Friday humour - July 22, 2011

From Burnout @ Bluehaze

From: Anonymous
Subject: Whale Rescue--a must watch

Beautiful story and filmed as it happened. Enjoy!


 Click here


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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Many of the problems we face today...


Isn't that the troof?


Many of the problems we face today exist because the people who work for a
living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living.


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From: Burnout
Subject: Longest Nerve in the Body


Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the
eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a
sh*tty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't
bring a tear to your eyes.


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From: Diks
Subject: Marriage........................

After  being married for more than 40 years....a wife asked  her husband to
describe her.
He  looked at her slowly...then said, "You're* still* a   A, B, C, D,  E,
F,
G, H.... I, J,  K."
She  asks..... "What does that  mean?"****


He  said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful,  Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous,
Hot.****


She  smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so  lovely..... What  about  I,
J, K?"****

He  said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

His  eye is still swollen....but it will get  better............ ****


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: A tribute to the great legs of some beautiful actresses of film
and television - see how many you can pick


Wasted on me (triceps man) but some of you will enjoy this.
Great sound by ZZ Top


 Click here


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: Cajun Paintball Duck Hunting


One for y'all country folks. save 8 Mb, Pookie!


 Click here


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: MURDER AT WOOLWORTHS


Must be going around again - have had it several times - so in defence.


  MURDER AT WOOLWORTHS


Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young
husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance
policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to
have her killed.


A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side
underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the
husband that his going price for  snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't
have any cash on hand until he could collect his  wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened
his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.


Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as
down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Woolworths
Supermarket store. There, he surprised her in the produce department &
proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting
woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the
produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling
to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to
strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the
hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who
immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he
could even leave the store.


Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole
sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless
husband who was also quickly arrested.


The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...


'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WOOLWORTHS


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From: Johnny Green
Subject: More morons at work!

D'oh.


 Click here


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From: Kaos_reflex
Subject: Give Her A Backhander !


579m - man, that felt good! J

A good laugh. Drag the hand towards Julia.


 Click here


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From: Kaos_reflex
Subject: The dying priest

In Canberra an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had
faithfully served the people of the nation's capital.


He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.
"I would really like to see Prime Minister and the Treasurer before I die",
whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father", replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to Parliament and waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; Prime Minister Julia Gillard and Treasurer Wayne
Swan would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Julia commented to Wayne, "I don't know why
the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly will help our images
and might even get me re-elected Prime Minister. After all, I'm IN IT TO
WIN IT".
Wayne agreed that it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Julia’s hand
in his right hand and Wayne’s hand in his left.
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.
Finally Julia Gillard spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have
chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"
The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life
after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."
"Amen", said Julia . "Amen", said Wayne.The old priest continued, "Jesus
died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same."


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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject: three boys 14,15, and 16 with a future I reckon


 Click here


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From: Tommo963
Subject: Audio File Humour


Roy D. Mercer is a crank caller. Listen as he discusses the trouble his "
 target=_blank>Click here Horny Hound"

got into when his dachshund got into his Viagra.

A   target=_blank>Click here sweet little Irish

girl calls a demolition company to destroy her school.

Wanda Sykes is one funny woman! Listen here as she crank calls a hardware
store telling them that her kids glued her to the
 target=_blank>Click here toilet seat.


Here's another to a
 target=_blank>Click here car repair shop

complaining about "a little something" the mechanic dropped in her back
seat.

Here she calls to a prison requesting a
 target=_blank>Click here conjugal

visit!

Here's an unusual police call from a man being "
 target=_blank>Click here held hostage" in the

back seat of a car.

On the outside chance that you've never heard it, here is one of the
world's most famous comedy routines: Abbott and Costello's famous "
 target=_blank>Click here Who's on First." Don't

skip this one!

Tired of hearing "You've Got Mail?" Try
 target=_blank>Click here America Inline.


Here's a Christmas tribute to the power ballad:
 target=_blank>Click here Oh, Holy Night.

Warning: absolutely terrifying!

If you've heard GM's ads for "OnStar," you'll enjoy this parody:
 target=_blank>Click here BlondeStar.


While this DJ thought he was playing a practical joke on this wife, but
stay with it: there's a surprise ending:
 target=_blank>Click here Your husband is

fired

Roy D. Mercer calls the local Marine recruiter with a problem about his
son's   target=_blank>Click here Dead

Hampster, Liberace.

