Friday humour - December 17, 2010

From Burnout at Bluehaze:
a repeat of his editorial from last week

It is with some sadness I advise you dear readers that our longstanding
Editor and friend 'Davo' is retiring from his role at Bluehaze.

The FH Humour mail outs commenced in August 1996 and the website has been
in continuous operation since May 1997. Tony Sanderson who started the
site received help from Davo during holidays from March 2001. During this
time Davo became a fortnightly fixture as an FH Editor full time as it
were.
What a record of continuous work, each fortnight ensuring the site was
delivered to us the "Humourites".

Tony and Davo fed us our weekly dose of merriment and Davo with approval
from Tony started to challenge people who read the site with some pointed
editorials. This caused some consternation (& merriment) amongst some
readers, notably "Mad Bob" of Sydney, who willingly engaged Davo in a
weekly duel for a considerable period.

The loss of Tony put paid to the majority of these editorials and FH
disappeared back to its roots of general humour. Davo & Digi-Steve
continued to edit FH weekly with the support of the Sanderson Family. It
wasn't long however that the workload became an impost and two more
editors joined the team.

So this brings us up to date; I'm sure you will join us, (the Editors) in
wishing Davo 'all the best' and a huge "thankyou" for the effort behind
the scenes all those years. Thanks for everything 'Davo', I for one hope
you enjoy your second retirement. Don't be a stranger mate, send in a
couple of funnies every now and again.

This leaves me with one more issue to deal with; yes, you guessed it, we
are down one, short of one, and have a position available for one FH
Bluehaze Editor. (You know, the king is dead, long live the king an' all
that.)

If you think you can afford to spend 2 to 3 hours per month in a quest of
bringing a smile to the faces of a bunch of persons unknown to you please
apply to the following email address: <
management~at~bluehaze~dot~com~dot~au > .

So it's on with the fun! After a short message from this week's editor
Nottingham Smithie

Sadly there has been no response from our readers thus far, perhaps it is
fear of the unknown.

If you agree to help as an editor you will be added to the roster, and once
a month it will be your turn to edit. Most of the work has already been
done for you automatically, all you need do is tidy up all the e-mails
that are listed, remove all of those e-mail addresses that people still
include, together with any pictures or jokes which are repeats. It
requires no skill whatsoever, just a little patience.

You will get a copy of the FH package every week regardless of whether it
is your rostered turn or not. This is to allow for any last minute swaps.
Something can and will go wrong in our lives sometimes and the roster is
not carved in stone, if you have an emergency it is fine to arrange a swap
with the other editors.

If you agree to help us out you will have the satisfaction of keeping an
institution going, and you will develop an aversion to anybody who doesn't
use bcc when forwarding an e-mail - if they only thought for a moment that
they are showing all their contacts to the world and leaving them wide
open for spam - each editor also has the opportunity to write an editorial
if they wish -
personally I choose not to, my thoughts about the government we have are
not printable, nor suitable for those of a nervous disposition.

I am content with sending out the humour, there is already enough misery in
the world. Please, Please, will you consider giving a little time to help
keep Friday Humour going - Thank You, and remember that Friday Humour goes
out to all corners of the globe - you will be helping people to smile in
several countries.

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From: Anonymous
you may have seen this ----worth a second look.
 Click here

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From: Anonymous
HELP YOU MAKE IT TO YOUR FLIGHT - Buck Howdy
 Click here

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From: Diks
Only in Texas...
*A guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Austin , TX
policeman.

The guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance card, and his CHL
(Concealed Handgun License).

"Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CHL permit.  Are you carrying
today?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well, then- better tell me what you got."

Smith says, "Well, I've got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket.
There's a 9mm in the glove box.  And, I've got a .22 mag derringer in my
right boot."

"Okay," the cop says.  "Anything else?"

"Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR-15 and a shotgun.  That's about
it."

"Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range?"

"Nope."

"Well, what are you afraid of?"

"Not a damn thing..." *


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From: Diks
Baby hummingbird rescued.
Amazing!

 Click here

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From: Duke of Barsinov
Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, Hallelujah Chorus - Must See!
 Click here

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From: Liz
A dog named Mace

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad
habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had
to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the
mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench,
losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so
he decided to call it a day. That night, Mace escaped from the house and
ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went
outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had
happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed,
"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!


