Friday humour - January 21, 2011

From Gussius @ Bluehaze

Those of us who live Downunder accept that Australia’s weather goes from
one extreme to another.
Our climate is up and down like a bride’s nightie.

In recent weeks, we’ve had record breaking floods across the top half of
the continent including major population centres in Queensland and New
South Wales. At the same time, around Perth in the West, it’s as dry as a
dead dingo's donga and there have been bushfires. Now parts of western
Victoria are wetter than the last 200 years.

Our deepest sympathy goes out to those who have lost loved ones and to
those families and businesses that are adversely affected.

Oprah’s has gone to air promoting Oz as a travel destination, she can
overlook all the new inland lakes and skip the shark infested beaches,
crocs, stingers, venomous snakes, spiders the size of a dinner plate,
mozzies that can chew a bloke’s leg off and the man-eating koalas. We are
lucky to survive really.

The editorial theme this week is equality:
The only problem with treating others as equal is that before long they
start to believe they really are.

This week’s contributions were sent in by Allnutts, Burnout, Diks, Duke of
Barsinov, KRP, Liz, Muse,
Nottingham Smithie, Sack, Whizzbang, Seagull, Cartographer Chris,
Kaos_reflex, Mitta and the ever present Anonymous.

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Best Golf Video Yet...

This is a riot!

 Click here

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Billy Bob

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in
the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front
of an old green John Deere.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off
first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move,
lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid
shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal
his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the
T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you
doing, Billy Bob?"

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously
embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in
the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do
'something s*xy to a tractor'."

[Don't make me come splain this to you! ---Read the last line again,
slowly--out loud.]

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A bit of cricketing humour for some aussie fans... sports lovers !!!!

WHAT do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?
A laughing stock.

The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a
meeting.
They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast.

What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.

Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers
tossed the coin on Boxing Day?
Andrew Strauss called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Ricky
Ponting:
"You lads can bat.''
Just as quick, Ponting replied: "No, we can't. We really can't."

What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A waiter.

Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?
The woman who irons their cricket whites.

What's the height of optimism?
An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?
He forgot it was chained to his foot.

What is the main function of the Australia coach?
To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his
wife and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he's heading out to the middle.
His wife replies: "I'll hold, he won't be long!

What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.

Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come
from.

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Australian innings.

What's the Australian version of LBW?
Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?
Because he can get out without even trying.

What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is
almost certainly going to be a wicket?
A bat.

What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
A vacant lot.

Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX?
Because they can't spell beer.

Why can't Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket?
They eat all the grass.

What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common
with Michael Jackson?
They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix?
At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.

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If you like classic cars you will love this......

 Click here

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HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN WITH ONLY 2 1/2 INCHES . . . .

 Click here

Now that's funny!

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How the Internet started
This is very clever! 

Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, but
here's the TRUE story ...
In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham
Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed,
she had often been called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband: "Why dost thou travel so far from
town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy
tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of
a camel load, but simply said: "How, dear?"

And Dot replied: "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between
to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling
you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and
delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the
drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold
all the goods he had at the top price,
without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself
inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abrahams business.
But he was discovered, arrested and prosecuted for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly
take to camel dung.
They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the
deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were
going to the drum maker, Brother William of Gates, who bought up every
drum maker in the land.

And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother
Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say: "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by
others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be
known. He said: "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied: "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said
Abraham. And because it was Dots idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

And that is how it all began. Truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuly!

= OR WORDS TO THAT EFFECT!

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Upside-Down Beer

This would never work in Australia; we're upside-down;

 Click here


 Click here

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New Years Prayer

Dear God,

All I ask for in 2011 is a big, fat bank account and a slim body.
Please don't mix these up like you did last year. Amen.

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What have we learned in 2,064 years

What have we learned in over two millenia?

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled,
public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be
tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be
curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work,
instead of living on public assistance."

- Cicero - 55 BC

So, evidently nothing..

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Cool Japanese beer Ad

Beautifully graphic

Turn on your speakers

 Click here


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THE POWER OF BEER

(It's been proven as you may already know ......)

 Click here

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Are you Insured for S*x?


The following is a list of the correct insurance companies for s*x
.........

