Friday humour - November 11, 2011

From Burnout @ Bluehaze.

Today, Friday 11/11/11 is a day in which we choose to remember those lost
in our histories conflicts, most importantly WW1.
Australia lost 65,000, a huge number considering our population at the time
of just under five million persons.
So, when you buy a red poppy or see someone wearing one reflect for a
moment upon the sacrifice by so many.


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From: Anonymous
Subject: Vietnam Wall Statistics


Courtesy of SgtMaj McDonald
A little history most people will never know.
Interesting Veterans Statistics off the Vietnam Memorial Wall
"Carved on these walls is the story of America, of a continuing quest to
reserve both Democracy and decency, and to protect a national treasure that
we all the American dream."  ~President George Bush

SOMETHING to think about - Most of the surviving Parents are now Deceased.
There are 58,267 names now listed on that polished black wall, including
those added in 2010.
The names are arranged in the order in which they were taken from us by
date and within each date the names are alphabetized. It is hard to believe
it is 36 years since the last casualties.
Beginning at the apex on panel 1E and going out to the end of the East
wall, appearing to recede into the earth (numbered 70E - May 25, 1968),
then resuming to the end of the West wall, as the wall emerges from the
earth (numbered 70W - continuing May 25, 1968) and ending with a date in
1975. Thus the war's beginning and end meet. The war is complete, coming
full circle, yet broken by he earth that bounds the angle's open side and
contained within the earth itself.
The first known casualty was Richard B. Fitzgibbon, of North Weymouth ,
Mass. Listed by the U.S. Department of Defense as having been killed on
June 8, 1956.
His name is listed on the Wall with that of his son, Marine Corps Lance
Cpl.
Richard B. Fitzgibbon III, who was killed on Sept. 7, 1965.

        There are three sets of fathers and sons on the Wall.
        39,996 on the Wall were just 22 or younger.
       8,283 were just 19 years old.
        The largest age group, 33,103 were 18 years old.
        12 soldiers on the Wall were 17 years old.
        5 soldiers on the Wall were 16 years old.
        One soldier, PFC Dan Bullock was 15 years old.
        997 soldiers were killed on their first day in Vietnam .
        1,448 soldiers were killed on their last day in Vietnam .
        31 sets of brothers are on the Wall.
        Thirty one sets of parents lost two of their sons.
        54 soldiers on the Wall attended Thomas Edison High School in
Philadelphia . I wonder why so many from one school.
        8 Women are on the Wall. Nursing the wounded.
        244 soldiers were awarded the Medal of Honor during the Vietnam
War;
53 of them are on the Wall.
        Beallsville, Ohio with a population of 475 lost 6 of her sons.
        West Virginia had the highest casualty rate per capita in the
nation.
here are 711 West Virginians on the Wall.
        The Marines of Morenci - They led some of the scr*ppiest high
School football and basketball teams that the little Arizona copper town of
Morenci pop. 5,058) had ever known and cheered. They enjoyed roaring beer
busts. In quieter moments, they rode horses along the Coronado Trail,
stalked deer in the apache National Forest . And in the patriotic
camaraderie typical of Morenci's mining families, the nine graduates of
Morenci High enlisted as a group in the marine Corps. Their service began
on Independence Day, 1966. Only 3 returned home.
        The Buddies of Midvale - LeRoy Tafoya, Jimmy Martinez, Tom Gonzales
ere all boyhood friends and lived on three consecutive streets in Midvale,
Utah an Fifth, Sixth and Seventh avenues. They lived only a few yards
apart. They played ball at the adjacent sandlot ball field. And they all
went to Vietnam.
In a span of 16 dark days in late 1967, all three would be killed. LeRoy
was killed on Wednesday, Nov. 22, the fourth anniversary of John F.
Kennedy's assassination. Jimmy died less than 24 hours later on
Thanksgiving Day. Tom was shot dead assaulting the enemy on Dec. 7, Pearl
Harbor Remembrance Day.
        The most casualty deaths for a single day was on January 31, 1968 ~
245 deaths.
        The most casualty deaths for a single month was May 1968 - 2,415
casualties were incurred.

