Friday humour - June 10, 2011

From Gussius@ Bluehaze

In Victoria, our local police department union is at loggerheads with the
government over pay negotiations. The boys and girls in blue have decided
to put industrial pressure on their employer by action designed to cut
revenue from speed cameras.

The idea is to park police cars with lights flashing near high revenue
generating cameras. The result is motorists will slow down and avoid a
voluntary donation. The expectation is the revenue loss will cost the state
coffers millions more than a well deserved pay rise.

So far, so good. The strategy wins over the motoring peasants, has maximum
impact on the Lord of the Manor, is legal and cost the union nothing.

So what is Plan ’B’? If speed kills and cameras are not just a revenue
raiser, the government might decide that this idea is so brilliant that it
should be a permanent feature of the job description of every member of the
Constabulary.

Valuable contributions this week from Burnout, Johnny Green, Kaos_reflex,
Liz, Muse, Sack,
Tommo, Whizzbang, Davo, Duke of Barsinov, Nottingham Smithie and the ever
faithful Anonymous.


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Ouch!!!

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he
spotted a sweet young thing.

He asked the trainer that was nearby, "What machine in here should I use,
to impress that sweet young thing over there?"

The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I'd try the ATM in the lobby"

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KNICKERS

Friends are like knickers.... Some crawl up your ar*e... Some snap under
pressure... Some don't have the strength to hold you up... Some get a
little twisted... Some are your favourite... Some are holey... Some are
cheap and just plain nasty... And some actually do cover your ar*e when u
need them too.

We all need knickers!!!!!

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A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part
in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25
years.

The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."

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Not what it seems

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table
watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap
dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the
duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for
$10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck
is a rip off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't
dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle
under the pot?"

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Duck

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask
me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any bread?

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Adult Country Music Video!

Worth a second look..................

..... just keeping you informed and abreast of the present situation.

.... enjoy .....

You can not deny that Country Music tells a story, has a message and is
patriotic! Gotta love them Texans!

 Click here

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Denver, Colorado from Compiled News Service.

A harassment charge has been dropped in the case of a 35 year old Colorado
man who faced prosecution for displaying his middle finger to a Colorado
State
Patrol Trooper.

The State Patrol said in a statement that it is was asked that the case be
dropped.

The American Civil Liberties Union had argued that while the gesture may be
have been rude, it amounted to protected free speech


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Father and Daughter

A young woman was about to finish her first year of university. Like so
many others her age, she considered herself to be Labor Party minded, and
she was very much in favour of higher taxes to support her education and
for more government programs - in other words, the redistribution of
wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch blue-ribbon
Conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that
she had attended and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that
her father had for years harboured a selfish desire to keep what he thought
should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on
the rich and the need for more government programs.

The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors must be the
truth, and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she
was doing at university.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 90% average, and
let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a
very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no
time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have
time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many university friends
because she spent all her time studying.


Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?" She
replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she
never studies and she barely has a 50% average. She is so popular on
campus;
university for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and
lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung
over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office
and ask him to deduct 20% off your average and give it to your friend who
only has 50%. That way you will both have a 70% average, it would be fair
and you would both be equal."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired
back, "That's a crazy idea; how would that be fair! I've worked really hard
for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey
has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my
tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the
Conservative side of the fence."

If anyone has a better explanation of the difference between Conservative
and Labor/Greens, I'm all ears.

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great
test!

If a Conservative supporter doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Labor/Green doesn't like guns, they want all guns outlawed.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Labor/Green is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for
everyone.

If a Conservative is gay, he quietly leads his life.
If a Labor/Green is gay, he demands legislated respect.

If a Conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
situation.

A Labor/Green wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Labor/Greens demand that those they don't like should be banned.

If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Labor/Green non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
(Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a Conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a
good laugh.
A Labor/Green will delete it because he's "offended."

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Cardboard Guy

How good is this guy?

Ennio Marchetto is a world renowned and awarded comedian who has created
his own theatrical language mixing mime, dance, music and quick change
costumes made out of card-board and paper. In 18 years Ennio has performed
in over 70 countries for more than a million people. His show has received
numerous awards and international critical acclaim.

PS..... He is from Italy He does impressions of stars and singers using
these paper costumes that transform from one person into another. He is
incredible!!