And here Roy tackles the local
 target=_blank>Click here
chiropractor.

"Ned" is a sidekick to Tampa area D. J., Bubba the Love Sponge. He's one
truly funny guy. He's just a little too interested in the new
 target=_blank>Click here Gay and

Lesbian cable channel!?

All Vince asked was to "
 target=_blank>Click here
cancel my AOL account." Little did he know he would become famous. (And get
this AOL rep fired!)

Tom Mabe keeps a recorder by his phone, just in case a
 target=_blank>Click here telemarketer

calls. Listen to this guy spin his way deeper and deeper!

Think your   target=_blank>Click here pizza

delivery place is rude? Just listen to this guy. (Much bleeping)

Joe hits a mofo deer.   target=_blank>Click here
Joe calls 911. Joe curses a lot. And then the plot takes an hilarious
twist.
(Much bleeping)

Here's a prank call that starts out quite offensive but turns out well in
the end.   target=_blank>Click here Child

Support


And here's another DJ crank call to a (has to be blonde) young lady about
 target=_blank>Click here car repairs... at

the request of her father!

Here's an   target=_blank>Click here AOL ad for anyone

who used to be on AOL!


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From: Tommo963
Subject: Actual Tube Announcements

Actual announcements made by London Tube (subway) train drivers to their
passengers and collected by Annie Mole.


"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know
you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married
to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound
tracks and head in the opposite direction."

"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from
elbow and backside syndrome; that is, not knowing his elbow from his
backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given
any."

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first? The good news is that
last
Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad
news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East
Ham,
which means we probably won't reach our destination anytime soon."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security
alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the
foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time
together. All together now: Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall....'"

"We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker Street is
closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could
tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that."

"Beggars are operating on this train, please do not encourage these
professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."

During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced
in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and
gentleman. Unfortunately towels will not be provided."

"Let the passengers off the train first!" (pause) "Oh, go on then. Stuff
yourselves in like sardines. See if I care! I'm going home!"

"Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold
the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions."

"Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the
doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into
the doors."

"We can't move off because some idiot has their #$*(@!% hand stuck in the
door!"

"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second
carriage: What part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"

"Please move all baggage away from the doors. (pause) Please move all
belongings away from the doors. (pause) This is a personal message to the
man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie
down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before
I come back there and shove them up your ar*e... sideways!"


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From: Tommo963
Subject: Jay Leno

"Scientists in China say they have found a dolphin they previously thought
was extinct. Scientists say the dolphin is rare, beautiful, and delicious
with hot mustard sauce."
--Conan O'Brien


"Here is a very odd story. A woman in Tennessee is now suing a local
pharmacy after buying what she thought were birth control patches. They
turned out to be nicotine patches. The good news, her new baby is now down
to a half a pack a day."
--Jay Leno


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From: Tommo963
Subject: A TODDLER SWALLOWED A TINY MAGNET

Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet a mother, rushed him to
the emergency room.

"He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through
his system in a day or two."

"How will I be sure?" she pressed.

"Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator.
When he falls off, you'll know."

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From: Tommo963
Subject: MUSIC

You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart.

Luckily the music is very loud.

So every time you fart, you time it with the music.

When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus everybody is
throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realise. ..........


... You're listening to music on your I-pod!


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From: Tommo963


I used to call my ex 'Superman'


Two women were having coffee, when one said, "I used to call my ex
'Superman' when we were in bed." The second commented, "How flattering!"

To which the first replied, "Not really! I meant that he was faster than a
speeding bullet."


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$


predict the future with cards


A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the
future with cards?"


His response was, "My mother can."


The teacher replied, "Really?"


The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report
card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."


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From: Tommo963
Subject:  THE NAVY WAY


The Chief noticed a new seaman one day... and barked at him, "Get over
here!" "What is your name?" was the first thing the Chief asked the new
guy.

"Phil," the new guy replied.

The Chief scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal
pansy stuff they're teaching Sailors in boot camp today, but I don't call
anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a
breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last name only.
Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all.

I am to be referred to only as Chief. Do I make myself clear?"

"Aye aye, Chief!"

"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling my name is Phil Darling, Chief!"

"Okay then, Phil, here's what I want you to do"


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From: Tommo963
Subject: FORREST GUMP IN HEAVEN


The day finally arrived, Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the
Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and
Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.

