Friday humour - March 18, 2011

From Gussius @ Bluehaze

The massive devastation and destruction in Japan is only out weighed by the
problems to be overcome with a potential nuclear disaster added. Our
sympathy and condolences hope and support are with the
Japanese as they struggle with multiple, serious difficulties at this time.

A local TV journalist reported the March 2011 earthquake and tsunami as
“unprecedented”. The toll is expected to be over 10,000 lives. Another
scribe slipped up by saying the seriousness of the nuclear incidents at
Sendai had never before seen.

Apparently Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Chernobyl and Three Mile Island took a
little while to come to mind,
before the reporting error was corrected.

The 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami of similar magnitude killed an estimated
250,000 people – 100,000 alone in
Aceh on the northern tip of Sumatra. An 8.8-magnitude quake hit southern
and central Chile on Feb. 27 2010, killing more than 500 people and
causing $30 billion in damage, followed by another magnitude 7.1
earthquake near Temuco in southern Chile in January 2011. Then there was
Haiti, remember?

When this is evaluated in years to come, the Japanese could get a five star
rating for emergency preparation. One of the most densely populated regions
on the planet, a top order series of massive natural disasters lead to a
relatively small number of deaths thanks to 30 metre high sea walls and
other safety measures.

High quality journalism may be extinct. Poor journalism is one thing that
we can do without. As for nuclear power, the risks around earthquakes
haven’t changed but perceptions have.


Contributions this weeks are from from: Allnuts, Biggus, Diks, Kaos_reflex,
Nottingham Smithie Liz, Mausie
Down Under, Sack, Whizzbang, Allnutts, Arfermo, Burnout, Cartographer
Chris, Duke of Barsinov, Muse,
Nottingham Smithie, Stumpy Steve and of course Anonymous.

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Well, it IS St Patrick's Day week....

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?"

The clerk asks, "Are you Irish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
"If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or
if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or
if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I
had asked for a
Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage,
would you ask if I was Polish?"

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you
ask me if I'm Irish?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Bunnings."

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Difference Between Complete & Finished... :

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED. . but there
is:

When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE....

And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.....

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ...

COMPLETELY FINISHED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A good wife is hard to find:

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took
the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good
with the kids.'
----------------------------------

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you
will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and
wife.'
-----------------------------------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I
had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
advice. 'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in
one.' He's still in intensive care.
-----------------------------------

And, my favorite is:

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap
of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by
even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at
the preacher and calmly said, 'Well...... she's there.'

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Here's a Shell commercial shown in Europe . They're selling gasoline, but
the cars used in the video steal the show.

Ferrari pulled several of their race cars from various ages out of storage,
flew them around the world, and filmed them running through the streets of
Rome , Rio , New York , Hong Kong, Honolulu , and Monaco .
No CGI -these are the original cars on the original streets.

The best part is the sound - from the basso-profundo notes of the early,
front-engine era, each scene cuts to a later generation, ending with the
wail of a modern F1 car.

The sounds alone bring a tear to the eye.

Even if you're not a gearhead, this video will stir the soul.

There's just something about 3 liters @ 14,000 RPM!

 Click here

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A quickie:

I wanted to sue the airline because they damaged my luggage. I showed the
badly damaged remains to my lawyer.
He said, "You don't have much of a case."

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Golfer Kills Wife Accidentally:

Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that
his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him.
Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the
temple, killing her instantly. A few days later, Verne got a call from the
coroner regarding her autopsy.

Coroner : "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to
the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that
correct?" Verne : "Yes, sir, that's correct." Coroner : "Well,
inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged up her ass."

Verne : "Was it a Titleist 3?"

Coroner : "Yes, it was."*

Verne : "That was my mulligan."

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Food for thought about getting taxed for C02

Let's put this into a bit of perspective!

ETS is another tax. It is equal to putting up the GST to 12.5% which would
be unacceptable and produce an outcry.

Read the following analogy and you will realize the insignificance of
carbon dioxide as a weather controller.

Pass on to all in your address book including politicians and maybe they
will listen to their constituents,
rather than vested interests which stand to gain by the ETS.

Here's a practical way to understand the PM's Carbon Pollution Reduction
Scheme.

Imagine 1 kilometer of atmosphere and we want to get rid of the carbon
pollution in it created by human activity.  Let's go for a walk along it.

The first 770 meters are Nitrogen.