S*X with your wife - Legal & General

S*X with your future wife - Mutual Trust

S*X with your secretary - Employers Liability

S*X with a prostitute - Commercial Union

S*X on the telephone - Direct line

S*X with your biographer - Quote Me Happy

S*X in a hurry- Insure & Go

S*X with your boyfriend -Standard life

S*X with a transvestite - Confused.Com

S*X with someone different - Go Compare. com

S*X with an animal - Compare the Meerkat. com

S*X with a fat bird - More Than

S*X on the back seat - Sheila's Wheels

S*X with an o. a. p - Saga

S*X with a posh bird - Privilege .com

S*X with a sheep - Farmers Union

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10 best Caddy Replies

IF IT'S IMPORTANT FOR CADDIES TO BE HONEST IN THEIR EXPRESSIONS TO HELP
THE GOLFER FOR WHOM THEY ARE CADDYING, THEN THIS GUY IS GOOD AT HIS JOB.

10 best Caddy Replies:
# 10 -- Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

# 9 -- Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

# 8 -- Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

# 7 -- Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

# 6 -- Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

# 5 -- Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much
of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

# 4 -- Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

# 3 -- Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

# 2 -- Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

# 1 -- Best Caddy Comment .... Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too
old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

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Gynaecological Visit

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.
"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years. There's
nothing you can't tell me."
"This one's kind of strange," the woman said.
"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.
"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and
heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet. When I looked down, the water was
full of pennies."
"I see," commented the doctor calmly.
"That afternoon, I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there
were nickels in the bowl," the woman continued.
"That night," she went on, "I went again, and plink-plink-plink, there were
dimes. This morning, there were quarters!"
"You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored. "I'm scared out
of my wits!"
The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's
nothing to be scared about," he said.
"You're simply going through the change!"

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Really plastered.

I went out with some friends last night and tied one on. I got really
plastered.

So, in respect of our new drinking and driving laws, I did something I have
never done before. I took a bus.

I arrived safe and warm, which is surprising as I had never driven one
before......

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A sign

Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist
Church and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across
the road. They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the
ground, that read:

'Da End is Near
Turn Yo Sef 'Roun Now
Afore It Be Too Late!'

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled,

'You religious nuts!'

A few seconds later from the curve they heard screeching tires, and a big
splash...

Boudreaux turns to Thibodaux and asks, 'Do ya tink maybe da sign should
jussay.....

'Bridge Out?'

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Granddad's eternal advice

SPECTACLE wearers. Whilst having your morning sh*t, take a piece of toilet
paper, clean your glasses, and then wipe your ar*e. Hey presto, two uses
for the one sheet of paper. NB. It must be done in that order.

STUDENTS. When asked to write a 3000 word essay, simply draw 3 pictures, as
they are worth 1000 words each.

BRALESS feminists. Support your sagging breasts by pretending you have a
broken arm and wear a sling. Simply shorten the sling until your tits
reach a socially acceptable level.

OPPONENTS of fox hunting foolishly suggest that drag hunting would be an
adequate replacement for our sport. Well I for one would take no pleasure
from hunting foxes dressed in women's clothing.

WHY DOES everyone make such a fuss about Michael Flatley and his
Riverdancing? There's nothing clever about dancing if you've only got to
think about moving your feet. Proper dancers wave their arms too. I think
Mr Flatley should halve his ticket prices.

EVERYONE is always very quick to point the finger at paedophile priests.
But in all fairness, surely half the blame should be on the ten-year-old
boys for being just so damned s*xy.

HAVING TROUBLE getting one of those baseball caps with the peak on the
back? Simply get one with the peak on the front, cut the peak off and sew
it on the back.

I AM SICK and tired of your letters page branding all us truckers as serial
killers. For your information, to be classed as a serial killer, you have
to have murdered three or more people.
Having only murdered two people (both of whom were female hitch hikers), I
feel I am owed an apology.

WHILST visiting a supermarket I was disgusted to find the best parking
spaces nearest the door are now reserved for 'Parents with prams'. If
these people are fit enough to produce offspring, they should be able to
walk across a car park.. The best spaces should be reserved people with
the most expensive cars. It is us who are likely to spend most money in
the supermarket, and to have the most shopping to carry back to our cars.

IF THE Fonz is so cool, why does he hang around with f*ckwits like
Cunningham, Potsy and Ralph?

RECREATE the danger of a parachute jump in safety by visiting Google Earth
and clicking the scroll bar until you reach the ground. Add realism to the
exercise by putting a fan on blowing full in your face.

MARC BOLAN, a great friend of Elton John's, died tragically young in a car
crash. Freddy Mercury, a great friend of Elton John's, was sadly taken
from us by AIDS. Gianni Versace, a great friend of
Elton John's, was cruelly cut down in the prime of life. And the Princess
of Wales, who was comforting Elton John at Versace's funeral, has been
stolen from us. I'll tell you if I was George
Michael I'd be sh*tting myself.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow
in Australia.