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From: Liz
Flip Wilson and Joe Namath - Hilarious Video

              This is a great video of "Geraldine" and Joe Namath.
                Click here

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From: Liz
Shhhhhh! There's A Bear Coming
You'll be holding your breath on this one.
The joys of deer hunting from a tree stand.
If confronted by a bear, just be cool and ask the bear a question.
And, Oh yes, it helps to have a 12 gauge shotgun across your lap.

 Click here

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From: Liz
Christmas can-can
It has to start some time.

 Click here

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From: Liz
ANGEL FLIGHT

Sad but also a beautiful song
Enjoy:)

 Click here

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From: Liz
Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly
Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly


FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

ROFL. CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing. And Can't Get Up

DWI: Driving While Incontinent

LOL: Living On Lipitor

OMG: Oy, My Grandchildren!

OMG: Ouch, My Groin!

IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?

WTF: What's Today's Fish?

WTF: Wet The Furniture

IMHMO: In My HMO.

RULKM: Are You Leaving Kids Money?

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

GTG: Gotta Groan

TGIF: Thank Goodness It's Four (Four O'Clock - Early Bird Special)

FWB: Friend With Betablockers

FYI: For Your Indigestion.

JK: Just Kvetching

TTYL: Talk To You Louder

MILF: Meal I'd Like To Forget

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

LWO: Lawrence Welk's On

MGAD: My Grandson's A Doctor

SUS: Speak Up, Sonny

WIWYA: When I Was Your Age (my favorite)

GOML: Get Off My Lawn

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From: Liz
This is beautiful
  target=_blank>Click here

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From: Liz
Dear Abby,
My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card
bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at
me,
saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids
worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.
Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of
them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he
has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.
Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the
next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's
with
Muslums.Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be
in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so
horribly creepy!
Can you help?
Signed, Lost in DC


Dear Lost:
Stop whining, Michelle.
You can divorce the jerk any time you want.
The rest of us are stuck with him for two more years!

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From: Liz
WE  WILL NEVER SEE THIS HAPPEN AGAIN........
BUT MAYBE THIS  IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE
Harry Truman
Was a different kind of President.  He
Probably made as many, or more important
Decisions regarding our nation's history as
Any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him.
However, a measure of his greatness may rest on
What he did after he left the White House.
The only asset he had when he died
Was the house he lived in, which was
In Independence Missouri .
His wife had inherited the house from her
Mother and father and other than their
Years in the White House, they lived their
Entire  lives there.

When he retired
From office in 1952, his income was
A U.S. Army pension reported to have
Been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting
That he was paying for his stamps and personally
Licking them, granted him  an 'allowance'
And, later, a  retroactive pension of $25,000 per year.

After President Eisenhower
Was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home
To Missouri by themselves. There
Was no Secret Service following them.

When offered corporate
Positions at large  salaries, he declined,
Stating, "You don't want me. You want the
Office of the President, and that doesn't
Belong to me. It belongs to the American
People and it's not for  sale."

Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was
Preparing to award him the Medal of Honor
On his 87th birthday, he refused to accept
It, writing, "I don't consider that I have
Done anything which should be the  reason
For any award, Congressional or otherwise."

As president he paid for all of his own
Travel expenses and food.

Modern politicians have found a new
Level of success in cashing in on the
Presidency, resulting in untold wealth.
Today, many in Congress  also have found a way
To become quite wealthy while enjoying the
Fruits of their offices.  Political offices
Are now for sale.  (sic.. Illinois )

Good  old Harry Truman was correct
When he observed, "My choices in life were
Either to be a piano player in a whore house
Or a politician And to tell the truth,
there's hardly any difference!

I say dig him up and clone him!!
Enjoy life now... It has an expiration date!

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From: Stumpy Steve
very funny
 Click here
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From: Whizzbang
Christmas Tree Ornaments
So I went to Wal-Mart and saw that they had Obama Christmas Tree
ornaments....Now ain't that something?
Suddenly it's OK to hang a black man from a tree again?

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From: Anonymous
 Click here
Sorry there's no music, but the pictures are breathtaking!