The next 210 meters are Oxygen.

That's 980 meters of the 1 kilometer. 20 meters to go.

The next 10 meters are water vapor. 10 meters left.

9 meters are argon. Just 1 more meter.

A few gases make up the first bit of that last meter.

The last 38 centimeters of the kilometer - that's carbon dioxide. A bit
over one foot.

97% of that is produced by Mother Nature. It's natural.

Out of our journey of one kilometer, there are just 12 millimeters left.
Just over a centimeter - about half an inch.

That's the amount of carbon dioxide that global human activity puts into
the atmosphere.

And of those 12 millimeters Australia puts in .18 of a millimeter.

Less than the thickness of a hair. Out of a kilometer!

As a hair is to a kilometer - so is Australia's contribution to what the PM
calls Carbon Pollution.

Imagine Brisbane's new Gateway Bridge , ready to be opened by the PM. It's
been polished, painted and scrubbed by an army of workers till its 1
kilometre length is surgically clean. Except that the PM says we have a
huge problem, the bridge is polluted - there's a human hair on the
roadway. We'd laugh ourselves silly.

There are plenty of real pollution problems to worry about.

It's hard to imagine that Australia's contribution to carbon dioxide in the
world's atmosphere is one of the more pressing ones.

I can't believe that a new tax on everything is the only way to blow that
pesky hair away.

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In case you missed it when it went around before.... LOL

RONALD REAGAN TELLING RUSSIAN JOKES

 Click here

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Who Does the Land of Israel Belong To? . . . huh?

An Israeli Sense of Humor at UN set the record straight.

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United
Nation Assembly and made the world community smile.

A representative from Israel began:

'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses: When he
struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good
opportunity to have a bath!'

Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the
water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A
Palestinian had stolen them!

The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted,
'What are you talking about?
The Palestinians weren't there then.'

The Israeli representative smiled and said . . .

'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech!'

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Satellite Photos - Japan Before and After:

Whew.

 Click here

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Little Johnny strikes:

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and
we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
'fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see RockCityand I was
'fascinated.' The teacher said,
Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been
burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate',
so she called on him.

Johnny said,

'My aunt Debbie has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she
can only fasten eight.'

The teacher sat down and cried

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Only the Irish .................. stay with it to the end because there are
pauses for applause.

 Click here

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Right vs. Left

I have often wondered why the conservatives are called the "right" and the
liberals are called the "left."!
By chance, I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:

Ecclesiastes 10:2. The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the
heart of the fool to the left.

Hmmm, I guess that pretty well sums it up...

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The Space Station has grown:

Look at what happened from 1998 until 2008. In just ten years it has grown
and grown. Watch the pieces come together as they are sent up from Earth.
This is the International Space Station (ISS) Assembly diagram, piece by
piece.. I had no idea the Space Station had grown to this size. This is
really cool.....

 Click here

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Questions, Questions, Questions:

A young Arab asks his father - "What is this weird hat that we are
wearing?"
His father replies: "Why it's called a 'Chechia', because in the desert it
protects our heads from the sun."
The son then asks "Father, what is this type of clothing that we are
wearing?" His father replies: "It's a
'Djeballah' because in the desert it gets very hot and it protects your
body." Another question follows:
"What are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?" His father is proud
of his son's inquisitive mind and says: "These are called 'Babouches' and
they keep our feet from burning in the desert." "Tell me papa..."
"Yes my son?" encourages the father... "Why the hell are we in Nottingham
then?"

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Military service:

An Australian Soldier, a Sailor, and an Airman got into an argument about
which branch of the service was "The Best."

The arguing became so heated the three service men failed to see an
oncoming truck as they crossed the street.

They were hit by the truck and killed instantly.

Soon, the three found themselves at the Pearly gates of Heaven. There, they
met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of
truth and honesty. So, the three servicemen asked him, "Saint
Peter, which branch of the Australian Forces is the best?" Saint Peter
replied, "I can't answer that.
However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile,
thank you for your service on
Earth and welcome to Heaven."

Sometime later the three servicemen see Saint Peter and remind him of the
question they had asked when first entering Heaven. They asked Saint Peter
if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands
on Saint Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak is a note glistening with
gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts
into the air, harps play crescendos and Saint Peter begins to read the
note aloud to the three servicemen:

MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY ONE

TO: All Former Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen
SUBJECT: Which Military Service Is the Best
1. All branches of the Australian Forces are honourable and noble.
2. Each serves Australia well and with distinction.
3. Serving in the Australian Forces represents a great honour warranting
special respect, tribute, and dedication from your fellow man.
4. Always be proud of that.