And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!"

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Quotable quotes - oldies but worth yet another reminder:

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” - Ashleigh
Brilliant

“It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.” - Paul Newman

“It's a catastrophic success.” - Stephen Bishop

“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all other alternatives.” - Abba Eban

“No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.” -
Groucho Marx

“How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.” -
Groucho Marx

“A man is as young as the woman he feels.” - Groucho Marx

“A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.” -
Groucho Marx

“Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!” - Groucho Marx

“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for
you.” - Groucho Marx

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” - Groucho Marx

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an
exception.” - Groucho Marx

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I
go into the other room and read a book.” - Groucho Marx

“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.” - Groucho
Marx

“I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the
curtain was up.” - Groucho Marx

“The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly
enforced.” - Frank Zappa

“The 100% American is 99% idiot.” - George Bernard Shaw

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not
the power of speech.” - George Bernard Shaw

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar
Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” - Oscar
Wilde

“I am not young enough to know everything.” - Oscar Wilde

“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion,
enmity, worship, love,
but no friendship.” - Oscar Wilde

“He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.” - Victor Borge

“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of
it.” - Mark Twain

“Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”
- Mark Twain

“Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.” - Mark Twain

“Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.” - Mark Twain

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself.” - Mark Twain

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Viagra ad

 Click here

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Al farquitta

Ronald Dumbtwat and the Al farquitta network.

A story for our times.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far from reality, there were two bushes
called George. Well, really there was only one bush because the younger
one was more like a stunted shrub. The young bush was so scrawny, he was
often mistaken for a twig, but without the personality.

The younger bush was malnourished as a child and reform school reports say
his formative years were affected by sniffing gasoline fumes in his
hometown of Tex-Ass, an oil rich region named after the rear end of a
1950’s TV star cowboy. He was also as ugly as a bastard coyote. This seems
to explain why he had major developmental problems, no friends and no
sense.

So no-one was surprised when bush the younger was mistakenly elected as
president of Tex-Ass.
This twist of fate lead to two significant world-shattering events that now
affects the entire free world and Tex-Ass too.

Suddenly, George had a group of new friends led by his bestest of new
friends Ronnie Dumbtwat, a well known local psychopath with a history of
invading other people’s watermelon patches. George convinced Ron to change
his name to improve his public image. Of course that didn’t work.

The second event was a change in George’s faith in God. Of course he
believed in fundamental
Christian beliefs like ‘thou shalt not kill’ but stopped talking to God
because he kept saying “Yes
George I know, I know”. George hates smartar*es. Then George heard the long
lost eleventh commandment – ‘do unto others before they get a chance to do
unto you and your coalition friends’. He heard this from his great friend
Ronald and suddenly it all made sense.

Ronald told George lots of neat things. Like how the army had lots of old
bombs that have passed their use-by dates. And if he was good, he could
join a secret club known as the Al farquitta network based in New York.
Ron described a New World order where everyone could live in peace once
Frodo destroyed the one ring. George remembered his dad telling him about
how John Wayne and Audey Murphy won World War 2 single-handed. All George
had to do was authorise the invasion of the world in alphabetical order,
starting with Antarctica.

Once the rabid yankee imperialist troops landed in Antarctica, they dug in
and waited till dawn to launch the first attack. Unfortunately it took six
months for the sun to rise and to realize that no one lived there. When
they radioed back that its all white, they were told by the Al farquita
command centre, that if its alright, then follow orders and move on to
Afghanistan.

So with no atlas to help find the way, they found themselves in Baghdad.
The rest as they say was a c*ck up.

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Job candidates - and what the agency really mean....

Banking & Finance

Holding relevant tertiary qualifications coupled with an astounding 20+
years experience in one of
America's top banks, this candidate is looking for the next step in
defining her career. Starting off as a teller and working her way up to
area manager, this individual has a solid understanding of how a banking
institution operates and what it takes to be one of the best. She's
confident in her ability, passionate about her work and not scared to get
her hands stuck in the till. Hobbies include pokies and holidaying in the
Cayman Islands. Parole report available on request.

Account Manager

Boasting over 15 years sales experience, with the last ten concentrating on
key accounts and doing the same old same old, this individual is looking
for a new home for her skills and expertise. Here's someone with strong
communication, interpersonal and negotiation skills with a touch of the
psychopath who is extremely comfortable with managing large retail
accounts and taking sales figures to the next level. Unfortunately, that
next level was 10 floors below the basement. If you believe that your key
accounts need some tender loving care, don't delay or you might miss out
on a once in a lifetime, dime-a-dozen employee.

