Friday humour - October 15, 2010

From Burnout at Bluehaze.

This week sees the rather remarkable rescue of the Chilean Miners, who
spent between 69 & 70 days 600 odd meters below ground. This achievement
overseen by the Chilean President involved specialist drillers from
Australia and the
US. Also involved were Brant Webb & Todd Russell who survived the
Beaconsfield Mine disaster amongst others....
The Chilean Ambassador reminded us on the ABC on Wednesday of the heartfelt
thanks of his countrymen by the President when he thanked Australia for
being the first country to offer assistance to Chile.

Heads up Australia.


From: Allnutts
Subject: FW: An interesting fact about October 2010


An interesting fact about October 2010: This October has 5 Fridays, 5
Sat*rdays and 5 Sundays, all in 1 month. It happens once in 823 years.


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From: Anonymous
Subject: BED BUG EPIDEMIC


 Bed bugs are epidemic . . .

Hi All:


A bit of information that you might like to know about.  We have friends
here in our community and one of their sons is an entomologist (insect
expert), and has been telling them that there is an epidemic of bed bugs
now occuring in America.  Recently I have heard on the news that several
stores in NYC have had to close due to bed bug problems, as well as a
complete mall in New Jersey.

He says that since much of our clothing, sheets, towels, etc. now comes
from companies outside  of America, (sad but true), even the most
expensive stores sell foreign clothing from China, Indonesia, etc.  The
bed bugs are coming in on the clothing as these countries do not consider
them a problem.
He recommends that if you buy any new clothing, even underware and socks,
sheets, towels, etc. that you bring them into the house and put them in
your clothes dryer for at least 20 minutes.  The heat will kill them and
their eggs.  DO NOT PURCHASE CLOTHES AND HANG THEM IN THE CLOSET FIRST. 
It does not matter what the price range is of the clothing, or if the
outfit comes from the most expensive store known in the U.S.  They still
get shipments from these countries and the bugs can come in a box of
scarves or anything else for that matter.  That is the reason why so many
stores, many of them clothing stores have had to shut down in NYC and
other places.   All you need is to bring  one item into the house that has
bugs or eggs and you will go to hell and back trying to get rid of them. 
He travels all over the country as an advisor to many of these stores, as
prevention and after they have the problem.

Send this information on to those on your e-mail list so that this good
prevention information gets around quickly.


 Bed bugs are epidemic . . .

Hi All:


A bit of information that you might like to know about.  We have friends
here in our community and one of their sons is an entomologist (insect
expert), and has been telling them that there is an epidemic of bed bugs
now occuring in America.  Recently I have heard on the news that several
stores in NYC have had to close due to bed bug problems, as well as a
complete mall in New Jersey.

He says that since much of our clothing, sheets, towels, etc. now comes
from companies outside  of America, (sad but true), even the most
expensive stores sell foreign clothing from China, Indonesia, etc.  The
bed bugs are coming in on the clothing as these countries do not consider
them a problem.
He recommends that if you buy any new clothing, even underware and socks,
sheets, towels, etc. that you bring them into the house and put them in
your clothes dryer for at least 20 minutes.  The heat will kill them and
their eggs.  DO NOT PURCHASE CLOTHES AND HANG THEM IN THE CLOSET FIRST. 
It does not matter what the price range is of the clothing, or if the
outfit comes from the most expensive store known in the U.S.  They still
get shipments from these countries and the bugs can come in a box of
scarves or anything else for that matter.  That is the reason why so many
stores, many of them clothing stores have had to shut down in NYC and
other places.   All you need is to bring  one item into the house that has
bugs or eggs and you will go to hell and back trying to get rid of them. 
He travels all over the country as an advisor to many of these stores, as
prevention and after they have the problem.

Send this information on to those on your e-mail list so that this good
prevention information gets around quickly.


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From: Anonymous
Subject: 2010 Oshkosh Wisconsin Air Show.

I would love to see this show, Enjoy!

   Click here


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From: Anonymous
Subject: If we had an Italian President from NJ]


Sent: Tue, Oct 5, 2010 12:03 pm
Subject: If we had an Italian President from NJ]


 Click here


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From: Cartographer Chris
Subject: Petition against prosecution of Australian Soldiers


Here's the link, feel free to sign up if you wish


 Click here


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From: Muse
Subject: Fw: Dance in the Movies


      This is for the records and a skilled edit. A collection of dance
clips from almost 40 movies from dance movies to comedies, from Fred
Astaire to Michael Jackson:
      Dirty Dancing, Flashdance, White Nights, Perfect, Sat*rday Night
Fever, Blue Skies, Pulp Fiction, High Fidelity, Clerks 2, American Pie,
Billy Elliot, Footloose, True Lies, Grease, Honey, Phantom of the Opera,
Step up, Step up 2, Moonwalker, West Side Story, Moulin Rouge, Mary
Poppins,
7 Brides for 7 Brothers, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Strictly Ballroom,
Happy
Feet, Singing in the Rain, Fame, Fame2009, Save the Last Dance, Mamma Mia,
Mask of Zorro, Coyote Ugly, Wild Hogs, Get Smart, Airplane, A Knights Tale,
High School Musical, and Austin Powers.


