmm

Did you hear that they've now exonerated the captain of the Italian  cruise
ship on medical grounds?  Apparently he suffers from premature evacuation..

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: ROCKET SCIENCE

Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist!

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead
chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space
shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the
frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of
the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a
gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the
engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed
into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through
the control console, snapped the engineer's chair back- rest in two, and
embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a
bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment,
along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists for
suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo, "Defrost the chicken."

Cheers

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: : Topical Quickies

It doesn't take long....

When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew
where he was going he replied "off course."

What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship?   - Follow the
captain

So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That's more
than can be said for his ship.

How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships?   - On the
rocks

What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships?   - Leeks

The captain  says he is not guilty of
manslaughter............................ He has  witnesses to prove he was
nowhere near the passengers who died.

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Glass

Truly amazing

UNREAL.  THIS IS WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE FOR OUR KIDS WHEN THEY ARE A LITTLE
OLDER!!!I
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Non PC jokes

It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water
cannons on rioters. They are putting some Cold Power in to stop the
coloureds running.

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London.
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

Following the riots in Tottenham, it's important to remind ourselves that
not all black people are stereotypical thieves and arsonists.     The vast
majority are drug dealers and rapists.

Riots in Wythenshawe last month caused over £1 million worth of
improvements

Muslims have gone on the rampage in Bradford, killing anyone who's English.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 5.

Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and
stopped breathing.
I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and
realised she was just on standby.

Just fostered a Muslim.
All 4 cans hit him right on the back of the head.

They've had to cancel the panto 'Jack & the Beanstalk' in Birmingham,
Bristol, Oldham, Bradford, Burnley, Leicester, Luton and London:
Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.

Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich
works a treat!

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From: Anonymous
Subject:  Beer run
 Click here

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From: Anonymous
Subject: Factoid

Manure... An interesting fact

Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported
by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so
large shipments of manure were quite common.It was shipped dry, because in
dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit
it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began
again, of which a by product is methane gas of course.. As the stuff was
stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below
at night with a lantern, BOOM!Several ships were destroyed in this manner
before it was determined just what was happening

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction
' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it
high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold
would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit) which has come
down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term.

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From: Anonymous
Subject: Fwd: The 12 most populated cities
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Find the Canadian
 Click here

A FAVORITE GAME IN FLORIDA.

It's time to play 'Find the Canadian!'

This week's challenge is especially difficult.  View the candid photograph
and use logic to locate the clues that will let you 'Find the Canadian!'

Do you have the skill?

Do you have the ability?

Do you know enough about your Northern Cousins?

Can you FIND THE CANADIAN?

Taking notes is permissible but try to limit your time to no more than 5
minutes!

Good luck!

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Tunnel
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Funny sign
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Acceptable Terms for Surrendering your Firearm.
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Archie Bunker
 Click here

I always knew Archie was well ahead of his time in the late 60's and early
70's!  You gotta love Archie Bunker.....................oh yeah!  It was
always one of my favorite TV shows!

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Fight to the death on the Snake River
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

 Nothing in Snopes on this.

True Life Story

This has to be the weirdest thing that ever floated by me on the Snake
River .  They were stuck together in death lock, each wanting to kill the
other first.  My guess is that the falcon snatched up the tasty snake, and
it somehow got its tail around the falcon's neck, strangling it in midair
causing both of them to crash into the river.  They are both alive and
well,
considering.  I think a few more minutes and the snake would have won.  The
tail was actually tied in a  knot around the neck, and getting tighter by
the second.  I got the snake untied, and well, as you can see, they both
made it.  This is another one of those stories you tell, and are always
acknowledged with "yeah, right!"  Well, here's the proof.  Neither of them
bit me or scratched me; the snake didn't want to stop biting the falcon's
leg, and only let go after I had untied everything else.  I got the water
out of the falcon's lungs with birdie inversion technique, and stayed with
him until he was almost dried off in the sun, and flying a little.  Ball of
snake and falcon, that is the weirdest thing I have pulled out of the water
so far, it beats the wagon wheel!

WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!!!!!????

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Louisiana catfish caught on a rod
 Click here

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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Get your paper here!!!
 Click here

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From: Burnout
Subject: The Student who obtained 0% on an Exam......

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle.

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page.

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid.

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage.

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams.

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner.

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half.

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become?
* It will simply become wet.

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand...

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands!

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
* Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

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From: Digi Steve
Subject: Brave dog
 Click here

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From: Diks
Subject: Fwd: FW: Handguns..

I have dear friends on both sides of the handgun issue,
those who believe easy access to hand guns is not good for this country and
those who believe government has no business dictating ownership one way or
the other. I have gained valuable understanding from both arguments... I
have made my final decision.