St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have
heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling
up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone.
The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody
ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard;
life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second: How many seconds are there in a year?

Third: What is God's first name?"


Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and
sees St. Peter, who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance
to think the questions over, tell me your answers."


Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begin with
the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow.


The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was
thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll
give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St. Peter.

"How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that
and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name
could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd. . ..."

"Hold it, " interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and
I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind....but I'll
have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and
final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure", Forrest replied, "its Andy."

"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can
understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but
just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name
of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it
from the song. 'Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me I am
his own...'"

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest, run."

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From: Tommo963
Subject: SNOTTY MEDICAL RECEPTIONIST

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam.

Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under
the knife or had those pellets implanted.

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist
was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.

I gave her my name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I
HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;  YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at
me, a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A S*X CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT
THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

The room erupted in applause


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From: Tommo963
Subject: THREE QUESTIONS

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"

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From: Tommo963
Subject: THE LOCAL BANK TO BORROW MONEY FOR A NEW BULL

A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan
was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see
how the bull was doing.

The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look
at a cow.

Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.

Next week, Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped.

The farmer looked very pleased. "The bull has serviced all of my cows! He
broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been
breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!"

"Wow," said Banker Bill, "what did the vet do to that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer.

"What kind of pills?" asked Banker Bill.

"I don't know, but they kind of taste like peppermint."


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From: Anonymous
Subject: UNHAPPY ARABS


The Arabs are not happy!
They're not happy in Gaza.
They're not happy in Egypt.
They're not happy in Libya.
They're not happy in Morocco.
They're not happy in Iran.
They're not happy in Iraq.
They're not happy in Yemen.
They're not happy in Afghanistan.
They're not happy in Pakistan.
They're not happy in Syria.
They're not happy in Lebanon.
They're not happy in Algerie
They're not happy in Tunisia

So, where are they happy?

They're happy in England.
They're happy in France.
They're happy in Italy.
They're happy in Germany.
They're happy in Sweden.
They're happy in the USA.
They're happy in Norway.

They're happy in every country that is not Muslim.


And who do they blame?
Not Islam.
Not their leadership.
Not themselves.


THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN!


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From: Anonymous
Subject: Worst welcome mat ever


 Click here

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From: Anonymous
Subject: Directions

 Click here

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From: Anonymous
Subject: Flashlights


 Click here


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From: Anonymous3
Subject: AL AIN PARADISE


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

The first park in Guinness World Record by The Largest Number of Hanging
Flower Baskets -- Al Ain, United Arab Emirates .....

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From: Anonymous
Subject: Uh, no thanks, I'll just have water

 Click here


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From: Anonymous3
Subject: Ah, Nature!

 Click here


What a great Story and Picture


The photo was taken at the entrance to Katlian Bay at the end of the road
in Sitka , Alaska ..
The whale is coming up to scoop up a mouthful of herring.........
(the small fish seen  at the surface around the kayak).
The kayaker is a local Sitka Dentist. He apparently didnt sustain any
injuries from the terrifying experience.
The whale was just around the corner from the ferry terminal, and all the
kayaker could think at that moment in time was:
"Paddle Man - really fast!"


The whale's mouth is fully open with the bottom half under the boat. If the
whale had closed his mouth before he furiously paddled away - He might have
been LUNCH!!!
Look at the picture again - He is in the whales MOUTH!


Sort of like Moby D*ck


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From: Burnout
Subject: WHY I HATE MY PARENTS


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here


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From: Burnout
Subject: Survived by his wife.....


 Click here

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From: Cartographer Chris
Subject: Benny Hill in USA????

 Click here


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From: Digi Maria
Subject: Last argument


 Click here


O.K. Honey!
We're here!
I said I was sorry!
You can come out now.


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From: Digi Steve
Subject: Examples of feline behaviour

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

I thought you'd appreciate these examples of feline behavior.


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From: Diks
Subject: WHAT KIND OF BOW IS THIS?

 Click here Click here Click here Click here


Answer:   Who Gives a Sh*t?

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From: Duke of Barsinov
Subject: Commuter Rail - On Time Running - 100%

 Click here


Unbelievable!

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From: Kaos_reflex
Subject: Control your temper

 Click here


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From: Muse
Subject: We need one of these for Canada...

 Click here


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From: Muse
Subject: Brazilian grandmothers


 Click here

Safe to say these are NOT your typical grannies ....................