      Click here


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+++ Time: 20101011205353
+++ From: Nottingham Smithie +++ Subject:  British Army answerphone +++
Content:
The British Army Answer Phone


 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  Radio Flyer Car


This is neat!  Once you get to the website, click on the picture to start
the video:

 Click here


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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  Maria had just got married


Maria had just got married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a
virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very
nervous.
Her mother reassured her;
'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of
you.
Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed
his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama,
Tony's got a big hairy chest.'
'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests.
Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his
pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother.
'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'
'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs
and he'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on
his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran
downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

'Stay here and stir the pasta.'

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From: Sack


Mick met Paddy in the street and said, 'Paddy, will you draw your bedroom
curtains  before making love to your wife in future?'
'Bejaysus Why?'  Paddy asked.
'Because,' said Mick, 'The whole street was  laughing when they saw you and
your missus making love yesterday.'
Paddy  said, 'Stupid bastards, the laugh's on them ... I wasn't home
yesterday.'


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From: Sack
Subject: the good and the bad


Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very
miscschievous,
always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He
was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary
life......

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The
evil brother became aheavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was
a devoted husband and father  and supported many charities

One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother
passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a  happy after life.
One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother?  He died before me,
but I have not seen him here in heaven.."

God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not
spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."

"I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and
wish I could see him again.
"You can see him if you wish", God said, "I will give you power to gaze
into hell."

So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell. Before long
he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of beer,
and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.

The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing.
I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a
beautifulwoman in the other. Surely, hell can not be that bad."

 God explained. "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a
hole in it. The blonde doesn't."


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From: Stumpy Steve
Subject: just listen to this - you won't regret it


 Click here

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From: Stumpy Steve
Subject: Kids Answers


Read more:
 Click here
ool-childrens-lesson-blunders.html#ixzz11SkQZKJN

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From: Whizzbang
Subject: What a great idea!


In India recently, I saw a sign that said, English speaking taxi driver.  I
thought, what a f****** great idea, why don't we have them in Australia?


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Wal-Mart vs the Morons (us)


YOU HAVE TO SCROLL DOWN A FAIR WAY TO THE START OF THIS ONE BUT IT IS VERY
GOOD


Man this is so worth sharing..........Please keep it going if possible and
even if you have already seen it before please read it again before you
delete it.......Thanks all


Food for thought


                             Wal-Mart vs. The Morons


1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart Every hour of every day.

2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th)
than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target +Sears + Costco +
K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people, is the world's largest private
employer, and most speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the world.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, and keep
in mind they did this in only fifteen years.

8. During this same period, 31 big supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.

9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super
Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had five years ago.

11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at
Wal-Mart stores. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)

12. 90% of all Americans live within fifteen miles of a Wal-Mart.

You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work
for suggesting that MAYBE we should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to fix
the economy.

This should be read and understood by all Americans Democrats, Republicans,
EVERYONE!!

To President Obama and all 535 voting members of theLegislature,

It is now official you are ALL corrupt morons:

a.. The U.S. Postal Service was established in 1775. You have had 234 years
to get it right and it is broke.

b.. Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 74 years to get
it right and it is broken.
c.. Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 71 years to get it
right and it is broke.

d.. War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 45 years to get it right;
$1 trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the
poor" and they only want more.

e.. Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 44 years
to get it right and they are broke.

f.. Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 39 years to get it
right and it is broke.

g.. The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen our dependence
on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000 employees with a budget of $24
billion a year and we import more oil than ever before. You had 32 years
to get it right and it is an abysmal failure.

You have FAILED in every "government service" you have shoved down our
throats while overspending our tax dollars.


AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOU CAN BE TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN
HEALTH CARE SYSTEM   ??


MAYBE WE OUGHT TO KICK  YOUR EGG-HEAD BUDDY BUMS OUT OF OFFICE AND HIRE WAL
MART TO RUN THE GOVERNMENT ???


WAL MART SEEMS TO KNOW HOW TO RUN A BUSINESS.......WHY DON'T YOU GUYS JUST
ADMIT IT'S WAY BEYOND YOUR PAY GRADE, AND QUIT?


Folks, keep this circulating. It is very well stated. Maybe it will end up
in the e-mails of some of our "duly elected' (they never read anything)
and their staff will clue them in on how Americans feel.


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From: Allnutts
Subject: Send 'em up,


 Click here


Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz
while flying from Europe to Dubai.


The conversation went like this...

Iranian Air Defense Radar:  "Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace.
Identify yourself."

Aircraft:  "This is a  United States  aircraft.  I am in Iraqi airspace."

Air Defense Radar:  "You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our
airspace immediately we will launch interceptor aircraft!"

Aircraft:  "This is a  United States  Marine Corps FA-18 fighter.  Send 'em
up, I'll wait!"

Air Defense Radar:  (no response...total silence)


 (how long can the USA afford to fund their defance forces?)