Certain Americans, especially those who are more likely to become victims
of crime,need to own and become proficient with handguns!

I can't discuss it further right now.
Gotta get back to the firing range......... It's my turn to pick up the
brass behind the shooting stations.
 Click here

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From: Duke of Barsinov
Subject: Fw: 64 years later
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: 4700 ft high Glass Sky Walk in China
 Click here

Not sure I could do this.

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Italian Cruise ship captain Francesco Schettino hired as bus
driver
 Click here

Italian Cruise ship captain Francesco Schettino began his new job as a bus
driver yesterday....

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: and now....
 Click here

French humour, I imagine.

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Awkward portraits (Epic WTFs!! Indeed)
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Oh dear.

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Never take a knife to a gun fight

 Ah, America.

be good for catching people flogging your crab pots! :-)

Lake Amistad is a reservoir on the Rio Grande River , as it borders
Texas/Mexico north of Del Rio , TX .

It is patrolled  by the Texas Dept. of Public Safety.
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Eye Trick

1. Stare at the red dot on the girl's nose for 30 seconds

2. Turn your eyes towards the wall/roof or somewhere else on a plain
surface

3. Keep blinking your eyes quickly!
 Click here

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From: Mad Mick from Marwick
Subject: Two fall out on roller coaster ride

Subject: : Two fall out on roller coaster ride

Two fall out on roller coaster ride (UNBELIEVABLE)

I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often.
* Caution *
* This video is not for the faint of heart.
Warning: two fall out during roller coaster ride. in my own sick way I had
to watch it twice.*
 Click here

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From: Sack
Subject:   Ukrainian Card Trick

Pick one of the following cards. Don't click on it; just keep it in your
head.

scroll down when you have your card,

Think about your card for 20 seconds in front of Shlovko .
Shlovko will attempt to read your mind!
Scroll down after 20 Seconds

The Great Shlovko Has Removed Your Card!

SCARY ISN'T IT.

Now scroll up and do it again, this will freak you out.

Don't ask me because I don't know. Its an "old" Ukrainian Secret" ...
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Sack
Subject: The 9 Strangest Streets in the World

1. Shortest Street in the World, Ebenezer Place – Scotland
 Click here

Ebenezer Place, in Wick, Caithness, Scotland, is credited by the Guinness
Book of Records as being the world's shortest street at 2.06 m (6 ft 9 in).
In 2006 it surpassed the previous record (5.2 m, 17 ft) set by Elgin
Street,
Bacup, Lancashire. The street has only one address: the front door of No. 1
Bistro, which is part of Mackays Hotel.
 Click here

The street originated in 1883, when Ebenezer Place was constructed; the
owner of the building, a hotel at the time, was instructed to paint a name
on the shortest side of the hotel. It was officially declared a street in
1887.

2. The Narrowest Street in the World (Spreuerhofstraße) – Germany
 Click here

Spreuerhofstraße is the world's narrowest street, found in the city of
Reutlingen, Baden-Württemberg, Germany. It ranges from 31 centimetres
(12.2 in) at its narrowest to 50 centimetres (19.7 in) at its widest.
 Click here

The lane was built in 1727 during the reconstruction efforts after the area
was completely destroyed in the massive city-wide fire of 1726 and is
officially listed in the Land-Registry Office as City Street Number 77.

3. Most Complicated Interchange in US, Judge Harry Pregerson Interchange
–
Los Angeles, USA
 Click here

The Judge Harry Pregerson Interchange is situated in Los Angeles, CA and is
one of the most complicated interchanges in the country. It permits entry
and exit in all directions between the I-105 and the I-110. It’s a stack
interchange with layers of bridges making a complicated network of roads
allowing smooth flow of traffic though both the interstate highways. This
interchange was opened in 1993. It is a 4 level interchange with a
restricted access lane that can be used by high-occupancy vehicles.

4. Most Crooked Street in US, Lombard St – San Francisco, USA
 Click here

The street is famous for a small section near the top of Russian Hill,
between Hyde and Leavenworth streets. Here the hill is so steep (27°) that
it would be too dangerous for most vehicles, so between 1922 and 1923 this
part of Lombard Street was transformed into a switchback with eight sharp
turns. Cars can only drive downhill, east-bound towards Leavenworth Street.
 Click here

The crooked section of the street, which is about 1/4 mile (400 m) long, is
reserved for one-way traffic traveling east (downhill) and is paved with
red bricks. The speed limit in this section is 5 miles per hour (8.0 km/h).

