Friday humour - January 27, 2012

[from Steve @ Bluehaze]

Another Australia Day has come and gone. Another brilliant day having a
barby with friends. They are trying hard, but the pollies haven't
completely stuffed it yet ...

This weeks robust collection arrived through the efforts of Billy Bunter of
Adelaide, Burnout, Digi Steve, Johnny Green, Mitta, Nottingham Smithie, 
Sack, The Great Gussius, Tommo963, Whizzbang, and those ever unnamed 
anonymi.

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Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but
they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure..'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she
asks.

'No, I can remember it..'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
down, so a s not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man
returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She
stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast ?'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a
new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very
highly..'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love?

You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?'

...

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
of her hospital gown.'

...

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

...

A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost
me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art..
It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbour . 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty..'

...

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really
doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur;
be careful.'

...

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he
ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

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Race Car [Xish]
I've watched this video at least 10 times and still can't figure out what
kind of car that is...
 Click here

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With Steven Spielberg's new movie, "War Horse," which is about a horse in
WWI (1914-1918), being shown at theatres right now, I thought you might
appreciate this video. I understand that the Spielberg movie is quite good,
and at some point I will definitely watch it, but it's not a true story.
However, the video below is a true story about a real horse during the
Korean War (1950-1954).
Not only that, but this horse was a Marine hero! I received the video from
the mother of a Marine. If you've already seen it, I think it's worth a
second look. Semper Fi! -
 Click here

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DO YOU KNOW THE FRONT FROM THE BACK OF A TREE?

A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO
SEE GOD'S COUNTRY.

WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN , HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO
STAY BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB !!

HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN
APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY
DAY !!

THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN
TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP
TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS. THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF
THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A TREE. 'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE?
I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER
IT CONTAINS.'

THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, 'THAT THAR'S A WHITE PINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF
LUMBER IN 'ER.'

THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A
MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE
PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE
OF A DIFFERENT CLASS.

'THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET.'

THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK
AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR !!

ONE MORE TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE FOREMAN
STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH
HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, 'AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?'

BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, 'WHITE OAK, 242
BOARD FEET AT BEST.'

THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE
TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN
HE IS. AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA
TO STEP OUTSIDE.

HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, 'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE?' 'I
WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!!'

THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, 'IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT
OF THE TREE?'

WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING AT
THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON
THE TRUNK. HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. 'THAT
THAR'S THE FRONT,' THE REDNECK SAYS ...

THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, 'HOW IN THE HELL DO
YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?'

THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT
BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, 'CUZ SOMEBODY
TOOK A CR*P BEHIND IT!'

HE GOT THE JOB AND IS NOW THE FOREMAN !!

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NO Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever
after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in
English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem
arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't
know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation,
clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her
butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to
say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the
butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken
breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way
to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...

What were you thinking?

Her husband speaks English!

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Falling Water
 Click here
Such a beautiful house, hard to believe it was designed in 1935.

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Why people go south In winter
 Click here

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Flu Notes.....
(Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by a well meaning
husband who has inherited the house and kids.)


Monday A.M. Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed.
Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is on a tray in
refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside.
See you around six.

Tuesday A.M. Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator. Hope you
got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the
Thermoses? The school might call you on this. Dinner may be a little late.
I'm doing your door-to-door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in
refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili.

Wednesday A.M. Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you
put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time,
could you please come up with a likely spot for Chris's missing shoes?
We've checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood
box. Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some
cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late tonight.
Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house.

Thursday A.M. Doris: Don't panic over water in hallway. It crested last
night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to
following:
1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal?
2. How do you turn off the milkman?
3. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots?
4. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy's
hand?
5. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you
open the door?
I don't know what you're having for lunch! Surprise me!

Friday A.M. Hey: Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore
pink dress shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight,
the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time.

I called your mother.