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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: A Seniors Moment

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

No one believes seniors - everyone thinks they are senile.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple
had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old
neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their
old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk
they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."


On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car,
practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure
what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty
thousand dollars!


Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers."

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking
for the money, and knocked on their door. "Pardon me, did either of you
find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
Sally said, "No".
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: "Tell us the
story from the beginning."
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday
..."
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "We're outta
here!"


TOO GOOD NOT TO SHARE


And Then:
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and
drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife -
she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."

Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better
think it over - women like that are hard to find."

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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: Finnegan the squirrel

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Finnegan The Squirrel

The  moral of this story is the best part!

Debby Cantlon, who plans to release Finnegan, the young squirrel, back into
the wild, bottle-fed the infant squirrel after it was  brought to her
house..

When Cantlon took in the tiny creature and began caring for him, she found
herself with an unlikely nurse's aide: her pregnant Papillion, Mademoiselle
Giselle.

Finnegan was resting in a nest in a cage just days before Giselle was due
to deliver her puppies.

Cantlon and her husband watched as the dog dragged the squirrel's cage
twice to her own bedside before she gave  birth.

Cantlon was concerned, yet ultimately decided to allow the squirrel out and
the inter-species bonding began.

Finnegan rides a puppy mosh pit of sorts, burrowing in for warmth after
feeding, eventually working his way beneath his new litter mates.

Two days after giving birth, mama dog Giselle allowed Finnegan to nurse;
family photos and a videotape show her encouraging him to suckle alongside
her litter of five pups.  Now, Finnegan mostly uses a bottle, but still
snuggles with his 'siblings' in a mosh pit of puppies, rolling atop their
bodies, and sinking in deeply for a nap.

Finnegan and his new litter mates, five Papillion puppies, get along
together as if they were meant to.

Finnegan naps after feeding.

Finnegan  makes himself at home with his new litter mates, nuzzling
nose-to-nose for a nap after  feeding.

Send this along to brighten someone's day!

Wouldn't it be nice if we could all get along like Finnegan and the gang?

MORAL OF THE STORY: Keep loving everyone, even the squirrelly ones.


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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: PENCIL vs CAMERA

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

"Pencil vs Camera"
                           by Belgian artist Ben Heine


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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: Hot air balloon - Oh what a feeling!

 Click here

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From: The Great Gussius
Subject: Biggest Animals in the World

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

This enormous Belgian cow got its huge size and muscle mass from natural
mutation of the gene sometimes called double muscling, which results in
accelerated lean muscle growth.

Worlds Biggest Dog
Hercules, an English Mastiff is currently known as the biggest dog in the
Guinness Book of World Records, weighing in at 294 lbs (133 kg).

Worlds Tallest Dog
Certified by the Guiness Book of World Records, Gibson is currently the
world's tallest living dog. He measures in at 180 lbs (81 kg), 3.5 ft (107
cm) tall, and is more then 7 feet (2.1 m) tall when standing up.

Tallest Living Horse
Radar, a Belgian draught horse from Mount Pleasant, Texas is officially the
World's Tallest Living Horse. [via worldsmostunique]
Belgian Draft horse gelding
Born in 1998 in Iowa, USA 19 Hands 3-1/2 inches tall (6 7-1/2)
Weighs over 2,400 pounds (1,088 kg)
Eats 18lbs of grain and 40lbs of hay each day
Drinks 20 gallons of water each day

World Longest Goldfish
The worlds longest goldfish (Carassius auratus) is owned by Joris
Gijsbers in Hapert, The Netherlands. The fish is measured 18.7 in (47.4 cm)
from snout to tail-fin end.

Biggest Freshwater Fish Ever Caught
The official world record for the biggest freshwater fish ever caught is
the

Giant Mekong catfish. This huge catfish was caught in Thailand in May 2005
and is measures in at 9 feet (2.7 m) long, weighed 646 lbs (293 kg),
and is 5 times bigger than the 'world record' catfish caught in North
America.

Worlds Largest Rabbit
Try pulling a rabbit as large as this out of a hat. This gigantic rabbit
weighs 17 lbs (7.7 kg), has ears measuring at 8.2 in (21 cm), and is almost
3.2 feet (1 m) tall. Herman could easily be the worlds biggest rabbit, but
Guinness World Records have stopped accepting entries because of fears
people were over-feeding their pets.

