Friday humour - May 06, 2011

Bartending at it's Best

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From: Burnout
The Commercial Version
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From: Burnout
Balance
Watch to The End - Excellent unbelievable balance-!!!

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From: Diks

*An incompetent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the
end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills. *

*He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of
money is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his
phony money for real cash. *

*He travels to a small town in West Virginia and walks into a small "Mom
and Pop" grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks
him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?" *

*The old man replies, "I sure do, Sonny. How would you like that? An 8 and
a 7 or two 6s and a three?" *

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From: Liz
Meat Glue!  Honest.
This is interesting, very interesting.
 Click here

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From: Liz
Sit back and enjoy the cars from 50's and 60's

Aa few tunes to rev you up a little. The cars are great too-- oh yeah!
Just put this on and will start the show itself; turn up your speakers

At the very end of the video
you'll hear the song ' Thunder Road ' sung by the star of the movie for
which it was the theme!
Not uncommon except this is the one and only song ever recorded, for
publication, sung by Robert Mitchum!
Cars we drove in the 50's and 60's

click on link below

 Click here

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 From: Sack

House of ill repute
See if you can work this out:
There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the
bottom of the hill.

There were four men ...
one was walking briskly up the hill;
one was inside the brothel;
one was walking slowly down the hill and the fourth man was sitting in his
car at the bottom of the hill.

What were the nationalities of the four men?


* The man going up the hill: was rushin
* The man in the brothel: him-a-layin
* The man walking down the hill: was finish
* The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the
light to turn green!

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From: Sack

SENIOR CITIZENS  ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLAIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL,
FINANCIAL AID TO THEIR CHILDREN!
Not forgetting HIV (Hair Is Vanishing)

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From: Sack
Blondes again

Two blondes were walking down the street.
The first blonde said "hey - look at that dog with one eye!"
The second blonde covered one eye with her hand and said - "Where?"

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From: Sack
Married conversation

Woman sitting at home on the veranda with her husband and she says; "I love
you." He asks; "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She replies; "It's me ... talking to the wine."

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From: Stumpy Steve

A twin-engined plane has an engine failure and the altitude and speed are
decreasing rapidly.
The pilot speaks over the intercom ... "I'm sorry it has come to this
ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison
the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne".Baggage is thrown
out but still the plane's speed continues to decrease.  Once again the
pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to do this folks but in order to save
the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. 
The only fair way is to do this alphabetically, so we'll start with the
letter
'A'".
"Africans? Are there any Africans on board?" There was no answer so the
pilot calls, "Black people, are there any black people on board?"
Again silence.
"C - coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?"   Silence.
A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turned to his mother
and said, "Mum, ain't we African? Ain't we black?"  Ain't we coloured?"
She replied, "Yes son but for the purpose of this exercise we is Niggers.
Let them do the Muslims first".

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From: The Great Gussius
Slow motion water balloon
I watched this for 3 days and nights non stop. Its amazing, I can't work
out how they did it. Both of them.

 Click here

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From: Whizzbang

A Muslim kid can't find his Mum in the supermarket.
The store attendant says 'What does your Mum look like?
The kid says 'F*cked if I know'

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From: Anonymous
Just how long a runway does an Alaskan Bush pilot need???
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I can attest for the caliber of pilot it takes to survive in Alaska. I have
landed in very small spaces for one reason, and one reason only:  There was
no place longer to put it.  You will not believe the "Pucker Power" you get
on short final to a landing strip when the Aircraft Manufacturer says it
should take twice the distance.  Now, there is a little secret called wind.
When you have a nice wind, it really helps the length of your landing. 
With enough wind, you can land an airplane with no runway usage. I've done
it,
here in OK before I went to Alaska.

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What would you do for extra gas money?
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From: Anonymous
Old School Aircraft
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From: Burnout
It's Hard To Resist A Mud Puddle

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From: Burnout
MAN & LIONESS
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From: Burnout
C*cktail Supreme
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From: Burnout
Death Wish......
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From: Duke of Barsinov
NZ EARTHQUAKE-THIS IS SUCH A GREAT STORY
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

The story begins with the rescuers finding this poor little guy they named
Ralphie. Someone had already taken him under their wing but they weren't
equipped to adopt.
Ralphie, scared and starved, joined his rescuers..
I wouldn't think anything could live thru this.... but we were wrong.This
little lady also survived that wreckage.
Here she is just placed in the car - scared, but safe.
and then..they are no longer alone!
Instant friends, they comforted each other while in the car.
Add two more beagles found after that...
the more, the merrier!
Oh boy, a new traveler to add to the mix...
(Note: the cat coming over the seat needing shelter...)
Now just how is this going to work? (and remember they are all strange to
one another )
It's going to work just fine, thank you very much!
Wow! The things we learn from our animal friends...
If only all of mankind could learn such valuable lessons as this.
Lessons of instant friendship.
Of peace and harmony by way of respect for one another -- no matter one's
color or creed.
These animals tell you... "It's just good to be alive and with others."
Yes, it surely is.
So... Live, love, laugh.
"Life's a Gift... Unwrap It!"

