Friday humour - July 08, 2011

From Gussius@ Bluehaze

US Independence Day celebrations:

John Adams believed that July 2nd was the correct date on which to
celebrate the birth of American independence, and would reportedly turn
down invitations to appear at July 4th events in protest.
Both Adams and Thomas Jefferson celebrated Independence by dying on the
same day - July 4,
1826, the 50th anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration of
Independence.

A few days ago, a statue commemorating the 100th birthday of President
Ronald Reagan was unveiled in London, coinciding with Independence Day
celebrations in America. President Reagan brought freedom to millions of
people and now will bring freedom from constipation to millions of pigeons
in Grosvenor Square.

Contributions this week are from Dianne, Mitta, Diks, Johnny Green,
Anonymous3, Muse,
Nottingham Smithie, Tommo963, Diks, Duke of Barsinov, Kaos_reflex, Sack,
Stumpy Steve,
Whizzbang and the regular band of anon readers.


___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Admiral Nimitz

An interesting story about the insight Admiral Nimitz had into the
"Mistakes" the Japanese made when they bombed Pearl Harbor.

Tour boats ferry people out to the USS Arizona Memorial in Hawaii every
thirty minutes. We just missed a ferry and had to wait thirty minutes. I
went into a small gift shop to kill time. In the gift shop, I purchased a
small book entitled, "Reflections on Pearl Harbor" by Admiral Chester
Nimitz.

Sunday, December 7th, 1941--Admiral Chester Nimitz was attending a concert
in Washington D. C.
He was paged and told there was a phone call for him. When he answered the
phone, it was
President Franklin Delano Roosevelt on the phone. He told Admiral Nimitz
that he (Nimitz) would now be the Commander of the Pacific Fleet. Admiral
Nimitz flew to Hawaii to assume command of the Pacific Fleet. He landed at
Pearl Harbor on Christmas Eve, 1941. There was such a spirit of despair,
dejection and defeat--you would have thought the Japanese had already won
the war.

On Christmas Day, 1941, Adm. Nimitz was given a boat tour of the
destruction wrought on Pearl
Harbor by the Japanese. Big sunken battleships and navy vessels cluttered
the waters every where you looked. As the tour boat returned to dock, the
young helmsman of the boat asked, "Well
Admiral, what do you think after seeing all this destruction?" Admiral
Nimitz's reply shocked everyone within the sound of his voice. Admiral
Nimitz said, "The Japanese made three of the biggest mistakes an attack
force could ever make or God was taking care of America. Which do you think
it was?" Shocked and surprised, the young helmsman asked, "What do mean by
saying the
Japanese made the three biggest mistakes an attack force ever made?"

Nimitz explained. Mistake number one: the Japanese attacked on Sunday
morning. Nine out of every ten crewmen of those ships were ashore on leave.
If those same ships had been lured to sea and been sunk--we would have lost
38,000 men instead of 3,800.

Mistake number two: when the Japanese saw all those battleships lined in a
row, they got so carried away sinking those battleships, they never once
bombed our dry docks opposite those ships. If they had destroyed our dry
docks, we would have had to tow everyone of those ships to America to be
repaired. As it is now, the ships are in shallow water and can be raised.
One tug can pull them over to the dry docks, and we can have them repaired
and at sea by the time we could have towed them to America. And I already
have crews ashore anxious to man those ships.

Mistake number three: every drop of fuel in the Pacific theater of war is
in top of the ground storage tanks five miles away over that hill. One
attack plane could have strafed those tanks and destroyed our fuel supply.
That's why I say the Japanese made three of the biggest mistakes an attack
force could make or God was taking care of America.

I've never forgotten what I read in that little book. It is still an
inspiration as I reflect upon it. In jest, I might suggest that because
Admiral Nimitz was a Texan, born and raised in Fredricksburg,
Texas--he was a born optimist. But anyway you look at it--Admiral Nimitz
was able to see a silver lining in a situation and circ*mstance where
everyone else saw only despair and defeatism.
President Roosevelt had chosen the right man for the right job.