For most Americans who read this they will only see the numbers that the
Vietnam far created. To those of us who survived the war, and to the
families of those who did not, we see the faces, we feel the pain that
these numbers created. We re, until we too pass away, haunted with these
numbers, because they were our Friends, fathers, husbands, wives, sons and
daughters. There are no noble wars, just noble warriors.


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From: Anonymous
Subject: The Banana

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about
bananas. He said the expression 'going bananas' is from the effects of
bananas on the brain. Read on:


After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.


Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose
combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial
boost of energy.

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a
strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit
with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also
help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions,
making it a must to add to our daily diet.


Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people
suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana.
This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body
converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and
generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates
blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in
the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium
yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the
US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to
make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood
pressure and stroke.


Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middles*x) school ( England )
were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast,
break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown
that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more
alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore
normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to
laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a
banana milkshake, sweetened with honey.. The banana calms the stomach and,
with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while
the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you
suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.


Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood
sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the
affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it
amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.


Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria
found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and
chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese
were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to
avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar
levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep
levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders
because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that
can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes
over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit
that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant
mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure
their baby is born with a cool temperature.


Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because
they contain the natural mood Enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up
smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium
found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine
withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat,
sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we
are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium
levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana
snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine,
eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by
strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill
off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the
yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or
surgical tape!


So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it
to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three
times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the
other vitamins and minerals.
It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So
maybe it's time to change that well-known phrase so that we say,
'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!'

PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will
add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the
banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth.

Amazing fruit !!!


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From: Anonymous
Subject: Scottish Cows


THE SCOTS COW


The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.


The town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. They
brought the cow from Scotland.  It was wonderful, produced lots of milk
every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never
have to worry about their milk supply again.


They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried
to mount the cow, the cow would move away.


No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the
bull and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise,
tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her
from the front, she backs off. If he attempts from the one side, she walks
away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,

"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had
brought the cow over from Scotland.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow
from Scotland?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:
"My wife is from Scotland"


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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Redneck 'Lake Skimming'


This is amazing !

I wouldn't have bet on that possibility.

Wonder how many times they tried it before

they found out it would work?????

 Click here

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From: Anonymous
Subject: Newspapers from all over the World


 Just put your mouse on a city anywhere in the world and the current
newspaper headlines pop up.. Double click and the page gets larger....you
can read the entire paper on some if you click on the right place. You can
spend forever here


(May have to adjust your pop up blocker to allow some to open.)

Also, if you look at the European papers, the far left side of Germany will
pop up as The Stars & Stripes (European edition, of course). AND, this site
changes every day

  target=_blank>Click here
 Click here


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From: Cartographer Chris
Subject: Every Male should watch this (it may be important - ED)


A MUST WATCH FOR BLOKES    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ladies, you should watch it too and tell your blokes about it ............
WATCH IT TILL THE VERY END .........


 Click here


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From: Diks
Subject: Retired golfer..................

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer, and two people show up. One is
a retired avid golfer in his early sixties (Joe), and the other is a
gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not
going to sugarcoat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so
you two had better be good, or you're history. Here's your equipment - a
chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"*


The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the
gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant
and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat
revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks,
sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He
continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then
rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display
like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can
you top that?"

The old golfer replies, "No problem; just get that lion out of there." *


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From: Diks
Subject: OCCUPY DEMONSTRATIONS.....................

   *Think this sums it up fairly well..*

 Click here


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: =?iso-8859-1?Q?Driver_Angry_About_$500_Traffic_Ticket=A0Video?=


Should be made available and be on call for our traffic solicitor friends
to provide…


 Click here


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Cheap Flights with subtitles

I have sent this before but it has a certain charm for recent travellers
and those about to go (AGAIN!) - or already GONE!

 Click here


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Eels!