Turn on Sound and enlarge the screen

 Click here

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The cat and the dolphin.....

Aw Gee Shucks Dept.

MMM. Fish breath.

 Click here

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Flying Trapeze Aerial Voltige

Not quite for an ITT show!!!!............ but worth a watch - gets more
amazing as it progresses.

THE PERFORMANCE WILL TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY!!!!

Hold your breath!

 Click here

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Interesting history...

Some classics here

Thought you might enjoy these . . . . . .  

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either
sculpted or painted.  Some paintings of George Washington showed him
standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed
both legs and both arms.  Prices charged by painters were not based on how
many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted.
Arms and legs are 'limbs,' therefore painting them would cost the buyer
more. Hence the expression, 'Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.'  
(Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint)

*******
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May
and
October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads
(because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs.

Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the
wigs,
so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the
shell,
and bake it for 30 minutes.  The heat would make the wig big and fluffy,
hence the term 'big wig.' Today we often use the term 'here comes the Big
Wig' because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

*******

In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only one
chair.
Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for
dining.
The 'head of the household' always sat in the chair while everyone else ate
sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be
invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you
were important and in charge.  They called the one sitting in the chair the
'chair man.' Today in business, we use the expression or title 'Chairman'
or 'Chairman of the Board..'

*******

Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women
and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's
wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions.  When they were
speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face
she was told,
'mind your own bee's wax.'  Should the woman smile, the wax would crack,
hence the term 'crack a smile'.  In addition, when they sat too close to
the fire, the wax would melt . . . Therefore, the expression 'losing face.'

*******

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and
dignified woman, as in 'straight laced'. . Wore a tightly tied lace.

*******

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax
levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the 'Ace of
Spades.'  To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead.
Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be
stupid or dumb because they weren't 'playing with a full deck.'

*******

Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the
people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or
radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and
bars.  They were told to 'go sip some ale' and listen to people's
conversations and political concerns.. Many assistants were dispatched at
different times.  'You go sip here' and 'You go sip there.' The two words
'go sip' were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and,
thus we have the term 'gossip.'

*******
At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized
containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep
the drinks coming.  She had to pay close attention and remember who was
drinking in
'pints' and who was drinking in 'quarts,' hence the term minding your 'P's
and
'Q's

*******
One more and betting you didn't know this!

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried
iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls.  It was
necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon.  
However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?  The best storage
method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on
four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.  Thus, a supply of 30 cannon
balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.  There was
only one problem... how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling
from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a 'Monkey'
with 16 round indentations.

However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust
to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make 'Brass Monkeys.' Few
landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than
iron when chilled.

Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations
would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the
monkey.  Thus,
it was quite literally, 'Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass
monkey.'
(All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)

If you don't send this fabulous bit of historic knowledge to any and all
your unsuspecting friends, your floppy is going to fall off your hard drive
and kill your mouse.

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What next....xxx

This is scary stuff.  I'll be turning my mobile phone off from now on. I
typed in my number and sure enough they gave my location. 

Want to find out where your partner or employee is?

Want to track his or her whereabouts? 

Well, good ol' Google Earth just got better.  Type in his or her (any)
mobile phone number, as long as that phone is turned on, and you'll get the
location of that person!           

Give it a try.  It's incredible!!!           

www.trackapartner.com

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The Bathing Suit (by a middle-age woman unknown)

When I was a child in the 1950s, the bathing suit for the mature figure was
boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were
built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.

Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a
figure carved from a potato chip.?

The mature woman has a choice. She can either go up front to the maternity
department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like
a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's
Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store
trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of
fluorescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and
entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I
noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The
Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch
small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you
manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from
shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would
immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap
in place I gasped in horror.... my b*obs had disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while
to find the other. At last
I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman
is meant to wear her b*obs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I
realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full-view
assessment.

The bathing suit fitted all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those
bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously
from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing
undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you
are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I
tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking
tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized
napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came
out looking like Tarzan's
Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.

I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in
mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought
I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally, I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a
shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-
type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My
ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become
transparent in water."

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this
year and I'm there too,
I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!

You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. Life isn't
about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain, with or
without a bathing suit!