We desperately needed a delusional leader that could see silver linings in
the midst of the clouds of dejection, despair and defeat.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Reconstruction of Hudson River Landing
This is unreal like you are right there...

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

India's talent - 7 year old dancer does Michael Jackson

This kid can really dance!!!!! And 7 just years of age.

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Crisis in the gulf..................

Boudreaux suddenly quit drinking, bathed regularly, quit chasing women,
stopped cussing and quit his poker games!

He even started cutting the grass around the church, painted the church
building, and was faithful to be the first parishioner to attend on
Sundays!

Rev. Thibodeaux asked Boudreaux what caused the wonderful change that had
come over him.

Boudreaux explained, "I heard dem say on da TV, “Crisis in the Gulf, an if
He’s dat close, I wanna be good to go!"

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Slap

Try moving your mouse near this guy's head ...

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

A smoking problem

A bit sickening but if you've got 10 minutes. not quite what you expected.

 Click here
&feature=player_embedded

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Something every cool dude must get

Just loooove goatees (not) - how have I managed all these years without one
of these.?

Apologies to you yobs out there with them!

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

How close to a train track can you set up a vegetable market?

Now THAT's using the real estate! Amazing!

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Baseball awareness

Killjoy Kouvelis.

 Click here

Wonder if this guy's available for the Australian cricket team?

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

True love

Possibly in the Oldie but a Goodie Dept. but worth another look!

A woman was sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her
man and she says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live
without you."

Her man asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking?"

She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Can anyone spot the gay soldier????

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Staff Sergeant Reckless

A true hero !!!!!

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Name Game Akinator

It is fun. It is amazing!
Choose a famous person in your mind and then participate in this 20
question game!! It really works,

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Women are Smarter ??

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said,
"That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock
to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman
and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world.
And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay,
because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here
and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.


The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife ...

Moral of the story: Women are not really smart, they just think they are.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show
that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who
have a good sense of humor.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Click above the NYC sky line its real cool Happy 4th

Have a safe and wonderful holiday weekend.... Enjoy! Lady Liberty Fireworks

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Fried Egg Candy

From Taste of Home, March/April 2000
Pretzel Sticks vanilla (or white chocolate) baking chips yellow M&Ms

Place pretzel sticks on waxed paper in groups of two, leaving a small space
between each. In a microwave-safe bowl, heat vanilla chips at 70% power
until melted; stir until smooth. For best results, stir after after 20
seconds, and don’t overheat. Drop by spoonfuls over each pair of pretzel
sticks. For "yolks", place one or two M&Ms in the center of each "egg".
Allow to harden.

Fried egg candy:
 Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Sharpen Knives with a cup

Learn something new every day!!! Makes complete ceramic sense.

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Sat*rday afternoon humor

"Doctor, Doctor! You've gotta help me!" cried the scared woman. "I have a
piece of lettuce stuck in my ear!"
"That looks nasty," commented the nurse.
"Nasty?" replied the doctor. "You haven't seen anything yet."
"What do you mean?" asked the nurse and alarmed patient, in unison.
"This is just the tip of the iceberg!" replied the doctor.
____________

A man decides to take his dog to a talent agency because he swears his dog
can talk. The agent decides to interview the dog and it goes something like
this...........
Agent: What's on top of your house?
Dog: ROOF
Agent: What's the outer layer of a tree?
Dog: BARK
Agent: Who was the greatest baseball Player?
Dog: RUTH
The agent exclaims: This is ridiculous... And sends them away.
When they get outside the dog looks up to his owner and says ...... What?
Should I have said DiMaggio?
________________

A guy meets a cute girl at a bar and strikes up a conversation. Many drinks
and a long enjoyable evening later, he asks her to come back to his
apartment.
In no time, they are in the throws of passion, tearing off each others'
clothes. His manhood at full attention, he has just her socks and panties
to go before reaching the promised land.
When he pulls off her socks he realizes that she is missing all 10 toes.
She explains that she lost them after having been unprotected in freezing
weather, and they were amputated due to frostbite.
This immediately causes him to lose his erection and to have no desire to
continue with his love making. No longer the least bit interested in
continuing, he apologizes to her and rushes to get her dressed and out of
his house.
As she was a real beauty and he couldn't wait to mount her, the event
really bothers him so he visits his doctor and relates what happened. Upon
finishing his story, the doctor pats him on the shoulder and says "Nothing
to fret about. It just appears that you are lack toes intolerant."