Sent to golfing partner and thought interesting enough for all if you
missed the Sun Herald yesterday - plus grandie news.


As promised. very interesting although not quite Nova Scotia, but a bloody
good effort:


 Click here


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: OUTDOORSMAN

Oldie but a Goodie Dept. presumably.


During my physical, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level, and
so I described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, escaped from
wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills,
stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away
from an aggressive brownsnake."

Inspired by my story, the doctor said, "You must be some outdoorsman!"


"No," I replied, "I'm just a sh*tty golfer."


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Alerts to threats in 2011 Europe

Alerts to threats in 2011 Europe:

BY JOHN CLEESE

 The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya
and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz
in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when
threatened by the Spanish Armada.

 The Scots have raised their threat level from "P*ssed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300
years.

 The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the
country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides."

 The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

 The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy..
these beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be alright, Mate.." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is
cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level.

 -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: AMAZING...

She can't see the end of her nose or look up above her. clever though -
voice synthesizers are often included in online dictionaries but all the
accents are useful..

What's next in our ever evolving world?

She will say anything you type. I sure don't know how they do this!

When you move the mouse around, her eyes follow the pointer.   When you
write something in the left space and then click on 'Say it,' she actually
says it!

You can also change persons doing the talking and the language they speak.

 Click here


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: HILARIOUS DODGE COMMERCIAL (Pulled The Day It Aired)

 Click here


They took this off air the first day it was shown on American TV.  I wonder
why?


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: No bathing suits allowed in lobby

Certain people should not be shown this video.

 Click here


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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: Nottingham News

A cyclist was caught riding without lights almost every minute during a
recent city centre operation. The three-hour operation on Wednesday morning
between 9am and mid-day in the High Street saw 162 riders given £30 fixed
penalty notices. One of those fined Leroy Ibrahim Babangida, the only one
who actually owned the bike he was riding is quoted as saying " da muvva
f*ckahs is a pickin' on us - ya know wot I'm sayin"


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From: Tommo963
Subject: Jokes
In a Vacuum

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. She rolled the dice and she
landed on Science & Nature.

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can
you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


Non-Deep Thoughts

- I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed
it.


- I had amnesia once -- or twice.

- I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

- Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

- All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

- If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses side-saddle.

- What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

- They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

- Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows
up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

- Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

- Is there another word for synonym?


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From: Tommo963
Subject: Jokes

More Non-Deep Thoughts

- Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

- The speed of time is one second per second.

- Is it possible to be totally partial?

- What's another word for thesaurus?

- Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

- Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a
man who can't get his pants off.

-It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

- Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

- Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

- What if there were no hypothetical questions?

- One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

- When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like
a nail.

- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

- What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

- My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

- The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

- How can there be self-help "groups"?


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From: Tommo963
Subject: Joke

Carol's Gun

Rummaging through her attic one day, my friend Carol found an old shotgun.
Unsure how to dispose of it, she called her parents.

"Take it to the police station," her mother suggested. My friend was about
to hang up when her mom added....

"And, Carol?"

"Yes, mom?"

"Call them first and let them know you're coming."


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From: Tommo963
Subject: More How To Know You're Ready For Parenthood

More How To Know You're Ready For Parenthood

NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 PM begin to waltz and hum
with the bag until 9 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM.
Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up
about a dozen more and sing them until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get
up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the
front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the
beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest Chemist, set your wallet on the
counter. Ask the staff to help themselves. Now proceed to the nearest food
store. Go to the head office and arrange for your pay to be directly
deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly
for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them
on how they can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance,
toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many things they can improve as
well. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run
riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you'll have all the
answers.

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands
in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons.
Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 50 litre box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you
may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them
all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or
kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and
take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in
sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a
small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water.
Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonful's of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into
the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the
contents of the jug on the floor.


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From: Tommo963
Subject: Jokes

The Last Commandment
A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to
discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it
was.

Susie raised her hand, stood tall and quoted, "Thou shalt not take the
covers off thy neighbour's wife."