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Two become one

Austrian Paul Steiner and his glider team Blanix have created flying
history. At a height of more than 2000 metres, they performed a
breathtaking stunt.

 Click here

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Beer Scam At Baseball Stadiums

 Click here

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Try and guess...

Try and guess what this commercial is for!! It's great!

 Click here

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Russian newscast

This is hilarious (and the story she stumbles through is true...).

 Click here

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Viagra stuff

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then
starts putting on his coat.

His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor." She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of
her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, "Where the heck are you going"?

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting
a Tetanus shot.

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Alert!

ATTENTION!!!

A virus is going around called Housework. If you feel the need to start
Housework, STOP immediately. This virus wipes out your social life. If you

should come into contact with Housework, go straight to the nearest
armchair as the only antidote known is called REST! \

Please forward this warning immediately to at least 6 friends.

If you realise you do not have six friends, you are already infected!

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Word puzzles

Solve the puzzles by saying them out loud, over and over, faster and
faster,
repeating the phrase, until you "hear" the answer.

Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles

1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)

2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (fictional character)

3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)

4. MOW BEAD HICK (book)

5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (person)

6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (product)

7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (thing)

8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)

9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (TV show)

10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (person)

11. DOCKED HEAR*E WHOSE (person)

12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (place)

13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN (fictional character)

14. THESE HOUND DOVE MOO SICK (movie)

15. BUCK SPUN HE (fictional character)


ANSWERS:

1. Jacques Cousteau
2. Santa Claus
3. Michael Jordan
4. Moby D*ck
5. Thomas Jefferson
6. Chiquita Banana
7. The Titanic
8. I love you
9. The Brady Bunch
10. Christopher Columbus
11. Doctor Seuss
12. The Milky Way Galaxy
13. Agent 007
14. The Sound of Music
15. Bugs Bunny

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A good p*ss take of Charlie Sheen from the Jimmy Kimmel Live show on
YouTube

 Click here

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Some great Aussie Flash Mobs on YouTube


Minogue Flash Mob @ Sydney Opera House

 Click here


St Patrick's Day 2011 Flashmob. Central Station, Sydney, Australia

 Click here


Bondi Beach Gets Flipped. Towel Surfing - Flip Video Flash Mob

 Click here


Just Dance Flashmob - Hot n Cold - Sydney Australia

 Click here


Australia's Biggest Morning Tea Flash Mob

 Click here


Flashmob Pitt St Mall Sydney

 Click here


Dell Streak Flash Mob Sydney

 Click here


Say Cheese! Flash Mob On Bondi Beach

 Click here


Variety Club Youth Choir Flash Mob 'I am Australian'

 Click here

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The Perfect Shot

This bloke stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up,
looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and
speed,
driving his golfing mate nuts.

Finally his exasperated mate says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit
the bloody ball!"

His mate replies, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I
want to make this a perfect shot."

"No way! You don't stand a snowball's chance of hitting her from here."


The Perfect Sunday

It was Palm Sunday, and the family's 6-year old son had to stay home from
church because of strep throat. When the rest of the family returned home
carrying palm branches, the little boy asked what they were for.

His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by."

"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go to
church,
and Jesus shows up!"


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Richard Simmons on whose line YouTube

 Click here

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FDA Warning

MICE INFESTATION OUTBREAK There is a concern about an outbreak of mice in
most US shipping warehouses.

The FDA has indicated that mice have been found in product packaging.

Make sure you check everything you buy at any store... you never know......

This mouse was found at Walgreens inside a box of Viagra.

 Click here


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OLD CARS

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here


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Arfermo

Defective stamps

 Click here

Australia Post have created and marketed a new stamp displaying a picture
of the current Prime
Minister of Australia, Ms Gillard.

The prime minister had requested a recall of the stamps following concerns
that they weren't sticking.

Australia Post recently suspended a recall of the stamps after the findings
of a special Senate
Committee were released.

The Prime Minister was told that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes
and the enraged Prime
Minister demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing and spending of $1.85 million, a special Senate
Committee led by the leader of the Greens, Bob Brown, presented the
following findings:

1) The stamp is in perfect order.
2) There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.


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Thank God I'm a Country Boy!

 Click here

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Mensa Monkeys

 Click here


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Scots in a Lift

 Click here


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DO YOU REMEMBER RECESS?