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Women always say that giving birth is way more painful then a guy getting
kicked in the nuts. Here is proof that they are wrong. A year or so after
giving birth a women will often say "it may be nice to have another kid".
You never hear a guy say " I would like another kick in the nuts". Case
closed.

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An Arab Sheik was admitted to St Vincent's Hospital for heart surgery, but
prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the
need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be
found locally, so, the call went out to all the states.

Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly
donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the
Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW,
diamonds & US dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective
surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to
donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a
jar of candies. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not
reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab an
asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a
BMW, diamonds & money... But you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of
candies"..

To this the Arab replied "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins".

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Sixteen Girls on Bikes
 Click here

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Yep!
 Click here

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How come mine doesn't do that?
 Click here

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The current plight of the Costa Concordia recalls a comment made by
Churchill.

After his retirement he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise
liner and some Italian journalists asked why an ex
British Prime Minister should choose an Italian ship.

"There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship" said
Churchill.

"First their cuisine is unsurpassed. Second their service is superb.

"And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women
and children first."

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Oldie but a Goodie Dept.
 Click here

This one is still the best though
 Click here

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Sal Wallerstein was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He
began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his
cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just
been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be
there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what
was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf.

He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.
He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal
best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his
previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....

Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He
saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your
round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!"

"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the
country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well
you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely
your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care
and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change
her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a
day and don't forget the hygiene care."

The man broke down and sobbed.

The doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just f*cking with you. She's dead.
What'd you shoot?"

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An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he
tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are
wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him
to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest
shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if
he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied... "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else
does."

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ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound
weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like
to work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stockbroker instead.
27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

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A pastor uses a standard program for funerals.

To personalize each service, he enters a "find and replace" command into
his word processor. The computer then finds the name of the deceased from
the previous funeral, and replaces it with the name of the deceased for the
upcoming one.

Not too long ago, the pastor told the computer to find the name "Mary" and
replace it with "Edna."

The next morning, the funeral was going smoothly until the congregation
intoned the Apostles' Creed. "Jesus Christ," they read from the pre-printed
program, "born of the Virgin Edna."

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Well, a Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally
they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her
about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally
mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato'.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a
rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and
become a Couch Potato either. She would eat properly so as not to be skinny
like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for
those hard-boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called
the French Fries, and when she went out West, she must watch out for the
Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

They sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ). So that when she
graduated she'd really be "in the Chips". But in spite of all they did for
her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Richie
Benaud.

"Richie Benaud!!!!", they cried.

They were very upset and told Yam "You can't possibly marry Richie Benaud
because he's just common tater.

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On a beautiful summer's day, two American tourists were driving through
Wales .

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch, they stopped
for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress,

'Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you
pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?'

The girl leaned over and said,

'Burrr .... gurrr .... king'

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Fred lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because
he had loved to play golf. One day in despair he decided to commit suicide.
He took a lift to the top of a very tall building, intending to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down when on the pavement far below he
saw a man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. Fred looked
more closely and saw that the man had no arms at all. He started thinking:
what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm
to do things with. There goes a man with no arms, skipping down the
pavement, perfectly happy,
getting on with his life.

He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how
glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly
and useless and had been going to kill himself.

"You saved my life. If you can go on with no arms, I can make it with one!"

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels
again.

Fred asked, "Why are you so happy, anyway?"

"I'm not happy," replied the man. "My balls itch."

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I could use this idea!
 Click here

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A Newspaper was carrying out a survey on s**ual habits and one questioner
stopped an elderly Italian bloke in the street who was wearing a black suit
and asked him how often he had s**ual intercourse.

"Oh, about half a dozen times a year", said the gentleman. The questioner
smiled.

"I thought you Italians were supposed to be s*xy!" she said.

"We are," said the gentleman. "But, I don't think half a dozen times a year
is so bad for a seventy-two year old priest with no car."

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

According to a 1999 survey by the Scott Paper Company:

* You can gauge a person's education by whether they read in the bathroom.

* More than 2/3 of the people with a master's degree and doctorates read in
the stall.