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From: Anonymous
RR's COWBOY MEMORABILIA - Closed Forever
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

A time in History, never to be seen again, but what a ride it was.
HAPPY TRAILS TO YOU!
THOSE WERE THE DAYS, MY FRIENDS!
The Roy Rogers Museum has closed its doors forever.
Here is a partial listing of some of the items that were sold at auction...
Roy 's 1964 Bonneville sold for $254,500, it was estimated to sell between
100 and 150 thousand dollars.


His script book from the January 14,1953 episode of This Is Your Life sold
for $10,000 (est. $800-$1,000)
A collection of signed baseballs (Pete Rose, Duke Snyder and other greats)
sold for $3,750
A collection of signed bats (Yogi Berra, Enos Slaughter, Bob Feller, and
others) sold for $2,750.
Trigger's saddle and bridle sold for $386,500 (est. 100-150 K)
One of many of Roy 's shirts sold for $16,250 and one of his many cowboy
hats sold for $17,500.
One set of boot spurs sold for $10,625. (He never used a set of spurs on
Trigger.)
A life size shooting gallery sold for $27,500.
Various chandeliers sold from $6,875 to $20,000. Very unique and artistic
in their western style.
A signed photograph by Don Lar*en taken during his perfect game in the
world series against the Dodgers on Oct. 8, 1953, along with a signed
baseball to
Roy from Don, sold for $2,500
Two fabulous limited edition BB guns in their original boxes with numerous
photos of Roy, Dale, Gabby, and Pat sold for $3,750.
A collection of memorabilia from his shows entertaining the troops in
Vietnam sold for $938.  I never knew he was there.  His flight jacket sold
for $7,500.
His set of dinner ware plates and silverware sold for $11,875.  The Bible
they used at the dinner table every night sold for $8,750.
One of several of his guitars sold for $27,500.
Nellybelle sold for $116,500.
A fabulous painting of Roy , Dale, Pat, Buttermilk, Trigger, and Bullet
sold for $10,625.
One of several sets of movie posters sold for $18,750.
A black and white photograph of Gene Autry with a touching inscription from
Gene to Roy sold for $17,500.
A Republic Productions Poster bearing many autographs of the people that
played in Roy 's movies sold for $11,875.
Dale's horse, Buttermilk (whose history is very interesting) sold below the
presale estimate for $25,000. (est. 30-40 K)
Bullet sold for $35,000 (est. 10-15 K). He was their real pet.
Dale's parade saddle, estimated to sell between 20-30 K, sold for $104,500.
One of many pairs of Roy 's boots sold for $21,250.
Trigger sold for $266,500.

Do you remember the 1938 movie The Adventures of Robinhood with Errol Flynn
and Olivia de Havilland?  Well Olivia rode Trigger in that movie.  Trigger
was bred on a farm co-owned by Bing Crosby. Roy bought Trigger on a time
payment plan for $2,500.    Roy and Trigger made 188 movies together.
Trigger even out did Bob Hope by winning an Oscar in the movie Son of
Paleface in 1953.
It is extremely sad to see this era lost forever.  Despite the fact that
Gene and Roy 's movies, as well as those of other great characters, can be
bought or rented for viewing, today's kids would rather spend their time
playing video games.  Today it takes a very special pair of parents to
raise their kids with the right values and morals.  These were the great
heroes of our childhood, and they did teach us right from wrong, and how
to have and show respect for each other and the animals that share this
earth.
You and I were born at the right time. We were able to grow up with these
great people even if we never met them.  In their own way they taught us
patriotism and honor, we learned that lying and cheating were bad, and s*x
wasn't as important as love.  We learned how to suffer through
disappointment and failure and work through it.  Our lives were drug free.
So it's good-bye to Roy and Dale, Gene and Hoppy, The Lone Ranger and
Tonto.
Farewell to Sky King and Superman and Sgt. Friday.  Thanks to Capt..
Kangaroo, Mr. Rogers and Capt. Noah and all those people whose lives
touched ours, and made them better.
It was a great ride through childhood.
HAPPY TRAILS MY FRIENDS

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From: Burnout
Don't mess with golfers
 Click here

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Small Hole in Runway...
 Click here

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From: Diks
Very special - Cape May Retreat
 Click here
How's this for patriotism................................

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From: Diks
Trojan Ad (Video)
 Click here
LMAO!

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From: Diks
This about sums it up!
 Click here

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From: Liz
3 reasons to live in a warm climate......