5. The Steepest Street in the World, Baldwin Street – New Zealand
 Click here

Baldwin Street in a suburban part of New Zealand's southern city of
Dunedin,
is considered the world's steepest residential street. It is located in the
suburb of North East Valley, 3.5 kilometres (2.2 mi) northeast of Dunedin's
city centre.
 Click here

A short straight street a little under 350 metres (1,150 ft) long, Baldwin
Street runs east from the valley of the Lindsay Creek up the side of Signal
Hill towards Opoho, rising from 30 m (98 ft) above sea level at its
junction with North Road to 100 m (330 ft) above sea level at the top, an
average slope of slightly more than 1:5. Its lower reaches are only
moderately steep, and the surface is asphalt, but the upper reaches of this
cul-de-sac are far steeper, and surfaced in concrete (200 m (660 ft) long),
for ease of maintenance and for safety in Dunedin's frosty winters. At its
maximum, the slope of Baldwin Street is about 1:2.86 (19° or 35%) – that
is, for every
2.86 metres travelled horizontally, the elevation rises by 1 metre.

6. Widest Street in the World, 9 De Julio – Buenos Aires, Argentina
 Click here

Buenos Aires, Argentina, features the widest avenue in the world. At over
300 feet wide, 9 de Julio Avenue occupies a gap of an entire block in the
city grid, hence its incredible width. Crossing the avenue at street level
often requires a few minutes, as all intersections have traffic lights.
Under normal walking speed, it takes pedestrians normally two to three
green lights to cross its twelve lanes of traffic.

7. Longest Street in the World, Yonge St – Ontario, Canada
 Click here

The Longest Street in the World is Yonge Street (pronounced “young”),
referred to as “Main Street Ontario”, connects the shores of Lake
Ontario in
Toronto in Canada to Lake Simcoe, a gateway to the Upper Great Lakes.
Actually, it starts on the Toronto lakeshore and winds its way
northwesterly along Highway 11 to Rainy River, Ontario, at the Minnesota
border. Yonge
Street is listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the longest street in
the world at 1,896 km (1,178 mi), and the construction of this street is
designated an Event of National Historic Significance.

8.Largest Roundabout in the World, Putrajaya  Malaysia
 Click here

World's Largest Roundabout (Putrajaya - Malaysia) Putrajaya is in the south
of Kuala Lumpur. It is a new political center, the loop length of it is 3.4
km. The roundabout is situated around a beautiful hill and green parks.

9. Most Confusing Roundabout in the World, Magic Roundabout – Swindon, UK
 Click here

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From: Sack
Subject:  Emailing: Tinamen_Mountains
 Click here

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From: Sack
Subject:   Did you know .........
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

"Love is greater than peace, for peace is founded upon love. Love is the
object of peace, and peace is an outcome of love. "- Abdul-Baha
From the writings of the Baha'i Faith

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From: Sir Edward
Subject: LETTER OF THE DAY
 Click here

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From: Sir Edward
Subject: Reciept
 Click here

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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: Buckingham Palace
 Click here

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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: Skinny dipper XX - (WTF - ED)

But God help him if she farts.........or rolls over!
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Biker Bar ....It is coming

I stopped at your house the other day, and was told that you were down at
your favorite Biker
Bar with some friends. I wasn't sure where that was, but was told I
wouldn't have much trouble finding it. Sure enough, I drove just a few
blocks,
and there it was...

There is nothing like the feel of the sun on your face and the wind in your
hair, is there?
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: ALCHOLIC TEST

Simple Alcoholism test that you can take in the privacy of your
computer......

This is a test to determine
If you are an alcoholic

If you saw the bar sign, You are an alcoholic.
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  The Old Popcorn Trick...

Hadn't thought of this, but it looks like it could work.  I'd need a bigger
tub of popcorn!
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Smart Phone Smart Frog
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: The car that's going to save GM (XXX - ED)

The 2011 SNATCH BACK
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Cause of the shipping disaster (XXX - ED)
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Gas Lesson
 Click here

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From: anonymous
Subject: Pumpkin

Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old
white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged
with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public
intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way
home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a
pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles
or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked
out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in
it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into
it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching
police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor
approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I
walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence ..

'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having s*x with a
pumpkin??'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he
looked me straight in the face and said:

'A pumpkin? Sh*t ... is it midnight already?'

The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as 'Best come-back
line ever.'

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From: anonymous
Subject: Cruising !!!

It had to happen

# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships?   - On the
rocks

# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships?   - Leeks

# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship?   -  Follow the
captain

# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew
where he was going he replied "off course."

# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock.   That's
more than can be said for his ship.

# I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises.    Wet, wrecked and ready
to go down.

# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in
Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.

# What does the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa
Concordia have in common?
   Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both.

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Quote of the Week:

This stock-market thing was a great game, but, after all, everybody just
can't live on gambling. Somebody has to do some work.

- Will Rogers


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[ End friday humour ]

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