 Click here

Uncle Jay explains "Recess"

Absolutely histerical!!!

OH, AND SO TRUE!

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Men's Golf Club

 Click here

For those with prostate problems...............


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Homebuilt 1/5th scale model Super marine Spitfire MK 1

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Spitfire MK 1 by an English model builder. It's hard to imagine such
infinite detail can be accomplished even with super human devotion and
dexterity. The pictures and accompanying text are by the model maker, David
Glen. 

If anyone asked me why I set out to build a Spitfire in one-fifth scale,
and detailed to the last rivet and fastener, I would probably be
hard-pushed for a practical or even sensible answer. Perhaps the closest I
can get is that since a small child I have been awe inspired by R. J.
Mitchell's elliptical winged masterpiece, and that to build a small replica
is the closest I will ever aspire to possession.

The job took me well over eleven years, during which there were times I
very nearly came to giving the project up for lost. The sheer amount of
work involved, countless hours, proved almost too much, were it not for a
serendipitous encounter at my flying club in Cambridge with Dr Michael
Fopp, Director General of the Royal Air Force Museum in England. 

Seeing the near complete fuselage, he urged me to go on and finish the
model, promising that he would put it on display. I was flabbergasted, for
when I started I had no inkling that my work would end up in a position of
honour in one of the world's premier aviation museums.

As I write, the case for the model is being prepared, having been specially
commissioned by the museum with a case-maker in Sweden . I have not yet
seen it, but from what I hear, it is enormous!

In one respect the story has gone full circle, since it was at Hendon where
I started my research in earnest, sourcing Microfilm copies of many
original Supermarine drawings, without which such a detailed build would
not have been possible.

The model is skinned with litho plate over a balsa core and has been left
in bare metal at the suggestion of Michael Fopp, so that the structure is
seen to best advantage. The rivets are real and many are pushed into
drilled holes in the skin and underlying balsa, but many more are actual
mechanical fixings. I have no accurate count, but I suspect that there are
at least 19,000! 

All interior detail is built from a combination of Supermarine drawings and
workshop manuals,

plus countless photographs of my own, many of them taken opportunistically
when I was a volunteer at the Duxford Aviation Society based at Duxford
Airfield, home of the incomparable
Imperial War Museum collection in Cambridgeshire , England . Spitfires, in
various marks are, dare
I say, a common feature there!

The degree of detail is probably obsessive: The needles of the dials in the
c*ckpit actually stand proud of the instrument faces, but you have to look
hard to see it!

Why the flat canopy? Well, the early Mk. Is had them, and I had no means to
blow a bubble hood,
so it was convenient. Similarly the covers over the wheels were another
early feature and they saved me a challenging task of replicating the wheel
castings. 

The model has its mistakes, but I'll leave the experts to spot them, as
they most certainly will, plus others I don't even know about. I don't
pretend the little Spitfire is perfect, but I do hope it has captured
something of the spirit and incomparable beauty of this magnificent fighter
perhaps the closest to a union that art and technology have ever come a
killing machine with lines that are almost sublime.

So, with the model now in its magnificent new home, what comes next?

Well, I'm planning a book that will have a lot to say about its genesis and
perhaps just a little about me and those dear to me, including a long
suffering but understanding and supportive wife.

And then there's the Mustang? Yes, a 1/5th scale P-51D is already taking
shape in my workshop.

How long will it take? I've no idea, but what I am sure of is that at my
age (58)

I can't expect to be building many of them!

David Glen

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The truth

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Give me a sense of humor, Lord, 
Give me the grace to see a joke, 
To get some humor out of life,  and pass it on to other folks. 

"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble
remembering how to fly."

"Good friends are like stars..
You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."

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Seal Team Six

 Click here

Group Photo of Seal Team Six, . . . and you can imagine the look on Bin
Laden's face when these guys came through the door?

Or possibly "CAN YOU imagine .door?"

Seppos love a bit of detail in the death and destruction - it never ceases
to amaze me the detail with which the Baldaccis, Patersons and Childs
elaborate on the weaponry which is mandatory in every episode.


A few things to notice:

50 calibre sniper on the right.

Knee, knuckle and forearm protection (I thought the guy on the right had a
prosthetic forearm, but it is arm protection).

Various plastic/wire ties.