* Only one in two high school grads read while in the bathroom, and 56
percent of those with college degrees do.

* Fifty four percent of Americans fold their toilet tissue neatly while 35
percent wad it into a ball before using it.

* Seven percent steal rolls of toilet paper (hotels/motels)

* More than sixty percent prefer that their toilet paper roll over the top,
twenty nine percent from the bottom. The rest don't care.

What does all this mean? It means we Americans don't have anything better
to think about than wiping our asses.

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'I think of myself as white trailer trash. My parents recently made up
their will. Everything is split equally between me and my sister. She's
getting the house, but I'm getting the porch and the wheels' - Lynda
Montgomery

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Scottish or not... have a listen.
 Click here

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STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM. I would have given him 100%

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

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Honesty
 Click here

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For 2 years a man was having and affair with an Italian woman.

One night she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his marriage, he gave her a large sun of money if she
would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to
raise the child, he would provide support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it
discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write Spaghetti
on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

Honey, she said, you received a very strange post card today!

Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later, he explained. The wife
obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.

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Faceless
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Cartoon of the day
 Click here

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BLT ring
 Click here

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Batman
 Click here

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Hit and run
 Click here

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Innovation - just starts with an idea
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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A dog's seeing eye dog
 Click here Click here Click here Click here
Lily is a Great Dane that has been blind since a bizarre medical condition
required that she have both eyes removed. For the last 5 years, Maddison,
another Great Dane, has been her sight.

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Korea's Yomi Kim Hunter. Voted most beautiful.
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
This beauty is half Korean, half American. Yomi Kim was voted the prettiest
man in Asia. Ruined my day, too!

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Photo fails.
 Click here

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I wonder how many he's eaten?
 Click here

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Swedish stag party
 Click here Click here
Check out the pictures - nothing unusual. Now read this:

In Sweden it is a bit of a custom for the groom to be kidnapped and whisked
off somewhere for his Stag night, which usually lasts all day and all
night, unlike the typical British Stag party where it's all arranged
beforehand and everyone goes out, gets drunk and hires a stripper.

The Swedes do it different. The groom has no idea until he gets nabbed. He
might be dressed up in something crazy and go do something funny - and then
the fun starts!

This particular guy is a keen sailor and when he was kidnapped for his stag
weekend they pasted a false "skippers-beard" on him and put him at the helm
of a 60 foot yacht and let him be skipper for the day.

Much beer and fine food was consumed. But nothing nasty happened to him at
all. In the evening when they got back on land and were getting cleaned up
for the night club, they all had a sauna as is customary in Sweden.

Imagine the groom's horror when he walked into the sauna where his naked
buddies were waiting for him only to notice that best mate number one had
no pubic hair ... neither did friend two ... nor three ... or four ...

Now check out the false beard again ...

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The nutcracker.
 Click here
How painful is that!

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Dictator
 Click here

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Keeping car manufacturers busy
 Click here

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What is the difference between blu-ray and an ordinary one?
 Click here

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Road Trip
 Click here

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Seal clubbing at its best
 Click here

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Too many squirrels in your yard?
 Click here

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Drinking a pint *really* quickly
 Click here

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Where is the cat?
 Click here
There really is one [yes there is Ed]

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Scratch and Dent sale at GM
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here
This incident happened in the Oshawa CP Rail yard which ships out the GM
vehicles. One of the railcar men who attaches and detaches the car haulers,
accidentally unhooked a set of train cars without having the brakes
applied. The Oshawa rail yard has a slight incline to it, so when the set
of cars was unhooked from the engine it started to roll down the hill, it
smashed through the stop block and then through the fence and continued
into the parking lot where GM stores the new vehicles that come off the
line. Over 300 vehicles were damaged.

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Sue Wong marries Lee Wong

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The
nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a
Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what
will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's
don't make a white, so I think we will name him...

Sum Ting Wong

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      Ah-the-eah the-eah That's All (for this week) Folks!


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[ End friday humour ]

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