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From: Anonymous
Subject: Fwd: s*x test for rednecks

 Click here


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From: Anonymous
Subject: Fwd: Most common cause of traffic accidents


 Click here


Music will be nostalgic and moving to some of you.


I said the music will

Are you listening to me


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From: Anonymous
Subject: Chrysanthemum Festival - Germany BEAUTIFUL


 Click here


 DO ENJOY THE MUSIC AND THE PICTURES.


  Annual festival in the city of Lahr , Germany , situated at the edge of
the  Black Forest .. This year's festival will be October 15 to November
7th  2010 if you're going to be in that part of the world.

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+++ Time: 20101012230003
Subject: ANIMAL PICTURES

 Click here


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From: Burnout
Subject: Orang and the cat


 Click here

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From: Cartographer Chris
Subject: Guitar player - Absolutely amazing!!!!


 Click here


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From: Diks
Subject: New Camo Hunting Outfit

Check you eyes?

Camo Hunting Outfit

See if you can find the hunter before he reveals himself!!!

New Camouflage Hunting Outfit . . . . . .

Makes ya *“invisible”*  in the woods!

This’ll put ya in serious “stealth mode”!!!


 Click here


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From: Diks
Subject: Best beer commercial


 Click here


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From: Duke of Barsinov
Subject: A smile for you


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here


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From: Duke of Barsinov
Subject: I'm trying to fish here


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: KRP
Subject: Discount bondage & discipline

 Click here


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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  Actually seen in New Orleans - A Hybrid that runs on Popeye's
Chicken!

Actually seen in New Orleans - A Hybrid that runs on Popeye's Chicken! Why
can't they wear pants that fit .


 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  What You Only Find In Texas

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here


        Chances are many of you've never used one, but all this month
        some of the prettiest outhouses in Texas are on display in downtown
San Antonio .

        The "Thunderbox Road" art exhibit is going on at the Menger Hotel.
Here are 12 full-sized  "Thunderboxes" (or outhouses) painted and decorated
in true Texas style.

        Sonja Howle with the "Thunderbox  Road" exhibit says, "It was
created to pay tribute and showcase the talent we have in the Hill Country
artists."

        In February, the exhibit will be at the San Antonio stock Show and
Rodeo. After their tour, the outhouses will be auctioned off to benefit
medical research and the Western Art Museum in Kerrville .


        God  Bless Texas -- "We take pride in our cr*ppers!"


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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  S*x Education (XXX)


 Click here


  S*x Education


  Little Johnny asked Mom what 2 words mean that kids at school  were
using... Pussy and Bitch. Mom inhaled sharply, but then said: "Oh, that's
easy. A pussy is a cat, like our little Chico .  A bitch is a female dog,
like our Sandy ." "Thanks, Mom"

  He then found his Dad out in the garage. "Dad, the guys at school are
using words I don't understand." "What  words, son?"
  "Pussy and bitch. I asked Mom, but I don't think she told me the right
meanings."

  Dad said: "Son, never ask your mother about these things, ask me instead.
Let me explain it like this." He pulled a Playboy from his workbench,
turned to the centerfold, drew a circle around the pubic  area and said: 
"Son,
everything inside the circle is pussy."


  "Okay,  Dad. Then what's a bitch?"

  Dad replied: "Everything outside the  circle."


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From: Sack
Subject: Welcome sign

 Click here


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From: Sack
Subject: the real show

 Click here


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From: Sack
Subject: Someone Is Sooooooooo Grounded (My pick of the Week - ED)

 Click here


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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Adult Animation. (XXX)

 Click here


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Deep thoughts (XXXX - Very - ED)


 Click here


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  No Parking

Don't ever park illegally in England ... EVER

 Click here


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From: Whizzbang
Subject: Kleptomaniac

 Click here


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From: anonymous
Subject: Paddy

Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate Declan, when a truck went
by loaded up with rolls of turf.

Paddy said, 'Oi'm gonna do dat when I win the lottery'.

'What's dat', asked Declan.

 'Send me lawn away to be cut', replied Paddy.


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From: anonymous
Subject: The Iraqi footballer

Eddie McGuire flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Aussie rules and
is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Collingwood

He's signed to a one-year contract and the kid joins the team for the
pre-season.

Two weeks later the magpies are down by 6 goals to Carlton with only 10
minutes left.

The coach gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a
sensation - kicks 7 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the magpies!

The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media
are in love with the new star.

When the player comes off the ground he phones his mum to tell her about
his first day of AFL.
'Hello mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 10 minutes today, we were 6
goals down, but I kicked 7 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans,
the media...
'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got
shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten,
and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were
having such great time.'

The young Iraqi is very upset. 'What can I say mum, I'm so sorry.'

'Sorry? You're sorry?' says his mum, 'It's your bloody fault we moved to
Collingwood in the first place!'


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Quote of the Week:

Determine the thing that can and shall be done, and then we shall find the
way.

- Abraham Lincoln



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[ End friday humour ]

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