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From: Kaos_reflex
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From: Liz
 Switchblade
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This is really neat. Extending the effective reach of "ground" combat -
pretty hot stuff !

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From: Liz
Breakfast
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From: Liz
Bacon
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From: Liz
AARP SWIMSUIT EDITION
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From: Liz
Why we need an Italian President
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Leave the gun.  Take the canoli.

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From: Liz
Shaving while driving
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From: Liz
Rockn'roll legends ......THEN & NOW ! ! ! !
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You sure can tell who did the really good drugs back then.
Gravity & time are much kinder to some than others.
Some look pretty good for their age, while others look like they have been
dead for a week.

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From: Liz
Ajanta caves in India
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From: Liz
Hah! Great!
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From: Liz
 Force
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From: Liz
Something new
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From: Liz
Starting young
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From: Liz
Tribute to Shifty
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 "Shifty" By Chuck Yeager
Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy
Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st
Airborne Infantry.  If you've seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the
History Channel, you know Shifty.  His character appears in all 10
episodes, and Shifty himself is interviewed in several of them.
I met Shifty in the Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn't know
who he was at the time.  I just saw an elderly gentleman having trouble
reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him that he was at the right
gate, and noticed the "Screaming Eagle," the symbol of the 101st Airborne,
on his hat.
Making conversation, I asked him if he'd been in the 101st Airborne or if
his son was serving.  He said that he had been in the 101st.  I thanked him
for his service, then asked him when he served,
and how many jumps he made.
Quietly he said: "Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so,
and was in until sometime in 1945 ..."
At that point, again, very humbly, he said "I made the 5 training jumps at
Toccoa, and then jumped into  Normandy . . .  do you know where Normandy
is?"
I told him "yes, I know exactly where  Normandy is, and I know what  D-Day
was."  At that point he said "I also made a second jump into
Holland , into Arnhem ."  I was standing with a genuine war hero ...
and then I realized that it was June,  just after the anniversary of
D-Day.
I asked Shifty if he was on his way back from  France, and he said
"Yes...  And it 's real sad because, these days, so few of the guys are
left, and those that are, lots of them can't make the trip."
I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in coach
while I was in First Class.  I sent the flight attendant back to get him
and said that I wanted to switch seats.  When Shifty came forward, I got up
out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have it, that I'd take his in
coach.
He said "No, son, you enjoy that seat.  Just knowing that there are still
some who remember what we did and who still care is enough to make an old
man very happy."  His eyes were filling up as he said it.

Shifty died on Jan. l7 after fighting cancer.

There was no parade.
No big event in Staples Center .
No wall-to-wall, back-to-back 24x7 news coverage.
No weeping fans on television.
And that's not right!
Let's give Shifty his own memorial service, online, in our own quiet way.
Please forward this email to everyone you know.  Especially to the
veterans.
Rest in peace, Shifty.

Chuck Yeager, Maj. General [ret.]

SHIFTY DIED JAN 17, 2011.May God rest his soul.

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From: Liz
Humans
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From: Liz
Perfectly timed photos
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From: Sack
Beautiful cars
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From: Sack
Putting the boat in the water
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From: The Great Gussius
Here is your awwwww for the day
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From: Whizzbang
 You'll Never Guess Who Her Father is!
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 Click here Click here

Rowan Atkinson, Mr Bean.

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From: Whizzbang
MINING TRUCK

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From: Whizzbang
Man Meets Woman!
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stairway to heaven,
highway to hell!!!!

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From: Whizzbang
55 Chev
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From: Whizzbang
Not your average .22 cal....
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From: Whizzbang
In the sewer
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From: Whizzbang
He Folds Money and Lives In Garbage Truck.
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This guy does origami with dollar bills and lives in a converted garbage
truck. Be Sure you scroll to the end of this e-mail to look at photos of
inside his truck! Won Park is the master of Origami. He is also called the
"money folder", a practitioner of origami whose canvas is the United States
One Dollar Bill.
Bending, twisting, and folding, he creates life-like shapes in stunning
detail.

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[ End friday humour ]

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