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Old Aviators and Old Airplanes...

This is a great little story about a vivid memory of a P-51 and its pilot,
by a fellow who was 12 years old in Canada in 1967.

It was to take to the air. They said it had flown in during the night from
some U. S. airport, the pilot had been tired. I marveled at the size of the
plane dwarfing the Pipers and Canucks tied down by her. It was much larger
than in the movies.

She glistened in the sun like a bulwark of security from days gone by. The
pilot arrived by cab, paid the driver, and then stepped into the pilot's
lounge. He was an older man; his wavy hair was gray and tossed. It looked
like it might have been combed, say, around the turn of the century. His
flight jacket was checked, creased and worn - it smelled old and genuine.
Old Glory was prominently sewn to its shoulders. He projected a quiet air
of proficiency and pride devoid of arrogance. He filed a quick flight plan
to Montreal (Expo-67, Air Show) then walked across the tarmac. After taking
several minutes to perform his walk-around check the pilot returned to the
flight lounge to ask if anyone would be available to stand by with fire
extinguishers while he "flashed the old bird up, just to be safe."

Though only 12 at the time I was allowed to stand by with an extinguisher
after brief instruction on its use -- "If you see a fire, point, then pull
this lever!" I later became a firefighter, but that's another story.

The air around the exhaust manifolds shimmered like a mirror from fuel
fumes as the huge prop started to rotate. One manifold, then another, and
yet another barked -- I stepped back with the others. In moments the
Packard-built Merlin engine came to life with a thunderous roar,
blue flames knifed from her manifolds. I looked at the others' faces, there
was no concern. I lowered the bell of my extinguisher. One of the guys
signaled to walk back to the lounge. We did.

Several minutes later we could hear the pilot doing his pre flight run-up.
He'd taxied to the end of runway 19, out of sight. All went quiet for
several seconds; we raced from the lounge to the second story deck to see
if we could catch a glimpse of the P-51 as she started down the runway. We
could not. There we stood, eyes fixed to a spot half way down 19. Then a
roar ripped across the field,
much louder than before, like a furious hell spawn set loose---something
mighty this way was coming.

"Listen to that thing!" said the controller. In seconds the Mustang burst
into our line of sight. Its tail was already off and it was moving faster
than anything I'd ever seen by that point on 19. Two-thirds the way down 19
the Mustang was airborne with her gear going up. The prop tips were
supersonic;
we clasped our ears as the Mustang climbed hellish fast into the circuit to
be eaten up by the dog-
day haze.

We stood for a few moments in stunned silence trying to digest what we'd
just seen. The radio controller rushed by me to the radio. Kingston tower
calling Mustang?" He looked back to us as he waited for an acknowledgment.
The radio crackled, "Go ahead Kingston." "Roger Mustang. Kingston tower
would like to advise the circuit is clear for a low level pass." I stood in
shock because the controller had, more or less, just asked the pilot to
return for an impromptu air show!

The controller looked at us. "What?" He asked. "I can't let that guy go
without asking. I couldn't forgive myself!" The radio crackled once again,
Kingston, do I have permission for a low level pass,
east to west, across the field?"

"Roger Mustang, the circuit is clear for an east to west pass." "Roger,
Kingston, I'm coming out of 3000 feet, stand by." We rushed back onto the
second-story deck, eyes fixed toward the eastern haze. The sound was subtle
at first, a high-pitched whine, a muffled screech, a distant scream.
Moments later the P-51 burst through the haze.
Her airframe straining against positive Gs and gravity, wing tips spilling
contrails of condensed air,
prop-tips again supersonic as the burnished bird blasted across the eastern
margin of the field shredding and tearing the air. At about 500 mph and 150
yards from where we stood she passed with the old American pilot saluting.
Imagine. A salute! I felt like laughing, I felt like crying, she glistened,
she screamed, the building shook, my heart pounded.