Absolute identity denial to protect their families.

Free choice of footwear.

Fourth from the right has three artillery simulators and CS gas grenades on
his belly. He's the 'shock and awe' guy

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Nothin' like Mom's lap

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A baby horse on mom's lap
Some pictures just don't need captions. There is nothing like Mom's lap no
matter who you are. This is precious! This is a newborn offspring of
Taskin, a Gypsy Stallion owned by Villa Vanners of Oregon. These pictures
were taken immediately after his birth on April 6. The mare laid down, and
then he trotted around and crawled right up into her lap.


Mom, Dad, Uncle Jim ~~ ~~ ~~ DON'T MOVE YET!!


He's not my brother ~~ ~~ He's just HEAVY!!


I promise I won't do it again, Momma!


Just wait a couple'a years and try that again! YEAH!!


Come on, throw the ball, throw the ball, ~~ ~~ I'm ready ~~ ~~ yeah ~~
throw it!


Hmmmmm. I know you think yo u understand what you thought I said, but I'm
not sure that what you heard is what I actually meant!


We gotta get a bigger bed!


Hey, can I have a bite of that?


HEY! ! What's with this 'warm spot' ?

You woke me up to tell me THAT??

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NO, YOU CAN'T

 Click here

And Michelle's not even trying to make the bed.
He was was stopped just as he was about to make his move


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New pet in town

 Click here

That smarts or that's smart?

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How cool is this!

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 Click here Click here

Simple animation to explain complex principles

1, aircraft radial engine

2, oval Regulation

3, sewing machines

5, auto change file mechanism

6, auto constant velocity universal joint

7, gun ammunition loading system

rotary engine - an internal combustion engine, the heat rather than the
piston movement into rotary movement inline engine - it's cylinders lined
up side by side

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How I always thought beer tasted anyway...

 Click here


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Coffee

 Click here

Haha!!

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GRAB A SMILE :-)

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Hope this brightenss your day !

Expressions

Everyone loves Guns and Roses

I will slap you silly!!!

Born to Rock

Sup, G?

Is that edible?

On Second thoughts.

That's right baby.. I still got it.

Rice Cereal? I don't need no more stinking rice cereal!

OH! C-c-c-cold Wipes! Cold Wipes!

I can't believe this place

Tonight you die in your sleep!

yeah I just farted

Tell me she did NOT just say that!!

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How to hot wire a Logging truck

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Electricity likes the earth '' A good GROUND !!!

Out in Mill Creek , WA , the driver was attempting to throw the logging
cable over the logs to secure them. As you can see, he hooked the overhead
electric line instead! He said the tires began to fry within seconds…very
lucky man; he could easily have been fried himself!

You might say the truck was "hot wired." 7200 volts direct to ground.

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Ghetto hair

 Click here

Horrible.

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Shop Italian

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here


Shop Italian…
Facts about The killing of Osama Bin Laden:
1) Fugitive for 19 years. Hunted by Saudi Arabia , Interpol, Scotland Yard,
Mossad, and the CIA.

2) CIA was looking for him for last 14 years. Found him twice and lost him
twice. Cost $1.8 Billion

3) CIA had 4 directors over this time period, 1997- 2011. All failed to
capture Bin Laden.

4) Obama appoints Leon Panetta son of Italian immigrants as new CIA
director April 28th, 2011

5) Mr. Panetta calls in a few favors from friends in New York , New Jersey
and Las Vegas on April 29th 2011.

6) They plan a raid over some espresso and cannolis April 30th, 2011.
Decide to dress as Navy
Seals.

7) Bin Laden is killed (not captured or held for trial) and the body is
dumped at sea May 1, 2011.
(also known as “swimming with the fishes” in Italian folklore)

8) Job done in less then 100 hours: Reward $25,000,000

9) Estimated savings of not having a trial $200,000,000.

10) Shop Italian

Could'a happened, no? Too bad he wasn't in a barber's chair!

Taking care of business!!
Priceless!!!

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Testing bullet proof glass in 1932

 Click here

Certifiable for the nut house, all of 'em!

Testing bullet proof glass in 1932 -You just cannot find good wives like
this anymore!