Warm regards,

GOD, RAAF (RETIRED)

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POPCORN - this will blow your mind!

This is probably what it does to our brain cells - like putting your head
in a microwave. Check this out! And we're supposed to believe that cell
phones are safe? Click on the word 'POPCORN' and watch.

 Click here


This is probably what it does to our brain cells - like putting your head
in a microwave . Check this out!
And we're supposed to believe that cell phones are safe? Click on the word
'POPCORN' above and watch.

Ed - In the interest of misinformation control, see if this is really
possible before you waste a mobile call:

 Click here , or Click here

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Perception vs Reality:

How much do you really know about the wide world around you? Have you got
it all sorted out?

Sight, touch, smell, taste, hearing and intuition all contribute to the way
we perceive the world around us.
For the sake of brevity, let’s focus only on vision. What can you really
see of the “real” world?

Let's start with an rating of 100%. You can see everything. You are well
informed and therefore able to make intelligent decisions.

Let this 100% represent your waking hours say, 16 hours a day. Alternately,
the base line would be only 66%.

When you blink, you're effectively blind. You blink naturally so your eyes
are closed about 5% of the time.

100% minus 5% is 95%.

So the maximum you are able to see of the real world is 95%.

That assumes you have normally good or corrected vision with glasses. Let's
disregard visual acuity limits on detecting minor changes, camouflage or
mimicry, distractions, multi-tasking, processing delays,
overwhelming new information, trade-off in focus vs diversity and
pre-conception influences on perception.

Peripheral vision is up to 180 degrees left to right and we'll assume a
similar range up and down. That indicates your available visual
perspective is a little less than 50% at any one point of time.

95% times 50% is 47.5% of the real world.

The fovea, part of the macula region of the retina, is what we use to scan
a scene or read. It’s the high definition part of the eye. We move the
fovea over different parts of a scene, seeing each in utmost detail.
The brain fills in the rest to fool us into believing we see the whole
picture. A fovea is 1% of the retina and links to 50% of the brain’s
visual cortex.

1% of 47.5% = 0.475%

This is the trick that magicians and illusionists use to make things
disappear or appear out of thin air. Just use a wand, scarf of attractive
assistant and your fovea does the rest.

Let's upscale that to compensate for the brain filling in, say by a factor
of 50.

0.475% x 50 = 23.75% of the "real" world.
(That makes me feel a bit better)

The spectrum of visible light compared to the full electromagnetic spectrum
is around 5%. Visible light is between wavelengths of about 400nm and
700nm, the rest of the universe is invisible to humans. The full spectrum
is from gamma wave to long wave radiation. Most electromagnetic radiation,
measured in quantity, is in the visible spectrum, but it is 5% of the range
by type, so:

23.75% x 5% = 1.1875% of the real world.

Take into account spatial dimensions, there are 10 or 11 spatial dimensions
predicted by string theory or M theory. We can detect only four - height,
width and depth plus at any point - time.

1.1875% multiplied by 4 and divided by 11 = 0.431818182% of the "real"
world.

Then taking into account the observable universe, it is about 13.7 billion
years old. This is the current observable edge, implying a physical size
of about 93 billion light years across. A 30 year old person has seen a
little more than 30 light years which is 0.000000000022% of the observable
universe, correct to 14 decimal places.

So what you as a typical human can perceive of the real world can be
estimated at:

0.431818182% x 0.000000000022% = 0.00000000000009595959595960% (26 decimal
places)

or approximately nothing to for all intents and purposes.

Explains why you don't know what you don't know.

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Aussie limericks:

An airline hostess called May
Was rated an excellent lay.
She shagged the crew without quittin'
From Sydney to Great Britain.
She's a girl who has come a long way.

A poor chook farmer from Hay
Found that his hens wouldn't lay
As well as they used ter
Because every rooster
He bought up from Sydney was gay.

A priest sat with a girl in Moruya
Put his hand on her knee and said “Do ya?”
She said “Of course mate
Even on a first date!”
And he jumped up and yelled “Hallelujah!”

A young lady originally from Noosa
Had morals that got looser and looser.
She let blokes squeeze her
And tease her and please her
And then they always would goose her.