Then the old pilot pulled her up and rolled, and rolled, and rolled out of
sight into the broken clouds and indelibly into my memory. I've never
wanted to be an American more than on that day. It was a time when many
nations in the world looked to America as their big brother, a steady and
even-
handed beacon of security who navigated difficult political water with
grace and style; not unlike the pilot who'd just flown into my memory. He
was proud, not arrogant, humble, not a braggart, old and honest, projecting
an aura of America at its best. That America will return one day, I know it
will. Until that time, I'll just send off this story; call it a reciprocal
salute, to the old American pilot who wove a memory for a young Canadian
that's lasted a lifetime.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Watch My Car

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

A man enters a barbershop for a shave

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up,
he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a
nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave
the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in
garbled speech "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem" says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone
else does!"

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Space Shuttle Discovery

Space Shuttle Discovery - 360VR Images

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Optical and Sound illusions

Clever optical illusion

 Click here

A Very Very clever sound illusion - you will need headphones on for this
one
Put headphones on and the click the link, close eyes for best effect. THIS
IS NOT A TRICK OR
DESIGNED TO SCARE. Enjoy

 Click here

Amazing Animated Optical Illusions!

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Some funny and/or interesting videos

Little Caesar's Death Metal Sign Shaker:

If your job is to hold a sign for Little Caesar's Pizza, you might as well
make the most of it and have a good time. $5 hot-n-ready pizza, and some
sweet metal? Count me in.

 Click here feature=player_embedded&v=SsTUBlHKnfI

&v=SsTUBlHKnfI

Hilarious Salute To All Dads:

As a dad, you have to take pleasure in the simple things of life.

Very funny and so typical of Men in general

 Click here


A good Aussie "Chaser" clip "Confuse-A-Guard". The premise of the game is
simple, confuse a security guard:

 Click here
&v=LCZ3SZLj5yo


A Phone Worth Stealing:
The best protection against getting mugged is only having stuff nobody
wants. (NSFW: Language)

 Click here
&v=f8ea3l8Zl2k


Football Cops:
A new high-octane, gritty cop drama is coming this fall. Peyton Manning is
Mike Tahoe, and brother Eli Manning is C. J. Hunter in "Football Cops".

Hey, you got to do something during the off season, might as well kill bad
guys.

 Click here
&v=-znHzHafMlQ


Chasers War On Everything Chas gets work done on half of his face and body
to try to look more like Daniel Craig. Does it work? You be the judge.
(Sort of NSFW In an attempt to see how well a little cosmetic surgery can
alter someone's appearance.):

 Click here
&v=rDkdkQpsvSA#at=54


Bestselling author, political adviser and social and ethical prophet Jeremy
Rifkin investigates the evolution of empathy and the profound ways that it
has shaped our development and our society

 Click here

Rollercoaster Safety with Patrick Warburton:

 Click here
k-warburton?playlist=featured_videos

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Cracked:

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

The 12 Most Insane Things You Can Buy on the Internet

Many people feel compelled to waste their money on lame things like
clothing, food and baby formula. Fortunately the Internet has made it
possible for us to buy virtually anything we can imagine, regardless of how
ludicrous it may be.

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Blind Date

Joe sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of
his.
But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen
before. "What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be
stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you
like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout
'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is
awe-struck at how attractive and s*xy she is. He's about to speak when the
girl suddenly shouts:

"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

An interesting variety of Vids

Bloody awesome. After the flash vid loads and the song begins begin to
click on the face, hands and objects that appear on the screen. Very
clever:

 Click here


At-At Day Afternoon:

If you've never wanted a pet At-At of your very own, you damn sure will
after watching this amazing stop-action animation from Patrick Boivin.

 Click here
&feature=player_embedded


You thought Tokyo had problems, what with the littany of monsters that
continuously attack? Check out what happens when New York is invaded by
8-bit creatures

 Click here
&feature=player_embedded#at=122

Check out what this gut can do with a chainsaw. Bioshock 2 Chainsaw
Sculpture of Subject Delta.
Be warned it is over 9 Minutes long.