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Meltdown

 Click here


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Sky Park in Singapore

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In Singapore, opened a new wonder of the world. "Sky Park" Marina Bay Sands
is located on the 200-meter height on the three skyscr*pers, as if on three
pillars. Here is the most expensive in the world of casinos, bars,
restaurants, the largest outdoor swimming pool, 150 meters long and even
the Museum of Modern Art.

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Lightning

 Click here

Lightning strikes man twice, and he lives through it!

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SU-30MK

 Click here


The red smoke coming from the wingtips is only there to demonstrate to
spectators on the ground the direction the plane is actually moving through
the air. Normally the smoke wouldn't be there.
When the smoke is streaming behind, the airplane is moving fast forward
etc. When the airplane is engulfed in smoke, it means the airplane is
almost stopped in mid-air. The maneuverability of this plane is incredible.
This plane would be nearly impossible to defeat in a dogfight.

Russia may now have the 1st fighter plane in the world... SU-30- Vectored
Thrust with Canards... As you watch this airplane, look at the canards
moving along side of, and just below the canopy rail.
The "canards" are the small wings forward of the main wings. The smoke and
contrails provide a sense of the actual flight path, sometimes in reverse
direction. This video is of an in-flight demonstration flown by the
Russian's-30MK fighter aircraft. The fighter can stall from high speed,
stopping forward motion in seconds. (full stall).

Then it demonstrates an ability to descend tail first without causing a
compressor stall.

It can also recover from a flat spin in less than a minute.

These maneuver capabilities don't exist in any other aircraft in the world
today..

Take a look at the video with the sound up.. This aircraft is of concern to
U. S and NATO planners.

We don't know which nations will soon be flying the SU-30MK, hopefully
China isn't one of them..

Friends worked with advanced aircraft flight control systems and concepts
for many years as an extension of stability control and means of control.
Canards and vectored thrust were among many concepts examined to extend our
fighter aircraft performance.

Neither our current or next generation aircraft now poised for funding &
production can in any way match the performance of this Russian aircraft

Somehow the bankrupt Russian aircraft industry has out produced our complex
politically tainted aerospace industry with this technology marvel.

Scratch any ideas of close in air-to-air combat with this aircraft in the
future.


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Liquid gold

 Click here

I thought this book was taking the p*ss, but ordered one from Amazon, and
after reading it I am amazed - no more expensive fertilisers for me, all it
takes is a few beers or cups of coffee and you can be self sufficient,
growing monster vegetables


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Awesome Photos

 Click here


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Redneck Vasectomy

 Click here

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Think you have seen some strange aircraft?

 Click here


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Staircase in Santa Fe

 Click here

Great story, after you have been lifted to 3rd heaven go to "Snopes" and
you will be able to return to this earth


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Church Bake Sale

 Click here

Well, the Church threw my cookies out of the bake sale again.

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It's official!

 Click here

YAAAAY!

It's now official!

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Gotta love the seniors

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 Click here

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Funny Pics

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Sound System Fail

Foreign Passenger Seat

The New And Improved Tech Support...

Big Guy Small Car

How Not To Work Out

Anti-Theft Device

I'm Scared ... Me Too!

I Sure Hope That Cow Has A Licence

Classic Pass Out Prank

Nerd Wants There To Be Fireworks

Toilet Fail

And I Was Like.. OMG

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Reasons to drink with friends

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F*** A DUCK.

 Click here

Silly me, I always thought it was just a figure of speech...

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A brilliant photo-manipulator...

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A brilliant photo-manipulator. .

Erik Johansson - 21 year old Swedish photographer

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Anglo Coal Witbank - Truck versus LDV

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Oh what a feeling!


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Home security South African style

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I can see some real potential for this design principal in cyclonic
Queensland and tornado alley in the USA.

Nice not to have to use it for its designated purpose, in this example.


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Handsome Hands - Clever !!!!!

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STUNNING NEWS! Jeune

 Click here

ALL GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END!


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Car Haulers of Yesteryear

 Click here

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Plonking - not to be confused with the other current craze!

 Click here

HO HO HO.......

Rather plonking than planking any day!!

A friend of mine has invented a new craze - it's called "plonking". You
plonk yourself down in a chair with a glass of plonk and get someone to
take your photograph. Apparently it's a real hit with the over 60's. (I'm
very advanced, I've been practicing for years!)

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[ End friday humour ]

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