There was a young lady in Yass
Who had the most beautiful ass.
Not rounded and pink
As you may probably think
But four legs, long ears and eats grass.

There was an old man of Esser
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all
And now he's a university professor.

The incredible Wizard of Oz
Retired from business because
Due to up-to-date science
To most of his clients
He wasn't the wizard he was.

Dame Edna is larger than life
Of course she's Norm Everage's wife.
She throws gladdie blossoms
And calls us all 'possums'
While her satire cuts like a knife.

Shane Warne put great spin on a ball
And often deceived one and all.
He could flip 'em a stong 'un
Or flip 'em a wrong 'un “Howzat” was the clarion call.

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So true....:
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a super hero, the other is an instruction.

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"Service" Explained:

I became confused when I heard the word 'service' used with these agencies:

Banking 'Service'

Postal 'Service'

Telephone 'Service'

Pay TV 'Service'

Civil 'Service'

City, State & Public 'Service'

Customer 'Service'

Bureaucratic 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

Then I visited my uncle, he's a farmer, he was talking about hiring a bull
to 'Service' his cows.

Suddenly BAM!!!

It all came clear.

Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us!

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It doesn't take long...

Surfboard Championships:

The Australian Surfboard Championships were held in Sydney on the weekend.

They were won by a Japanese on a wardrobe.

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Modern surgical marvels:

A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we
cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he
is looking for work."

The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the
brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks
he is looking for work."

A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half
of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in
2 weeks he is looking for work."

The Australian doctor answers immediately:

"That's nothing fellas, you're way behind us.... in OZ, ... We grabbed a
female spinster atheist, size 34-
40-54, with balls, a wooden heart, speaks like a Mortician, bobs her head
like a chook, waves her hands like a Ventriloquist, spends money like its
going out of fashion..... and.... we made her Prime Minster of
Australia and very soon ..... the whole bloody country will be looking for
work!!!!!!"

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Letter from the whales:

Dear Japan--------SUCK SH*T-----------The Whales

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A koala and a lizard:

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard
walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey
Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and
have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala
where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that
his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into
the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and
helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the
matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with
the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into
the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain
forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The
crocodile looked up and said,

'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said, "Dude... How much water did you
drink!?"

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Be Happy:

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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Black and White from Africa:

 Click here

magnificent photos

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LOVE THOSE DETROIT BILLBOARDS:

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too
tired to bounce it.'

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A non-political cartoon:

 Click here

Nuff said.

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Zoom Lens:

 Click here

Amazing! But the price we pay is no more privacy!

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Funnies:

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

THE JOYS OF AGING

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Public Toilet:

 Click here

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What is Twitter? XXX:

I haven't got a clue what Twitter is, but, I think it is definitely time
for me to find out!

I'm old, I don't take well to change. I'm usually the last to try the
latest gizzmo's and gadgets. Friends seem surprised when I say "I'm not on
Facebook." And I never understood the meaning of Twitter until I saw this.

 Click here

Hell, I've been twittering for years and never knew it .....

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It's nearly springtime in Ohio.................

 Click here

Give it a second to load.

It's nearly springtime in Ohio.............

* Like I said, NEARLY!*

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Some women think of everything:

 Click here

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Turkey call or.......................:

 Click here

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Pictures taken from just the right angles:

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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JASMINE (A true dog story):

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

In 2003, police in Warwickshire, opened a garden shed and found a
whimpering, cowering dog.  The dog had been locked in the shed and
abandoned.  It was dirty and malnourished, and had quite clearly been
abused. 

In an act of kindness, the police took the dog, which was a female
greyhound, to the Nuneaton
Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary, which is run by a man named Geoff
Grewc*ck, and known as a haven for animals abandoned, orphaned, or
otherwise in need. 

Geoff and the other sanctuary staff went to work with two aims: to restore
the dog to full health, and to win her trust.  It took several weeks, but
eventually both goals were achieved.  They named her Jasmine,
and they started to think about finding her an adoptive home.

Jasmine, however, had other ideas.  No one quite remembers how it came
about, but Jasmine started welcoming all animal arrivals at the
sanctuary.  It would not matter if it were a puppy, a fox cub, a rabbit
or, any other lost or hurting animal.  Jasmine would just peer into the
box or cage and, when and where possible, deliver a welcoming lick.