 Click here


HMMMMM using the internet to write your Ranson notes for you. Now that's an
idea.
Ransom note generator:

Enter the text for the note in the box and then click the "Create'' button

 Click here


Specialized Beats: Music Made with Bicycle Sounds

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

STOP SIGN

A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the
mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted
through a stop sign.

"Hey have you forgotten how to stop?" yelled this bloke.

She rolled down her window and yelled back, "What makes you think these are
all mine ?"

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Who is it?

An Irishman took a business trip to London. When he arrived, the hotel
clerk asked him a riddle.

"My mom and dad had a baby. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who
was it?"

The Irishman thought long and hard, but eventually gave up. "I don't know,
who was it?"

The hotel clerk responded, "It was me!"

The Irishman thought that was hilarious. He couldn't wait to get home and
tell this funny joke to his family and friends in England.

When he arrived home they met him at the airport and he asked them: "My mom
and dad had a baby. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"

His friends thought and thought about it until they gave up. So he told
them, "It was a hotel clerk I met in London."

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Misleading and deceptive advertising

EBay Scam

Be careful what you purchase on eBay

Spent $50 on a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

Instructions said don't use in the sunlight.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Shorter Lives

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

This is why MEN have a shorter lifespan!!!!!!!

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Priceless

 Click here Click here Click here

The owner grabbed a camera instead of chasing the puppy away.

"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."
This must have been pure joy for the photographer!

"Friendship isn't about who you have known the longest
It's about those who came and never left your side."

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Call me John

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Honest Used Car Salesman.........

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Best Seat at Wrigley? adult subject

 Click here

Kind'a gives new meaning to the old, TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME song!!!

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Best WW II map I have ever seen (Europe)

 Click here

JUST CLICK IN THE MAP EACH TIME TO SHOW THE STAGES OF WAR

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Yoga_for_Wine_Lovers

 Click here

Well, I just wouldn't know.

From slap to slapstick!

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh - Cute Animal Pictures

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Machine delivered to South Africa without instructions..................

 Click here

More! No way..................

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Thankfulness & old.

 Click here

Every day we have something to be thankful for.

Today we are thankful that the photographer was not standing on the other
side.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

How to repair anything

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Cruel World

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

__._._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

How can one woman satisfy 12 men?

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Apologies
Annual apology

Over the past few months I have forwarded some inappropriate pictures and
jokes
To friends who I thought shared the same sense of humor..

Unfortunately this wasn't the case and I seem to have upset quite
A few people who have accused me of being s*xist and shallow..

If you were one of these people, please accept my sincerest apologies.

Looking to 2011 onward, I will only post or send e-mail with a cultural or
educational
Content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting topics.

Below is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris . It is the oldest
bridge
In Paris and took 26 years to build. It was completed in 1604.

 Click here

OH SH*T, WHERE DID SHE COME FROM????

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

FINALLY! THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Self Employed

This girl could be sitting at home drawing unemployment. Instead she's
established a business with unlimited potential for expansion. She is a
creative entrepreneur who has developed a business idea with tremendous
profit potential.

She's selling margaritas on the beach (clearing $1250.00 per day)...

The jobs ARE out there folks!!!!

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Takes my breath away

 Click here

Lost for words on this one.

A new meaning to FAT AR*E

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Have you ever woken up in the wrong bed?

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

A Dumb Ass

 Click here

As a parent, I often wonder if I taught my sons and daughters everything
they needed to know to lead a safe and sane life.

You know what I mean . . .don't run with a knife, don't stick beans in your
nose, don't lick a frosted piece of metal, etc.. But, you know, I think I
might have missed this particular piece of advice.

However, let's face it, if any of my sons or daughters ever tried this
totally idiotic stunt,

I figure they are way too stupid to survive in his world anyway!

Never.. . .
Ever. . .
Ever. .. .

Put a

FIRECRACKER
in your ass and light it!

I REPEAT. . .
Never....Ever...Ever, put a FIRECRACKER in your ass & light it ! ! !
Now, that's . .ONE DUMB ASS

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

The planking bar has been raised - McDonalds Planking

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

What Were The 80s Thinking

 Click here
+++ Content:

OMG?