One
 Click here
And The Other Two
 Click here

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From: Liz
Just what is a calorie?
 Click here
Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and
sew your clothes tighter.
MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SH*TS!

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From: Liz
CHRISTMAS LAUGHS
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Liz
Eastern Oregon from an Ultra-Light
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here
Extraordinary!
These were taken by a man who pilots an ultra-light aircraft
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From: Liz
Subject: B.O.
 Click here

Hope this will make everyone's day!!!
I heard he went to visit the troops and it didn't go so well...

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From: Liz
City from the past
 Click here

From: Liz
Lamarr
 Click here

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From: Liz
Moles
 Click here

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From: Liz
How to ask for a date...
 Click here
How sweet. Watch the tenderness in his eyes and the gentle way he puts his
hand on hers.
There is a lesson in this for all you guys out there: how to do it right!!!

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From: Liz
Golf
 Click here

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From: Liz
Best mugshots of 2010
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Liz
Atlantic Highway
 Click here

Would hate to travel it in a storm!!
VERY BEAUTIFUL
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From: Liz
Farmer Painter
 Click here
Farmer Painter just awesome!....Enjoy:)

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WHY THEY CARRY GUNS IN ALASKA
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here


This guy lives just outside of Soldotna , Alaska.
King season is over, and since I had a day off before silvers start, I
thought I would go for a walk!  This occurred at 11:16 AM Sunday morning
1/3/2010 , just 2/10 of a mile from my house.
On our road while walking my dogs (ironically trying to get in shape for
hunting season). For the record, this is in a residential area; not back
in the woods.  .  .  No bow hunting.  .  ..  No stealth occurring.  .  .
I heard a twig snap......  And looked back.  .  .  Full on charge was a
huge brownie, ears back, head low and motorin' full speed!
Came with zero warning; no Woof, no popping of the teeth, no standing up,
nothing like what you think or see on TV!  It charged from less than 20
yards and was on me in about one-second!
Totally surreal.    ..  I just started shooting in the general direction. 
.
..  And praise God that my second shot (or was it my third?) rolled him at
5 feet and he skidded to a stop 10 feet BEYOND where I was shooting from. 
.
.  I actually sidestepped him and fell over backwards on the last shot.  .
.  And his momentum carried him to a stop past where I fired my first shot!

It was a prehistoric old bear.....  No teeth......  No fat.  .  .  Weighed
between 900-1000 Lbs and it took five men to DRAG it onto a tilt-bed
trailer!  Big bear.....  Its Paw measured out at about a 9-1/2 footer!

Never-ever-thought 'it' would happen to me!  It's always some other
smuck.....  Right?

Well, no bull......  I am still high on adrenaline ..  .  .  With my gut in
a Knot (felt like I did 10,000 crunches without stopping)!  Almost puked
for an hour after.....  Had the burps and couldn't even stand up as the
troopers conducted their investigation!  Totally wiped me out.  ...  . 
Can't even put that feeling into words.  .  ..  By far the most emotion I
have ever felt at once! No doubt that God was with me, as I brought my
Ruger ..454
Casull (and some "hot" 350 grain solids) just for the heck of it.  ..  .
And managed to draw and snap shoot (pointed, never even aimed!) from the
hip!
Total lucky shot!
All I can say is Praise God for my safety and for choosing to leave the
wife and kids at home on this walk!
Now, if anyone starts making noises about taking away your right to protect
yourself with a gun, we need to let them know where we stand. Very
Quickly!!!

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From: Sack
Merry Christmas
 Click here

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From: Seasoldier
Christmas Warm-up
This is hilarious and hits the nail right on the head!!!!!!!
 Click here

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From: Stumpy Steve
SIGNS...
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Stumpy Steve
Abu Hamza Novelty Gift.
 Click here
Abu Hamza Novelty Gift.
Available at all good hardware stores and double Nectar points till
Christmas at Homebase.....
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From: The Great Gussius
Anna the CIA tart.
 Click here
Anna has a great occupation.
This is the job she did on Julian Assange and then complained!

By the way, its Swedish for 'demonstrator', not what you might think at
first blush.

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From: Whizzbang
Has anyone ever x-rayed this guy?
 Click here
I think this guy gets around with his head up his ar*e!

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From: Whizzbang
Frog Man Talent 2010  -
 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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