Geoff relates one of the early incidents.  "We had two puppies that had
been abandoned by a nearby railway line.  One was a Lakeland Terrier cross
and another was a Jack Russell Doberman cross.  They were tiny when they
arrived at the centre, and Jasmine approached them and grabbed one by the
scruff of the neck in her mouth and put him on the settee.  Then she
fetched the other one and sat down with them,
cuddling them." 

"But she is like that with all of our animals, even the rabbits.  She takes
all the stress out of them, and it helps them to not only feel close to
her, but to settle into their new surroundings.  She has done the same
with the fox and badger cubs, she licks the rabbits and guinea pigs, and
even lets the birds perch on the bridge of her nose."

Jasmine, the timid, abused, deserted waif, became the animal sanctuary's
resident surrogate mother, a role for which she might have been born.  The
list of orphaned and abandoned youngsters she has cared for comprises five
fox cubs, four badger cubs, fifteen chicks, eight guinea pigs, two stray
puppies and fifteen rabbits - and one roe deer fawn.  Tiny Bramble, eleven
weeks old, was found semi-conscious in a field.  Upon arrival at the
sanctuary, Jasmine cuddled up to her to keep her warm, and then went into
the full foster-mum role.  Jasmine the greyhound showers Bramble the roe
deer with affection, and makes sure nothing is matted.

"They are inseparable," says Geoff.  "Bramble walks between her legs, and
they keep kissing each other. 
They walk together round the sanctuary.  It's a real treat to see them."

Jasmine will continue to care for Bramble until she is old enough to be
returned to woodland life.  When that happens, Jasmine will not be
lonely.  She will be too busy showering love and affection on the next
orphan or victim of abuse.

Pictured from the left are: "Toby", a stray Lakeland dog; "Bramble",
orphaned roe deer; "Buster", a stray
Jack Russell; a dumped rabbit; "Sky", an injured barn owl; and "Jasmine",
with a mother's heart doing best what a caring mother would do. 

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Brown eyes:

 Click here

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REDNECK COLLEGE EXAM:

 Click here
answers below
 Click here
l didn't pass either!

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Walk with me by the water:

 Click here

Walk with me by the water, worth the read..

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLDER

CR*P...

I forgot the words....

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Angel in a box...:

You must read this - it will only take a minute...

I normally don't send these mushy things, but there was just something
about this one that I had to share with you.

Heaven has sent you an Angel in a box...

Heaven didn't want him, so they sent him to me.

I sure as heck don't want him, so I'm sending him to you!

The rules are simple...

You can send him away, but you can't send him BACK! Sorry...

 Click here

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Beer Thrower:

 Click here

Everyone should have one of these! :)

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ADORABLE PARROT--- YOU MUST SEE THIS:

 Click here

Check this bird out!

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To my ageless friends:

 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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WHY IS AUSTRALIAN SAND SOCCER SO POPULAR?: 

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

WHY IS AUSTRALIAN SAND SOCCER SO POPULAR?

By golly, I think it could be the uniforms!

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Inner Peace:

If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful,
ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people
with your troubles, If you can eat plain food every day and be grateful
for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give
you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can conquer
tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
... Then You Are Probably .........
The Family Dog!

And you thought I was going to get all spiritual didn't you..?

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The Fun Theory:

 Click here

An interesting study of psychology. A set of stairs, adjacent to a moving
escalator ..... both of which lead to the same spot on the floor of the
upper level. At first almost 97% of the people took the escalator. Then a
group of engineers got together, changed things around so that now a
whopping 66% more people preferred the stairs to the the escalator. Why?
Watch the video.

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Things people pass around:

 Click here

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They tell me I am a Blackbird:

 Click here

They tell me I am a Blackbird, but this looks like Thrush to me!

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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

 Click here ShowUsYourLongDrop.co.nz


Who could resist Willies Watercloset?? Constructed by treated timber and NZ
made tarpaulin this watercloset is st*rdy, weathertight and built to last.
It features an ergonomic seat and a locking door for those that like
privacy and comfort.

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Comment font-elles? How can they do that????:

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

AH, ces femmes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Women...... Speechless!!!!!!!!

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OPTICAL ILLUSION: XXX

 Click here

I have no idea how this works because I have never been very good at these
optical illusion tricks but if you stare at it long enough, you should be
able to see a mask and a pair of blue flippers.