Things to Remember During a War

1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.
4. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.
5. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
6. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.
7. Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation.
8. Never share a c*ckpit with someone braver than you.
9. You are not Tom Cruise.
10. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.
11. If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you.
12. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good
idea.
13. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.
14. Smart bombs have bad days too.
15. The best defence is to stay out of range.
16. If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Hitler hates the Gold Coast Indy


Hitler hates the Gold Coast Indy

This is gold….!! Click on the link


I didnt know how much of an impact the race had on all residents of the
Gold Coast until now


 Click here


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  The new French way to lose a few calories...


How to lose weight the French way!


 Click here


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Your chuckle for the day Jeune


                  A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat
food. She picked up four cans and took them to the check-out counter.  The
girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food
without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat
and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your
cat."  The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back
to the store. They sold her the cat food.


The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food.
Again the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without
proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the
management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog."

So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog
food.


The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old
lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.
The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there."

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that
would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it
out. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like sh*t."
The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet
paper."


So........... Don't mess with old people.


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
Subject:  The truth about the boat people...


THE REAL TRUTH ABOUT THE BOAT PEOPLE - (FROM A VERY RELIABLE SOURCE)


We all have had the discussion of the boat people at some time or another.
Most of us can't understand why the Australian Labor government continues
to pay for these foreigners whilst hard working Australians continue to
suffer the brunt of taxes, levies and tolls to help pay for the
government's mis-spending.

Well the time has come for the truth, I am asking everyone of you to spread
this as far as you can and eventually it will end up with someone who might
be able to do something about it.

According to an Australian Federal Police Officer, who obviously will never
be named, this is some of the facts you all need to be aware of.

[1] Currently the Federal Police are not producing as many drug busts due
to the millions of dollars of their budget being put into intercepting
illegal boat people

[2] When the boat sank last year off Christmas Island, the Australian
authorities were throwing life jackets to the children and the adults were
swimming to where the life jackets were, pushing the children under the
water and taking the life jackets to save themselves

[3] When the boat people arrive here, they have already printed out from
the net their rights and have a list of welfare benefits that they demand
from the Australian Government

[4] Whilst in detention they tell the guards that they are here to serve
them and the Federal Police have already investigated a number of assaults
on detention staff resulting from them "not respecting" the detainees. So
in other words when a guard doesn't respect or serve these illegal boat
people to their satisfaction, they believe it's fine to backhand them to
gain a little more respect

[5] After spending around 6-9 months in detention, the illegal boat people
have approximately $10 000 saved in welfare payments from the Australian
Government. They then send the money home and arrange for the next family
member to come out on a boat. So this means we are actually paying for the
flood of illegal boat people through the welfare payments provided to them

[6] The boat people are all given mobile phones and allowed to phone where
ever in the world they please. The reported cost of the combined telephone
bills for the first quarter of this year was $5 000 000, Yes, you read
correctly, 5 million dollars, all care of us - the tax payer

[7] Residents and the Federal Police on Christmas Island only have dial-up
internet which we all know is impracticable in today's internet age. Yet
all the detainees have broadband internet care of the tax payer yet again

These are all facts that simply can't be spoken about by those who know.
Well the time has come Australia to say enough is enough. Please ensure
that you spread this as far as you can.


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


From: Allnutts
Subject: MATURE LADY DRIVER

A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman:  Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Cop:  Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.
Older Woman:  Oh, I see.
Traffic Cop:  Can I see your license please?
Older Woman:  Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.
Traffic Cop:  Don't have one?
Older Woman:  No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Traffic Cop:  I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman:  I can't do that.
Traffic Cop:  Why not?
Older Woman:  I stole this car.
Traffic Cop:  Stole it?
Older Woman:  Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Traffic Cop:  You what!?
Older Woman:  His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see

The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while
calling for back up.  Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer  2:  Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle  please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman:  Is there a problem sir?
Officer  2:  My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and 
murdered the owner.
Older Woman:  Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer  2:  Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,  please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty  trunk.
Officer  2:  Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman:  Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic cop is quite stunned.
Officer  2:  My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch  purse and hands it
to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer  2:  Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer
here that you didn't have a  license, that you stole this car, and that you
murdered and hacked up the owner!
Older Woman:  Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.