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Random notes - Poorly Dressed - Demotivational

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Even_more_demotivational_-_poorly_dressed_&_office_notes:

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Walmart People- Poorly Dressed etc

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Yellow Raincoats

Your thought provoking question for the day...

Why are Raincoats Yellow?

 Click here

Any More Questions?

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Muha

Here’s today’s reality check:

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Sing like no one is listening

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Rednecks:

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

You think Australia's got big Road-Trains --- Try Brazilian Road-Train

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

S*xual Orientation test

 Click here

The cook is the matter of personal taste, but the recipe is really GOOD.
Fettuccine Alfredo

Ingredients

10 ounces fettuccini pasta
1/2 cup butter 5 cloves garlic, chopped 1 cup heavy cream 1 egg yolk 2 cups
freshly grated Parmesan cheese 2 tablespoons dried parsley

Directions

1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add fettuccine
pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain.

2. In a large skillet melt the butter and add the chopped garlic. Cook on
low for about 5 minutes, stirring often,
making sure not to burn the garlic.

3. Pour about a 1/4 cup of the heavy cream into a small bowl. Add the egg
yolk and beat together; put aside.
Pour the remaining cream into the frying pan. Increase the heat to
medium-high. As the cream starts to boil,
mix rapidly using a whisk. Slowly add the cream/egg mixture. You do not
want the egg to curdle. Continue whisking until well blended.

4. Add 1 cup of the Parmesan cheese and continue to mix the cream. Pour in
the remaining Parmesan and the parsley, mix until smooth. Immediately
remove from stove.
Serve over cooked pasta.


IF YOU SCROLLED PAST THE PHOTO AND ACTUALLY
READ THIS RECIPE, THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE.......
YOU ARE GAY.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

A beautiful poem

 Click here

A beautiful poem

I get this poem every winter & every winter I love re-reading it. It's a
beautiful poem and very well written. Thought you would enjoy it too.
I did.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

WHERE DID MAXINE COME FROM. Hello what else would you expect

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Some old ones and some new ones. Enjoy!


The creator Maxine is a man! How cool that that a man has such insight into
women and this kind of humor.


John Wagner, Hallmark artist since 1970, says Maxine was inspired by his
mother, his maiden aunts and his grandmother, the woman who bought him art
lessons when 'fill in the pumpkins' was about the extent of his art classes
at St. John's Catholic SchoolLeonia N. J. John remembers doodling as a
preschooler and says both his grandmother and his mother encouraged his
artistic interests. He eventually attended the Vesper George
School of Art in Boston and landed at Hallmark as part of a new artists
group. But it was the birth of the humorous Shoebox Greetings (a tiny
little division of Hallmark) in 1986 that added a new dimension to John's
professional life. The Shoebox way of seeing the world unleashed his
talents and created Maxine.

'Cartoonists are sensitive to the insanities of the world; we just try to
humanize them,' John says. 'If
Maxine can get a laugh out of someone who feels lonely or someone who is
getting older and hates the thought of another birthday, or if she can make
someone chuckle about stressful interpersonal relationships, then I'm
happy. Putting a smile on someone's face is what it's all about.'

Why the name 'Maxine'? 'People at Shoebox started referring to the
character as 'John Wagner's old lady,' and I knew that would get me into
trouble with my wife,' John says. The Shoebox team had a contest among
themselves to name the character and three of the approximately 30 entries
suggested 'Maxine.'
John says the name is perfect.

John, who says he's humbled by such acceptance of Maxine, admits he's proud
of her.

Now you know the story of how Maxine came to be.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

The Rash!

A man goes to a doctor for a rash on his arm. "What do you do for a
living?"
the doctor asks him. "I work at the circus, giving enemas to the
elephants," the guy says. "Quit doing that and the rash will clear up," the
doctor says.
The guy replies, horrified, "What? And get out of show business?"

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Three absolutely INCREDIBLE Italian teenage singers
Turn on your speakers!!!

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[ End friday humour ]

 Previous (July 01, 2011)  Index Next (July 15, 2011)