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Amazing Stats:

Tim Tebow, former Florida Gators quarterback and now the Denver Broncos
quarterback, has NEVER fumbled!

In 2007 Florida's Tim Tebow was awarded the Heisman Trophy as a sophomore,
the first time ever the award has gone to a second year player.

In addition to his amazing passing, running and TD stats is the fact that
he has NEVER fumbled the ball!
How is he able to hold on to the football so well? What grip does he use?

Tim's grip training technique was inspired by his girlfriend, of 2 years,
Amber.

"I really have to say, with her help and training support, I have been able
to strengthen my grip, with either hand, even if I barely have any piece of
the ball in my hand."

Note the grip on the football shown here!

"But I feel that I can still improve my game if I stick with Amber's
training method just one more year"

Introducing the Amazing Tim Tebow Grip Master Training System!

 Click here Click here Click here

Any questions?

I didn't think so.

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Generation Y:

I've always wondered this myself.... and now I know !!

People born before 1946 were called The Silent Generation.

The Baby Boomers are those born between 1947 and 1959.

Generation X people have been born between 1960 and 1979.

Generation Y were born between 1980 and 2010

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?

I always thought it was because they say....

Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?

A cartoonist explained it very eloquently below....

 Click here

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Brisbane 1893 ~ 117 years ago!:

 Click here

This is interesting.

I see everything old is new again..... AGAIN. Perhaps someone can explain
how global warming was responsible back then as well.

City of Brisbane, Queensland
1893 ~ 117 years ago

Please explain man-made global warming to me again... ?

In 1900, Atmospheric Carbon Dioxide (CO2) concentration was approx 320 ppm
(parts per million)

In 2009, Atmospheric Carbon Dioxide (CO2) concentration was approx 385 ppm
(parts per million)

Somehow, the Brisbane River wasn't told that it should not have flooded so
badly 117 years ago but should have waited until the scientific and
political cretins of the UN plus rabid left-wing politicians (who can
smell a scam a mile away!) had discovered¯ the evil carbon atom lurking
within the entirely innocent, colourless, odourless and enormously
beneficial gas, carbon dioxide.

They declared that CO2 was solely responsible for man-made global warming¯
and/or climate change. So far, no verifiable proof of this fact¯ has been
forthcoming nor is it expected that it will ever be!

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New movie coming out soon go here to view the clips:

It's called Little Johnny the movie

 Click here

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Nostradamus Prediction:

 Click here Click here

Subject: Nostradamus Prediction

NOSTRADAMUS

It's always worth revisiting Nostradamus after a big event occurs.

Note these consecutive quatrains;

Daughter of the Dragon, Transplanted by Sea, Promised to lead a Nation,
Destined to ruin a Nation.

Hooded of Eye, and Red of Hair, The Cunning Lady makes the snare, The Cup
is hers, and she holds it ever tight, Her Subjects fall to Poverty and to
Blight.

Don't like that last line much! Nostradamus is Spot on as far as Julia
Gillard is concerned.

Daughter of the Dragon - Have a Look at the Welsh Flag.

Transplanted by Sea - Julia is born in the Welsh town of Barry , and
migrated to Australia ..

Promised to lead a Nation - The labour power brokers promised her the
leadership, and they want their payback in return.

Destined to ruin a Nation - The ETS, Super Mining Tax, Huge Subsidies for
Unsustainable Industry {carbon-less energy}, and Massive Debt and Waste
will cripple Australia's Economy.

Hooded of Eye, and Red of Hair.

The Cunning Lady makes the snare - Look at the way Julia dodges the tough
questions by bowing her brow with that fake smile and enchanting snare;
while with cunning she manages to spin her way out of accountability, to
move onto the next question! Look at the way her hair covers her brow, an
accurate description from a person who lived centuries ago and would not
have known what he was looking at.

The Cup is hers, and she holds it ever tight - Don't think for a second
that Gillard isn't as ruthless as the very same UNION HEAVIES that put her
in power, and she will do and say anything to hold onto Power,
just like Rudd. She knifed Rudd and she will screw us all.

Nostradamus sums it up perfectly with his final summation:

Her Subjects fall to Poverty and to Blight. (Imagine a recession like the
early 90's caused by Keating and
Hawke!)

DEEP ROOTED UNION AFFILIATIONS are part of her DNA.

Ed - and what's wrong with a deep root?

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[ End friday humour ]

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