Receptionist/Administration

A true all-rounder. You’ll need an oversized chair because she is all round
and out of shape. If you are looking for a bright and bubbly administration
assistant / receptionist with exceptional skills and sound experience, then
look no further. Having run her own small business into the ground, this is
someone with experience in payroll, customer liaison, ordering and
receiving stock, cash handling,
cleaning and invoicing (using MYOB). Choose an organised and driven
individual who is looking for the challenge of working sober – that’s what
we meant by ‘bubbly’.

Customer Service

This under accomplished young professional has seven years customer service
experience in IT,
telecommunications and finance industries. With a proven ability to gripe
about tasks such as manage, motivate, train and develop staff, he will be
an excellent team leader or supervisor one day, maybe. His experience
managing budgets and multiple projects complements his ability to
problem-solve and build strong client relationships. A tosser looking for
a tossee.

Logistics

Having completed his Bachelor of Commerce and MBA in Marketing, this gent
is looking to put theory into practice. Currently moonlighting as the
Easter Bunny (short term assignment), he has extensive international
experience gained in fleet control, logistics planning and general
management. This candidate has the skills to get your logistics running
smoothly but he won’t be able to because the MBA has stuffed his brain.
Highly computer literate with a specialisation in porn sites and versatile
with experience in scheduling, load planning, arrangement, forecasting and
business development, he could add instant value to your team. Don't
forget - he is just a call away
Maybe just a scream away.

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Always be prepared for an emergency evacuation:

 Click here

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Smooooth shampoo

Now guys, here is a great excuse:

 Click here

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Nude Man Clock Jeune

This is wild and sort of funny but it does tell the right time


Click on the link below and when you have seen everything, click again on
the clock to be even more surprised. It's even the right time!

(Now don't strain your eyes!) and make sure you do not enjoy it too much,
be careful

 Click here

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Rain, rain, rain

I've just heard from a friend in central Queensland.

He says it has been raining heavily for three days now.

His wife has done nothing but stare through the window.

If it doesn't stop soon he'll probably have to let her in.

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Monkeys?

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters
will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare.
Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. - Robert Wilensky

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Are you Male or Female?

This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers. Are
you male or female?
To find out the answer, look down...

Look down, not scroll down you idiot.

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Just when you thought it was safe to fly...This'll turn up the pucker
factor.

 Click here

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Definitely XXX - take care opening & and pay attention!

 Click here

Periodically you need to test your powers of observation. Good luck.

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Wireless Technology

 Click here

I think this is a riot.

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How To Roll A Car

 Click here

A little long but worth watching!!!!

This will make every man's heart beat a little faster.

The proper way to roll a car!

What an awesome ad for the new Mercedes!

If any of you were ever to roll a car this is the proper way to do it!!

The stretch of highway that this ad was filmed on is in the Fraser Canyon,
British Columbia,
Canada.

The tunnel they did this in is the China Bar Tunnel on Highway 1 just North
of Spuzzum.

The car is a new Mercedes.

Make sure that your sound is on .... enjoy!!

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Way up north, and I mean way up north, Gorgeous!

 Click here

SPEAKERS SHOULD BE ON FOR THIS ONE FOLKS.

Would love to see the lights without the cold!

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For all you wine lovers -XXX

Believe it or not, these oak barrels cost in excess of $20,000 each, take 2
years from start to use and last in excess of 200 years.

They are made from French Oak and there are only 3 companies in the world
who make them, 2 in
France and 1 in Portugal. A master cask maker can earn in excess of
$250,000 per annum and there are only 12 people in the world holding this
rank, 1 being a woman.

If you take time to examine the barrels I think you'll agree they are a
beautiful work of art.

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here


Wasting good wine, she should be spanked real hard....!

No trees were killed in the making of this email... however, a large number
of electrons were horribly inconvenienced.

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The real Miss America & an insurgent who speaks through his ass.

 Click here

WOW!!!

The real Miss America.

This 19 year old ex-cheerleader now an Air Force Security Forces Sniper,
was watching a road that led to a NATO military base when she observed a
man digging by the road.
She engaged the target (she shot him). It turned out he was a bomb maker
for the
Taliban,  and he was burying an IED that was to be detonated when
a US patrol walked by 30 minutes later. It would have certainly killed and
wounded several soldiers.
The interesting fact of this story is the shot was measured at 725 yards.
She shot him as he was bent over burying the bomb. The shot went through
his butt and into the bomb which detonated; he was blown to pieces. The
Air Force made a motivational poster of her.