Don't Mess With Mature Ladies

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Anonymous
Subject: The definition of disappointment

 Click here


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From: Anonymous
Subject: Fwd: Careless Sticker Placement

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Anonymous
Subject: women you can't take anywhere HA! HA! HA!

 Click here

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Anonymous3
Subject: Pictures only a super photographer can take

 Click here

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Anonymous
Subject: A message from Bank of America (Very Good! - ED)

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Anonymous
Subject: Who hasn't wanted to do this? (Just as good - ED)

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

+++ Time: 20111105091847
+++ From: Anonymous3 +++ Subject: Commercials vs Reality +++ File links:
 Click here
+++ Content:


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

+++ Time: 20111105202827
+++ From: Anonymous3 +++ Subject: Gotta love this guy +++ File links:
 Click here
+++ Content:


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Anonymous3
Subject: Good sales pitch

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Anonymous
Subject: Kissing Mountains

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


From: Anonymous3
Subject: Steve Jobs

 Click here

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Anonymous
Subject: Role model

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

+++ Time: 20111102205344
+++ From: Anonymous3 +++ Subject: Alien eggs +++ File links:
 Click here
+++ Content:


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Arfermo
Subject: life is good

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


From: Diks
Subject: Reagan Stuff

Enjoy the joke, so appropriate,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Diks
Subject: BEST PROM NIGHT EVER! (Holy Jumpin' Heck! - ED)

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Johnny Green
Subject: Men Who Lack Female Supervision


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Johnny Green
Subject: 2012 Friday Humour: Pickering at His Best.

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Johnny Green
Subject: WHEN MEN BAKE COOKIES

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MEN BAKE COOKIES ...................

My heart shaped cookie cutter will never look the same.

What happens when men bake cookies??

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


From: Johnny Green
Subject: What happens to young people

 Click here


Spelling errors Inclusive!


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


From: Kaos_reflex
Subject: Eastwood - it had to happen!

 Click here


It was Clint Eastwood's birthday recently and to celebrate a few of his
friends got together and organised a sky writer to put a message above the
Hollywood sign.


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Kaos_reflex
Subject: I say who cares !!!    (XXX - ED)

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Kaos_reflex
Subject: Correct Way to take a shirt off! (XX - ED)

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Mitta
Subject: The Very Hungry Mouse

 Click here

 Click here

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Sack
Subject: only in Australia!

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Sack
Subject: le meilleur ami de l'homme...

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


From: Sack
Subject: FW: INAPPROPRIATE IMAGE:  DEAD MAN WALKING

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Chinese Hurrymoon

A young Chinese couple get married.

She's a virgin & they are both waiters.
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets, as her husband
undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry
flighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss
anyting you want. You juss ask.
Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly,
which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows, and he waits patiently and eagerly for her
request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard
about from other girls .... Nummaa 69".

More thoughtful silence, but this time from him Eventually, in a puzzled
tone he asks her...

"You want ... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa?"


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Fishing NT

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


From: Whizzbang
Subject:  The Girl on a bicycle....the best of Paul Hogan

 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
Subject:  National Geopgrapic Photos

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
Subject: My Blackberry is not Working

 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
Subject: Clever Changes

 Click here

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


From: Whizzbang
Subject:  MORE REVs !

Now thats a croc shot

Crewman to pilot: Keep your door closed, I think we have a problem!!!!
A recent incident in the Northern Territory


 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: anonymous
Subject: FW: What a dog does when it's cold

What a dog does when it's cold! This video is only 14 seconds long, but
it's cute! And I guarantee you will enjoy it. You will watch it over and
over.


 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


Quote of the Week:

Agnosticism simply means that a man shall not say he knows or believes that
for which he has no grounds for professing to believe.

- Thomas H. Huxley



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[ End friday humour ]

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