Worlds Largest Snakes Ever
Caught in Indonesia , this huge Python is measured in at 48 ft (14.85 m)
long and weight 985 lbs (447 kg).

Largest Wildcat in the World
The largest wild cat in the world is a liger, also known as a hybrid cross
between a male lion and a female tiger. Similar to the English Mastiff,
this huge liger is also named Hercules and is recognized by the Guinness
Book of World Records as the largest cat on Earth, weighing in at 900 lbs
(408 kg).

Biggest Housecat in the World
Believe it or not this image was not a result of photoshopped.

Worlds Biggest Pig
This 1984 lbs (900 kg) was found in the Liaoning Provincial, China .
Unfortunately the pig past away on Feb 5th, 2009, but left behind records
of 94 in (2.5 m) long, waistline of 87 in (2.23 m), and a tusk of 5.6 in
(14.4 cm) long.

Biggest Stingray Ever Caught
It took 13 men and 90 minutes to heave this giant out of the water. This
giant stingray weighed 5 tonnes (5,000 kg), measures in at 7 feet (2.1
m) wide, and has a tail of 10 ft (3 m) long.

The Bull with the Largest Horn in the World
Lurch was born on in Missouri , USA and is currently known as the bull with
the largest horn in the world, measuring in at 37.5 inches (95.25 cm) wide.

Biggest Lobster Ever Caught
A group of scientists has found what may be the worlds largest lobster ever
captured. Current measurement is 19 inches (50 cm) long.

Largest Crab
According to wikipedia, the coconut crab, Birgus latro, is the largest
land-living arthropod in the world. The coconut crab has body length of up
to 16 in (40 cm), weight 9 lbs (4.1 kg), and a leg span of more than 3 ft
(91 cm), with males generally being larger than females.


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  T.G.I.T.D.  (XXX - Warning ED)

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here


Thank God It's Tits Day!


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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Builders in the sky

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here


Workers build a footpath around the vertiginous slopes of Shifou Mountain
in China


Workersbuild a plankroad on theside of ShifouMountain,Huna
Thousands of metres up the vertiginous slopes of Shifou Mountain in Hunan
Province, China, a team of workers, operating with hardly any safety
measures, are building a footpath
Workersbuild a plankroad on theside of ShifouMountain,Huna
The workers are building a plank road on the side of the mountain that,
once it is finished, will stretch for 3km (9843 ft) and be China's longest
sightseeing footpath


Workers build a plankroad on theside of ShifouMountain,Huna
48-year-old Yu Ji (above) is one of the workers and he has been working on
high cliffs building such plank roads for more than 10 years. He comments:
"Young people don't want this job, as it requires them to stay deep in the
mountains for months or even years"
Workersbuild a plankroad on theside of ShifouMountain,Huna
Yu Ji takes charge of the most dangerous part of the project - drilling the
holes to set up pipes to support the footpath


Workers build a plankroad on theside of ShifouMountain,Huna
Building a plank road on Shifou Mountain is difficult because the cliff
stands vertical at 90 degrees, without any slope or alcoves


A finished section of the footpath


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Your kind of Swag...? (XXXX - Warning ED)

 Click here


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Ballistics effects

 Click here


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From: anonymous
Subject:  Irish Love Story


An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of
impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones
wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with
even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs.


With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were
literally hundreds of his favourite scones.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Irish wife
of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in rumpled posture.
His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the
table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon .......

"Fook off" she said, 'they're for the funeral.'


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From: anonymous
Subject: this is really fun! ............. UNDER WATER BOWLING

This could get very addictive!!!  Enjoy!!


This will drive you nuts! have fun....Click on the following:

 Click here


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From: anonymous
Subject: Bill gates got 3 out of 10, how well can you do

 Quite pleased with myself - I got 7 out of 10!!!


 THOROUGHLY UNDERSTAND EACH QUESTION PRIOR TO SELECTING YOUR RESPONSE.
  AND DON'T LAUGH AT BILL GATES AND HIS SCORE OF THREE JUST YET!!

Think carefully.

Intelligence Test
You are going to hate yourself over this.

   It scores automatically, too.
 Take this advice ... Be sure and think again before you answer.


How Smart Are You?

 Click here


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Quote of the Week:

Discovery is the ability to be puzzled by simple things.

- Noam Chomsky



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