(Folks , that's a shot 25 yards longer than seven football fields)  And the
last thing that came out of his mouth .. was his ass!
If You Can Not Stand Behind Our Troops , please Feel Free To Stand In Front
Of
Them!!!!!

Ain't freedom a grand thing!!!!!?

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Why God sends rain to Mexico & not the Middle East

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Why I Failed 5th Grade

 Click here

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What some people do when it snows...You know you've had enough of winter
when..........

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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CAREFUL THOSE ANTLERS

 Click here

He didn't train this deer overnight!
Enjoy:)


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Too good to be true!

 Click here

Too good to be true!

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We need to talk

 Click here

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The chewing gum & helium experiment.... awesome!!!

 Click here
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A FOUNTAIN IN ITALY

 Click here

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REAL MEN...

 Click here

A nice mix of old ones and new ones. Should make you smile.

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Dutch - road brick laying machine

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here


Engineers will find this interesting. I do wonder how many workers were
laid off because of this innovation.

Instant Brick Paved Road

Brick Road Making

Tiger-Stone is a Dutch paver laying machine that can produce brick roads.

Paving bricks are dropped by front-end-loader onto the angled trough.

Men help to spread them in the trough as they drop into the forming jig.

As the electrically operated crawler moves forward along a pre laid sand
base layer, all the stones are packed, gravity held together & descend the
sloping ramp on to the road.

Amazing ?

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 Click here

Recommended reading for the girl in your life.


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 Click here

Orstrailia Day tribute after the floods.

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Funny buggers these Australians..... so adaptable.
A football oval converted overnight into a possible Water Polo venue.

 Click here


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Funny signs

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here


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Rail network in sunny Queensland

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here


We are just receiving some initial photos of infrastructure damage north of
Brisbane. We are using our contacts to better qualify the extent and
location of the damage and its potential effects on the QLD supply chain.


Some photos of track north of Brisbane (somewhere). Much track is also
underwater and inspection and assessment therefore possibly from Friday or
weekend

QR National

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I bet the Coast Guard love this guy....

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here


The Love Love was built to look as if it is sinking

French artist Julien Berthier has designed a fully functional boat to look
as if it is sinking. The 6.5m (21ft) yacht was cut in half with a new keel
and motor added so it remains in the sinking position while being fully
functional. He describes it as "the permanent and mobile image of a
wrecked ship that has become a functional and safe leisure object."

Berthier has taken the boat (or should I say half-a-boat) across the
English Channel to London and has toured it around Europe , getting plenty
of offers of assistance from unwitting good Samaritans,
who would presumably be either very annoyed or rather bemused by the
contraption.

The designer and artist designed and built the floating installation in
2007. He named his creation
Love Love. Part artwork, part boat... literally.

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Kim jong -il Announces Golf Tournament

 Click here Click here


Subject: Kim jong -il Annnounces Golf Tournament. SMH 14-01-2011


North Korean Leader Announces Countries First Golf Tournament -


70 year old Leader Kim Jong does it again ...... 11 holes in one ( on the
same course! )

What a guy!

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Idiot morons - watch out for them on the road

 Click here

This is an actual phototaken by Transport SA at the corner of Trimmer Pde
and Frederick Rd
Seaton.

The wood was about 2meters out of the left hand side of the car and about
three out of theright.

The beams in the front window went across the driver's chest and he could
only get one hand on the wheel.

Caution
.... they're out there! and they vote!

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Shackleton's whisky heads home

Northern Rivers Travel  Holidays and Tourism in Northern Rivers  Clarence
Valley Daily Examiner

 Click here
ck-to-scotland/


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True story..

A policeman in Adelaide pulled over a driver who had been weaving in and
out of the traffic.

He approached the car window and said "Sir I need you to blow into this
breathalyzer".

The man reaches into his pocket and produces a doctor's note.

On it was written:

"This man suffers from chronic asthma.
Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath".

The policeman said "Okay then I need you to come and give a blood sample"

The man produced another letter.

This one said:

This man is a hemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way".

So the officer said: "Right, I need a urine sample then".

The man produces a third letter from his pocket.

It read:

"This man plays cricket for Australia; please don't take the p*ss out of
him"


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That all for this week folks. Time to pull on the gumboots, get stuck into
mopping up Australia.
Remember to look out for the ducks.... the ones belonging to Ricky Ponting
of course.



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[ End friday humour ]

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